My alarm goes off interrupting me from my pleasant slumber. I open my eyes the slightest bit letting them adjust to the light peeking through my curtains. I hear the birds chirping away so I imagine it's another lovely spring day. My thoughts almost instantly go back to the indescribable kiss I shared with Eli yesterday; just thinking of it makes my heart rate pick up and a smile spread across my face. There is something amazing between us there is no way he didn't feel it too. It was to intense for him not to feel something or I hope so.
I get my outfit for today out deciding to get a little more dolled up than I usually would to impress Eli I want to get him attention today. Of course he has already seen me at my best like homecoming, just as he's seen my worst like sitting home with my hair up and pajamas on especially those first few weeks I spent crying on his shoulder over KC. Even though I have romantic feelings for him we are best friends before anything else. Our relationship is comfortable I never have to worry about crying or hiding who I am around him. That's one of the things I love about him but, Sometimes it just feels nice to look good around him I love when I catch him looking at me. I quickly shower so I have more time to do my makeup and hair before going downstairs.
"Clare" my mom calls from the kitchen.
"yeah mom?" I call back walking towards the kitchen.
"your father is going out of town this weekend for work and I'm going to your aunts overnight. Will you be okay home alone? I assume you can be trusted right sweetie?" she asks I can't help but notice my dad is always working lately it's weird but I just shrug it off.
"of course you can I'll be fine mom" I smile grabbing a pop tart for breakfast.
She goes over the long list of rules that I need to follow while she's gone and let's me know she'll be gone when I get home before I leave for school.
§
I arrive at school just in time to go to my locker and get to class without being late. I usually see Eli at my locker and we walk to class together but, I don't see him waiting; maybe he just assumed I was going to be late or something oh well I'll see him in class just a few moments from now. I walk into the classroom right before the bell rings and notice Eli isn't in his seat.
"Hey Adam. Do you know why Eli isn't here?" I ask upset..
"good morning to you too Clare, I talked to him this morning apparently he's home sick. Your lover boy can't handle a little rain" he jokes earning an eye roll from me.
"How sick?" I ask worriedly.
"Well he sounded like bullfrog when he answered the phone" my eyes widen at his reference if that's true he must be really sick to be croaking like bullfrog.
"maybe I should go check on him after class?" I ask pointlessly already knowing I'm going to no matter what Adam says.
"is there any use in me telling you that isn't necessarily" Adam answers lifting a questioning eyebrow.
"nope"I shake my head popping the p in nope with a small smile over his remark he knows me so well.
"so that kiss yesterday was-" he begins but I cut him off.
"magical" I sigh.
"I was gonna say dredging on pornography" I Hit his arms and cut my eyes at him.
"stop Adam. Do you think he felt something?" I ask hopefully.
"Either he felt something or he was trying to eat you" I laugh at Adam's choice of words as the teacher walks in and starts speaking.
I do my best to pay attention during the rest of class but I'm failing miserably all I can think about is Eli not only out kiss either; I hate when Eli doesn't feel well. I know most friends wouldn't go check on their sick friend or think much about it at all however I don't see him as just a friend. Besides Eli and I have always been that way and never thought anything of it. Why should I start now?
§
I ride my bike to Eli's right after English class ends which seemed to take way longer today. Once I reach his house I notice the only car in the driveway is his so Cece and bullfrog must be gone. I walk up his steps and get the spare key they keep under the porch rug; I unlock the door and quietly step inside shutting the door behind me. The whole house is dark and completely silent. Confirming that no one else is home; I tiptoe up the stairs to Eli's room, cracking the door open just enough to see inside. I see him right away laying in his bed In the complete dark cuddled up with the covers pulled just below his head. I go over and sit down carefully next to him so I don't startle him.
"Eli, Eli?" I whisper shaking his arm lightly.
"Clare?" he croaks quietly as his eyes open. I can only imagine how his throat feels just by how terrible it sounds and he doesn't look much better he's pale and sweaty.
