What To Expect When You're Turning

Much like puberty, turning into a vampire is a time of massive change for your body. It is very different than what the Internet would have you believe. Here's what you should really expect during the turning process.

Baz is taking a shower. For all the goings-on in his body, Simon did ask if his boyfriend would like some company. One thing he has always had to do is roll with the punches. Figuring that they very nearly had sex only just three nights ago, he'd thought it wouldn't be something that is 'off limits.' After all, the damage was already done. Simon is (almost) a vampire too.

Unfortunately, Baz found a lot of issue with this premise. For one, Simon's body is still trying to regulate the internal temperature of being an "undead monster." Simon could have picked a fight about his choice of words, but the angst is stemming from a place of disappointment and anger. Baz expects perfection from himself, and to turn his boyfriend into a bloodthirsty creature is on the "you are trash" list of things he should have never let happen. Honestly, each hour that passes assures Simon that Baz is more worried and hurt by the entire situation than he ever could have been personally.

At least this way, whatever extended life Baz will enjoy won't have to be spent on his own. Simon will have more time with him than he could have hoped for only a week ago. This isn't going to be nearly as terrible as he'd thought the night it all happened. Panic washed away with the tears and the worried kisses Baz pressed to his cheeks in the bathtub.

If Baz would have let him into the shower they could have made those sour memories fresh with giddy firsts; "Oh well," Simon sighs before returning his attention to the screen.

So far he's just been taking sloppy notes about things he personally is experiencing. This brochure is a collection of odd bits of information. It certainly won't be helping anyone on a large scale, but if they found a way to track freshly turned vampires and victims of vampires at risk of turning, well, it could be the difference between someone becoming a criminal and a decent person who happens to be slightly less alive than other people.

Simon lowers his fingers back on the keyboard of the computer and starts with his first set of notes.

On the first day after you've been bitten you'll be pretty tired and confused. Although you might remember everything with absurd clarity, not everything will make sense. You will not crave blood yet, but you won't be hungry for food either. Your appetite will be the most noticeable change overall. If you are affected with a high concentration of venom, you may experience moderate disorientation.

Baz had mentioned that he'd been speaking to vampires in London, many of whom describe their first days turning as similar to being on drugs. One gentleman had been addicted to LSD at the time of his turning and initially thought he was in the middle of a "bad trip." Baz was particularly amused by this tale and shared with enthusiasm. "He was so sure he was in this gray-scale nightmare that involved people poking and prodding him as he was passed out in the street." Even now, Snow remembers this social story most of any that Baz has shared to date.

During your second and third days of the turning process you will feel a civil war within yourself as your body fights to maintain a live and dead person's body temperature. Stereotypical menopause stories? That will be your routine for a couple of days as your body adjusts to the venom taking control over the cells in your body. This will likely leave you bedridden so it is our advice to focus on a balanced (and perhaps forced) diet. Keep both warm and cold drinks at your disposal, along with plain snacks.

This is Simon's fourth day as a newborn vamp and he's been wondering at which point in time does he begin incorporating blood into his diet. This is a question that even Baz was unsure of the answer. Several times the two would argue about whom should they ask and whether they should start straight away drinking from the source. The conversation didn't go anywhere fast because Baz would get angry immediately; "Blood is something to consume as needed!"

In spite of Baz's fists pounding on tables, against walls, and into cushions it didn't change the truth. Simon will need to know this information. Simon will need to start drinking blood.

Starting on the fourth and fifth days you can expect hunger to return with fiery vigor. By now your temperature has dropped significantly, but your brain is still operating on a human's physiology. Even though many of the changes have already taken place in the body, the mind will take more time to reprogram.. This will be the hardest part of the turning process. It is highly recommended that you have someone watch after you during the following weeks to ensure a healthy transition.

Simon knows that eventually he will not eat as often, for Baz rarely eats a full tray at each meal. It will be strange for him not to be hungry all the time. Snow can see the worry in Baz's face when he jokes that Simon won't change hardly at all. "You'll still be stuffing your face full twice at meals," but there is concern that Simon's hunger will shift. Without it ever being spoken, Baz must be worrying that Simon's appetite will make him viciously bloodthirsty. Simon just hopes to continue the trend of letting everyone down when it comes to expectations. For once, being mediocre won't be a curse. A smile flickers onto his lips but it is gone almost as quickly as it has come.

