Chapter 52: Book Stalls and Xiaolin Shortcuts

This was supposed to go up yesterday, but, well, it obviously didn't.

So, long story short, around one month ago I got some volunteer work for the summer. Since I'm going to be gone for three weeks, I decided to put in as many hours as possible prior to that to make up for lost time, which means that I double shift a few days every week. It's not hard work, and I like it a lot, but I'm literally up and about for 6-8 hours with no lunch break. That really saps at your energy. Not to mention I'm learning computer programs to put on my resume, and I need to take my time with those because there's a LOT of information to remember. And I won't lie, this chapter was a bitch to write. I didn't know how to do the showdown at the end- I had to write it six times before I was satisfied. Just...ugh.

That being said, this chapter is about 50% tooth rotting fluff. Seriously, consider going to a dentist afterwards, because y'all are gonna have cavities. XP

Also, to that one Guest review who asked my why Europe is racist: ...that's a really loaded question you're asking there, friend. Racism has been around since the dawn of time, and it's incredibly complex, especially considering how it affects people today and how society works around it. I'm not really the best person to answer this question, if I had to be honest. But I think a lot of the hostility stems from the fact that Europeans think foreigners are taking their jobs away. There are plenty of other reasons (like refugees, if you remember more recent news at the time of this posting), but that does seem to be a pretty large factor. It's rather hypocritical of them, if you ask me; they were the ones invading and taking over other countries in the first place. But, well, people are short-sighted.

Anyway, on with the chapter!

Raimundo didn't know why the sandwiches in France were so sparse- it was merely a small baguette with some ham and cheese and a little butter. And yet it tasted so amazing that he couldn't bring himself to care. And the Orangina he was drinking tasted like real, proper citrus, not the fake kind.

He took a peek over at Valerie, who was taking her time with her food. She had already alerted the others to Jack's presence, and from the look of things the two of them could take some time to eat. Raimundo knew they should've been searching for the Book of Alexandria, but with the way the sun was beating down at them, along with the park bench they were sitting on, well, he couldn't bring himself to care.

Taking another bite of his sandwich, Raimundo forced himself to ignore the tingling in his lips. It had been like that since earlier, when the taste of sea salt and strawberries had overwhelmed him, but now the flavor had faded and left only an electric residue. He wondered if Valerie felt the same, or if she was just fantastic at covering up her emotions- that was most likely the case, if he had to be honest.

Though, she wasn't able to hide what they did earlier entirely- her cheeks weren't red anymore, but her lips were still slightly bruised and chapped, the cheap lip balm she had been wearing completely gone. Her hair was a bit of a mess, especially the back; at some point in their make out Raimundo had remembered that Valerie was against a brick wall and her head might be hurt from all this, so he had tangled his hand in those soft brown locks and used it as a cushion of sorts. She had apparently took that as an invitation to wreathe her arms around his neck and press herself harder against him and… well. Raimundo couldn't say she wasn't enthusiastic about some things.

After finishing his sandwich, he ran his fingers through his messy hair (which was probably even messier now, let's be real) and saw Valerie look up at him. "Wanna continue with the mission?" she asked pleasantly, her blue eyes light and mirthful.

Raimundo sighed and took a swig of his drink. He was a bit tired from earlier, and admittedly still a little hungry- apparently making out used a lot more calories than he thought. But they were Xiaolin warriors, and they had a job to do. "Lead on to the Seine," he told her, standing up. Valerie quickly shoved the rest of her sandwich into her mouth, swallowed, and grabbed his hand, quickly leading him out of the park.

Quickly meeting her pace, he asked, "So… is this a good time to talk about our relationship?"

She fixed him a look, but didn't stop. "Eh, it's a good time as any." She took a sip of her own Orangina and Raimundo smirked at the light shade of pink her cheeks were.

"Yeah, well, we're not gonna have a whole lot of time to ourselves once we're back at the Temple," he pointed out. "I figured we should get it out of the way now."

Valerie gave a slight groan. "I love our friends, really I do, but sometimes they need to chill."

He rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it."

