Author Notes: I know this story may seem like there's still angst but I am *trying* to make it less angsty, besides, if you knew what I was working on in July, in comparison, this story is tame. It just takes time, everything takes time to write and I can't do it any faster or I won't be honouring the characters. Some of what you've mentioned, it's just about getting there.

But I got another chapter up already, so, yay!

"Your biological mother Hope, or feeling hopeful?"

"Hope Martin. My biological mother. I received a phone call from Cailin this morning. She collapsed. They initially thought it was caused by malaria, she'd just returned from a trip to Malawi. But she didn't come round, she suffered a brain haemorrhage. It was very quick."

"Shit, Maura." Jean leaned forward across the desk, her hand outstretched.

Maura stared down at the fingers in front of her. Fingers she'd held on multiple occasions, fingers that had wrapped around her hand or rested on her back. Fingers that provided her with comfort in her darkest times. Though they didn't belong to her, they may as well have done, they were merely an extension of herself. Jane felt like an extension of herself.

For the first time they seemed alien. She longed for the comfort only Jane could bring and yet wanted to retreat into herself. Something wasn't right.

"Are you okay?" she asked, then shook her head. "Of course you're not okay. She was your mother."

"I am okay," Maura said, frowning. She felt well within herself, she felt stable and able to cope. She didn't feel like she was about to fall apart. Falling apart wasn't the issue. Except it was an issue of its own. She shouldn't be okay. She should be falling apart.

"I'm so sorry." Jane pushed her hand further across the table until she'd wrapped her fingers around Maura's.

She tugged her hand away and slid her chair backward, out of reach. "Don't be."

The sadness in Jane's eyes was replaced by the creasing of her brow. Maura stood up. She ran her hands down the front of her dress and hovered behind her desk. She didn't want to walk out of the room, again. But she wasn't sure she wanted to say anything more on the matter, either.

"You say you're okay, but you don't look okay."

"I'm…" Her voice drifted off. The words wouldn't form. No matter how hard she tried to find something to say, words were lost in her brain. "I'm okay."

"Maura."

"Jane." She rested her hands on the back of her desk chair.

"Don't be like that."

"Like what?" Maura stood upright again. "Please, Jane, tell me how I should be behaving. Enlighten me with your knowledge on how I should be feeling right now. How should I deal with the fact that my life is not the life I hoped it would be? How should I cope with the fact my biological mother has died and I feel like it's simply a normal day? How should I handle the disappointment that I am not going to become a mother in nine months' time? Please, tell me, because I have absolutely no idea what I am feeling right now and I don't need you pushing me to feel something."

The crease between Jane's eyebrows deepened. She slunk back into her seat. Maura could see the disappointment in her eyes and it seeped into her heart. She hated the direction their conversation had taken. She didn't want to argue with her best friend, she didn't want to push her away.

"I guess I'll go then," Jane said, standing up and heading for the door. She paused, her hand on the doorframe. She turned around. "I'm here, Maura. If you need me."

She forged a smile and nodded. "Thank you."

x

Slouching onto a bar stool, Jane leaned against the bar and watched as Angela served burger and fries to a couple of uniformed officers. Her stomach groaned. She ran a hand across it and rested her head in her hands.

"What's wrong?" Angela asked, running a cloth across the bar in front of her.

"Why does anything have to be wrong?"

"I'm your mother, I know your something's wrong face. Now spill before I have to beat it out of you."

Jane rolled her eyes. "Did you forget I'm both taller and stronger than you, Ma?"

"Doesn't mean I can't whip your ass with this cloth."

"Hope died."

Angela dropped the cloth on the bar. "Maura's mother?"

"She's acting weird. She won't talk to me. I don't know what to do."

"Jane," Angela said. "Maura's mother just died, of course she doesn't wanna talk. You need to give her time."

"But I'm worried about her."

"That's fine, but it doesn't mean you need to breathe down her neck until she tells you how she's feeling."

"Then wha' do I do?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing at all?" Jane groaned. "How can I do nothing? I can't watch her like that and not do anything."

"Maybe she doesn't need you to fix this for her, Janie," Angela said, placing a hand over Jane's. "Maybe she just needs you to back off until she's ready to deal with this. You know Maura better than any of us, you know the situation with her parents is complicated."

"It's not like Maura to not talk."

"I know. But this is different. It's Hope. She's only just come into her life, and now she's already gone. I can't even begin to understand what that must be like for her."

