Author Notes: I am so out of the motivated loop and it's frustrating me. Today my beautiful baby nephew came to visit and he's so sad, because he's got really bad reflux so he cries all the time and doesn't settle. It made me feel really sad. Watching a 7 week old baby cry, all the time, and look so in pain. I didn't have much time for writing, but I managed to finish this one - which I'd written most of yesterday.

The house was filled with their favourite people, the three course meal and bottles of wine and alcohol were very quickly consumed. Maura caught Jane's eye from across the table, further away than either of them had anticipated but their group had grown with the arrival of Cailin, and Tommy, who'd come back to Boston for a visit. She lifted her glass and Jane followed before Maura clanged a spoon against hers and the whole table glanced in her direction.

"Who would like some more wine?" Maura asked, noticing a few empty glasses. The table erupted with laughter, like she'd made some sort of joke.

"I'll have some wine," Jane said, her eyes fixed on Maura. She could feel her understanding at the confusion, and felt grateful for her existence.

Maura pursed her lips, careful not to let them curl into a smile. "Maybe we won't have wine."

"No fair," Jane said, pouting.

She stood up and walked across to the wine fridge. She pulled a bottle out of the bottom and carried it back to the table, holding it up for everyone to see.

"Let's have champagne, instead."

"What's the occasion?" Korsak asked.

"Well," Maura said, handing the bottle the Frankie. "Can you open this?"

"Sure," he said.

"I'll do it," Tommy said, snatching the bottle out of his brother's hands. "Last time you opened champagne you gave Pop a bloody nose."

"That was an accident, and it was not the last time."

"Shut it," Jane said, glaring at them. "Maura's trying to say something."

"Thank you, Jane," she said, smiling from her girlfriend to their family and friends. "As you all know Jane and I have been together for several weeks."

"You're not engaged, are you?" Nina asked, her face lit up.

Angela nearly leapt from her seat. "Are you?"

"We've been together for five minutes," Jane said, rolling her eyes.

"That didn't stop you," Angela said, her voice growing quieter as she drifted off. She spotted Jane's dagger eyes and ran her pinched thumb and finger across the front of her mouth and sat firmly down.

"As I was saying," Maura said. "Jane and I have been in a relationship for nearly three months. But I'm sure you know that our friendship started long before then."

"Duh!" Tommy said.

"Frankie," Jane said. "Hit him for me."

He smacked Tommy across the arm provoking an almighty cry and Tommy hit him back. "That hurt."

"Ow!" Frankie cried, rubbing his arm.

"That can't have hurt," Tommy said. "I barely touched you."

"I barely touched you."

"Don't make me come over there and smack you both across the head," Jane said, glaring.

"If you make another sound," Angela said. "I'll spank you both myself."

"Go on, Maura," Cailin said, stroking her hand across her wrist.

"What you don't know is that a few months ago Jane and I discussed our futures, and how much we'd both like to have a family of our own."

"Did you get Maura pregnant?" Frankie asked, glancing down the table at Jane.

Angela stood up and marched around the table, grabbing hold of Frankie's eat. He half stood. "Ow, ow, ow."

Tommy's laugh filled the silence and Angela grabbed his ear too. "Ow! Ma!"

"Quit it before you ruin the whole party."

"Like we don't already know Jane's pregnant," Tommy said, rolling his eyes. He stopped talking and clasped both hands across his mouth.

Angela smacked him across the head. "You numbskull."

Maura sat back down, her shoulders sunk. She stared across the table at Jane and felt the excitement she felt moments before disappear into the silence.

"Jane's what?" Nina asked, gripping Jane's arm beside her and squealing.

At the same time, Kent stared at her, open mouthed. "You are pregnant?"

She nodded her head to Maura, and Maura's face lit up again. "She is."

"Congratulations," Korsak said, his voice a level of excitement Maura hadn't heard before. Angela walked around the table and sat back down beside Jane.

"You knew too, didn't you?" Maura asked.

Nina frowned. "Am I the only one who didn't know?"

"Pretty much," Frankie said, popping the cork on the bottle of champagne. Maura jumped at the unexpected uncorking, then slouched back into her seat, a little dejected.

"I didn't know either," Kent said. "Not really…I guessed."

"I'm really pleased for you both," Tommy said.

"Me too," said Frankie.

