Author Note: Thank you all for your patience and for the comments, etc. It's taken a little while to get this chapter completed, but here we are.

The longest silence followed Jane's words. She fought the tears, the whimpering that forced its way out with every harried breath. Korsak didn't say anything. She swiped the back of her hand across her cheek, rubbed at her eyes until they hurt under the pressure, blocking out the image of him standing in front of her. Still Korsak didn't say anything. Fear. Regret. Guilt. A bundle of emotions battled her will for him to be the person she always hoped he would be.

When his arms wrapped around her shoulders, she sunk into them.

Sometimes she forgot how much of a father figure he'd become. He'd always been a mentor, a friend, and when Frost died they'd grown closer. His presence in her life was one constant that she could rely on. Any threat to that tipped her into unfamiliar, and frightening, territory. She feared the day he finally retired. None of that stopped her whole body from shaking under his touch.

"Jane," he said, his voice gentle against her ear. "It's okay."

She rested her face against his shoulder. "Doesn't feel okay."

"Being gay or telling me?"

"Both."

"I don't care about that stuff," he said. "I know I'm not very good with all the touchy feely I'm proud of you spiel, and sometimes I feel like I'm too old to understand, but it doesn't change anything. We're still partners, we're still friends."

She nodded. "Thanks."

"This case is pretty close to home." She nodded again. "The world can be a cruel place. You know that. This doesn't change that, it doesn't make it worse, just different."

"Ellie didn't even get a chance."

"I know. We will find out who killed her, and we'll throw everything we've got at 'em. Okay?"

"Okay."

She pulled out of his arms and took a step backward. She straightened up, ran her hands down the front of her slacks and forged a smile.

"We should go back to BPD."

"If that's what you want."

"It is." She wiped a couple of fresh tears from her cheek and breathed in slowly. "Gotta solve this case."

"Sure." He ran a hand across her shoulder. "But you can take the afternoon off, me and Frankie can question the parents."

x

Sergeant Korsak hovered outside Maura's office. She could see him moving out of the corner of her eye as she completed paperwork on the latest autopsy. She clicked save on her laptop and glanced up.

"Sergeant," she said, he stopped pacing and stood in the doorway. "Please come in, take a seat."

She stood up and reheated the pot of water she'd boiled in the makeshift kitchenette set up in her office. Some days she didn't feel like walking to the end of the corridor for a drink. She placed a couple of cups beside it. Korsak sat down nearest the door.

"Tea?"

"No, thank you. I just had a coffee."

Maura placed a teabag in one cup, then filled it with water. Carrying it across the room, Maura placed it on the table to stew and took a seat opposite her friend and colleague.

"It's rare I see you down here when I'm not actively working on a case."

"I'm worried about Jane."

The mere suggestion of something not being right with Jane hit her hard, filling her heart with a longing desire to make sure that Jane was, in fact, okay and Korsak was merely surmising. She picked up her tea and squashed the liquid out of the teabag with a spoon, swirling the orangey liquid around her cup.

"What's caused you to feel that way?" Maura asked, maintaining professionalism and calm.

"The Ellie Fischer case hit a snag. I suppose you could call it a break, but it's not something we'd like to believe possible."

"Would you care to explain further?"

Korsak nodded. "Ellie was in a rehabilitation facility. Her parents sent her there for gay conversion therapy. We questioned her parents. They're holding their cards pretty close to the chest. Nina's doing some research on them as we speak. It's looking likely this was a homophobic murder."

"Oh," Maura whispered. "That poor girl."

A silence followed. Maura sipped on her tea. She could see, without explanation, the impact such a case could have on Jane. But whether Korsak had an accurate picture of his concern for Jane or not was something she could not ask.

"Jane told me." Korsak looked into Maura's eyes, holding her gaze. "I didn't ask, but I assume you know. She tells you everything."

"I know," Maura said.

"I'm glad she told me." Korsak sighed. "She was a mess, Maura. I've never seen her shaken so badly by a case before."

Maura reached out to Korsak's wrist. "There's a lot going on for Jane right now. It's not something she's been entirely comfortable with, her whole life. The case has come at a bad time."

"I don't know how to look out for her on this," he said. "I don't know anything about being gay."

"You don't need to know. You just need to be there for her. If she wants to talk, let her talk. If she doesn't, well, that's Jane. I could recommend some therapists who specialise in this field, but I don't think Jane would be responsive to that."

Korsak shrugged. "I don't think she would."

"She's due to come over to my house tonight. I can try and talk with her then."

"Thanks, Maura. I appreciate that."

x

Heat was nearing empty when Jane walked in. She headed straight for the bar, the absence of the buzz of the night she visited with Frankie was not missed. Though she didn't mind escaping into music so loud she couldn't think straight, or the kindness of the drag queens walking through the crowds. What she really wanted was to be sitting in the Dirty Robber. A heightened sense of fear surrounded her since the break in the case. She knew, deep down, that she was probably safe, but it didn't stop her mind from dancing through the experiences of others. The perception of safety at the club appealed.

"Jane Rizzoli?"

