Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies.

A/N: Again, I changed the tense to match the previous chapters!

Revised: March 3, 2017

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"Where are we going?"

That had to be the tenth time the little pink haired woman had asked him that particular question in the last two minutes, and Kakashi was one feminine breath away from shooting himself with his own gun.

Closing his eyes and silently asking whatever deity he hadn't managed to piss off (yet) for patience, Kakashi pivoted on the heel of his foot to face the little nuisance named Sakura. The annoying clicks of her thigh high heeled boots (those things were what fantasies were made of, honestly) skidded to a hasty stop as she crashed into his chest—again.

Normally, Kakashi wouldn't mind a beautiful woman trailing after him like Pakkun did back when he was a puppy, but right now Kakashi wanted this certain woman far, far away from him—even if she did look pretty endearing in the armored vest hanging off her petite frame.

It was bad enough that he had been called in to handle the mess created by his two baboons for students, but now he was saddled with an innocent civilian girl who was currently staring at him expectantly with sea glass colored eyes. Also, said innocent civilian girl seemed about one dead body away from going into shock.

And he does not have time for that.

"Kakashi!"

Ah, yes, she asked him a question…one that he really doesn't know the answer to. Where were they going? He couldn't exactly bring her back to his agency's headquarters, and staying at the club was definitely not the best course of action. He gave it about ten more minutes before the place was overrun by cops and crime scene investigators; and trust him when he says he definitely doesn't want to be there for that.

Scratching his head thoughtfully with the muzzle of his gun, Kakashi frowned from beneath his mask and contemplated how likely he was to get killed if he just turned around and headed back to the storage closet.

An annoyed huff came from a few inches below his chin. Oh, right, Sakura…he couldn't just abandon her. Well, technically, he could; but Obito would have his head if he found out he left a hot girl behind to die.

A hot girl who was also a doctor.

His side chose that exact moment to spasm painfully and the smart portion of his brain reminds him of how efficient she was in handling his injury.

Meanwhile, the other section of his brain that was purely reserved for Icha Icha and all other perverseness helpfully provides an image of Sakura in an erotic nurse uniform with a syringe reminding him of that physical he's been avoiding for the last decade.

Storing the tantalizing image for later, Kakashi turned his attention back to his pink haired companion. Really, this new dye trend is getting a bit out of hand. God knows how many times he's tried convincing Naruto to stop bleaching his already blonde hair.

Honestly, that boy was all loud colors and irritation.

But it seemed as though Sakura had deemed him a lost cause and was currently standing a few feet away examining a very odd painting on the wall with squinted eyes and a hand on her hip.

"How much do you think this painting of a dick is worth?"

Kakashi shrugged but still stepped closer to make out the neat scrawl on the bottom left of the painting. He surprisingly recognized the artist's name—a young man called Sai—and determined that the painting is worth a few thousand. Although, Sai was known for his beautiful landscapes and traditional Japanese artwork and not…penises.

That piece must have been custom made.

Sakura's lips puckered in thought, "Do you think that's the owner's—oh my god, that's gross."

He watched her shake her head in disgust with the sort of amusement that comes from asking someone to pull his finger. He was only slightly surprised when she grabbed his hand and led him away with a rushed, "Get this away from me."

Still, he couldn't help but poke some fun at her expense.

"Maa, Sakura-chan," he crooned, "It's only a blue pecker!"

It took approximately 2.7 seconds for Sakura register the fact that a grown ass man has used the word pecker and that he's making fun of her, to whip around and face him incredulously.

"If I wanted an unsolicited dick picture from a stranger, I would have joined Tinder," she hissed and crossed her arms.

"Seriously," she spat, "I don't understand men's obsession with their—"

Kakashi started in alarm as her angry tirade was cut short by a man who came barreling out of a restroom towards her. He lifted his weapon to take a quick shot at the man's torso, slightly concerned with the high possibility of hitting Sakura, but he found that his efforts were for naught.

