Disclaimer: All standard disclaimers apply.

Revised: March 3, 2017

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When Kakashi first started wearing masks during assassinations, he did it as a precaution. His features were very distinct—silver hair aside—and he'd rather not make a lasting impression. There wasn't a profound reason behind it, as everyone was wont to assume; there weren't any disfiguring scars, no tragic shame or angst that caused him to cover his face. In fact, he's found that his main reason for wearing a mask was less cataclysmic than his peers' dramatic whispers presume.

He did it because people smell.

Whether it was cologne applied with a heavy hand or simply deplorable personal hygiene, most—if not all—of his targets emitted a foul odor. The mask didn't do much to cover it (especially against those particularly nasty ones), but he found that it dulled the scent at least a little.

And now, keeping pace behind an angry five foot tall mobile latrine, Kakashi was once again thankful for the barrier between what he's sure was gag inducing and his delicate nose.

Grimacing at the way the petite female screeched after stepping in another pile of cow shit, Kakashi cursed himself—and not for the first time—for not going back to the damned supply closet. He'd rather risk being caught, escaping from a heavily populated police station, and becoming a fugitive than be subjected to Sakura's loud whining any longer.

He was sure that, from the outside looking in, the situation presents an extremely amusing picture; but the throbbing in his thigh, instep, and side did not agree. Cherry bubblegum princess appearance aside, Sakura was vicious, vitriolic and unstable. If she hit him one more time, Kakashi swore he'd leave her in the woods to find her own way back.

But one look at her pouting lower lip as she fruitlessly swiped at the manure caking her arms (and her hair, dress, legs, everywhere) expelled the thought from his mind. With a sigh, Kakashi drew closer to his temporary companion and cleard his throat.

"We're not too far from my place," he said, wary of her hands and the way they were covered in foul smelling manure. He wouldn't put it passed her to add it to the myriad of bodily fluids covering his person, but Sakura only sighed heavily.

"What's not too far to you?" She asked as she tried to wipe away the dirt and crap staining her purse. Her features twisted in a wince and he heard her mumble something about graves and loud pigs.

Kakashi was coming to realize that this girl seriously had an issue with pigs, but he digressed.

"As in, we're right around the corner," he replied, and the way she visibly perked up made him chuckle.

But his mirth was sharply interrupted by an acute pain in his side that reminded him that there were more pressing matters to attend to than a manure covered minx. Sakura was at his side in an instant, but Kakashi took a giant step away from her because wow the smell was even worse up close. The rosette's brows drew together in confusion before her eyes widened in realization and she groaned.

"Okay," she enunciated slowly, "Listen, I'm not going to touch you, but we seriously need to hustle it up and get to your place before you—oh, I don't know—bleed out?!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," he replied with a snarky drawl, "I thought that by MacGyver'ing my bullet wound you would have miraculously cured me. I am so silly."

Sakura's eye twitched at his sarcasm and he supposed that her displeasure made the pain a little more bearable, but she only huffed and turned to childishly stomp away from him—her feet sinking into the mud with each step.

"You're going the wrong away," he called out to her and she pivoted on the balls of her feet with a glare and continued down another well beaten path, "That's wrong, too."

Kakashi watched with twitching lips as Sakura stopped to visibly compose herself before turning to him with a saccharine smile.

"Lead the way then," she hissed with a sweep of her hand, bristling when he shrugged and casually walked away, hands shoved into his pockets.

Kakashi could hear her walking behind him as they came across trees and more solid ground along a secluded hiking trail. It was ridiculous how much a person could complain about something, and wasn't she supposed to be drunk? A loud yelp and a slurred cuss from behind him answered that question and he sighed. He really wanted to shift the blame on someone else for his current predicament, and though Naruto and Sasuke both had something to do with it, he couldn't find fault with anyone but himself.

Because (and Kakashi really wanted to punch himself for this one) he was the one who made Sakura tag along. He could have easily knocked her out and left her in the supply closet for the police to find and made his solo escape, but no. He just had to look into her too damn large sea glass eyes when she asked him to come back and he just had to say "yes." Because, really, (and it was Genma's voice in his head who so loudly reminded him) when a gorgeous woman asks you to come back to her you just don't say no.

Unfortunately, his second head was going to get him in more trouble than it was worth because he could already feel the Department Head's snow globe pelting him in his first head. Tsunade was not going to be pleased when he called her to tell her about his new responsibility. In fact, one of the core rules of the agency was to avoid involving civilians; and not only did he use a taxi for a getaway car, but he consciously compromised his professional integrity by making this poor girl accompany him against her will…sort of.