As they turned a sharp corner, the sidewalk suddenly covered in cobblestones, she gave him a nervous look. "So, what exactly are we? Are we actually dating, or…?"

Raimundo raised an eyebrow. "I would think so. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I mean, we're not exactly going to be able to go on proper dates or anything…"

"Normality is for squares," he declared.

"Wow. So hip. So down with this generation," she said flatly.

"Oh, ha, ha."

"Yeah, I'm hilarious," she said smugly, responding to Rai's utterly flat tone. "And the Temple's got enough hiding spots if we want to be alone. I highly doubt we're the only monks who secretly began dating."

"Secretly?" Raimundo asked curiously. "Us?"

"Err, well, I don't think the elder monks will be happy with us if they find out we're together," Valerie answered sheepishly.

He deflated at that. "Ah. True."

"I mean, Master Fung might be cool with it, but…"

"Yeah, I get what you mean," Raimundo reassured her. "But what about our friends? Clay's pretty perceptive, so he's gonna wonder what's up."

"And Kimiko will take one look at my face and somehow figure out everything," Valerie stated. "Dojo's fifteen hundred years old, so he'll probably figure it out."

"And Omi's too naïve to actually get it," Raimundo said.

"…Yeah, we probably shouldn't tell him."

"Agreed."

"We turn here…" she mumbled, leading him down a small hill. The street was modern asphalt, and the sides were packed with more cafes and restaurants and other little businesses. The two of them were even able to throw away their empty glass bottles in a nearby trashcan.

"Question: how come we didn't go to a café to eat?" Raimundo asked. "Isn't that, like, on a tourist's bucket list when visiting Paris?"

"Okay, first off, I'm not a tourist," Valerie said, giving him half a smile, "and second, if we ate lunch at a café, we'd be there for hours. Cafes in France are used for people to socialize and relax. We'd have to wait a long time for our food."

"Huh." Raimundo eyed another street vendor ravenously. He wasn't quite sure what he was selling, but it smelled amazing.

"Still hungry?" Valerie asked, amused. He gave an embarrassed nod and she pulled him towards the vendor who, as it turned out, sold pizza. Several minutes later, and Rai was happily chewing on cheese and mushrooms and pepperoni. He was a bit disappointed that they had to stop holding hands, but beggars couldn't be choosers, especially since Val was the only one who could speak French and pay for their food.

"I feel like we should've gotten crepes," Raimundo muttered in between bites.

Valerie paused around her own slice- pepperoni with onion and green peppers- and shook her head exasperatedly. "Crepes are overrated," she told him. "Like, they're good, but there's more to France than that."

"Never said there wasn't."

"And besides, we can make them back at the Temple."

"Seriously?"

She thought for a moment. "It's not gonna be easy- we have to make them really thin- but it's not impossible."

"We should try it sometime," Raimundo said.

She nodded. "We should." She cocked her head. "Will it be our thing? Or should we tell the others?"

He had to think about that. "Considering it's gonna be hard to cover up, we should probably tell the others when the times comes. It's not like canned fruit and snow."

The smile she gave him sent warmth pooling through him. "That's true."

They went back to eating after that, enjoying their pizza and making their way to the Seine. Valerie knew tons of shortcuts to get to the book stalls, which was incredibly unsurprising. After stopping to throw out their trash and to use the restroom- pizza grease felt gross on your hands- they finally found themselves at the Seine's famous bouquinistes. Raimundo eyed metal stalls, many of them painted green or some other eye catching color, as Valerie quickly pulled him through the crowd.

"Do you even know where the Book is?" he had to ask. She bit her lip contemplatively, eyes quickly scanning the area. "I mean, this is probably a good place to look, but it's gonna be tough," he went on to say. "Maybe we should wait and get the others."

Valerie looked up at him then, giving him a grim look. She opened her mouth to say something- perhaps concede that he had a good point? - but then her eyes glowed violet. Her shoulders slumped, and her mouth slowly closed as she swallowed whatever she was about to tell him.

Raimundo slowly shook his head, at a loss. This was… he wasn't even sure what this was. He'd never seen Valerie's powers take hold like this before; it was only supposed to be used in battle, so why was it affecting her now, when they weren't even being attacked?