"yeah it's me, you sound and look terrible Eli." I tell him sympathetically running my hand through the hair falling across his face not caring one bit about the sweat.
"gee thanks, you really know how to make a guy feel better" he jokes sarcasm dripping from his voice as a smirk appears upon his pale face. Causing me to giggle even when he's sick he manages to make me laugh the way only he can.
"sorry" I push my lip out pouting "I'm gonna get you some soup and medicine you're burning up. Maybe after that we can make you look like you belong among the living again" I say getting up to get his soup.
"forever trying to fixing me what would I do without you Edwards" he smiles genuinely.
"hmmm probably fall to pieces" I reply perching my lips slightly pretending to think before closing the door and walking out. If only he knew it's me that would fall to pieces without him. I swear Eli can read nearly every emotion I have except my feelings for him. Those he just seems clueless about.
After making his soup I take that upstairs along with some medicine. I notice him once again sleeping peacefully in his bed bringing a small grin on my lips before I walk through the door. I can't get over how distracted I can get by the simplest things he does like just watching him sleep he doesn't have to do anything to get my attention. I sound like a stalker great Clare. I take the soup and medicine over to his nightstand and notice his phone has a new message from Julia; I have the intense urge to read it. I'm shocked by this myself; I've never invaded his privacy before ever it's just not right and I know I shouldn't now but after our kiss yesterday I'm curious over what's going on with the ever mysterious Julia he always talks about. Against all my better judgement I pick up his phone and read only the last two messages.
Eli- Jules Clare is my best friend it was for school that's all. It was nothing. I told you so you would know. You're over reacting.
Julia- So kissing her meant nothing? You didn't feel anything and neither did she promise?:)
I want to cry as my eyes scan his words. My heart feels like it snapped, no wait it's worse than that it feels as though it shattered like glass. So he didn't feel anything when we kissed, is he just a really good kisser or maybe I felt what I wanted to. I suppose I should have expected this; I know he's out of my league and I'm certainly not his type. Eli is free spirited he loves adventure and I'm just a sheltered girl who never breaks the rules. I guess I just thought feelings that intense couldn't be one sided. I place his phone back down where it was and compose myself. As I go to sit at Eli's desk I hear him say something.
"why don't you come lay with me? You're going to get uncomfortable there you know it's not like I'm gonna bite you" he says gesturing for me to come over.
"What about your food?" I ask changing the subject.
"it can wait I like cold soup anyway" he insists giving me puppy dog eyes turning me to mush.
Even after reading his message to Julia the want to give in and lay in bed with Eli is more powerful than the hurt I'm feeling so I accept his offer. It's not the first time we've shared a bed of course it's always been platonic nothing at all romantic but I love being close to him so every time is fulfilling
"fine but at least take the medicine" I baraggan which he accepts.
I crawl in his bed facing the opposite wall; as much as I want to cuddle up to him I'm not sure if I should. I lay silently for a brief moment thinking about the kiss and Julia and how Eli basically admitted he felt nothing between us. The sadness sinks in more and more it's hard to accept the person you love doesn't love you back. Soon I feel Eli move closer wrapping his arms around me from behind snuggling up to me like many times before usually it's comforting and while the warmth of his body and his scent is calming as always; right now it's bitter sweet.
"mmm vanilla. You smell nice Clare" Eli says softly his breath tickling my shoulder causing me to giggle.
"thanks Eli you're so charming" I say sarcastically.
"of course" he rasps after that the room became silent other than the sound of our breathing filling the air. When Eli begins lightly snoring I know he's fallen back to sleep. It doesn't take long for his gentle breaths to pull me into a comfortable sleep as well.
§
It's about nine and I'm in my living room watching a scary movie alone probably a terrible idea considering I get easily scared. I'm already terrified but can't stop watching. I got home from Eli's a while ago; he seemed to be feeling back to himself when I left. Julia was coming over so I decided to leave to spare myself the heartache of seeing them together and we'll her period. I'm so jealous of her and I've never even met her I don't even want to know how perfect she really is. I've accepted that I'll just secretly love Eli while he falls for someone else leaving me lonely.