"Me neither," Jane said. "This sucks."

"Would you like a beer?"

"No." She shook her head. "I need to keep a clear head, in case she wants to talk."

Angela moved away from the edge of the bar and filled a glass with ice, before emptying the contents of a bottle into it. She pushed it across to Jane. "Have a root beer."

"Thanks, Ma."

She sat in silence, consciously aware of everything that Angela did around her. She nursed her root beer and wallowed in the self-pity that sat right at home in the pit of her stomach. When her phone buzzed, she retrieved it from her pocket. The corners of her lips tugged upward as she read a message from Silver.

'I hope you're having a good day, babe. Don't let anything stop that beautiful smile of yours. Can't wait to see you again.'

"What's going on?" Angela asked, resting her elbows on the bar and leaning closer to Jane.

"Jeez, Ma," Jane said, jumping backward. "Don't get so damn close without some warning."

"You look happy."

"So?"

"So, you came in here looking like a baboon's ass. Now you're grinning like the Cheshire cat. I wanna know what's got my baby so happy."

"Nothing."

"Nothing doesn't make you smile like that." Angela reached out to her phone, but she snatched it back. "Come on, show me."

"There's nothing to show."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No."

"I think you're lying."

"I'm not lying. I do not have a boyfriend."

"But there is somebody special?"

Jane gritted her teeth. Averting the boyfriend question was simple, Angela's changing tack was making it a little harder to lie to her. She searched her brain for some way of explaining her situation without putting seeds of possibility into her mother's hands.

"There's someone, but I don't know if they're special."

"I knew it!" Angela clasped her hands together. "How long has it been going on for? Will you finally be giving me a grandchild?"

"No, Ma." Jane narrowed her eyes. "You are not turning my very brief relationship into something it isn't. We're not talking about kids. Not now. Maybe not ever. If I ever get to the point where I'm gonna have a baby, then I'll tell you. But until that happens, don't take an innocent not-even-relationship and turn it into marriage and kids."

"I'm just excited for you, Janie." She grasped her hands. "You've had such rotten luck with partners. I just want you to be happy."

"I am," she said, fighting against the smile that forced its way across her face. She lifted her eyes up to her mother. Her happiness at Jane's glee was unreserved. Something filled her up with the possibility that maybe, just maybe, her mother wouldn't mind that she was dating a woman.

"Will you at least tell me his name?"

"I…" Jane cleared her throat. A wave of emotions, both good and bad, travelled through her. Her fingers shook a little under her mother's touch. It was like a chill had travelled along her skin, bringing up goose pimples across every surface. She wanted to say it, yet she didn't. She longed to be honest, and feared the consequence. Pushing through it, she opened her mouth and let the first words that came to her fall from them. "Her name is Silver."

Angela's eyes bugged, narrowed, then softened again. Her smile never faltered. She tilted her head to one side and lifted her hands to Jane's cheeks.

"It's about time."

The breath she'd been holding slipped out, relief settled where she'd held tension before. She felt a couple of tears gather on the edge of her eyelids. She cleared her throat. "That's all you have to say?"

"What else is there to say?"

"The last time I told you I was dating a woman, you told me to end it immediately. You were anything but supportive."

"Oh Janie." Angela shook her head, lowering her gaze. "No. I didn't mean for it to come across that way."

"Well, yeah, it did. It wasn't acceptable to you. Why are you being so nice about it now?"

"The world's a different place." She stared up into her eyes, holding them there, challenging Jane to not back down. "I was scared that you were making a horrible mistake. Not because I didn't love you for who you are, not because you shouldn't be happy with who you are. I should have told you I was proud of you."

"Then why didn't you?"

"The world didn't understand then, not the way it does now. I was scared. I didn't want you to be gay in a world where people hated gay people. I didn't want you to suffer."

"I don't understand."

"I wanted to let you be who you are so badly. The day you came to me and said you were in a relationship with a woman, I wanted to hug you tightly and tell you how much I love you."

"But you didn't. It didn't matter what the world thought, it mattered what you thought and you made me feel like I couldn't be me."

"I'm sorry." Angela lowered her gaze again. "That was never my intention. Is that why you've not been with another woman since?"

"Ma, I hated myself for years because of that. I pushed down everything that felt right for me and I let myself be with people I didn't want to be with."

"A couple of years after you were with that girl, that kid got murdered because he was gay. I didn't want that for you. I was too scared of what would happen if you were openly gay in that world. I didn't want you to end up dead, too."