He was about to gently shake her when she blinked, her eyes returning to forget-me-not blue. "Did you hear them?" she asked him expectantly. Still worried, he slowly shook his head no. "Damn!" she muttered, her eyes to the side, looking anxious and angry.

"Val?" Raimundo asked softly. "What was that?"

She swallowed again and gave him a pained look. "The voices. They told me where the Book was. Why didn't they tell you?" That last part was directed at herself, he knew, but he still shrugged his shoulders helplessly. He hated not being able to help her, and especially hated the haunted look that overtook her expression. It was only for a second, but it had been there, and Raimundo had never felt so useless.

Valerie then took a deep breath through her nose and squared her shoulders. "Come on, we have a Shen Gong Wu to find," she said resolutely. "We can deal with this later." With that, she led him down the pathway, studiously ignoring the piles of bound paper beside her. It must have been killing her, not being able to sift through all those books, but she was following the mission with a single minded fervor to spare herself. Raimundo had to smile a bit at the thought.

Quickly following her, he took in the sound and sight of the powerful Seine River beside them. The cries of dealers were a din, along with the crowds of shoppers that seemed to crush around them. It was chaotic and yet idyllic in how normal it all seemed.

He then heard a sharp intake of breath. "It's here," Valerie said, shooting to the side. There was a metallic book stall painted a pale blue color, the occasional spread of rust making itself known. There was a large selection of books, all ranging from travel-sized bestsellers to compact paperbacks that had five hundred pages inside. Very similar to what other sellers had, if Rai had to be honest. The supplier herself was an old woman wearing paste jewelry and with her hair dyed black. She was thin with claw like fingers and skeptical, beady black eyes.

The woman barked something in French, and Valerie responded quickly while scanning the tiny bookshelves. She then asked something- Raimundo figured the vendor didn't find the Shen Gong Wu out in the open. The old woman gave her the stink eye and waspishly snapped an answer. Valerie responded in a pleading voice, and Raimundo desperately wished he grew up in a neighborhood where people spoke French instead of Spanish with the occasional German phrase.

Eventually, after much cajoling, the woman ducked down and placed an enormous tome on her desk. The leather of the cover was a light caramel brown, the hundreds of pages sandwiched in between a dull white. But what was most curious about it was the black belts encircling it, along with the five color-coded locks right in the front center of the Book.

More French was exchanged until Valerie finally slapped down a hundred euro bill and glared at the woman. The vendor quickly exchanged the Book for the bill and shooed them away, her grin a mix between triumph and a sneer.

"Joke's on her," Valerie muttered as they walked away. "This is worth more than anything she's ever sold in her miserable, bitter life."

"Jesus Christ, what just happened?" Raimundo asked, a tick mark appearing at his temple.

She huffed. "That salope was incredibly irritating. Apparently, because we were teenagers, she thought we were going to steal her merchandise."

"That's stereotyping!"

"I know!" Valerie cried out in agreement. "And then she refused to give me the book for less than a hundred euros. She's had it for a while now, and despite the fact that she let slip that she found it in a flea market, she still refused to sell it for cheap."

"So, you got ripped off to get a Shen Gong Wu," Raimundo surmised. "That sucks. I'm sorry, lindeza."

"It does," she sighed, hugging the enormous tome to her chest. "At least we have it now." And then she blinked and looked up at him, ignoring the fact they were idly walking too close to the river. "Lindeza?"

Raimundo blushed heavily when he realized he said that last bit out loud. He sputtered a bit before clearing his throat and admitting, "It's a nickname, like for couples and stuff."

Her mouth formed a small 'o', and then she pursed her lips quizzically. "Linda is Portuguese for 'beautiful'…so you're calling me beautiful?" she added with a smirk.

Rai smiled in spite of himself. "It's a nickname!" he drawled, chuckling a bit. "Besides, the meaning for lindeza doesn't translate well into English, so you're only partly right."

Valerie pouted a bit, before asking, "Are there any other terms of endearment?"

