Leaving Clarke and Lexa's room, Octavia has her arm draped around ravens lower back as her girlfriends arm lies lazily over her shoulders keeping her close. Soft smiles are on their face as they just left the undeniably cute scene of lexa sprawled graciously on the couch with Clarke and the baby dozing and drooling and draped across her using her like a matress.
"I'm happy for them," raven says quietly before laying a kiss to Octavia's temple as she murmurs her agreement. "I'm going to make fun of lexa for it tomorrow relentlessly, but I'm happy for them."
"I know you are babe."
They laugh softly as they pass dim braziers along their path to their room.
They walk quietly after that; Octavia slowing up so naturally to match ravens slightly hindered gait. The walk may be quiet now, but her mind certainly is not as she unconsciously grips her girlfriends hip a little tighter. In the wake of the family scene she just left, Octavia has been going over her own happiness, the source of it. Thinking about her own family and her own recent withdrawal from some of it, and now the additional tension of all that she's learned has been kept from her about ravens dangerous late night rides.
"You wanna talk about it?" Raven murmurs quietly as they reach their room. Whether she was listening to her thoughts or she just knows her that well Octavia doesn't ask as she passes raven Popping the door open for the her and hearing it close behind them.
Octavia sighs and begins to take off her small pieces of armour dropping them haphazardly in her path across the lavish room. She says nothing for a moment continuing her path like normal. (Ravens surprisingly good at dodging the minefield now.)
"That's a loaded question isn't it?" Octavia finally asks, dropping a final leather to the floor and turning to face raven in only her leather pants, boots and small top. "Kind of broad," she elaborates.
Raven purses her lips and nods sympathetically, sighing before she sits on the couch to take the weight off her leg. She gingerly extends it before beginning to loosen the straps on her brace while Octavia slips her own boots off.
Octavia walks over quietly in her bare feet, kneeling and gently pushing ravens hands away before she says "let me," in the most tender gravelly husk ravens ever heard from her. In a way that touches her so completely she's momentarily lost in the force kneeling before her.
Raven swallows as she watches Octavia slowly remove the various buckles that strap her in, hands lingering tenderly as she pulls and holds ravens somewhat useless leg with such care and compassion that the mechanic is continuing to be lost in her movements and silent praising though it is Octavia is kneeling.
And then her friend Guilt comes banging in her ears and on her heart, as she remembers her conversation with Clarke from earlier. She softly smiles as she leans forward again and places her hands on Octavia's to stop her motions.
"Hey," she says waiting for Octavia to look at her, "talk to me."
Octavia gives her a weak smile knowing raven could easily just focus and hear her thoughts but respects her enough to not invade her privacy like that.
"Yell at me?," raven tries again with a tilt in her brow when the brunette doesn't answer right away.
Octavia huffs a small laugh, "that's more likely," she mutters.
Raven controls a small smile of her own, catching her sharp gaze she nods at Octavia as if to say 'go on, I can take it," but Octavia hears 'go on, I deserve it' in her head.
The small warrior shakes her head as if to say no, but when she hears raven tell her again in her mind, she breaks and everything she's been holding in since she found out about the secrets raven had kept comes out in a rushed mocking shout as she stands, "for a genius, you're a god damned idiot raven reyes!"
Ravens eyes follow her up into the stand as she frowns and nods as if to agree, half strapped on brace Long forgotten.
Octavia rolls her eyes, "I wanna yell at you, be angry with you, but at the same time I want to hold on to you and love you and ask you why!"
"So yell, scream at me, ask me why! What's stopping you," raven says remarkably calm but tone somewhat challenging.
Octavia stares at her a moment, chest rising and falling fast and chin jarring around like she's chewing on something.
Maybe she is.
"Octavia." Raven prompts again.
The brunette frowns and then steps back and turns around, hiding her face, "how can I?"
Raven looks from the brace to her girlfriends back watching her form deflate, shoulders sag. She doesn't move or dare to breathe, afraid to break the moment, urging her silently to continue. This will only work if they talk.