It's not like he had any type of responsibility towards her either. Kakashi was not the type to make brash decisions, much less when it came to work, so he genuinely could not figure out what it was about Sakura that made him bring her along. He was not known—by anyone—as someone to reach out and willingly help others, even though he had a high moral compass. He just couldn't be bothered to put himself out there for something that had nothing in terms of personal gain.

If he wanted to do something altruistic without receiving anything in return he would have been a cop, not a hitman.

And Kakashi was good at his job—he was one of, if not, the best. So he, for the life of him, could not figure out why he would he tarnish his wonderfully clean track record by involving an innocent in this absolute train wreck of a mission. Maybe it was the way she reached out to him with pleading eyes and in a small voice asked him to come back, maybe it was the way she unconventionally patched him up even though she was obviously afraid of him, or maybe it was the thigh high boots!

Kakashi paused thoughtfully; oh yeah, he'd blame it all on the thigh high boots.

Because it wasn't like he knew anything about her; he didn't even know her age! He knew trivial details about the woman that was Sakura: she had pink hair, she was five feet tall, she was going to be a doctor, and she was whiny when drunk. It wasn't enough to justify his uncharacteristic concern for her wellbeing, so he'd just chalk it all down to those sinful boots of hers because he was obviously thinking with the wrong head.

The sharp pain from his bullet wound drew him out of his thoughts long enough for Kakashi to realize that there was a distinct lack of complaining and foot steps behind him. Turning around, he saw Sakura standing a few feet away gnawing viciously on her lower lip and wringing her dirty hands.

Raising an eyebrow, he called out to her, "You okay? We're almost there."

His eyebrow hiked its way further to his hairline when her pretty features contorted into a grimace. He watched curiously as she worried herself over something—probably the fact that she was following a stranger into his home—before her troubled eyes lifted to meet his.

It seemed like the drunken fog had lifted from her eyes with the adrenaline rush she had gotten earlier, because she seemed a lot more coherent than before.

"Listen, Kakashi," she blurted out hastily as if coming to the conclusion that if she didn't speak her mind then, it wasn't going to happen at all, "I don't know what it is that you do, but what I do know is that I am really, really not looking to die tonight, y'know?

I am one hundred percent sure that my death is supposed to be a lot less dramatic than all of this. It's actually supposed to be incredibly boring, like dying in my sleep or something."

Scratch that, she was still drunk. Kakashi sighed and resisted the urge to rub his temples.

"Sakura," he interrupted when she opened her mouth to continue her tangent on why she didn't deserve to be murdered in the woods in west Bumblefuck with the cows, "Just come with me; I promise I'm not going to hurt you. I saved your life back there, and if I wanted to kill you, don't you think I would have by now?"

Her mouth shut with an audible click and she mulled over his words and the blatant truth in them. When it didn't seem like she was going to take another step, Kakashi pulled out his trump card that always worked with Tsunade when she was being particularly unbearable.

Furrowing his brows, widening his eyes and slumping his shoulders, he made sure he looked his most pathetic and said, "Please."

And was inwardly pleased with himself when Sakura's cheeks puffed out as her resolve withered away at his greatest impression of Pakkun. A few moments of awkward silence passed before she sighed out a doleful "fine" and resumed walking.

Perhaps Kakashi hadn't pissed off all of the deities up there because that was easy.

Soon, they came upon his humble abode and Sakura gasped beside him. Ah, well, maybe his home wasn't that humble. Walking calmly up his driveway, Kakashi ignored Sakura's wide eyes on his back and gaping mouth.

Assassins made good money, and it kind of helped that he was born into old money. Though there weren't many Hatake left in the world (he was sure he was the last, actually), his clan was part of Konoha's founding way back when and he was filthy stinkin' rich because of it. Not only that, he was so cheap and frugal with his money that the most he spent was on Pakkun's toys and food. If it was cheap, Hatake Kakashi liked it.

That didn't mean that he didn't allow himself some luxuries, though. Like the big ass house that Sakura was currently gaping at like a fish out of water. Seriously, it was not a good look for her (not like he was going to tell her, though). He winced when she ran her fingers over the side of his black Maserati reverently, peering into the windows like a child and getting mud and shit all over it.

He shrugged, it needed a wash anyway.