With wide eyes, Kakashi watched as Sakura karate chopped the fuck out of the man's throat with a cry that sounded eerily close to that of a goat, and both watched incredulously as the man crumpled to his knees as he gasped for air. Kakashi would bet his milk money that the poor guy had a collapsed trachea and it didn't take long for him to fall unconscious.

There was quite the stunned silence for a few seconds until Sakura whipped around with bright eyes and a slack jaw (and, hotness aside, she looked pretty stupid).

"Did you see that?!" She cried breathlessly, "I did the thing!"

And she demonstrates a few times to make sure he understands what exactly "the thing" is.

"Holy shit," she whispered as she stared with flaring nostrils at the man breathing shallowly at her feet, "It worked!"

"That it did," Kakashi hummed as he prodded the man's side with the tip of his booted toe. Wow, she really did a number on the brute—he would die in the next ten minutes, but he's not going to be the one to tell her.

No, sir. He was already bitched at once today.

Raising an inquisitive brow, Kakashi couldn't deny his curiosity, "Where'd you learn to do that anyway?"

Sakura started as if she had forgotten he was there and turned away from her handiwork to smile bashfully at him, "I, um, saw it on TV once."

"You saw it on TV once," he repeated flatly, not sure if he's heard that right.

"Uh, yeah, y'know those, um, ninja movies?" She fidgeted with her hands and couldn't quite meet his stare, "Well, it worked there, so why not?"

"You do understand those movies are fake, right?" He couldn't help but ask her this slowly and was met with a petulant green glare.

"Of course I do!"

Well, putting her misguided aspirations to be a ninja aside, Kakashi was pleased to note that perhaps his little pink haired charge was not that defenseless after all. Giving her his oh so famous eye crinkle (and ignoring the way her eyes narrowed suspiciously at him) Kakashi stepped away from the dying man and gestured for Sakura to follow him. (He also ignored the way she whispered to herself, "ohmygod, is he dead?")

"Do you have a car?" He asked as they walked quickly towards the nearest exit and sighed when Sakura shook her head.

Of course she wouldn't; he could smell the alcohol on her. Well, at least she's responsible, he'll give her that.

"Where do you live," he asked next, and Sakura visibly hesitates to answer.

"By the Eco-Center," she said after a while and he cursed. That's on the other side of town, and also conveniently (or in his case, inconveniently) placed next to the police station. It seemed that no matter how much he doesn't want to, he's going to have to bring her to his place.

His place that was located in the country.

In the middle of nowhere.

Away from civilization.

Kakashi nearly groaned out loud—she's going to think he's a serial killer.

(Which, if he were being brutally honest, is technically true.)

He's brought out of his thoughts by the loud wail of police sirens and he actually does curse out loud this time. Sakura keened pathetically but also looked relieved at the sight of the uniformed men.

"Don't get too happy there, pixie," he mumbled as he watched the flurry of movement outside through the small window in the door, "If you run to them, you'll be held for questioning or who knows what else."

Sakura mouthed 'pixie' to herself disbelievingly before glaring at him.

"And," he added as an afterthought, "I don't doubt there are some of their guys working on the inside."

"So, you'll probably die anyway."

He listened with perverse amusement as she cursed her luck and some blonde headed pig that he's pretty sure doesn't exist; but hey, to each their own.

"Then what do we do?" She asked grimly, sounding sad enough to make him frown.

For some reason, it bothered him that she feels defeated when just a few minutes ago she was practically bouncing happily from finding out how lethal her hands were. This sad demeanor doesn't suit her.

"Maa, Sakura-chan," he sang, "Leave it all to me."

Ignoring the way she stared at him skeptically, Kakashi propped open the door wide enough for his body to slip through. He gritted his teeth at the awful groaning it made as metal rubbed against metal, and slid through easily. The strobing police lights reflected off his eyes as they watched police and media run towards the entrance to the club, oblivious to the prime suspect making his getaway.

