SO YOU'RE A VAMPIRE.

NOW WHAT?

This brochure is brought to your by SnowBaz Incorporated…

"Why are you saying SnowBaz incorporated?" Baz interrogates Simon over his shoulder. Having one of the smartest wizards hanging out behind him while he types is very nerve racking. It isn't everyday that someone proofreads his work while he's working on it. Even Penny doesn't start to hover until he's started his own editing work.

Simon simply shrugs, though, trying not to show that he's unsure of himself to the ever-vigilant Basilton Pitch. Even as a boyfriend he can get scary bossy. It's not that he minds, of course, because having Baz around as his truest self is great; "It just sounded good."

Baz presses his chest against Simon's shoulders and uses his slender pale fingers to revise the statement; "I can't believe that any university would ever accept you, Snow."

(REV.) This brochure is brought you by the SnowBaz Partnership.

"An incorporated company has public stock and is essentially vested wholly within itself. A partnership has all the same personal liability as a sole proprietor but evenly split between each individual." Baz rattles on without really caring if Simon is paying attention. While he boyfriend tutors him once again on something relatively meaningless to him, Simon's mind is just focused on the mention of university.

How is he supposed to have a normal life now? Honestly, he wasn't going to have much of a normal life before being turned into a vampire (accidentally). He is a dragon boy-man with no human education and a useless-to-him magical education. Simon Snow is officially a vampire dragon man-child drop out.

So, yeah, what university would take him?

Simon Snow: Vampire Dragon Boy destined to work coffee shops for all of eternity.

In this pamphlet you will find answers to most of your initial questions after being turned. Chances are: you didn't choose this life. Before reading any further, please review the "5 Stages of Grief" box below in order to determine where you are in the grieving process over your lost human life.

"No." Baz groans, "No."

"Yes." Simon doesn't exactly know what Baz is turning down but Simon is sticking with it.

"Nothing about that sounds professional, Simon. Besides – do you really need to include the five stages of grief?" Baz whines. He was too young to go through the stages of grief properly. Regardless of his boyfriend's experience, Simon knows he worked through the grieving stages quickly throughout the night.

"You can re-write the paragraph but I'm not budging on the stages of grief. We are including them ahead of the other content." Simon crosses his arms and awaits the familiar presence of Baz pressed against him. Even though the contact isn't sensual it is still quite arousing. Truthfully, he might keep writing shit paragraphs just to get Baz against him again. Childish? Maybe. Selfish? Definitely. Productive? Nope, not even a little.

(REV.) Before delving into this pamphlet for the answers to questions you never thought you'd have, please review the "5 Stages of Grief" chart below to identify your current position in the Turning Process.

"Is that acceptable?" Baz turns his chin towards Simon's face. His breath is cool and has traces of cinnamon on it. Simon wonders if he drank some of Penny's herbal tea. That's one of those things that aren't supposed to be touched by anyone – even more so than the cookies she hides (so, so badly). Simon can't resist the welcoming scent of it coming from Baz's lips, though, and leans forward to press a gentle kiss to his mouth.

That doesn't go very well.

It garners exactly the opposite reaction that Simon is expecting; "There will be no further affections until we're sure that you can handle being a vampire."

"Why is that?" Simon groans in protest.

"Because if you can't behave then I'll have to kill you." Baz replies.

"WHAT?"

"YOU HEARD ME, SNOW!"

Baz raises his voice plenty, usually at Penny when she's beating him at a board game. Occasionally he shouts in genuine happiness when he's helped Penny piece something together. Penny is the only person who has been properly working since school has finished. Simon mostly lives off what he inherited from the Mage (what they could release to him, anyway) – his fortune and supposedly useless trinkets from his office. Most of it he simply donated to the school. Some items he let Penny's parents keep for their library. The only thing that actually helps Simon is the money – and he's only taken it rather than donate it because of the need to financially sustain his living expenses. He really needs to get a job.

"That is not fair." Simon remarks, "Why don't you trust me to 'behave' myself? It's not like I'm going to run off and start draining people of their blood left and right."

Baz's expression hardens. They don't really talk much about what things were like for him when he was going through puberty, or how difficult it was to maintain a proper eating schedule around – well – life. Simon knows that Baz had to do a lot of sneaking around, mostly because he was following him in the first place.

After the frown lifts from his lips, realizing that he's being a right numpty, he bobs his head in a figure eight. Clearly unsure how to word things, he makes an unintelligible grunt. When he doesn't produce a fair argument, things get uncomfortably silent.

So Simon begins typing the "5 Stages of Grief" section of their pamphlet.

Grieving is something we've all done. Maybe it was over something serious, or maybe it was over something that was only important to us. Still, grieving is a part of life we cannot avoid. Now that you're a vampire – here's what to expect (in no particular order).

DENIAL.

It is okay if you don't want to believe you're been turned into a vampire. Nobody is going to judge you for not wanting to be a vampire. We at SnowBaz understand that this is not exactly ideal. So go ahead – take a day or two to pretend that you haven't just become a vampire.

ANGER.

The fury of being changed may not ever leave you, and that's okay. You deserve to be angry because this isn't a choice that you made but you're the one who has to suffer the consequences. So we say punch a few pillows and go scream in the woods for a couple of hours. Let the rage out. We at SnowBaz totally agree – this is a piss deal.

BARGAINING.

This is going to present in a few different ways. Maybe you are telling yourself to give up and just be a monster. Maybe you just want to give up and get yourself killed. Maybe you're trying to find ways to reverse it (there are none to our knowledge at SnowBaz, by the way). Everyone bargains over being turned.

DEPRESSION.

This isn't just occasionally being sad about something, is it? This is a lingering feeling of sadness. Though it is difficult to overcome the harrowing feeling of 'the end' in your life, at least know that it will pass and that you'll be stronger because of it.

ACCEPTENCE.

You are a vampire. Once you have reached the point where you are honest about your situation this is when you can begin moving on and making a proper life for yourself. Being a vampire doesn't have to be the end of the world or the end of you as a person. It just means that you have to supplement your died with blood.

"It actually isn't that terrible."

Baz places both hands on his shoulders. Simon decides that he just may have come to terms with becoming a vampire a lot quicker than his boyfriend. Deciding silently that Baz is possibly somewhere between anger and depression, he just shoots his winning smile at the lanky bloke hovering just behind him.

"I won't start drinking people dry, you know." Simon remarks.

"I know, Simon." Baz frowns, "I really do know."

A/N:

I hope you like the formatting for the "brochure" fanfiction. The chapters will all be like this - showing what Simon and Baz are doing when they're putting this brochure together.

I think (if you'd all like) that I'll make the last chapter all of the brochure text so you can see it all together!