Finally, the silence breaks and even though it's hard to hear she sends silent thanks to whoever is listening that it happened.
"You owe me nothing raven. You owe me no explanations and I can't expect any when you ask none of me. Not even when you keep pulling these crazy dangerous stunts with the half-cocked heda at your side!" Her outburst ends with hands flailing before falling to her side again.
And it's true. Raven has never asked Octavia of anything, but she's always selflessly been whatever Octavia needed, whenever she needed it.
"When Lincoln was..." Octavia takes a deep breath as her gravelly voice wavers, "when Lincoln was alive, while I was in love with him, you were there. When I went to you instead of him, when all I could offer you was friendship, you were there, you stayed...for me." She turns slowly to meet ravens soft gaze, her voice falling ever softer, "I knew... Deep down, I knew it was more for you..." she swallows as she gazes a little more deeply into ravens chestnut eyes and quietly reveals, "I knew it was more for me as well."
"O," raven whispers, eyes reddening with the urgency to tear.
Octavia chuckles a somewhat watery laugh as she's caught by her emotions and bewilderment of the woman before her, "You would have stood by, you would have let me love him, give myself to him, bind myself to him, while I kept you holding my hand on the side. Catching me when My smile fell. You would have sacrificed your heart for me Raven."
Raven swallows and nods, unable to hide the truth. After all, She did, from the moment their connection began all those months ago at the drop ship she sacrificed a piece of herself everyday Octavia wasn't hers, even though she didn't understand what it was back then. Even now, She wouldn't have regret any of it had it gone that way; had she remained as Lincolns, raven would have given all of herself, day by day, just to have Octavia in any capacity. even if it broke her. Day by day.
"You're selfless Rae," Octavia continues with a passionate burn, stepping forward again and kneeling once more in front of her. She grasps her hands and kisses each palm, "I've thought about it, a lot," she emphasizes, "and I- I don't deserve you."
"No." Raven sputters out through tears she never felt begin to fall, "hey no, that's not true."
Octavia gives her a watery smile before releasing her hands and continuing on the brace straps as if she needed something to do. She buys herself a moment to compose herself as she continues her tender touches as she removes the straps, "it is true." She glances at raven briefly, "I wouldn't have done that."
Raven tilts her head as Octavia goes back to work, before she can ask Octavia continues.
"I thought about it," she says almost to herself, stronger than before, "if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't be able to sacrifice my heart for you like that."
Well... that hurts.
"Ouch." Raven mutters, withdrawing slightly.
Octavia swears, "fuck. That's- that's not what I meant." She tugs the brace loose and sets it on the table carefully, buying herself time to find her words. She crawls closer to place herself between ravens legs, lifts a little on her knees and reaches up to cup her cheek with her left hand as her right rubs at the previously braced leg gently loosening the muscles. "I wouldn't have been able to do what you would have done, I wouldn't have been able to stop fighting for us... for you. Had it been the other way around I wouldn't sacrifice this." Her hand gestures between them.
The moment hangs between the two. A silent acknowledgement of what Octavia is revealing without saying.
She believes, Raven thinks.
Raven reaches up to cup the hand on her cheek as Octavia's thumb brushes a tear away, "that's because you're selfish," she says with a lilt in her voice.
Octavia's serious face slowly breaks into laughter as raven joins her before Octavia leans in and kisses her lips effectively swallowing ravens laughter.
"You're an ass," Octavia murmurs against her lips.
Raven just laughs as Octavia moves to straddle her on the couch.
"Oh and you're heavy," she counters feigning pain from the girl who weighs maybe a hundred pounds soaking wet.
Octavia hums as her lips touch ravens neck, "it's the high protein diet," she tells her before sharp wolf like canine teeth graze a pulse point and latch softly to suck and nip.
Raven squirms and can't help the small moan she releases, but manages to stop the roll of her hips just in time, "easy wild thing, we aren't done yet."
She can feel Octavia pout against her neck before she leans back and the serious conversation comes back. Fluid like the easy digs and tender love they go back and forth from per usual. Octavia rolls her eyes at ravens knowing smirk.