"If you'll excuse me," Maura said, standing up and placing her napkin on the table. She walked into the kitchen and started clearing up the dinner plates, anything to distract her from the disappointed revelation.

"Thanks, Ma," Jane said, her voice boomed across the silence table.

"I'm sorry, I was excited."

"You couldn't have left it for us to tell everyone, could you?"

"I said I was sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it this time, Ma." Jane stood up and picked up the remaining plates from the table. "I'll go get the gifts we got you all."

"There's gifts?" Frankie asked, sitting up right. "Is it whiskey, cause I'm running low."

Jane rolled her eyes and retrieved the box from the side. "No, it's not whiskey. Maura, do you wanna help?"

She turned and watched her open the box. Jane lifted out each glass that they'd carefully selected and had engraved with personalised messages. Placing each glass onto the table, Jane glanced again at Maura.

"Come on, Maur," she said, moving closer. She wrapped an arm around Maura's back and pulled her in close. She could feel her breath against her cheek. "I know you're upset. Please, do this for me."

Nodding her head, she reached for one of the glasses. "Korsak, this one is for you."

Once the glasses had been handed out, Maura returned to the table. She watched the conversation continue to flow, the disappointment near enough forgotten by everyone else. She sighed, the noise disguised by the conversation.

"Well, I didn't know," Nina said, smiling. "I'm so happy for you both. These glasses are lovely, a really nice gesture. When are you due, Jane?"

She grinned. "Babies should be here in about twenty-five weeks."

"Wait," Frankie said, his eyebrows tugged together. He scratched his head. "Did I drink too much? Did you say babies?"

"Cut the act, Frankie," Jane said.

Angela shrugged. "I didn't tell them."

"We're having twins," Maura said, her voice level and toneless. It almost felt like an afterthought, and she hated it. She wanted to feel the same level of excitement that she'd felt earlier in the evening, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't muster it up.

"What?" Tommy and Korsak said at the same time.

"Two babies," Jane said.

"I'm sorry," Maura said, standing up. "I don't want to leave a full table, but I have a headache."

She left the uncomfortable silence behind and trailed up the staircase. Tears pricked at the edges of her eyes on the way to her bedroom. By the time she reached the bed, her face was stained with tears. She lay down and wrapped her arms around the pillow, pushing her face into the material as her shoulders shook.

x

"Knock, knock," Jane said, tapping on the door at the same time she entered the room. She found Maura curled up on the bed and joined her. "It's okay."

"No," Maura said. "It's not."

Jane sighed and scooped her into her arms, pulling her close. She lay back with Maura's head on her shoulder. "I know it's not. I think Ma knows how angry we are at her."

"I should have known," Maura said. "It's not like she has been very good at keeping secrets."

"This was different."

"It was."

"They've all gone home now." Jane kissed the top of her head. "Tommy was about to open another bottle of wine but I asked them to go."

"Where's Cailin?"

"She's clearing up."

"She doesn't need to do that," Maura said. "I'll do it tomorrow."

"No, you won't."

"Cailin can't do it all."

"You watch her," Jane said. "I told her you wouldn't want her doing it but she insisted. She's a good kid."

"Yeah, she is."

"Kent wanted me to tell you that he's sorry he guessed."

Maura pressed her lips together but a laugh still forced its way out. "He's allowed to guess. That's not the same."

"I told him that. I said thank you, though, because I think he still felt guilty for knowing."

"When big things happened to me," Maura said, stroking her hand up and down Jane's arm. "I didn't bother telling my parents because they were usually too busy. When I passed the exam to get into the boarding school I'd selected, I put the letter in the middle of the newspaper because I thought they might see it."

"Did they?"

"Yes." Maura sighed. "I watched my father read it, then skip ahead to the next article. He didn't say anything."

"Oh, Maura," Jane said, running a hand across her cheek. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about."

"We shouldn't have told Ma; we should have waited."

"I'm the one who suggested we tell her sooner, it's my fault."

Jane scoffed. "No. You are never to blame for something my mother has done."

"I just really wanted to be the one to tell everyone, to see their reaction." Maura scooted down and wrapped an arm around Jane's waist. "I wanted to see their faces, to hear their voices."

"Did you hear Nina?" Jane asked. "She made enough noise for the whole table. It's a good job you weren't sat next to her, I think I have nail marks in her arm."

Maura smiled. "That was the only thing that made it a little easier to continue sitting at the table tonight."