"Oh, lots," he said, nodding. "I always liked gatinha though. It means-"

"Kitten," she stated. "You're calling your partner a kitten."

"Basically." Raimundo wasn't particularly fond of cats, but he always thought Valerie had some feline qualities to her. It had taken her a while to warm up to the other monks in training, but once she did was quite affectionate, just like a standoffish cat would. She could even be seen laying in a sunny patch in the Temple, book in hand and eyes half-closed. Not to mention that she her lips were always turned up at the corners, giving her that mischievous cat-like grin.

"…I kind of like that one, actually," Valerie said, giving him a half-smile. He smirked a bit despite the still evident blush.

"So, got any cute nicknames for me?" Raimundo teased. He was delighted to see her cheeks grow pink.

"Quite a few," she admitted. "I know lots of languages, you know."

"Oh, I know," he said smugly.

"Shut up." She punched his shoulder. "Which one do you want to start with? German? Polish? Italian? Spanish? The list goes on."

Raimundo thought a minute before deciding, "Try the Slavic ones, I don't know much about them."

"All right." She thought a moment. "There's the Polish mój kochany, which literally translates to 'my love.'"

He screwed up his face. "Got anything less mushy?"

"What, like lindeza isn't?" Valerie scoffed, putting a hand on her hip. The other holding the Book hung low at her side. "There's also kochanie, meaning 'honey'- there's a difference in spelling, in case you can't hear it- and misiu, which means 'teddy bear.'"

"Nothing sounds right," Raimundo admitted, dutifully ignoring the fact that he, in fact, slept with a misiu.

She thought some more. "Well, I do like this one German nickname, and it fits your Xiaolin element nicely."

He perked up a little. "What is it?"

"…Spatzi. Meaning 'little sparrow.'"

Raimundo let the word roll around in his head a second before breaking out into a large grin. "I like it."

She snorted. "I thought you would."

He rolled his eyes. "Shut up."

Valerie stuck her tongue out. "Or what?"

"Or this." He then swooped down and gave a chaste kiss to her lips. It was only a second, just enough for the taste of pizza and cheap lip balm to linger on his lips, but it still filled him with smug satisfaction, especially when he caught sight of the bewildered look on her face. His smirk only grew when she blushed.

"Oh my god, you're the worst," she muttered, shaking her head and looking away.

"Yeah, but I'm your boyfriend now," Raimundo taunted, cackling.

Valerie held out the Shen Gong Wu. "I will throw the Book at you. Just see if I don't."

Throwing up his arms in mock surrender, Raimundo whirled around only to let out an inhuman gurgling noise. His face paled, and his smirk was officially wiped from his face.

"What is it- oh god fucking damn it," Valerie swore when she caught sight of Kimiko and Clay just a few feet away. Both of them were holding plastic cups filled with pineapple juice, while Kimiko had her PDA in the other. Both of them were sporting large, shit-eating grins; Kimiko seemed to be vibrating in place.

"You recorded everything, didn't you?" Valerie accused. Kimiko merely nodded, her grin growing even wider. The Asian girl looked like she wanted to flail her arms, but her occupied hands just barely stopped her.

Raimundo forced his eyes away to glance at Clay, who just looked so smug. "Just friends my hat," he crowed, sipping at his drink nonchalantly. He wanted to say something, maybe snap something rude, but all that came out was a horrified, high-pitched whine.

He then turned to the girls. "Do. Not. Squeal," Valerie was saying desperately to a violently vibrating Kimiko. "Please, we're in public."

Dojo then popped out of Kim's hat and happily yelled out, "Master Fung totally owes me char siu!"

"You were betting on us?!"

"Dojo!" Kimiko admonished, and for a second Val looked relieved, but then: "We could have helped if you let us in on it."

Valerie's look of utter betrayal would have made Rai laughed if he was in any position to. Instead, he just gurgled some more, his hands flailing towards Kimiko to Clay, his mind a jumbled mess.

"Rai, you really need to close your mouth, bees are gonna fly in their otherwise," Clay chided him gently.

His teeth clacking together, Raimundo ground out, "How long?"