"You should have told us where you two were going."
Raven nods, "I know. Lexa knows too, we didn't want to worry anyone..." she sighs and runs a hand through her own hair, "I was just trying to help my friend."
Octavia nods sympathetically but eyes raven closely, "that's not all..."
Raven glances away, "no that's not the only reason," she admits.
"You're not sleeping well either, she hasn't woken you up, this has been for both of you."
Raven catches her eyes again before nodding, "we wanted to feel useful, I know I did. It's just, this whole thing feels like a bit of my fault? The attack, the kids, lexas pain. I played a part in it. I didn't... I could have done more."
"Hey," Octavia says soothingly cupping the back of her neck, "you did all you could babe. Without you the city would have fallen, without you Clarke and lexa would have saved kun but lost Zivas village. You saved Kai, situ and Aden. Without you they would have been lost as well."
Raven looks away again nodding sadly but Octavia pulls her gaze back, "don't you ever feel like you're not enough raven reyes. You're more than anyone could ever ask for, selfless and pure. You have been through hell and come back with a badass brace and the ability to smile enough for an entire city." She leans in to kiss her passionately, "you're raven reyes, you don't know the strength you carry and..." she softly tucks a stray hair behind her ear, "you're my soulmate. So fuck everything else-"
She's cut off as Raven kisses her so fiercely they fall off the couch and land in a heap of laughter.
"Smooth move genius," Octavia smirks as she untangles them and helps raven stand up. "Here," she says tenderly as she scoops her up and carries her to the bed knowing she'd struggle without the brace.
Laying her softly against the furs Octavia can't help but follow her down, trailing kisses across her jaw then slowly down her neck.
Raven can't control her hips as they roll agains Octavia, the woman lands a thigh between her legs and presses perfectly where she feels a burning growing. Her hands clutch at the thin shirt nails of her pinky fingers digging into flesh she manages to find.
She whines when Octavia detached her mouth from her neck and the warrior smirks.
"Wait, wait. Before I forget, you promise to tell me next time you're going for a late night joyride?" Octavia asks in a rush, flustered and trying to remember she was supposed to be cross with Raven.
"Yes, god yes, as long as you promise to keep going."
Octavia smirks at the crack in ravens voice, "deal," and then she kisses her before guiding her hands under ravens shirt and to soft skin. Her fingertips graze over flexing sensitive ab muscles before scraping against ribs and pushing the shirt further up.
with the grace and speed of a trained warrior, Octavia smoothly, lifts raven enough to remove the garment and begin lacing kisses along her torso.
"O," raven squirms as hands roam, "please, take this off." She clutches at her girlfriends shirt desperate to feel her closer. It's been so long since there has been tenderness like this in their intimate moments; where it feels like they're taking deep breaths just filling their lungs with each other while they move.
Lately, it's been rushed, pushy and desperate with the need to feel each other, feel alive again, remind them they're still breathing. It's been passionate and needy since the attack, like under neath it all they feel they didn't have the time to revel in it.
Like they needed to have each other right then because they didn't know if they would have another chance and not like they need each other right now and don't need or want another chance because that moment right there would make it all worth it.
This is the latter.
This is different. This feels like they are stealing the time, taking back what's there's and connecting for the first time all over again.
To echo that, their gazes meet as Octavia leans back after ripping her own shirt off over her head, and everything stills.
Blue meets brown and the world stops for them.
"Rae," Octavia says raspy in a way that curls both their toes.
She's met with a slow kiss, lips pressed before her mouth is devoured and hands clutch again. "Let me love you," Octavia says against her lips before kissing her jaw line straight to ravens ear lobe. She nips and flicks before sighing, "let me show you how selfless I can be," she whispers with a playful sincerity before ravens moan takes over.
Octavia moves trailing kisses and nips along ravens shoulders, down her collar bones and then to taught nipples. Raven arches into her mouth, clutching at braided hair and rolling her hips again.