"Let's not tell anyone if we find out what we're having."

"I'd rather we didn't, anyway," Maura said. "That way they won't think it acceptable to buy us pink or blue items."

"What's wrong with pink or blue?"

"Nothing is wrong with pink or blue, except their assignment to gender."

Jane leaned down and pressed her lips to Maura's nose. "This is what I love about you, you know things and you think about the world in a way I'd never even consider."

"I've done a lot of reading."

"I figured," Jane said, reaching across and tugging at the top drawer of the bedside cabinet. Several sheets of paper sprang out, reforming their full shape. "A lot of bedtime reading."

"I sometimes wake up in the night and would rather not use my tablet."

"I'm not judging." She picked up one of the documents. "Paced bottle feeding, for when your baby struggles to latch on. I bet this one's riveting."

"It is, actually," Maura said, taking it out of Jane's hand. "There's a whole section on the benefits of using this approach."

"What else have we got in here?"

She lifted several sheets out, reading the article headings. Once the pile had formed on the bed, Jane kissed her head again. Maura shifted about in her arms and straddled her.

"Before, when you said, this is what I love about you…did you mean to say it was something you love about me?"

Jane shrugged. "Why wouldn't I mean to?"

"Is that your way of saying you love me?"

"It's my way of saying what I love about you," Jane said, staring into Maura's eyes. The crease between her brows deepened and Jane could sense the mood drop again. "But I do love you."

"Good," Maura said, her face lit up once more. She leaned down and kissed her, tugging at her bottom lip with each movement of her mouth. Pulling back again, Jane licked her lip. "I love you too."

x

"Well, that wasn't a good idea," Jane said, placing the breakfast tray onto the end of the bed and lowering herself onto the floor beside it.

Climbing out of bed, Maura rushed around it and knelt down beside her. "Jane? Are you okay?"

"Mostly." She grasped at the carpet and tried to get to her feet, then went straight back down on all fours. "Nope."

"You don't have a fever," Maura said, resting her palm across Jane's forehead. "What's wrong? What does it feel like?"

"Dizzy." Jane sat up, leaning back against the bed. "Just dizzy."

She slid her hand across Jane's abdomen. Leaning close, she circled her hand across Jane's pyjama shirt. "Hey babies, I think Mommy would like you to help her out here."

"I just walked up the stairs too quickly," Jane said, covering Maura's hand as she continued to moved it across her stomach. "Or something…and it's Ma, I want to be Ma."

Cupping her cheek, Maura kissed her briefly, pulling away again. "You can be anything you want to be. It's common in the second trimester to feel dizzy spells."

"I missed the worst of the morning sickness, this is my punishment."

"Take a moment, breath slowly."

"How can I breathe slowly when my head is spinning?"

"Try to breathe evenly."

Maura's hand moved out as Jane breathed in, then in as she breathed out, moving with every breath she took until eventually her breathing slowed right down. She trailed her hand further around Jane's side and leaned against her.

"How are you feeling now?"

"A little better."

"You ready to try and stand up?" Maura asked. Jane nodded. Maura rested her other hand on Jane's waist and together they stood upright again. Not letting go, she guided Jane back onto the bed, only settling once Jane was sat back down. "Next time you get up, do it slowly. Do you need some water?"

"I'll be fine."

Maura narrowed her eyes. She picked up the tray and carried it around to her side of the bed. She sat down and rested it over her lap. "At least have some orange juice."

Jane sipped the juice then placed her glass on the cabinet. She leaned back against the headboard and closed her eyes. "I feel sick."

"Nausea can carry on right through pregnancy; it doesn't just go away when you hit twelve weeks."

"Even though I didn't really have it in the first place?"

"Even then," Maura said. She put the tray on the floor beside the bed and picked up a slice of toast. "Try eating this."

"That's for you," Jane said, her eyebrows pulled together. "I made it for you."

Maura stared at her, shaking her head. "What's mine is yours…it's my fault you're feeling this way."

"Thanks," Jane said, wrapping her hand around the toast and biting off a small piece. "Is there a part of pregnancy that doesn't suck?"

"I thought you liked having cravings," Maura said.

"That was until I wanted mushrooms with corn flakes."

"When did you want that?"

"Yesterday."

"Did you eat it?" Maura raised an eyebrow. "How did it taste?"