Kakashi wasn't materialistic by any means, but that didn't mean that he didn't take care of his things. While he was too apathetic to flaunt his money like some of his targets were wont to do, he knew the value of his possessions and he was also kind of a neat freak. Sakura tracking mud and manure through his marbled floor was going to drive him slightly insane, but he could handle it.

Coming up on his door, Kakashi dug through his pocket for the custom key to his alarm system and automatic locks. Being an assassin also made you a paranoid asshole, but it was kind of a given. You can't go out killing people and expect other people to be all hunky dory about it.

And it seemed like someone wasn't too happy with him tonight because his alarm had been tampered with. As in, it was broken. The system had been fried electrically and presently disabled, so that meant that there were intruders in his currently dark house. It wasn't any of his coworkers or friends, as they all had personal codes to his house that granted them access to specific locations.

Obviously, whoever broke into his house "stealthily" was an amateur and an idiot because they didn't even bother to twist his third lock. Although, he had to give it to them for at least making it seem like no one had been there. When he opened the door, Pakkun even came out to greet him despite being eerily subdued.

It angered him a bit—actually, it angered him a lot. This was his safe haven; how dare they come and bother him here? And they intimidated his dog?! Oh hell no, they were going down.

"Wow," Sakura breathed beside him and Kakashi was tossed out of his thoughts. "You live here?!"

Crap, Sakura.

He couldn't exactly hunt down intruders with her by his side as he was sure she'd get hurt in the crossfire. But, he could find something to occupy her time while he took care of it. It was best to act nonchalant and not make it obvious that there was a problem.

Flipping on the lights, his lips twitched at her appreciative coo. His home was sparsely, but well, decorated. Kurenai and Obito's wife, Rin, had taken it upon themselves to furnish and decorate his home when they paid him a visit and found that he was living in a place that looked more like a storage unit than a home.

Now it looked like he lived in some home display or like a real estate open house, and if the way Sakura was slightly fidgeting because she didn't want to ruin anything was anything to go by, it looked pretty damn nice, femininity non-withstanding.

His mismatched eyes scanned the foyer discretely as he made his way deeper into his house as Sakura followed and narrowed on a minute track of mud on the stairs. He couldn't find mud anywhere else, so he assumed that they hoped to catch him while he was asleep or unwinding for the night.

Luckily for Sakura, he had an amazing guest bathroom on the first floor. He made a beeline towards it and Sakura rushed to catch up.

"Where are we going?" She asked breathlessly, wincing as her feet tracked mud onto his immaculate floor.

"You said you wanted a shower, right?" he replied distractedly, no doubt thinking about his best course of action, "There's a guest bedroom down here with a shower you can use."

"Oh my gosh," Sakura gushed in reply, "Thank you so much. A shower would be great!" Then her eyes narrowed, "It better be nice, Kakashi, I swear to God…"

"Maa, Sakura-chan," Kakashi crooned, "It'll be the nicest shower you've had yet."

Sakura ignored the familiarity with which he said her name, and instead opted to peer curiously over his shoulder as he opened the door to the guest bedroom and then the bathroom. He stepped aside as she slowly walked in and then observed quietly as she poked around and examined the bath products that were sitting by the tub.

He did smile, however, when she gasped upon seeing the adjoining shower. He had to admit, it was a really nice shower—Rin's favorite, actually.

"Are you serious," Sakura breathed excitedly, swiveling her head to look at him with a large grin, "You have a performance shower?!"

Well damn, if she was this excited about the shower in the guest bedroom, then she'd probably marry his blue-lighted rainfall luxury shower in his own master bedroom.

Kakashi obviously loved showers.

But Sakura didn't give him a chance to reply, because she was already turning the dials and pressing buttons to get the right temperature she wanted—which was clearly Satan's brand of hot. Water blasted from the sides of the shower and from the shower head and Sakura groaned appreciatively.

"Oh hell yeah, I'm so gonna enjoy this," she said to herself and then turned to Kakashi, "Well? What are you waiting for? Unless you want me to keep smelling like a walking cesspool, then I suggest you kindly get out."

Kakashi raised his hands in that way that said okay, man, you got it and called over his shoulder as he walked away, "I'll bring you some towels and a change of clothes."

Shutting the door, he heard Sakura's answering thanks that was soon lost under the loud spray of water. Great, now that she was occupied for at least thirty minutes (or more, it was a pretty damn nice shower) he had the opportunity to hunt down his would be assassins.