Octavia takes her time. She's needy but attentive in her ministrations. She's everywhere at once and no where raven really needs her. She's both playing with and savouring every sound and move the woman beneath her makes. playing her like an instrument perfectly tuned for her.
And she plays her so well.
Her lips find their way lower, caressing lines and muscles as hands fondle and press into pliant flesh. She grips at divots in ravens hips as she grinds into her eliciting another keening moan from both of them.
Eyes meet as Octavia begins to unlace and remove ravens boots with speed no one knew she possessed. Then she takes her sweet ass time crawling up once more, hands pressing teasingly along thighs, thumbs digging in the soft flesh beneath leather pants before she finally begins unlacing the ties at the front of ravens pants.
With her teeth.
"Oh sweet fucking Christ," raven rolls her eyes in the back of her head when she sees Octavia with leather clad ass in the air, her own pants already undone and pulling at the strings with her mouth.
Unless she wants to come without any touching at all she keeps her eyes closed until Finally she feels air on her thighs and core as her pants are pulled free.
"No panties," she hears a moaning admission and heady approval from Octavia, "you're so hot."
Raven can't help but moan again as she feels how slick she really is now her pants are history. It worsens as she feels her legs slowly being spread and she complies with a soft whimper that sounds like a plea.
If raven had a coherent thought other than how hit Octavia is right now she'd be embarrassed.
And then everything becomes a blur as the teasing is gone and a mouth is diving into her centre drinking her in like she's an oasis.
"Octavia!" Raven exclaims before her voice is stolen and her body responds to the attention.
Her hips roll against the tongue that's exploring her folds before it dives straight into her. The resulting moan she hears but didn't make, the one that came from the head between her legs, instantly makes her wetter than she's ever been in her life.
Octavias tongue drives into her over and over before travelling to the bundle of nerves and a single digit is slipping into her girlfriend. "Fuck Rae, I've never felt you this wet before," she moans between licks finding her eyes before they're gone again.
Raven is incoherent right now.
She tries to respond but finds her words choked and her eyes are rolling back again when Octavia reattached her mouth and pushed a second finger in.
"Please," she finally hears herself moan over the sounds of delicious lapping happening down south. She doesn't know what she's begging for but a second later she's certain Octavia does.
The wild thing curls her fingers when she hears what she wants and doubles her efforts with her tongue on ravens clit.
"Shit! There! Yes! O!" Is the responding shout, choked and muffled by furs being clutched to her face as raven uselessly tries to downplay the volume.
"Mmm," Octavia says pulling back while driving her fingers in deeper, "found your words I see." She cruelly slows her motions as ravens hips keep rolling, driving now uselessly to find release, "look at me Rae."
The hips stop moving, her eyes stay closed, a frustrated moan escapes her while hands keep clutching furs to her chest and mouth. Like she's trying to compose herself and follow Octavia's direction. She was that close to the edge that she is clawing to keep herself from falling.
And For a moment Octavia is caught off guard, she was so in control the moment she started worshipping raven that her beauty has stunned her into stillness.
With soft candlelight gracing lusciously caramel skin, hair askew, bare, vulnerable and spread open before her, raven takes Octavia's breath away. Blue eyes tear up as her heat swells, the warmth of her skin, the tight fluttering around her stilled fingers, the trembling, sweat glistening body beneath her causes Octavia to cry in a way she never had before. A soft pulled in breath as a tear escapes her has Octavia's heart and soul finally, fully, making the connection. She feels her soul physically reach out and encompass ravens own, feels it connect the broken pieces with ravens like puzzle pieces. The overwhelming affection that she can feel... and she knows she's home.
She sees her soul.
Raven looks exquisite, so ready to fall off the edge, about to break into pieces for Octavia that the warrior can't help but realize once again ravens being selfless. She's stilled except for her fluttering walls begging along with her racing heart to bring her to the stars, waiting patiently, giving everything to Octavia without her asking.
Waiting for her.
All for her.
Seeing her without looking. Knowing without having to listen.
"Rae," she says softly, smiling endearingly through tears as her free hand strokes her temple and cheek, "look at me."