The bartender placed a bottle of beer on the counter and she placed a ten dollar bill beside it. She picked up the bottle and twisted round in her seat. The voice was unfamiliar, yet she recognised it instantly.

"Gabs?"

Her mouth dropped open. To disguise what felt like a rude symbol of shock, Jane lifted the bottle of beer to her lip and swallowed a mouthful.

"I thought it was you." Her arms landed around Jane's shoulders. She stayed in her seat, frozen by the confusion of the chance meeting.

Jane trailed a hand across her back and breathed in the unfamiliar scent of the first woman she slept with. The first woman she kissed. The first woman she fell in love with. Of all the moments, of all the places, Jane shook her head and loosened her grip until Gabriele stood back.

"This is a coincidence."

"Right?" Gabriele smiled, her mouth wide, her happiness evident. "I never thought I'd see you in a place like this."

"Why not?"

Gabriele looked down at Jane, her eyebrows raised. "I thought your Ma would have beaten it out of you."

"She's not that bad," Jane said, feeling especially defensive. "She's not violent."

"I didn't mean literally. I thought I'd never see you again."

"Likewise."

"It's been too long. How are the mean streets of Boston treating my favourite cop? You did become a cop, right? I think you've been in the paper a few times," Gabriele said, perching on a stool beside her.

Jane span round to face her. "Yeah. I'm a detective now."

"You're a detective?" Gabriele glanced down, her eyes stopped on the holster at Jane's side. "You packing?"

"Yeah."

"That's hot."

Jane rolled her eyes. "Seriously?"

"What do you think attracted me to you in the first place?" asked Gabriele, she fluttered her eyelashes and ran a hand across Jane's wrist.

Jane smiled. "My charm and sarcastic wit?"

"That too," Gabriele said. She sighed. "Who knew Jane Rizzoli would become Detective Rizzoli? What bit do you do?"

"I work homicide, been doing it for a while now."

"That sounds morbid."

"I guess." Jane supped her beer and leaned against the bar. "I enjoy the challenge."

"I always knew you'd go far."

Being so close to someone who once meant so much played tricks with her mind. Gabriele had always been a bit of a flirt, and Jane couldn't help wonder what would have happened if they'd stayed together. She trailed a finger down the side of her beer, distracting herself briefly.

"What are you doing now?" she asked, gripping the beer in her hand.

"I'm a stay at home mom."

Jane sat up straight. "You're a mom?"

"Yeah." Gabriele's smile grew further than Jane ever recalled seeing it. "Does that seem so strange to you?"

"Kinda." Jane shrugged, and retreated. "You were a bit of a stoner with a bad attitude when we met."

"All that changed when I met Candice."

Regret filled her up, merging with guilt and a little self-loathing. If things were different, they wouldn't be having that conversation. "Candice? What sort of name is that? Do people call her Candy?"

"Still the sarcastic bitch I know and love."

"Wouldn't be anyone else."

"You look sad."

Jane shrugged again. Every little thing from the last few weeks piled on top of each other. She sipped her beer, swallowed the mouthful, and lowered her gaze. "The world isn't what I thought it was."

"Is it ever?" Gabriele's voice lowered. Jane turned her attention back to her, sensing something significant. "When we broke up I slept with a man; the best and worst thing I ever did."

"Why did you do that?" The crease between her eyebrows deepened. "I thought you were one hundred per cent gay?"

"Oh, I am. Guess I was heartbroken."

"Over me?"

"You know I loved you, right?"

Jane's heart sunk. She nodded. "I felt the same."

"As hard as it was losing you, I don't regret sleeping with him. I have the best kid in the world."

"Shit. Candice is your kid?"

"Yeah." Gabriele smiled. "It's okay. I love her name, that's all that matters. I named her after my grandma."

"That's nice."

"Yeah. Candice Jane."

"Seriously?" Jane placed her beer on the bar.

Gabriele leaned closer, tangling her little finger around Jane's. "You were influential in my life, Jane Rizzoli. I was also an ex-stoner with no friends, so I didn't really know what else to call her. It seemed like the best thing to do, to name her after two of my favourite people at the time."

"I dunno what to say."

"You don't have to say anything."

"You said you're a stay at home mom," Jane said. "Surely she doesn't need you to stay home anymore."

"No. She's at college now. I have four year old twins, Billy and Bobby, with my wife."

"You sure know how to pick fun names," Jane said, rolling her eyes.

"You sure know how to pass judgement on my children."

"I'm sorry. My bitchiness is at a ten today."

"No shit."

"I'm glad you've got a family, I know you always wanted that. Your dad would be proud."

"Maybe. My grandma wasn't so happy when Candice came along. She thinks he'd have thrown me out by my ear, if he was still around."

"At least if he had, it would have been a better job than your pathetic excuse for a mother."

"She's not so pathetic these days."

"You've seen her?"

"She went to rehab, cleaned herself up a few years back when my grandma died. Things are different now. I think she's taken to being a grandmother better than she did being a mom."

"Every cloud."

"Yeah."

Jane finished her beer and pushed it across the bar. Gabriele ordered another round of drinks. "So, what's wrong? Not that you have to tell me, since we haven't seen each other in twenty years."