Kakashi made his way to the walk-in kitchen pantry where he then opened a small trap door on the left that contained a myriad of weapons. Picking up and loading two hand guns, Kakashi placed one in his waist band and screwed a silencer on the other. Though Sakura's surprisingly good singing was drifting from the shower, he didn't want to chance her hearing anything odd.

He twisted to the side to grab an extra magazine when his wound chose that exact moment to protest painfully at the movement. Gritting his teeth at the hot pain, Kakashi lifted his black shirt to see that the tampon and nipple adhesive were thoroughly soaked in his blood and would soon begin to trickle out. It demanded attention desperately, but he knew that he had to eliminate his intruders before he ended up worse off.

Like dead.

Another painful spasm reminded him that he'd probably die anyway from either blood loss or infection if he didn't tend to it soon. Rising to his feet, Kakashi silently closed the door to the pantry, then made his way to the living room where he turned on the TV and turned the volume up loud enough so that it would drown out whatever inexplicable sounds Sakura would probably hear, and also make the idiots upstairs think he's dropped his guard and relaxed.

He made his way slowly up the stairs, the weight of his gun resting comfortably in his hand and kept his senses sharp for any attack from the shadows. The vast hallway was more intimidating when the Boogeyman was actually hiding in the dark, though these guys are more like Boogey beetles.

A whisper of movement and suddenly there was a man lunging at him from his right with a knife. Kakashi twisted away and grabbed the man's arm, hitting up at the elbow and hyperextending it. The man dropped his knife with a howl and stumbled away, but was silenced by a gunshot to the head. His body dropped with a thud, and Kakashi scanned the hallway for more before dragging the corpse by its feet and shoving it into an empty closet.

Shutting the door quietly, Kakashi continued down the hall but halted sharply when he heard rapid footsteps. They were heavy and decidedly unfeminine and he repressed a sigh of relief—Sakura was still in the shower. Ducking into an open bedroom, he listened to the intruders pause by the puddle of blood staining his floor.

He silently checked the amount of rounds he had left in the gun in his hand, counted fourteen, and deemed it enough. Quickly stepping from behind the door, Kakashi used the element of surprise to shoot the first man he saw in the head before twisting and redirecting the next man's gun away to put rounds into his face and torso. When the man dropped, he dropped with him to shoot the next stunned intruder behind the previous in the groin and then head.

Rolling away from the onslaught of rounds destroying his décor and mirrors, Kakashi ducked into his pool room. He shot the next intruder that rushed into the room in the face and gritted his teeth when another gained from his distraction by making way into the room. He shot at Kakashi, but the silver haired man narrowly avoided losing an ear by dropping into a roll. He shot the man in the foot, and when he dropped he shot him once in the head.

Standing, Kakashi waited for more to come through the door, but relaxed minutely when no one did. Cautiously easing into the hallway, he swept his sights down the hall before making his way towards the stairs. Perhaps it was only those six baboons, and he needn't worry.

Abruptly, he was attacked as he made his way around the corner and Kakashi reacted on pure instinct when he ducked and delivered a jab to the stranger's abdomen. The man absorbed it with a stumble and a grunt, but Kakashi made quick work of swiping his leg out from under him and pressing a round into his skull.

His chest heaved with exertion, but there was no end in sight when another man took his distraction as an opportunity to slam him into the wall. They fought over control of each other's weapons but the man head butted him and Kakashi cried out when the back of his skull connected solidly with the wall. Nonetheless, he was better than this petty thug, so Kakashi ignored the way his vision swam and rotated the masked intruder's handgun to the left as another turned the corner and used the weapon to shoot that one solidly in the chest before winding the invader's arm up and down to throw him over his shoulder.

He landed on the ground with a loud grunt, but Kakashi didn't give him time to recover and pulled his spare gun from his waist band and shot him in the face, too. That was eight, and he kept his handgun at the ready even as the house remained silent. He searched the entire second floor for more, even the closets, but found none.

It was then that he noticed with dread that the house was also void of the sound of running water, and Kakashi cursed. Could Sakura have heard them? Had they heard her?

Rushing down the stairs and towards the guest bathroom, Kakashi found nothing amiss, but still he knocked on the bathroom door.

"Sakura?" His voice sounded gravelly to his own ears and he cleared his throat, "Are you still in there?"

"Where's my towel, Kakashi?!"

His shoulders sagged in unreasonable relief as her irate voice filtered through the door.

"Ah, sorry! Give me a minute!"

"A minute?! Kakashi! I've been waiting for at least twenty, how do you not know where your towels are?!"