"Quite some time," he said evasively. "Val's good at keeping things under wraps. But you? Boy, you ain't slick."

Raimundo's screams of indignation could be heard for miles around.

Sometime later

Dojo clapped his little hands together. "So, now that we've got the gossip out of the way-"

"I hate you all," Valerie hissed, glaring at them. Rai just had his red face in his hands. He had wanted to tell his friends, honestly he did, but not like this. He knew there would be teasing, but this? This was just embarrassing.

The lizard ignored her. "We need to open this Book up."

Sighing, Raimundo looked up to see Valerie put the Book of Alexandria on the picnic table. The park was sparsely populated, thankfully. It wouldn't do for dangerous magic to accidentally hurt someone. The tome itself looked innocent enough despite the five belts trapping whatever power was in between its pages.

"Looks like five locks for five warriors then," Clay noted, taking out his key. The flat disk at the end had his element engraved in Chinese letters, painted a soft forest green. He eyed the multicolored locks. "I'm guessin' each lock corresponds with our keys."

Kimiko held up her own red engraved key. "So, it looks like I'm first." Her hand hovered above the locks. She bit her lip, hesitant. "Maybe we shouldn't do this now? I mean, Jack's nearby."

"Good point," Dojo agreed. "But we should at least figure out the order, just in case." He studied the tome, his fingers feeling around the leather of the belts. "Okay, it looks like it's layered so that Kimiko's first, then Clay, then Omi, then Rai, then finally Valerie," he decided eventually.

Raimundo suddenly jerked his head up, any lingering embarrassment completely gone. "Uh, where is Omi anyway?"

Everyone paused before collectively saying, "Shit!"

"We need to get that boy a phone, seriously," Valerie muttered as she swept the Book into her arms.

"Well, how hard can it be to find him?" Clay pointed out as they left the picnic table. "He tends to follow trouble, especially if Jack's involved."

A second later, and they could hear a familiar, young voice shouting defiantly. This was followed by the sounds of machines exploding against wood.

"Well, what do ya know?" Clay asked rhetorically. And then they all ran towards the sounds of anarchy.

They ran through the forest and exited a small clearing, which was filled with flowers and the smoking remains of dead Jack-bots. Jack was hovering in the air, as usual, and Omi was screaming victoriously as he kicked and punched away at robotic minions. Wuya was complaining about something, as she was wont to do, but no one could hear her over the destruction.

Naturally, the rest jumped in. Valerie swung the Book at a nearby robot, neatly decapitating it. She then dropped kicked the head and aimed it at another robot, denting its torso where a laser cannon was hiding. Kimiko frog leaped over one Jack-bot and set fire to the dented minion, forcing it to crash into another Jack-bot and kill them both.

"Seismic Kick: Earth!" Clay shouted, kicking a Jack-bot high, high into the air until it was barely a twinkle in the sky. "Huh," he said, lifting his hat up to reveal a quizzical expression. "Didn't think that was possible."

"Clay, literally everything we do is on some level impossible," Valerie pointed out as she sent purple energy through the chest of a robot. "Should you really be so surprised?"

"Wait, aren't you the one who's always complaining about how illogical things are?" Kimiko asked her as she punched another Jack-bot away, easily dodging lasers by back-flipping away.

"That's different," she protested. "I'm just showing how annoyed I am with the illogical thing in question."

Raimundo dropped to the ground and swept his feet around, maneuvering a Jack-bot in a circle before sending it towards another, destroying both in an explosion. He sighed, tired of today already, and merely glanced at the remaining robots. "All right then," he muttered. "TYPHOON BOOM: WIND!"

With a single clap of his hands, wind blew past him, the powerful gusts bending the nearby trees. The Jack-bots valiantly tried to keep in line, but they were swept up in the attack, careening towards the foliage, where metal exploded against wood and set fire to the forest.

"...that was not supposed to happen," Raimundo added sheepishly.

Omi sent him an annoyed look before shouting, "ORB OF TORNAMI!" and making it rain on the forest. The fires were eventually put out, leaving behind scorched bark and the acrid scent of smoke. The sound of rain slowly died down, leaving the tranquil hum of the park behind.

