Author Notes: Thank you for all of your comments and responses. When I said things are moving forward, they definitely are, it's just not always possible to see. Everything in my stories happens for a reason, and the last chapter was no different. I go away tomorrow for the weekend so it make take a few days after that for me to get back into writing (again) but we'll see. I'm hoping to get another chapter written tonight that I can upload tomorrow at some point because or reasons.

"Thanks for walking me to the office," Jane said, smiling at Gabriele as she took a couple of steps backwards toward the steps of Boston Police Department.

"I had a great time," Gabriele said. "I don't get a free pass to drink all night much, what with the twins."

Jane laughed, a little wobbly on her feet. "I can't believe I stayed up all night. I think I'm still drunk."

"Probably. Those shots killed me. My wife is gonna hate me when I get back."

"Actually hate you or not really?"

"It's her day off, she'll take the kids to pre-school, then we'll probably fuck all day. She loves it when I'm tipsy."

"Does she know you spent the night with your ex?"

"Yeah. I called her hours ago, she doesn't mind. She's pretty open."

"Open?"

"Sexually."

"What do you mean?"

"We probably could have slept together and she wouldn't mind. I gave her a free pass when a hot woman came onto her at last year's Pride. She owes me." Gabriele raised her eyebrows and stared at Jane. "Don't look so confused. We have a semi-open marriage, it works for us."

"I've just never considered anything like that before," Jane said, her eyebrows creased together. "I'm more of a monogamy kind of girl."

"I figured. Probably a good thing we didn't work out then."

"I should go," Jane said. "I have to go to work, if Korsak doesn't send me home. I probably stink of beer."

Gabriele leaned forward and animatedly sniffed her chest. "Yep, beer tits."

Jane laughed. "That's what happens when someone spills beer all over your chest."

"You weren't complaining when I cleaned it all up."

"I was too drunk to care that you used your tongue and wandering fingers. It's the most action I've had in weeks."

"I had a great time, Jane," Gabriele said, trailing her hands down Jane's arms and stepping a little closer. She leaned in, her lips inches from Jane's. She glanced up into her eyes then back down as the gap closed. Jane breathed in the stale scent of alcohol as their mouths merged together. When Gabriele pulled away, she stumbled forwards. "I'm sorry we didn't get to be together longer when we were kids, I think we could have been something special."

"Yeah," Jane said, running her fingertips along her bottom lip.

"I'll see you around."

"Bye."

She watched Gabriele walk away, her eyes turned back towards Jane as she purposefully watched her trail her eyes down to her legs. Jane smirked. When she disappeared around the street corner, reality hit. Jane turned her attention to the steps beside her, and the uniformed officers staring, wide eyed. Her chest ached at the thought of everyone finding out about her dalliance with women.

"Shut it," she snapped, marching past them on her way up the steps.

x

Standing in the doorway watching Korsak work, Jane clung to the door frame. She was fine on her way up in the elevator, but the second she reached the homicide unit, Jane's legs lost their stability. She leaned her head against the wood and tried to find some semblance of composure.

"I can smell you from here," Korsak shouted. "You shouldn't be here smelling like a beer factory."

Jane stepped forward, one hand on the door frame until she was sure she wasn't going to fall over. She swallowed a lump settled in the back of her throat and prepared herself for the berating.

"You left your cell in my car," Korsak said, nodding to her desk where her cell phone sat beside her keys. "I'd shout at you but I don't think it'd do any good today. Get out of here before anyone else sees you."

"I'm sorry," she said, lowering her head. "I wasn't gonna get so drunk."

"Not my business, Jane."

"I'm sorry," she repeated.

"You feeling better?"

"Not really."

"Maybe you should take a step back from the case, let me and Frankie handle this one."

"No." She sighed, too tired, and a little nauseous to be discussing it. "I want to be involved. What happened with the parents?"

"I'm not discussing this with you, Jane." Korsak placed a couple of sheets of paper on top of the file and closed it. "You shouldn't be here when you're not fit for duty."

"I just want to know how it went. It's not your problem. I'm past it, it's just still in my system."