But he was already rushing away to clean up the blood spatter on his face and find her some clean towels. As he was walking away, he remembered that he told her he'd bring her some clothes, so he rushed to his room (jumping over dead bodies as he did so) and grabbed a pair of sweat pants and a red t-shirt.

When he returned, she was still ranting about how cold his bathroom was until he knocked on the door again.

"I brought you some towels and some clothes."

He stepped back when she opened the door, raising an eyebrow at the steam that curled lazily around the frame and the small pink head that poked out from behind it. A pale arm reached out to grab the offered items and then disappeared as she shut the door.

"Thanks," he heard her grumble and then the subsequent rustling of cloth, "What took you so long?"

Oh, shit. He didn't think he'd be that long, but a quick look at the clock and a curse told him that he'd been gone for almost an hour. He couldn't think of a reasonable excuse, besides maybe taking his own shower, but he was still grimy and disgusting. Well, he'd just have to improvise and make up some bullshit excuse…not like he did that every day.

"Ah, well, I got lost," he offered sheepishly and scratched the back of his neck when Sakura opened the door (fully dressed in his clothes and wow was that kind of cute) to stare at him incredulously.

"You got lost," she repeated slowly.

"Yes."

"But this is your house."

"There are lots of hallways here."

"But you live here."

"It's a pretty large home, Sakura."

"Are you seri—oh my—really?"

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After leaving Sakura in the kitchen to help herself to whatever food stuffs were in the refrigerator and pantry, Kakashi subtly checked the home for any more intruders, and finding none went to his own room to shower. When he emerged from his room, he looked at the bodies lying on his floor and sighed. Walking back into his bedroom, he searched it for his cell phone and cursed when he remembered that he left it on the kitchen counter.

Although he knew the clean-up crew's number by heart, he didn't keep any phones besides that one, and he needed to make the call as soon as possible. Cursing his luck, Kakashi stepped over bodies and composed his features into a neutral expression. That neutral expression was very nearly wiped off his face when he came upon Sakura stuffing her face with some left over pizza from the night before as she alternated between shoving some into her own mouth and feeding small bites to his little pug.

His pug who was lounging on her lap like the Emperor of Japan or some crap equally as entitled. Kakashi narrowed his eyes at his dog who didn't even get up to greet him when he walked into the room.

Traitor.

Picking up his sleek black phone from the kitchen counter, Kakashi's eyes lazily swept over Sakura's form as she cooed over how ugly his dog was.

Excuse you, rude.

But she did look absolutely adorable with her wet hair swept into a high ponytail as the collar of his shirt exposed a bare shoulder. His sweats were laughably big on her, but that was to be expected as he was an entire foot (and then some) taller than her. He pulled his eyes away from the tempting sight to dial his contact's number and lifted it to his ear as it rang.

It rang four times before a grouchy voice heavy with sleep answered quite violently, but Kakashi ignored that in favor of asking (fairly nicely if you asked him), "Hey, would you like to come over to my place at 8 for some high quality eggs?"

He ignored Sakura's high pitched, "Really?!" in favor of listening to his contact's response of,

"Why the fuck do you and those two little shits get involved in the weirdest shit?! Can't a motherfucker get some goddamn sleep around here without having to clean up after you assholes? I hate this goddamn probation; just because I stabbed the wrong fucker in the carotid artery doesn't mean I deserve this shit. I swear I'm go—"

"Alright! See you at eight!"

When he hung up the phone, he found Sakura staring at him with a tilted head and a blank expression.

"Are you seriously inviting someone over for breakfast right now," she deadpanned, "After the night we just had? What's wrong with you?"

"Lots of things," he replies casually with a shrug, "But not my nutrition! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, Sakura-chan!"

And Sakura placed her head in her hands with a groan, but he could see a smile poking through her fingers and it made his lips quirk in return. However, pain bloomed along his flank and he's reminded, once again, that the night wasn't over. His contact wouldn't be there for another two hours, so there was time to remove the bullet himself and patch it up.

Apparently, Sakura had seen his pained grimace and was already on her feet and clearing the breakfast island away. Her mouth was set in a determined line, and she gestured at him to take a seat on it.

"C'mon," she said gently, "Let me look at that bullet wound. If you have a medical kit, I can probably remove it and stitch it up."

Kakashi nodded reluctantly and disappeared to find his well-stocked medical kit, resigning himself to answer the (most likely) astounding amount of questions she's going to have for the next two hours.

Honestly, it was about time he retired and get himself another dog or five. He was really getting too old for this shit.

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tbc