Ian sat with Don and his team in the waiting room for any news of Charlie. He was taken back close to two hours before and all Don had been able to get out of the nerce behind the desk was he was still in surgery.
Ian was at his wits end. He didn't know what kind of shape the man he loves was in, they had fought right before Charlie had been shot, and all he wanted to do was hold him. Damn it they needed to hurry up!
His agitation must have shown on his face because when Don asked if he was alright and Ian didn't say anything, Don slowly got up and made his way over to the sniper. Looking at Ian closely, Don asked the question Ian had been dreading. "Something you wanna tell me Ian?"
Ian closed his eyes. Man, he did not want to have this conversation with him right now. But as he kept his eyes shut the image of Charlie quickly came to the front, covered in blood, pale white. He opened them again.
Turning to Don he looked at the other agent. There was no way he was getting out of this. And he supposed Don did need to know. How else would he explain his presence in Charlies room.
Sighing deeply he said, "Charlie and I have been together almost two years." There. Quick and painless.
Dons eyes widen. Then narrowed. "And is there a reason, after two years, no one knew about you two?" He said it calmly but Ian was trained to read people. Don was pissed.
Ian thought through multiple excuses he could give. He decided to go with honest. "Because I didn't want it to be public knowledge." As soon as the words were out of his mouth he knew he had fucked up again.
Dons jaw clenched and he stood quickly, pacing back and forth before coming to a stop in front of Ian. Ian stared at him, waiting.
As Don opened his mouth, no doubt to hand his ass to him, a doctor came through the doors calling for Eppes.
Don turned swiftly and walked up to him. "I'm his brother. Our dad's on our way. This is my team" he said as everyone else gathered around him. "Whatever you need to say you can say in front of them.
The doctor nodded. "First off your brother was very lucky. The bullet with a clean through and through. It missed all bone and muscle, anything vital. I expect him to make a full recovery."
Ian exhaled the breath he didn't know he had been holding. Charlie was going to be ok.
Looking to Don he looked close to tears. He heard him ask when they could see him.
"He's in recovery now but as soon as he is taken to his room I'll have a nurse come get you. We're going to be keeping him so a few days. Watch out for complications and to make sure no infection sets in, pretty standard. But if you have any questions please feel free to ask."
Ian sat in a chair as Don shook the man's hand. He watched as his team came to offer their sympathys and get well wishes before filing out to do the paper work for their SFA and favorite math genius.
Don came to sit beside him, head held in his hand. Ian knew how he felt. If he was a believer he would be thankin God that Charlie will come out of this ok.
They sat side by side, neither man saying anything. Twenty minutes later a nurse came and took them to Charlies room.
As she walked away they stopped outside the door. Don turned to him. "Give me a few minutes?"
Ian had known it was coming. And as much as he wanted to see Charlie, he knew his need was no where near Dons. He nodded his head and got comfortable standing against the wall as Don went inside.
*NUMBERS*
Ian wasn't sure how much time had passed, lost in his own head, when Don came walking out. He stopped in front of Ian. "I'm going to go get a coffee. He's about asleep but he wanted to know if you were still here." He sighed. "We still have alot to talk about. Like the fact that you made my brother hide who he is." Ian was going to interrupt but Don went on. "But now he needs to see you so he can get some sleep. I'll be back soon."
Ian watched him as he walked away. He would think about what to say to the man later. For now he needed Charlie.
Turning he opened the door and froze.
Charlie looked so pale and so small. Hospital gown half way on. His injured shoulder covered in thick gauze. Hooked up to so many machines. A bag of blood hanging next to his Medicine in his IV.
But as soon as Charlie looked his way he was walking up to his bed and taking his hand in his. Kissing each finger softly he looked up at Charlies face.
Charlie looked apprehensive, like he didn't know what to say. So Ian started for him. "I love you Charlie."
Charlies eyes softened but didn't much Lose the scared look he had had in them. So Ian went on. "I'm so sorry Charlie. I never meant to hurt you. And I shouldn't have just told you what I thought and tried to leave it at that. Your part of this relationship and I should have never tried to control the whole aspect of it. You have every right to tell me what you want and I should have tried better to give it to you."
Charlie blinked and a tear rolled down his cheek. Ian raised his thumb to gently wipe it away.
Cupping Charlies cheek he whispered. "I never should have tried to hide you Charlie. Or hid that I was with you. Because you deserve to be shown off. You deserve for the world to know what an amazing man you are, all of you. And you deserve to know that I want to be seen with you."