"Pretty good," Jane said, shrugging. "But it's gross."

Smiling, Maura interlinked her fingers with Jane's and ran their hands back over the barely formed bump. She pushed the fabric of Jane's shirt aside until they were skin to skin.

"This," Maura said. "This doesn't suck. When the babies are kicking you like soccer players, when we can feel our children, that won't suck."

"I hope so," Jane said, wrapping her arms around Maura's back and tugging her closer. She captured Maura's mouth and scooted down, pulling Maura on top of her. "I feel better when I'm lay down."

"Really?" Maura asked, her eyebrows creased. "I would have thought that wouldn't help."

"No, Maur," Jane said, rolling her eyes. "I just feel better because you're here."

She leaned back in and kissed her, trailing her hands down across her shoulders. Jane deepened the kiss, her fingers danced across her back. Maura leaned down, her body pressed against Jane's, her stomach against the barely formed bump of their babies.

"Ow." Jane pushed against her shoulders, until Maura sat back.

Maura rolled onto her back beside her. "What's wrong?"

"My nipples hurt. This is worse than getting my period. I was okay yesterday, today I feel like everything's broken. Remind me never to get pregnant again."

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

"It should have been me."

Shrugging, Jane rolled onto her side to face her. "I don't mind, really."

"Do you want some eggs for breakfast?"

"But I made toast."

"It's gone cold, and you've made a mess of the piece you left on the bedside cabinet a few moments ago."

"Sorry."

"You made it for me, you have nothing to apologise for."

"I can apologise for my mother, again."

"Don't."

"Why not?"

Maura sat up and cleared her throat. "It's going to take some time for me to feel okay about what happened. But it is not your fault. You are not responsible for Angela's actions."

"She's my mother, I feel responsible." Reaching out, Maura leaned back over and absently moved her fingers across Jane's arm. "I never did ask you how it went with your parents. I could have come with you."

"I needed to tell them alone," Maura said. "So much has changed since I was a child. Constance isn't as distant, my father…he's still difficult, but they're over the moon. They were a little less over the moon to discover I'm in a relationship with a woman, but they've never been particularly homophobic. It was quite big news, given that I'm forty and they've never known about my inclination towards women."

"Maura?"

"Yes?"

"I don't…I don't want to hurt you."

The skin of her arms pricked up, a chill travelled across the back of Maura's neck. "What do you mean?"

"How do you feel about the babies…about Hope."

Maura sighed and interlinked her fingers once more with Jane's. "I feel really sad that they will never get to meet. However, I'm grateful that Hope not being here means that our children will be able to know their Aunt Cailin."

"She's good for you, Maur."

"She is?"

"The way you come alive when the two of you are talking about science, and the way she hugs you in the morning even though you're gonna spend the day together. She loves being here, being with you, and I love seeing how much that changes you."

"How does it change me?"

"I know there's other things to be happy about, but I think she makes you happier."

Cupping Jane's cheek, Maura leaned closer, their noses almost touching. "She makes me happier, having her here makes me happy. I think the happiness doesn't just come from Cailin, though."

"No?"

"It comes from you, too; you and our family." Maura returned her hand to Jane's stomach, and pressed her lips to Jane's. "A few months ago I thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. Now look at it? I have my sister, I have you, and I have our children. Things changed when I least expected it to, when I'd already started to give up hope. I lost someone very important to me, but I've gained so much more."

"Maura?"

"Yes?"

"I'm gonna be sick," she said, climbing out of the bed so fast that she lowered herself back down again. Before either of them could react, Jane's stomach contents spilled out across the carpet. Maura knelt up on the bed, resting her hand against Jane's back as she continued to vomit. "Oh God. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," Maura said, rubbing her back. "If you're sick you're sick."

"But the carpet."

"We can get it cleaned." Maura sat down beside her, her legs down the side of the bed and wrapped her arms around her waist. "Get back into bed and I'll get you some food."

"I don't want food," Jane said, placing her head down on the pillow.

"You need to eat something," Maura said. "Or it'll hurt more when you throw up again."

"I don't wanna throw up again."

"I know, but you don't get to make that decision."

"Will you come back when you've made the food?"

"Of course."

"Will you bring a banana and some popcorn?"

"Together?"

"Yeah. Mashed together."

"Okay," Maura said, brushing her hair back from her face. "That sounds disgusting, but okay."