"You smell like a bar, you're wobbling around. It is my problem if you stick around and become actively involved in a case. As your superior I can't pretend otherwise."

"Then text me the details, or call me when I've left."

"No. Jane, you need to leave. Your phone's been ringing on and off all morning."

Scooping it up, Jane checked the screen: several missed calls all from Maura, and a handful of voicemail messages. She slipped her keys into her pocket. "Okay. Thanks, Korsak. I'll see you tomorrow."

On her way out the door, she could hear Korsak shouting after her. "You might wanna get a cab home."

x

"Jane."

"I am so, so, so, so, so, so, so sorry," she said, standing on the doorstep.

"You say that but it doesn't make it okay." Maura folded her arms across her chest. A wave of mixed emotions overwhelmed her. "Where have you been? Are you okay? Korsak told me about the case. We were both worried."

"I'm fine."

"I see." Jane's nonchalance about her disappearing act left her more disappointed than the disappearance itself. Maura sighed. "You've been drinking."

Jane shrugged. "I had a few drinks with an old friend. I left my phone in Korsak's car."

"You do realise I've been up all night worrying about you," said Maura, tears threatening to fall. She'd been on edge since the night before.

"All night?"

"Yes. I tried to sleep but I couldn't." She cleared her throat and pushed down her emotions. "Not when I didn't know if you were okay."

"I'm fine, Maura."

"Fine enough to drink yourself silly." She stared into Jane's eyes and in that moment her resolve crumbled. She swiped a couple of tears from her cheek. "You let me down. We were supposed to try to get pregnant last night. Instead you've been out all night partying."

"I don't party. I drink." Jane stepped towards her and wrapped her arms around Maura's shoulders, for the briefest moment she succumbed to the comfort. "I'm here now, we can try now."

"It's too late," Maura said, pulling away, her voice taut.

"No, it's not. I'm ovulating for a couple days." Jane smiled, an air of calm about her. "You know my ovulation schedule better than I do."

The laid back attitude left a bitter taste in Maura's mouth. They'd been working towards this moment for the past couple of weeks and Maura had built herself up to it. The lackadaisical approach Jane appeared to have didn't sit well with Maura. She needed structure, she had structure, and Jane had let her down.

"You've got alcohol in your system. We should wait until next month."

"Why?"

"To increase our chances of you getting pregnant."

"Next month I'll be forty," Jane said.

Maura sighed. Realistically she knew fertility didn't drop overnight, but she didn't really want their first attempt to be after Jane's birthday. Nor did she want to risk their chances with the presence of alcohol.

"One month won't hurt."

"I wanna try now," Jane said. "We have enough sample to try now and again next month. You said yourself it probably won't happen first time. What can it hurt?"

"I'm not comfortable doing this when you're intoxicated."

"Please, Maura." Jane rested her hands on Maura's shoulders. The intensity of her eyes fixed on Maura's and the confused bundle of feelings dancing about in Maura's heart left her breathless. She stayed silent as Jane continued. "I don't want to have to wait another month. I made a mistake. Let's just try. There's no harm in trying."

"It's unlikely to work."

Odds were against them, and when it was already emotionally draining, Maura didn't much care to make them worse.

"It's probably not gonna work anyway. I wanna do this this month. I want to do this today." Jane brushed her hair back from the edge of her face. The touch of her fingers against her cheek. Maura's body reacted. She stared up into her eyes and for the briefest moment wondered if Jane was going to try kissing her. When she stepped back again, Maura's heart sunk. "Besides, I know you don't want to do this when I'm drunk, but it'll make it easier for me. The thought of you doing that to me kinda freaks me out."

"You did it to me, multiple times," Maura whispered, the words laced with emotion she struggled to hide.

"That's different."

"Why?"

"You're more open to showing off your bits in public."

Maura sighed, the moment passed. She forced confidence back into her voice. "I have never shown off 'my bits' in public. Excepting the incident at college, and that was merely a protest not exhibitionism."

"You know what I mean."

"If you'll recall, I was not entirely comfortable with it myself."

"So, alcohol is good," Jane said, pulling off her shirt.