"Let go, jackass!" Valerie yelled, annoyed. Everyone turned to see her and Jack in a rough tug of war over the Book of Alexandria. Both of them had white knuckles as they gripped their side of the Book.

"You let go, you 1970s rip off!" Jack shot back. "I mean, seriously, bell bottoms? Who wears them anymore?"

"Open a fashion catalogue sometime!" She then huffed, her blue eyes flashing. Her mouth opening, she declared in a nearly flawless French accent, "I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"

"…what?" Omi asked, perplexed. Raimundo snorted mirthfully, covering his mouth as he bent over, snickering. Clay had his hands on his waist, smiling and giving a good-natured shake of his head. Kimiko looked like she wanted to laugh but also wanted to groan in exasperation. Wuya was openly staring at her in disgusted confusion.

Jack's jaw dropped, and he glared at her indignantly. "Did you make that reference just because we're in France?!"

"Yes!"

He glared a bit more, before shrugging. "Eh, I can respect that." Wuya face palmed.

Valerie then kicked him away and threw the Book to the side, letting it skitter towards the group. They made a dash for it, Omi's fingers nearly touching the edge, but then an errant Jack-bot swooped in to grab it. The four monks collided into a messy heap.

"Empyrean Drive: Aether!" Raimundo looked up to see the incinerated remains of the Jack-bot. He then turned his head to see Valerie and Jack holding the Book, the Wu glowing golden.

Valerie took a deep breath and announced, "Jack Spicer, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown. I wager my Mantis Flip Coin against your… whatever you have."

"Crystal Glasses," Jack said smugly. Wuya was laughing as she hovered around, crowing: "This Showdown will be a piece of cake!"

He then looked around the park, brow furrowed. Tapping at his chin, he said, "We're in France, so maybe we should something French-y?" He snapped his fingers. "Find the Eiffel Tower inside the crumbling city!"

"You're on!" And in perfect unison, they shouted, "LET'S GO: XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN!"

Raimundo blinked, the harsh white light searing right through his eyelids. The earth shifted beneath him, and he could feel his body being pulled up, up, towards the sky. He could feel warm cloth enveloping him, covering his head and mouth in a protective shell.

He opened his eyes, and the sky had become the ground. The brilliant twilight showed off shades of blue and pink, golden clouds drifting between crumbling cobblestoned buildings. Sidewalk squares made a pathway through and around the broken down buildings, with tiny islands of grass and trees dotting the arena.

Situated on a dilapidated bakery, Raimundo turned to his friends. "Why do I get the feeling this Showdown is gonna be really short?" he groaned.

"Jack Spicer's got the Crystal Glasses," Clay said grimly. "I don't think Val stands much of a chance."

"I cannot bear to watch," Omi whimpered as he covered his hands.

"Well, I mean, Val knows the terrain better than anyone," Kimiko said hopefully. "She's got a shot."

Raimundo merely shrugged. "Anything's possible. Though, let's be real, she's probably gonna lose this."

She gritted her teeth and punched his arm. "Be a little more supportive!" she hissed, glaring up at him.

"What?" he protested as he rubbed his arm. "Even she probably knows that." Rai pointed downwards to Valerie and Jack, both of whom were a few feet away from each other and openly glaring. The Eiffel Tower had shrunk into a bauble, like a cheap ornament inside a snow globe. And then it flickered from view, leaving behind golden sparkles.

"GONG YI TAN PAI!" the two combatants shouted. Valerie took the Mantis Flip Coin from her sash and took a step closer to him.

His expression full of smug triumph, Jack brandished the Crystal Glasses. "Looks like you're out of luck, Val," he sneered. With a flourish, he put them on. "Crystal-!"

She kneed him in the crotch.

Jack's high pitched squeal nearly broke the sound barrier. Raimundo's jaw dropped, making a hinging noise like a squeaky door. His eyes widened in abject horror as Valerie clamped her hands on Jack's shoulders and dug her knee in the apex of his legs. The boy genius was still screaming, tears running down his face, his face pale and eyes far too wide.