Well, Naruto and Sasuke would be the prime suspects, but that was neither here nor there.

Gently grasping Sakura's hand in his own and pulling her through the gap, Kakashi closed it slowly and then they were outside in front of the entrance to an alleyway.

The unspoken now what? hung in the air between them and Kakashi decided that their next best course of action is getting far, far away from there. Grabbing Sakura's smaller hand once more, he pulled her to a sprint and the way Sakura kept up with him in those heels of hers actually made him proud.

Women were a work of magic, seriously.

They ran down two more alleyways before Kakashi hailed a cab and they both breathlessly crawled into the back seat. He took a moment to relax and ease into the hard leather seat before giving the dumbfounded driver an address.

And then it got awkward.

Because that's when Kakashi notices that he's a little too tall for the damn cab, and Sakura was practically sprawled on his lap from when they had hastily jumped in. Coughing to hide his discomfort—and overlooking the slight pink tinge to Sakura's cheeks as she removed herself from his person—Kakashi shifted his legs in a way that he hoped would be less uncomfortable.

Nope, still sucked.

Sakura, however, was sitting rigidly to his left with her hands clenched tightly around her purse. Her eyes kept darting from the window, to his face, to the cabbie's eyes that kept glancing at them nervously from his rear view mirror.

Some cheesy old music filled the silence and the ride was actually quite pleasant—leg cramps aside.

The landscape breezed by them and the air from the open window blew through his hair and he found his mind drifting towards more pressing matters. Like, what the fuck he's going to do with Sakura; and, how he's going to humiliate Sasuke and Naruto.

The latter would be simpler, as he's sure the two have some rumors of a sordid tryst that would be easy to exploit. Whoever said Kakashi had gotten soft in his old age had obviously never pissed him off.

"So, uh, rough night?"

The cabbie's heavily accented question jolted Kakashi out of his thoughts and Sakura audibly gulped. Meeting the cabbie's nervous stare through the mirror, Kakashi blinked passively.

"Not particularly," he drawled, hoping that the cabbie would shut up and mind his own business.

"Well," Nope, no such luck. "You look a little…roughed up."

The cabbie gestured at his face and clothes in a waving gesture and Kakashi looked down at himself.

Oh, right, the blood of his enemies. Of course.

The cabbie—a short portly man with too large eyes—stared at him suspiciously through the mirror and Kakashi broke eye contact only when Sakura's hand landed on his thigh and gripped tightly.

Damn. They should really cover these types of scenarios in training.

What to say, what to say...

Kakashi was a genius, but he never claimed to be smart.

Jerking his head in Sakura's direction, Kakashi casually said, "She's on her period."

And when the cabbie continued to stare at him in confusion, Kakashi added impassively, "A real man loves his woman every day of the month."

Sakura squawked not entirely unlike a crow and turns a curious shade that is somewhere in between lobster and firetruck.

The cabbie's eyes widened in embarrassment and he nodded his head before directing his eyes back to the road like they should have been in the first place. Meanwhile, Sakura's grip on his thigh was painfully strong and he coolly attempted to pry her fingers away from what he's sure were finger shaped bruises. But she held on tight and her eyes were like blazing fire when he met them with his own mismatched pair.

"I am not on my period!" She hissed and Kakashi had just opened his mouth to tell her to shut her trap because yes she most definitely was when the cabbie spoke again.

"So why do you wear the mask?"

Sakura stilled in that way that screamed caught! while Kakashi merely tilted his head and smirked from beneath his mask.

"Have you ever had tuna?"

Sakura's outraged screech would ring in his ears for hours to come, and there's a new throbbing in his thigh from where she had hammer punched the shit out of it.

He really should have gone back to the damned storage closet.

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Two Cents: A few readers PM'd me asking what I meant by Kakashi's last line, and well...it's a dirty, mean joke. If you don't get it, please feel free to send me a PM and I'll clarify it for you!