Gray sat stiffly on the red loveseat. He had both feet on the floor shoulder width apart, his elbows on his knees leading to hands clasped together. The dark haired teen took a couple deep breaths before he raised his bowed head and looked up at his therapist. Gray tensed his jaw as he thoughtfully gathered his words before he spoke.
Jellal waited patiently, the tattooed man knew by now you couldn't push Gray if you wanted a honest answer. Gray was always layered with his emotions and what he let show. Jellal watched and waited from behind his small desk.
Gary finally sat up and directed his attention to Jellal, "Ok I think I've got it."
Jellal motioned for Gray to continue.
"I think it was fear."
Jellal smiled, "Interesting, please elaborate."
Gray ran a hand through his hair, "Between night terrors, PTSD triggers, or just knowing what happened I was living in constant fear. Scared of losing people, scared to sleep, scared that everyone would see how scared I was. Fear leaves you with no control, you a walking anxious puppet. Fear makes me feel weak, I was always scared and never felt strong because I was scared. Fear makes you desperate and tired. Fear was at the root of it all, my anger, my anxiety, I think I got tired of the weight of the fear and feeling like a coward eventually it breaks you down until you feel sad, depressed, empty, and angry, and you just give up. So to answer your question I think fear was my biggest obstacle in dealing with my mental illness."
Jellal stood from the desk and walked around to the front where he leaned back on the desk and spoke more with Gray. "So fear is your biggest obstacle. What do we do about that? Can you overcome it? Are there ways for you to move around this and continue healing?"
"I have to work on how I see fear as it relates to me. Fear isn't always the enemy, how I saw fear was. Being scared doesn't make me weak or useless. I know now that is is ok to be scared. It's ok for me feel scared after a night terror. I have to accept that I woke up scared because I am still healing from a traumatic experience. If I accept the emotion for what it is, a reaction then I can manage. If I wake up scared instead of feeling disgusted and letting the negative emotions feed off each other I can own it, deal with it, and let it go. I don't have to start that downward spiral that would end in depression and hating myself." Gray leaned back in the red love seat after he finished and waited for Jellal's critique.
"Gray, you vocalized all of it so well. It was like the kid wasn't here and I talking with a colleague. Your understanding of your experience and illness is beyond what I could of hoped for. I can have peace knowing that while there will still be many bumps and obstacles you have work hard and have the tools necessary to continue growing and learning. If you keep working hard, take your meds, and keep working with a therapist or counselor there is nothing that will stop you." Jellal stood from the desk. "I think we can end our session on this high note."
Gray stood from the red seat, "Sounds good to me." Gray smiled and waved at the tattooed man then turned and left.
The dark haired teen squinted as he walked out the door. The sun was bright and Gray enjoyed the feel of the warm rays on his skin as he walked through the camp. He felt much better than he had weeks ago but he knew it would still take a lot of time and continues effort for that to continue.
Gray walked to the lake and lowered himself tons of in the grass watching the water. It was peaceful until a pink haired boy plopped down beside him with a cheesy grin on his face. The boy was still so handsome even when he acted like a child.
"What are you doing just sitting here doing literally nothing!"
Gray watched for a moment as Natsu's knees bounced up and down as he sat cross legged. The guy just could never sit still. "I was thinking and actually enjoying the peace and quiet but that's obviously over now."
"Sounds like it was boring anyway you should be grateful I happened to come by to save you and bring fun and light and joy to your life," Natsu responded teasingly.
"Oh is that so? I must've missed when the part where I should be grateful started at." Gray chuckled, "I pretty sure you value yourself too highly."
"Impossible! I'm a freaking treasure Gray, I'm handsome, charismatic , and I'm practically the best at anything."
"Ok whatever you say," responded the dark haired teen. "You are about as charismatic as Sponge Bob."
Natsu suddenly got very animated, "Oh my krabby patties I haven't watched that in forever! I use to love watching it. Did you watch it? But now if much rather watch Steven Universe or something in Crunchy Roll. There's this new anime coming out I want to watch about a bunch of wizards in some club or gang or something. I can't remember it all but for sure have to see it. So what you doing by the lake? I bet you're watching the girls hoping they have a swimsuit malfunction aren't ya?" Natsu elbowed Gray as he accused.
Gray scoffed, "Ok that was random and as if. Seriously Natsu how does that make any sense?"
Natsu answered, "Because cute girls in swimsuits is a thing boys like."
"I told you when we first met that girls weren't my thing, did your pea brain forget that." Gray took his pointer finger and jabbed Natsu in the side of his head to emphasize the point.
Gray looked over and saw Natsu's eyes go wide in what looked like surprise. Natsu rubbed the back of his head then turned to look at Gray, "Geese man, I am so sorry. I really must be dense I never made that connection. I just thought you were shy about girls or something and didn't want to talk about them. I kind if feel like a ass now."
Gray looked down in his lap then spoke nervously, "I just assumed you knew what I meant, I probably should have clarified. Umm, this doesn't change anything does it. We are still cool right. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or to stop hanging and talking."
Natsu smack Gray in the back of the head, "Ow, what was that for?" Gray rubbed the back of his head.
"Don't ever do that again."
Gray was confused, " Do what?"