And then Valerie plucked the Glasses from his face and shouted, "Mantis Flip Coin!" With an expert back flip she hit the wall of a nearby building and began running sideways away from the scene. She then disappeared from view.

Everyone watched as Jack Spicer collapsed to the ground, a crying, shaking mess. Raimundo finally tore his gaze away and looked at the others: everyone had wide eyes, and Kimiko had her hands over her mouth, while Omi's eyes were peeking through his fingers. One of Clay's eyes was hidden behind blonde hair, but the visible one was cartoonishly large, with his mouth gaping. Dojo, who had circled himself around the cowboy's hat, merely held a hand over his cranium in disbelief.

Kimiko took her hands from her mouth and said in a quavering voice, "I don't even have a dick and I still felt that."

"Is… is that even allowed?" Omi stammered.

Everyone turned to Dojo as he whipped out the rulebook and hurriedly flipped through its yellowing pages. "I can't find anything that goes against it," he finally told them.

Raimundo took a deep breath and found his voice. "Not gonna lie, that was kind of badass," he admitted, his voice a pitch higher than normal. He was still appalled over what just happened, but seeing their long-time nemesis so easily taken out in an admittedly hardcore way was gratifying. And the fact that it was his girlfriend doing it? That was just icing on the cake.

"Okay, true," Dojo conceded. "By the way, where's Val?"

Everyone whirled around to see Valerie, wearing the Crystal Glasses, jumping across the rooftops with leonine grace, flipping and cartwheeling, as if her victory was assured. Considering Jack Spicer was still curled up in a puddle of his own tears despite Wuya's protests, it probably was.

And then, Valerie once again disappeared from view behind a dying Arc de Triomphe and reappeared with the tiny Eiffel Tower in hand. A flash of light so bright it forced Raimundo to close his eyes, and he could feel the planet shift once more beneath him. When he opened them again, he was standing back in the park, grass and trees and cobblestones back where they belonged. Jack Spicer was still in a ball, but the monks merely stepped over him.

Valerie was standing there with a satisfied little smirk on her face, flipping the Mantis Flip Coin and catching it in midair with one hand. Hanging at her side was the Book of Alexandria, and the Crystal Glasses were perched atop her head like an ostentatious pair of sunglasses. As her friends neared her, she noted their shocked faces and asked, "What? Did you honestly expect me to forfeit the Showdown?"

"No, of course not," Clay reassured her quickly. "It was just… unexpected."

"But effective," Omi admitted.

"And kind of harsh," Kimiko added.

Valerie shrugged. "Well, it's not like there's a proper counter for the Crystal Glasses. I had to use any advantage I could get."

"It's not against the rules, so I don't see the point in complaining," Dojo interjected, shrugging.

She then turned to Raimundo, eyebrow raised. "Nothing to say? That's a first."

He held up a finger and took a breath. Letting out a breathy chuckle, he said, "I think you're kind of harcore?"

Her face turned to amused disbelief, she said, "Kind of? Bitch, please, I could kick you up the street and back."

He scoffed. "Yeah, like I'd just let you do that."

Valerie rolled her eyes. "Come on, let's just go home already."

"But we have not yet eaten crepes!" Omi protested as the girls walked away. He quickly ran up to catch them. "Kimiko says there are a staple of French cuisine!"

"We can make them back at the Temple!"

"But it won't be the same!" Kimiko whined. At that point their conversation filtered away as the two older boys followed at a subdued pace, leaving Jack and Wuya behind. Clay gave Rai a half concerned, half amused look.

"You realize you're dating her, right?"

Raimundo gave him a look. "Um, yeah, I kind of figured at this point."

"Are you sure?" he insisted. He gave a slight nod towards their other friends and gave him a knowing look.

Raimundo continued to look confused until slowly, very slowly, it dawned on him. He was dating Valerie Ashford, the girl who didn't use honor in battles if she could help it. Valerie Ashford, who would use any advantage to win, damn the consequences. Valerie Ashford, his girlfriend, who just kneed a guy so hard in the balls he cried, just so she could win at a Showdown.