And when chestnut glowing eyes meet watery blue, the chestnuts blink to release a tear as Octavia hears ravens voice in her head.
I see you too.
A shuddered breath is shared between them as Octavia melts for her. she knows in that moment that raven heard her thoughts moments before, she feels the connection as completely as Octavia, as though the world has indeed stopped for them. For right now.
Octavia nods with a small smile at their understanding, "I got you. Come here."
Her hands tenderize flesh, slowly resuming their movements inside her as she pulls raven closer with her free hand. She moves lithely pulling her into her lap while pressing deep and lovingly, curling fingers just so, making sure to make love to every inch of her as ravens head finds her neck and thighs brace around her hips and arms encircle her neck.
Octavia presses into her seven more times, Raven rolls her hips six before she comes undone in an exquisite beauty of curses and body convulsions she can't control.
And Octavia lovingly guides her through them all until they subside and they remain in place, only moving to properly hold onto each other.
There's no playful banter after, just soft tears and silent soulful 'welcome homes' before sleep takes them away in a sweet embrace that pales to what had just occurred.
Raven slept all night.
As she makes the realization, raven blinks through the early morning bleariness and pushes at the lump beside her on the bed.
She hears a groan and soft grunt but sees no movement.
She chuckles softly and pushes again this time a litter harder, unsure if she pushed torso or thigh. (Octavia's sleeping habits are as wild as she is.)
Another groan and a muffled threat later and the furs at the end of the bed ruffle before a head pokes out with a stern face attached.
Raven tilts her head and looks at the mass beside her still and then back to Octavia and just shakes her head smiling. "You know that's getting out of hand," she points out. "I never know if Im going to wake up with you're ass in my face or with your face in my face or the occasional foot in my mouth."
Octavia scoffs as she moves to rearrange herself properly on the bed and into ravens arms, "please, you love waking up with my ass in your face."
Raven shrugs as they comfortable with Octavia's head on her chest, "touché. It is your best asset."
That earns her a jab in the ribs before Octavia settles again, "it's too early for puns."
Raven hums in agreement as she brushes her hand along Octavia's arm.
"Hey," Octavia says suddenly, "you're here, it's morning and you're still here." She turns to catch ravens eye.
"Slept the whole night," raven says proudly.
Octavia grins lovingly, fingertips pressing into raven like a hug within a cuddle before a smirk takes over. "Don't know why you're so proud, feel like that was my hard work that did that."
Raven cackles and begins to tickle her side as Octavia squirms and squeaks, "so full of yourself for a tiny thing!"
They jostle a little more before following into soft gazes and smiles again.
"I love you," raven says brushing her nose against Octavia's.
"Ai hod yu in," Octavia responds softly before kissing her. "I'm glad we talked."
Raven smiles, "I'm glad too. We needed that. I needed that."
Octavia traces her finger tips along raven jaw, "I know. Next time we stop actually talking, slap me." She grins as raven rolls her eyes, knowing that'd not ever be her route, nor at all successful.
"And lose my hand? No thanks." Raven jokes back before sighing and glancing away before tilting her head and softening her eyes. Once the puppy dog face is in place, she opens her mouth again, "while we are on the subject," She says slowly.
"Oh I like the sound of that," Octavia says dryly, before becoming serious. "What haven't you told me."
Raven looks like she's weighing things out "A bit."
Octavia just scowls, "spill it reyes."
Oh she's mad. Not the time to keep joking. Noted.
"Well, first, Clarke may or may not corner you into an emotional conversation that may or may not have been because I spilled the tea to her a little bit about things that may or may not have been about us..."
Octavia just cocks her brow expectantly, "you suck."
Raven nods and frowns, "yep. I may or may not have done that."
Then she stops nodding completely and there's a moment where Octavia can physically see the switch in her eye as she makes a decision.
"There's more…and you will be one of only three that know about this."
When Octavia leaves the room after hearing ravens other secret she is not thrilled and cautions raven only with a soft, "I hope you know what you're doing."