"Don't ever ask someone if your sexuality is going to make them uncomfortable. That's not your problem or concern EVER! If someone is uncomfortable with you being gay that is their problem and they need to grow up and get over it." Natsu crossed his arms over his chest.
The dark haired teen admired his, "Thanks Natsu."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that would explain why you avoided that Juvia chick huh?"
Gray chuckled, "That girl can't take a hint."
"So is there a guy?"
"No."Gray sighed, " There was this one I liked."
The energetic teen wagged his eyebrows, "Ok so you need a wingman to help you seal the deal?"
Gray laughed, "No way buddy."
"Come on Gray I got skills."
Gray shook his head, "No, it's not going to happen. He for one isn't gay and I think I really need to focus on me right now. With everything that's happened It's all just chaotic. I don't thrive on the chaos like you do. Besides it was just a crush and I think maybe what I ended up with is much better."
"Well you are sitting here with me your best buddy instead of playing kissy face with some lame guy who would not even be able to compare to this, I mean this body is hot!." Natsu gestured to his body.
"Exactly," Gray smiled. Maybe in a few years Gray will let Natsu know who exactly that crush was just to mess with him, could be funny he thought. "Things have worked-What the frick are you doing?"
The raven haired teen stared in disbelief and his friend. "We both agreed my body is a gift pretty much. You didn't get your crush but as a consolation prize you can at least enjoy some good eye candy right?" Natsu had whipped of his shirt and was currently twirling it in the air while trying to do some dance. Gray was sure it was meant to be sexy but it was kind of like watching a nun in a seedy bar, it just didn't look right.
Gray jumped up, "Stop dude you are going to embarrass yourself."
Natsu took the shirt and flipped it between his legs trying while moving his hips back and forth, "Oh no I'm on fire and I have no sense of shame so I'm not embarrassed. You however are looking a little pink. I'm sorry my body has that effect on people. It's ok if you are jealous of this, i understand."
Gray's eye twitched, "Jealous of what? You dance like an epileptic stripper who forgot to halt the strobe lights."
"I'm sorry I need some peanut butter and bread with all that jelly you are slinging." Natsu then had the nerve to wink at Gray.
"You have started to talk like an idiot also. I promise you, I could out strip you any time any place."
"Sit back down and have another glass of hateraid unless you plan on proving that."
"Oh you are so on."
There were a few campers already watching and giggling at Natsu's antics but when Gray started peeling his clothes off and dancing with intent the crowd grew. Natsu twirled his shirt in the air and tossed it to the crowd and they cheered and whistled. Gray saw this and decided he had to take it one step further. He had already lost his shirt, unbuttoned his jeans and slowly did pulled down the zipper all the while suggestively moving his body. He twirled then teased with his jeans only bringing them down far enough to show part of his rump. Natsu smiled this was like a game of chicken and he was going to call Gray's bluff. Natsu excelled at these things, he just didn't get embarrassed or feel shame easily and he often never thought about the consequences of his actions. He gave himself a mental pat on the back for remembering some of the stuff from therapy. This was the point where he's suppose to recognize the actions and try to slow down and think but he couldn't lose to Gary. So Natsu unceremoniously stopped dancing and dropped his short. The crowd squealed and Gray looked over to see Natsu grinning like an idiot hands on his waist in a superman pose standing in only his boxers, mismatched socks, and chucks.
He smirked at Gray thinking he had won but Natsu had forgotten one thing, Gray Fullbuster had no qualms about losing his clothes. Gray stuck his tongue out at the other boy then dropped his jeans completely. The crowd gasped and Gray smiled confidently at Natsu. Natsu started laughing so hard he couldn't breath and kept point at Gray. There was a breeze and it was that moment that he remembered Gray Fullbuster also has no qualms about going commando and to he had done just that. Gray had to options retreat or own it. Gray smiled then blew Natsu a kiss which caught the teen off guard. Then he stood there arms crossed over his chest making eye contact with anyone that dared to look at him. The dark haired teen was just as comfortable naked as he was with his clothes.
"So Natsu it's awfully quiet over there. Are you ready to go shovel up that shit you had been talking yet?" Natsu didn't answer, Gray looked over at the boy and he was frozen solid staring at something behind Gray. It was at that moment Gray also notice the crowd had grown silent and still. Gray slowly turn around and found a terrifying red head standing behind him her eye twitching in anger.
Gray should have known better but he was already on a roll and couldn't stop himself, "Well hello there did you enjoy the show?" Natsu swallowed suddenly very terrified for Gary's life.
Erza was now grinding her jaw so hard there would probably be only nubs left. She spoke her voice dangerously, "Fullbuster. Dragneel. Grab the clothes and follow me."
The next moment Natsu was sure Gray had secretly joined some thrill seeker club, the kind where you did insane things like fight a bear or cover yourself in fish guts and swim with sharks because that was the only plausible explanation for what happened.
"Well if you want a private show it's going to cost you. But I promise you my skills is worth the bills." Gray smirked coolly at the red head.
Natsu swore he saw stem coming from Erza's ear and she ground out each word punctuated with rage, "Office. Now. Boys!"
Gray turned to the crowd and bowed before scooping up his clothes and heading to the office not even bothering with covering himself. Erza shot Natsu a look that put him into motion and he was scurrying on his way with Erza trailing behind.