By this time multiple tears were falling. Charlie inhaled a shaky breath and slowly let it out. "Ian, are you sure? I don't want this to be just about me getting shot. I want..I NEED to know that you want us to be open too. No matter who might see us."
In all honesty Ian was still unsure. But he knew how much Charlie wanted this. "I'm sure Charlie. Fuck anyone who has a problem with it."
Charlie laughed a watery laugh and Ian pulled him closer till his lips pressed against his lovers. He softly sighed and they moved as one with the kiss. They would be ok.
Ian still had Charlies face in his hands when suddenly there was a knock on the door followed by the jiggle of the handle of someone getting ready to walk in.
In the blink of an eye Charlie was alone on the bed, having been almost harshly let go of by the man now standing on the other side of the room.
Ian didn't know how it happened. One minute they were kissing and the next his hands were empty. But he did know one thing. Looking at Charlie breaking right in front of him, watching the tears flow freely, his good hand in a fist on the blankets and looking at Ian like he was the epitome of everything he hated, Ian knew there would be know fixing it this time.
The door opened and in came a kindly looking nurse. She noted the tears on Charlies face and quickly went to him. "Ahh, honey, is the pain bad?"
Ian wasn't sure but he thinks that when he nodded his head, it was more to cover up why he was really crying. Ians chest tightened painfully.
The nurse said she will be right back with his pain meds and left.
Ian made to go to Charlie but stopped when Charlie held out his good hand. Ian came to a quick halt. Charlie put his hand down but continued to look at him. Ian felt very small.
Suddenly Charlie sighed. "I think you should leave."
That one sentence right there cracked Ian heart into tiny peices. All belonging to the man he just lost. He opened his mouth, to say what he wasn't sure, but Charlie stopped him again. "You tell me that your ok with people knowing, 'Fuck anyone who has a problem with that', then at the first opportunity you pull away from me. Still hiding me. Well I'm done Ian. I'm don't being your dirty little Secret. I deserve someone who would be proud to be seen with me. Not afraid of what others might think."
Ian wanted Interjet, wanted to say that everything Charlie Said was wrong, so wrong. But it wasnt. Proof of how well Charlie knew him.
He looked on as the love of his life took another shaky breath. "I could have dies today. And no one would have known that I would have died deeply in love. I think you want to be with me Ian. I really do. And a part of you is ready." More tears, slight sobs. "But I can't have just part of you. Not anymore. So I'm going to be the one who walks away now. And when.." another sob, God Ian is so close to breaking down. "If, your ever truly ready, I might still be waiting for you."
The last part was whispered but Ian heard it. Charlie closed his eyes as the nurse came in and plunged the pain meds into the line.
As Charlies eyes grew heavy Ian needed Charlie to know one thing. Just one thing in the hope that he would hold on to them. Hold out for them. "I love you Charlie."
Charlie didn't say anything as he drifted off to sleep, but Ian thought he saw a small smile on his lips before his fetuses relaxed in slumber.
Ian stood there for a few more seconds. He knew he needed to leave. Him being there was too much for Charlie and he needed his rest more than anything now. But he ingrained he image of Charlie sleeping peacefully into his mind. Not knowing if he would ever get the chance to see him in such away again.
Turning toward the door he whispered his love for the man on the gmbed again before walking out, shutting it behind him quietly.
As he made his way down the hallway toward the stairs he saw Don turn the corner coming straight to him. He made to walk past him but of course Don wouldn't make it that easy. "Hey, where are you going? We need to talk."
Ian shrugged his arm out of Dons grasp. He needed it get out, fast. "No, we don't. Not anymore." Don let him walk away. Wether because he knew somehow that Charlie had ended them or that he could corner Ian later he didn't know, nor did he care.
Pushing into the stairwell he climbed down, his vision getting clowdier the farther he went. Not sure what floor he was on he finally leaned his back against the wall. Sliding down his but hit the floor as his silent sobs came.
He cried for Charlie getting shot, for breaking his promise of being sure to Charlie, and for throwing away the greatest thing that had ever or will ever happen to him.
He sat there and cried till no more tears came. His head hurting and his heart aching, he stood as his phone started ringing.
Another case, another town. He swore he felt more tears come but he held them back. He had no right to them. It was all his fault. And though Charlie had said he would try to wait for him to be ready, as Ian walked out of the hospital he couldn't help the sinking feeling that for walking away from Charlie now, there would be no chance for then again.