"What are you doing?" Maura ushered her inside, searching the street behind her. "The neighbours might see. You don't need to take your shirt off, just your pants."

"Gotcha."

x

Lay on the bed, Maura listened to Jane's slow, methodical breath. She closed her eyes and pressed her feet against the headboard, emulating Jane. She had no reason to do so but found comfort in the action. She opened her eyes again and turned her head to Jane.

"You had drinks with an old friend," she said. The upset and anger had subsided before the insemination. Whether it worked or not, she could have impregnated Jane and a baby could be being formed as they lay there. It was unlikely it would happen that quickly, if at all, but Maura figured she might as well attempt to clear the air.

"Yeah," Jane replied. "Gabriele. I met her in a bar, complete coincidence."

"Who's Gabriele?"

"My ex-girlfriend."

"The one you met when you were twenty?"

"Yeah. Didn't mean to drink so much but I needed to escape. I needed to not have to think about anything for a while."

"The case?"

Jane's eyebrows creased. "Yeah."

"Whoever killed that poor girl will get their comeuppance."

"I hope so." Jane stayed silent for a few minutes. Maura listened again to her gentle breaths. "I'm scared that people will find out."

"What about?"

"Me. Being gay." Jane rubbed at her eyes, a few tears strolled down her cheeks. "I stupidly let her walk with me to BPD and we kissed outside."

"You kissed her?" Maura asked, sitting up. Another wave of emotions enshrouded her. She stared down at Jane.

"Yeah," Jane said, as relaxed as ever. Despite her fears about everyone finding out, Maura couldn't help noting how much more relaxed Jane was about kissing this woman.

"Oh."

"Oh?" Jane sat up next to her.

Maura observed how early it was for her to be sitting up, but pushed the thought aside. Their odds were already low, it was almost comical to attempt to rectify the issue now. "I…I didn't realise you were looking for another relationship."

"I'm not." Jane shrugged. "Not with Gabriele, anyway."

"Then who?"

"What do you mean who?" The crease between her eyebrows deepened. "How am I supposed to know?"

"Why are we doing this if you don't know?" Maura asked. Her question made little sense now, after they'd inseminated Jane. She knew that and yet she still stared at her, awaiting an answer.

"This has nothing to do with who I'm in a relationship with," Jane said. "I thought we'd discussed that when Silver was around?"

"We did, but things are different now."

"Different how?"

"I don't…they're just different." Since realising she felt something, Maura couldn't help the ridiculous thoughts filling her mind. She knew they made little sense, even to herself, yet she couldn't stop herself from voicing them in the moment. "We need to commit to our child."

"That's what I'm doing," Jane said.

"Really? Because you're fifteen hours late after spending all night drinking with your ex-girlfriend."

Jane climbed off the bed and stood up. She stared down at Maura, her eyebrows still creased together. Maura looked up at her and for the briefest second, felt incredibly small. She hated the way she was behaving. Jane had hurt her, yes, but that was no excuse to grill her.

"Are you jealous?" Jane asked, finally filling the silence.

"No." Maura shook her head. She felt heat gathering around her neck. It had been a long time since she'd had an attack of hives. "Why would I be jealous?"

"I don't know. Why would you be jealous?"

Distracting herself, Maura returned to the original issue. She stood up on the other side of the bed. "I'm angry that you failed to tell me you wouldn't be coming over last night, and didn't return any of my messages. I was worried and you didn't pick up."

"You're not my mother." Jane rolled her eyes. "I'm a full grown adult. I'm sorry I didn't come over, I had a lot on my mind."

"Like kissing your ex-girlfriend," Maura said, scratching at her collarbone.

"I didn't plan to kiss her." Jane's voice grew louder. "It wasn't even a proper kiss. She's married."

Maura stepped backward. The truth of Gabriele's relationship status hit her hard. She swallowed a lump threatening to settle in her throat. The itching subsided, and she was silently gleeful that she'd hopefully skipped past a full blown attack. "You'd rather kiss a married woman than…someone who isn't married?"

"What are you talking about Maura?"

"Why would you do that to her partner?"

"Do what?"