Closing the computer is habit. Really he should be saving before he closes, the way Baz does whenever he works on the computer, but Simon isn't that person. As with most things, he is reckless and unremarkable. The fact that anyone ever genuinely believed he was going to be the most powerful wizard to have ever been born is still astounding to him. Baz is always telling Simon that he's special but mostly it is to mock him for his shortcomings. While Baz finds these things to be quirky and endearing, it is Penelope's proclamation that reminds him few of those qualities would be seen as truly positive by anyone else… "with a brain," she always adds.

The only person that would always think the world of Simon Snow and more is Tyrranus Basilton Pitch. For some reason he believes that Simon is the best boyfriend in the whole world. Maybe he'll agree someday, but for now he's just thankful that Baz believes it.

Moving around the apartment is as easy as breathing, every bit as second nature too. Arms and legs dodge, lift, and turn as needed to prepare a small plate of cookies, chips, and leftover taquitos. None of the food is healthy but he decided a couple of nights ago eating healthy was out of the window. The only unhealthy thing that Simon can do now is avoid drinking blood completely.

So junk food is quickly becoming the only food group worth his time. He can almost hear Baz grumbling playfully, "Disgusting."

Baz sometimes frowns so deeply that it becomes apparent in his breathing. He assures that a balanced died will still be essential, and that his body will still take nutrients from the foods he eats – which definitely affect his ability to strengthen muscles. Simon refuses to care right now – "This is my time of grieving," he jokes to Baz - probably in poor taste.

Simon stops at the refrigerator to find something worth drinking. There are dozens of organic juices lined in the door, and an obnoxious number of half empty milk cartons occupying the middle shelf. None of this seems appealing. Though, one thing does catch his eye.

A large bowl with saran wrap over the top is lying on the bottom shelf above the drawers. Normally he would get distracted by the sweet pudding cups in the drawers below, but today the raw meat he can see inside of the bowl stands out more. Simply knowing that there is blood nestled between the threads of ground beef awakens a primal part of him that he knew was waiting to be heard. After setting the bowl on the counter he digs around the silverware drawer for a spoon.

"I wonder if this would still taste good with ketchup?" Simon whips the refrigerator back open and grabs the ketchup bottle to take back with him to the couch. Raw beef, pretzels, barbeque potato chips, raspberry thumbprint cookies, and taquitos for lunch? Nothing could sound more promising than this to Simon Snow; not today.

Baz rolls his eyes when he emerges to the banquet plate his boyfriend has made for lunch. It repulses him so much that he opts out of his own meal, promising to keep his distance while continuing the section Simon had started for the brochure. After he reads it he manages a compliment; "You actually wrote quite well today."

"I think my vampire senses are starting to kick in." Simon jokes, "I'm sharp!" He then uses his tongue to poke out his stubby fangs for Baz to see. Both of them avert their eyes to hide their grins, unsure how the other might feel about the sincere amusement.

Then he reads out loud what he adds to this section:

Even though not everything you can read online about vampirism is true, there are some special abilities that will come to you approximately one week after you've turned. Super strength may be an exaggeration of reality, though it is not inaccurate. You will find that you have more physical capacities than mortals and heightened senses. Because you have turned into a supernatural creature, you will develop animal-like awareness of the world around you. Consider it an adaptation to hunt for prey and execute near flawless self-preservation.

"I am super excited to be able to smell you the instant you leave your house. I won't have to text and ask how far away you are anymore." Simon truly believes that if he keeps badgering Baz with ridiculous jokes that he'll start cracking. Baz blames himself, and he's not wrong, but it isn't the end of the world. All he's done is rewrite the story and there's no crime in that, Simon figures, so he wants to break the layer of self-hate surrounding his boyfriend. Maybe if he pushes hard enough Baz will angry-kiss Simon just to shut him up.

It might seem like a plan to comfort his boyfriend but it is all a ploy to get more kisses.

A/N: Thanks so much for your patience and readership. I know I've not be reliable with my timetables and updates so that fact that anyone is still reading is amazing to me. Thank you so much! I'm hoping to post a picture of the actual brochure on my tumblr at some point - and hopefully I can figure a way to show what it looks like on here soon!