"I couldn't be myself, Ma, I couldn't be me. Isn't that more important?"

"Of course it's more important. I made a mistake." Angela wiped at her cheek, tears glistened against her skin. "I've regretted that moment every day since it happened. But I will never regret trying to protect you from people who wouldn't like you being gay…If you're gay. Maybe you like men too."

Jane shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't let myself find out."

"That's okay. You don't need to know. You just love who you want to love."

"I don't love Silver."

"But you like her."

"Yeah."

The smile fought its way back onto her face. She couldn't hate her mother for what happened, not anymore, not knowing why. She reached a hand out and gripped her hand.

"I really like her."

"Then you go for it, Janie," Angela said. "You be happy. God knows you've been through enough, you deserve to be happy and if that's with Sugar."

"Silver."

"Silver. Then I'm happy for you. If you were twenty now, it would've been different because I would have known that you would be okay. It's a different world. Now I'm not scared of you living that way. Now I know you can be happy, I don't need to protect you."

"Thank you, Ma." Before she could reach out and wrap her arms around Angela's shoulders, Jane's phone buzzed against the counter. She lifted it to her ear. "Rizzoli."

Hanging up the phone, Jane downed the rest of her drink and stood up. She looked into Angela's eyes and saw a different sort of warmth she'd not seen before. She saw a look of relief settled right there in the windows to her soul.

"I have a case."

"Try not to worry too much about Maura," Angela said. "She needs time. Work with her, don't push her."

"I know. I'm trying."

"You're not alone in looking out for her, I'll do what I can."

"Thanks, Ma," Jane said leaning over and kissing her briefly on the cheek. She turned tail and headed for the door.

"Wait, Janie," Angela said, walking out from behind the bar and over to the doorway. Jane paused and turned back around, straight into Angela's arms. She wrapped her hands tightly around her back and gave her a good squeeze. Jane lowered her arms around her and held her equally tight. Then Angela pulled back and lifted her hands to Jane's cheeks, cupping them in her hands. "I love you more each day. You make me so proud to be your mother."

She rested a hand over the back of Angela's and tilted her head against it. With a final smile, she pulled away and waved her arm, heading through the door. "I'll see you later."

x

Though it made little sense to anyone else, death was the perfect medicine in light of Maura's loss. Her head was filled with too many emotions, and kneeling in front of the victim, breathing in the metallic scent of fresh blood, calmed her fractured mind. She snapped on a pair of gloves and began the process of analysing the situation.

"Given the amount of blood and the location of the stab wound, it's likely that it hit the heart. He had no chance of survival the moment the knife pierced the organ."

"When you're done with the vic, can you take a look at his wife?" Korsak asked.

"I thought she was on her way to BPD? You said that she was found stood over the body holding the knife?"

"That is what happened," he said. "She's not talking. There's bruises around her neck. A neighbour thinks she was being abused by the victim. I know it's difficult, but why didn't she report it?"

"Ah." Maura placed her hands on the floor around the edge of the pool of blood, and stood up. "Less than half of domestic violence incidents are reported to the police. Almost one third of female homicide victims are killed by their partner. When you consider that fact, and the bruises on her neck, is it any wonder this has resulted in her committing murder?"

"You really think it's murder?"

"No. I think it's a victim of domestic abuse doing everything she can to stop her partner from murdering her."

"Makes you glad you don't have kids, hey, Doc?"

Maura pursed her lips and nodded her head briefly. Korsak walked away, completely oblivious to the grip of her fist at her side, or the pressure she was putting on her jaw through the clenching of her teeth. Despite having the job she did, it didn't stop her from wanting to bring a child into the world. Through all of the pain, and the sorrow, something good had to exist, and for many, that was children.

"What have we got?"

The sound of Jane's voice made Maura's ears prick up. She glanced around the room at the exact moment Jane looked toward the body. She smiled, briefly, and marched over. Maura leaned back over the body and resumed her work.

"Man batters his wife? Pussy," Jane said, approaching the body.

Taking a long, deep breath, Maura maintained a modicum of calm. She focused her attention on the man's torso, still soaked through with blood. There was always the possibility that this knife wound was not alone, that he could have been stabbed multiple times.

"D'you know what killed him?"

"A single stab wound to the chest is the likely cause."