After I finished the movie I came to my room that was hours ago it's twelve in the morning and now and I can't stop myself from the heart racing feeling I have. It was definitely not a good to watch that movie. When I hear a bang outside my window I fly off my bed hitting the floor hard only to jump right back up when I hear my phone start ringing. I quickly pick it up after reading Eli's name on the caller ID. He tells me he's outside and that he had thrown a rock at my window to get my attention. I roll my eyes and scoff to myself knowing he's the one who scared me so bad he could have called first. I go downstairs and let him in.
"what are you doing here?" I ask opening the door.
"hi Eli how are you? Good thanks for asking" he answers sarcastically.
"Hi Eli. Now why are you here so late?" I ask once again raising an eyebrow.
"I just have a lot on my mind" he replies seriously alarming me a bit.
I invite him in and we go into the living room. He tells me he did something and he needs to talk about it or he'll explode only causing me to be more concerned but I was not prepared for what he said next.
"I had sex with Julia tonight. I'm not really sure how I feel about it I really like her but was it too much too fast? What if I was terrible." he says quickly looking down at his hands anxiety evident. His confession makes my heart stop. "Clare? Clare did you hear me?" he says waving his hands in front of my face.
"ye-yeah sorry just caught me a little off guard with that. I never thought having sex would be a big deal to you no offense" I say cautiously not sure how he'll take the remark.
Eli only laughed lightly before responding "I wouldn't say it's a big deal it's just heavier than I thought it would be is all. It makes me question how i feel about Julia and worry about how it was for her no one wants to be the guy who's terrible in bed Clare." he jokes
"Were you her first or-" I trail off.
"no I wasn't. She's not a whore well I don't think so anyway damn I hope not" he says scratching his head.
"Don't you think that's something you should know before you. Well you know" I say off.
"have sex? You can say sex Clare it won't taint you" he jokes "yeah probably but it's done now so it doesn't really matter does it? I'm just over thinking I just don't want this to cause drama I really like Julia."
"well I'm sure everything will work out Eli" I fake smile the best I can not knowing what else to say when I'm dying inside. It might not be a big deal to him but it's a big deal to me. Thinking about him and her being that intimate together. She was his first he'll always remember that.
"thanks Clare, you really are the best friend I could have don't tell Adam I said that though I'll deny it" he says pulling me into a hug. "so what do you want to do? I can't help but notice you're here all by yourself"
"Well I don't wanna go out. I don't want to be alone either or have a bunch of people over" I shrug.
"let's have a party" he says mischievously. I can tell he has something in mind.
"I just said I don't want to have a bunch of people over Eli? Did you hit your head?" I ask quirking an eyebrow and tilting my head in confusion.
"oh Clare it only takes two to have a little party. Stay right there" he smirks. Not even a moment later he had the radio blaring the song ocean avenue louder than what I would even think or do during the day he's gonna get the cops called is all I can think. He moves the furniture to the side dims the lights before walking over to me.
"what are you doing?" I yell over the blaring music.
"well you wanna be a homebody so I'm bringing the good time to you, thank me later" he says grabbing my hand and pulling me into the empty center of the living room.
When Eli starts dancing around my living room without a care in the world I can't help but join him. His carefree attitude is contagious even for someone like me. When the song baby by Justin Bieber starts to play we both look at each other and bust out laughing we sing along through our laughter while still dancing. Although we aren't fans who doesn't know that song? He spins me around the room eventually losing balance bumping into each other falling to the floor laughing as the song ends.
"Ising like an angel right Clare? Bet you're shocked" Eli says once we catch our breath.
"if by angel, you mean dying walrus I didn't expect anything less" I tease.
"ouch. That hit me where it hurts." he rebuttals holding his chest faking hurt.