"You ever think that your life isn't what you wanted it to be?" Jane asked.

"Not really." Gabriele picked up her glass of cola. "Do you?"

"All the time."

"What would you do differently, if you could go back and make it what you want?"

"I'd tell the woman I love that I love her," Jane said, her cheeks reddened the moment she finished talking. She didn't know Gabriele anymore, they were strangers with a shared history, yet she'd said more to her in the last half hour than she'd said to Maura recently.

Gabriele's soft laugh pulled her backward twenty years. If she thought long enough about it, she missed her. In reality, she knew she probably missed the idea of her, more than anything else. But it still consumed her.

"Don't think you need a time machine for that."

"I'd know sooner," Jane said, hating her shortcomings when it came to honesty. She could sit there and say how much she wished to tell Maura her feelings sooner, yet she knew she'd go home after their drinks and not be honest about her feelings. "I'd let me be me sooner so I could be with her earlier."

"So, it's all about love?" Gabriele rolled her eyes. "Of course it is, the world revolves around it."

"No," said Jane, sighing. Her depressive state could not be attributed to one thing alone. "It's not just about love. I love my job but sometimes I think everything would be different if I wasn't a cop."

"You wouldn't be a hero."

"Not sure I'm a hero now."

"Are you joking? You solve homicides, you're literally taking killers off the streets."

"Most murders are committed by people the victim knows." Jane swallowed a mouthful of beer. "I'm not saving the public from serial killers on a regular basis."

"You really don't see yourself, do you?" Gabriele asked, her eyes narrowed.

"Wha' d' ya mean?"

"You don't see how amazing you are, your good qualities."

"I fuck things up all the time," Jane said. "I'm nothing special."

"You ever think that maybe that's part of your problem?" Gabriele asked.

"Why?"

"You love this woman, right?" Not waiting for an answer, Gabriele continued. "Yet you won't tell her you love her, you won't tell her you have feelings for her. You're a hero, what you do every day matters, but you're sat here saying it's unimportant. Jane, if people can't see how important you are that's their business. You need to see it, though, too. You need to realise how great you are."

"Why?" She stared at her, the face of the woman she once knew so well. She looked different. She sounded different. Life had changed her and it made her feel so much sadder. "It won't get me anywhere."

"God, you're so depressing."

Gabriele turned her attention back to her drink, and they sat in a comfortable silence for a while. Jane nursed her beer.

"I'm nearly forty," she said, after a while. "But I've not got a lot to show for it. I didn't get what was up with Maura when she hit the big four-oh, now I see it. It's like you realise everything's gone to shit and there's nothing you can do to change it now."

"You're turning forty, not eighty." Gabriele laughed. "You're still young."

"I wanted to go to college, I wanted to travel the world."

"Why didn't you?"

"I...I don't know." Jane paused. "I tell people I didn't go to college because I wanted to be a cop, or if I'm honest, because of my Pop. But I didn't have to go to some fancy, expensive school. I could have found a cheaper one. I should have found a cheaper one."

"What would you have studied?"

"I dunno."

"What would you have done afterwards?"

"I dunno. Be a cop, probably."

"So, same result."

"I guess."

"You've got a good career," Gabriele said, gripping her wrist. "Maybe life isn't what you planned, or wanted it to be, but there's got to be some good things."

"There are," she said. The first thing that sprang into her mind was Maura, and she felt her heart ache in her chest. "Another?"

x

The house was quiet, so quiet that Maura couldn't stop thinking about the lack of noise. She checked her cellphone for the umpteenth time, then tried to ring Jane.

"Where are you?" she asked, leaving a message on her voicemail. "You said you'd come over for seven so we could try. Why aren't you answering your phone? Korsak's worried, and now I'm worried too. Please, call me back."

She placed her phone back on the coffee table and stared at the television screen. A housing show was on, and she distracted herself for a few minutes in the ostentatious decor of the participants. When her phone rang a moment later, Maura scooped it up and held it to her ear.

"Jane?"

"It's Cailin."

Maura's heart sunk, then she felt guilty for being disappointed that her sister had called. Cailin repeated her words as Maura stayed silent. "I'm sorry. I thought it was Jane."

"I just wanted to let you know I'm staying at my friend's place tonight, so don't worry when I'm not there in the morning."

"Thank you for your consideration," Maura said.

"I thought Jane was coming over."

"She's supposed to be."

"I'll get off the line in case she's trying to get through, I'll see you tomorrow."

Returning her phone to the coffee table, Maura refocused her attention on the television show. She didn't like to waste an evening watching something for the sake of watching it. She liked to be productive, to give each activity she took part in some purpose. Had Jane been by her side, it wouldn't have mattered quite so much.

But they were supposed to be trying for a baby.

She tried her phone again, and left another message. Disappointment swirled up amongst the concern. Deep down she knew Jane was probably okay, that it was likely she just needed time to herself, but that didn't stop the hurt that Maura felt knowing she'd forgotten her.

Author Note: I know it may feel like we've taken a giant step back, but I promise you, this is still moving forward. The problem is I can't write things briefly that need to be written in full, so it's taking a lot longer than anticipated. But we will get there eventually.