So, if Raimundo ever did something to genuinely upset her…

"I am so screwed," he muttered in horrified disbelief.

Clay merely laughed uproariously.

Later, at the Temple

In the room for the Ancient Scroll of the Shen Gong Wu, everyone was crowded around the table where the Scroll usually was. The Book of Alexandria had temporarily taken its place of importance. All five monks had their keys out.

"So, are we doing this?" Kimiko asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

Clay took a deep breath. "I don't see why not. I don't think it's liable to attack us."

"We thought the same thing about the Sapphire Dragon, and look what happened," Raimundo pointed out.

"…fair point."

"We will not know what the Book has in store for us unless it is opened," Master Fung reminded them, suddenly appearing in the room.

"As wise as always, Master Fung," said Omi sagely.

"In that case…" Kimiko trailed off, slowly putting her key in the first lock. With a flick of her wrist she opened it and quickly backed away, the lock snapping open and the belt falling away to give access to the next one.

"Here goes," Clay muttered, putting his key in the matching lock. Just as quickly that lock fell away. Then it was Omi, who did it triumphantly. Raimundo raised his eyebrow at Valerie before unlocking the next one.

Valerie took a deep breath and slowly let it out, eyeing her key as if it were some sort of lifeline. And then, with a swiftness that not even Kimiko could beat, she unlocked the final piece, the belt falling apart to give complete access to the Book. They all waited with baited breath to see what it would do, but it simply lied there innocently.

"…Okay, so it's not trying to kill us so far," Clay said nervously. Valerie stepped forward and opened the cover, quickly flipping through the yellowing pages.

"It's all just words," Valerie told them finally, stopping in the middle. Everyone crowded around it once again, eyeing the aged script.

"This is gibberish!" Omi cried out, frustrated.

"Maybe it is an alien language," Clay said.

"Or maybe it's an ancient code that only Dashi could decipher," Kimiko suggested.

"If it is, then he should have left some notes about it or something," Raimundo pointed out.

And then Valerie started laughing. Not her normal subdued snickers, but full-blown, stomach-holding laughter. Everyone stared as she stood up and wiped tears from her eyes. And then, still laughing a little bit, she declared, "Dashi, you brilliant bastard."

"I believe Valerie has figured out Dashi's secret," Master Fung said, giving her a proud little smile.

"Uh, care to enlighten us there?" Clay asked.

Finally getting herself under control, Valerie explained, "This isn't some sort of code or gibberish or anything like that. It's all modern languages that were mixed up together so that it only looks alien." She pointed to a sentence in the middle of a page. "See this? This has German, Polish, and Russian characters." She pointed to another one. "This is Italian, French, and a little bit of Spanish."

"And since no one in China at the time knew those languages, they couldn't decipher what it meant," Kimiko realized happily. And then she face palmed. "Man, were we off."

"So, Valerie is the best person to figure this Wu out?" Omi asked hesitantly.

"Well, would you look at that," Clay said, patting her on the back. "You found the perfect Shen Gong Wu for yourself."

Everyone shared a good laugh at that. Raimundo took the time to examine the intelligent gleam in Valerie's eyes; he could practically see the cogs working in her head, figuring out how exactly she was going to decipher each and every line as quickly as possible. He saw the satisfied little smirk slowly appear on her face, like Valerie had received the first piece to a very interesting game that she couldn't wait to play.

Raimundo looked away, smiling just a little. Things were about to get interesting.

Salope= French curse word for 'bitch' or 'whore.'

Lindeza= Brazilian Portuguese meaning 'prettiness.' Used as a noun to describe someone or something, and even at times as a term of endearment. It's one of those words that just doesn't really translate well in another language; in English, you might call someone a beauty, but not a prettiness.

I'm gonna try and keep Valerie and Raimundo in character despite being a couple. I've seen too many characters, especially female ones, completely change into satellite love interests once they enter a romantic relationship. That's not gonna happen here if I can help it. Val and Rai are their own characters who enjoy making out with each other. They're separate people, not some unit.

So, thoughts anyone?