"Kiss her, damage their relationship."

She said the words and yet Maura knew that what she really wanted to ask was why she would kiss someone who was in a relationship when she could be kissing the one person who actually wanted to, and could be, with her. Then she remembered her own fears, and the reasons why she had yet to tell Jane that was how she felt.

"It wasn't like that. It was a goodbye. We didn't really get to say a proper goodbye when we were younger. It didn't mean anything."

"Really?"

"You're sounding jealous again," Jane said.

Maura gritted her teeth. "I'm not jealous."

Jane stared at her, an intensity in her expression. "Why not?"

"Why not?" Maura frowned. "Do you want me to be jealous?"

"I…" Jane's expression softened, emotion spread across her face. Maura felt her heart ache. "Maybe."

"Why?"

"Why?" Jane ran her tongue across her bottom lip. "Why would I want you to be jealous?"

"Yes."

"Because."

"Because what?"

"I don't know, Maura."

"Jane." Maura's heart thumped in her chest, the very act of standing in front of her, asking the question, made her feel nauseous. "Do you have feelings for me?"

"I…" Jane stared at her, her eyes wide like a rabbit stood in front of a car waiting for the collision to happen. Her voice shrunk, barely audible. "Maybe."

Maura heaved a sigh, frustrated by Jane's inability to commit. "You either do or you don't, there is no spectrum involved."

"Yes." Jane said, confidence coating her voice for the first time. "I have feelings for you."

"Oh."

"Satisfied?"

"I don't…" Maura searched her mind for the right response but she couldn't find anything to say. Her own feelings, still fragile, still confused, spurred her on. Yet she couldn't push them out.

Silence followed, a long, uncomfortable moment that neither of them wanted. Maura busied herself remaking the bed.

"Why did you do that, Maura?"

"Do what?" she asked, glancing up from plumping a pillow.

"Push me." Jane's eyes glistened. "I was working through it, I was trying to move past it. Now you've made me tell you. What did you want to achieve by getting me to admit that?"

"I don't know," she said, clutching the pillow in her arms and sitting down.

"You don't know?" Jane shook her head.

"Honesty, I suppose."

"You suppose. Not gonna change anything, is it?" Jane asked, kicking the floor with the toe of her bare foot. "You asked me, but why? You don't feel the same way, so why bother asking?"

"I just," Maura paused, her opportunity to share her own feelings laid out for her. Yet she didn't feel able to say it, to share what she felt. The doubt that she only felt that way because she'd suspected Jane felt that way too filled her with dread. "I needed to know."

Jane threw her arms up at her sides, and rolled her eyes. "Now I've fucked up our friendship. I'm going home."

"No, don't." Maura stood up. Her cell phone rang on the bedside table. She reached for her phone. Jane slipped her feet into her shoes and picked up her jacket. "Wait, Jane, don't go. Let me take this, then we can talk. Maura Isles."

"See you later, Maura," Jane said, ignoring her plea as she walked towards the door.

"Wait, Jane…Chad? I'm sorry, I have to," she said, but he'd already started talking and Jane had vanished from the room.

"I wanted to invite you out for dinner."

"I thought you weren't interested," she said, following Jane out of the bedroom.

"I've had time to think about what happened, your situation with your friend. I heard about Hope, I was going to contact you sooner. Dinner at the Royal tonight? Or tomorrow, if you'd prefer."

She reached the top of the stairs as the front door closed. A wave of emotion hit and Maura had to compose herself in order to respond. "I don't know."

"I promise to be on my best behaviour. One night, you and me, and if we decide it's not working then we've had a pleasant evening with a friend."

Distracted, caught up in the confused thoughts and feelings dancing in anything but harmony, Maura succumbed to his request. "I suppose so."

"Don't sound so enthusiastic, Maura."

"I'm sorry, I'm a little distracted." She sighed. It was too late. She'd already accepted his request. "Dinner sounds lovely."

Author Notes: That being the reasons. I don't want to leave you with that as the end for a few days, because that would be cruel...or it may just have to end up the last chapter for a few days. We'll see if I can manage to get another one done asap.