She ignored the feel of Jane's eyes on her back. She could sense that she was about to speak, and yet no words came. Instead, Maura continued to check over the body, until she felt happy with her findings. She stood up, snapped off her gloves, and disposed of them in a hazardous waste container.

"How are you going?" Jane asked, following her out of the room.

"Can you please make sure the body goes straight back to BPD?" Maura said as she approached one of CSI team members. He nodded.

"Just going to ignore me now?" Jane said, not disappearing from her side.

Ignoring her was not her entire intention, she just wasn't ready to cope with whatever Jane wanted to discuss. She felt fragile and somewhere in the last couple of hours, the desire to cry had crept up on her.

"I told Ma about Silver."

She turned around to face Jane. "You told Angela?"

"Yeah." Jane smiled. Her face curved comfortably and Maura couldn't help but feel an element of pride.

"How did it go?"

"Good. She doesn't hate me."

"I'm glad."

Jane reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Maura."

"I need to get back to the office," Maura said, shrugging her hand away. She wasn't going to let Jane use her own achievements to pull her into that conversation. "I'll see you later."

Despite Jane's protests, Maura continued walking. She had a job to do. It wasn't that she wanted to push Jane away, or appear cold, she just didn't want to talk about it.

x

Curling up on the sofa with a bottle of beer, Jane sunk into Silver's arms. She'd forgotten how nice it felt to be able to sit with someone, to feel close to someone, in that way. She breathed in the dull scent of body odour, mixed with the perfume that Silver coated herself with. It had become a scent that made her smile, which made her body react in ways she hadn't allowed herself to feel in a long time.

"Do you ever wonder what life would be like if we met at a different time?" Jane asked, running her fingers across the side of Silver's thigh.

"When would you have had us meet?"

"Twenty years ago."

"Hmm," Silver said. "I'd have been sixteen."

"Fifteen years ago then."

"Fifteen years ago I was planning to take a trip around Europe after I graduated college."

"Did you go?"

"I did. I fell in love with a French woman called Claudine. I didn't want to come home."

"Twenty-five year old me would have missed you so much, and wouldn't have appreciated you falling for a French woman," Jane said, turning a little in her arms.

"Missed me or missed my body?"

Jane laughed. "I don't know."

"It's a good job I don't mind," Silver said. She nuzzled her face against the side of Jane's neck. "What were you doing fifteen years ago?"

"Roaming the streets of Boston in uniform," she said. "I finally moved out of home, even though Ma would have happily kept me there until I died."

"What's she like, your Ma?"

"She's a helicopter." Jane paused. "She used to be. She's a lot better since she and Pop divorced. She's feisty. I don't think I've ever known a stronger woman."

"She sounds wonderful."

"She is." Jane trailed her fingers back and forth across Silver's thigh. "What are your parents like?"

"They died," Silver said, clearing her throat. "I've never known them. I was a toddler. I went to live with my aunt until I was twelve. Then I got put in the system."

"Why? Couldn't you stay with your aunt?"

"No," she said, lowering her head. "She was my great aunt and she was ill, Alzheimer's. I was too young to understand, really, all I knew was that my whole life was turned upside down. Because I didn't remember my parents, I didn't miss them the way I missed my aunt."

"Is that why you work in children's services?"

"I don't want children to go through what I went through."

"No." Jane placed her bottle of beer on the coffee table and twisted further in her arms, reaching out until their lips pressed together. "You came out the other side."

"I did. I was lucky. I had an inheritance, without it I wouldn't have gone to college, or Europe. Then I might never have met you."

Leaning her nose against Silver's, Jane closed her eyes. "I'm really glad you did meet me."

"Me too."

x

Walking into the kitchen, Maura paused. A bottle of wine sat on the counter with an envelope propped up beside it. She walked over and unhooked the back of the envelope.

'Maura, After everything that's happened today, you deserve a glass. I'm here when you're ready. Love, Jane."

She sat down on a stool and picked up the bottle. She stared down at the label. Her heart raced inside her chest, her eyes filled with tears. No matter what was happening, Jane would always be there for her, and that mattered more than her actually physically being there. She placed the bottle back down on the counter and rested her head in her hands. A whole day of emotions flooded her mind. She hunched over as great gasping sobs took over.

Author Notes: I know this was a sadder/angstier chapter, I'm hoping we'll get some happier moments back soon. I really didn't introduce Hope's death to drag the whole story down, it has a purpose, and a reason, but then Maura decided it was going to upset her more than I had planned.