"I'm sure mister sensitive now huh" I reply poking his chest
"wanna have a sleepover?" he asks randomly arching his eyebrows.
I accept and we make a blanket fort on my living room floor we have a pillow fight causing us to have to rebuild our fort. After that we spend the next hour joking and laughing about the most ridiculous things; it reminds me of being younger. I used to do this with my older sister Darcy when we were little kids. I have to admit I love how Eli makes me so carefree. I've never been the girl to let loose and go with the flow, or do things that would be considered immature. I analyze everything but, with him it's like I get lost in him and nothing else matters he changes everything including how I look at the world In a way no one else can. I don't know what I'd do without him in my life.
"Clare what's that!" Eli says seriously in a concerned voice drawing me out of my thoughts.
"what was what?" I ask looking around paranoid.
"that noise did you hear it?"
"n-n-no" I stutter.
"it came from over there" he says pointing to the left. I peak over and just as I do I feel Eli pounce on me tickling me relentlessly.
"stop stop it, or else" I yell through laughter rolling and kicking trying to get him off but he doesn't stop.
"or else? what are you gonna do? Hmm why don't you make me stop" he jokes.
"ouch!" I whine mocking pain. The moment he let's go i jump on top of him. "I win hahaha!" I say smugly. My face inches from his, his hands resting on my waist.
He moves one hand and pushes my hair from my face and we pause getting lost in each other's eyes for an elongated moment before I realize what's going on. "um I'm gonna get a drink" I say getting up breaking our contact.
"su-sure" he stutters. Did I make him do that?
When I back Eli is already falling asleep so I take my place next to him. Up until now I had forgot what he told me about him and Julia. As much as I hate to admit it I need to accept it he obviously really cares for her and I don't want to mess our friendship up. I'd rather have Eli as my friend than nothing.
§
The rest of the weekend went by faster than I would have liked. Eli Adam and I hung out as usual. Today isn't as nice as it has been recently. It's dark and gloomy out the clouds are covering the sun making it chilly and I'm certain it's going to start pouring rain; hopefully it waits until I get to degrassi.
I walk my usual path and of course as soon as I reach the parking lot it starts pouring drenching me in seconds I can feel my shoes becoming soggy. I walk inside slipping on the wet floor landing on my butt. I know today is not going to be my day. A friendly hand reaches out to help me up I notice Adam's face smiling down at me. I graciously accept his hand.
"today isn't your day huh? He asks sympathy in his voice.
"how did you know" I reply my voice flat.
"well you were soaking wet on the floor and today's the day Eli's plaything starts here"
I completely forgot she was starting degrassi today just when I thought it couldn't get worse. Based on Adams words I'm assuming that he knows her and Eli had sex this weekend. I bet he told him all the details I don't want to know. The details that would probably destroy me.
"Hey Clare, Adam" I hear Eli's voice appear.
I look up and see him walking towards us with a dark long haired girl. She has deep brown eyes they hold a certain sex appeal nothing like my innocent doe eyes. Her slender body walks swaying seductively her dark clothing accentuating her beautiful pale skin. She's stunning to say the least.
"this is Julia, Julia this is Adam and Clare" Eli introduces us slinging his arm around the dark beauty he calls his.
"hey" Adam and I say in unison. I look at them and decide I need to get out of here for now it's too much especially know what they did. "I have to do something before class I'll catch up with you guys later nice to meet you Julia." I say with a fake smile present as usual before walking off. The taste of her name on my tongue is revolting.
Once I'm out of sight I speed walk trying to force back tears but of course with the day I'm having i run smack into a hard body. I almost fall but arms catch me holding me up. I look up so far I nearly break my neck finally I'm met with familiar honey brown eyes.
"Jake?" I say in shock looking at my grown up childhood friend.
"Clare. Wow, it's been so long how are you?" he asks hugging me.
"I've been better but I'm good over all. What about you? You're so tall" I say stunned by not only his height but by how attractive he turned out.
"I'm good. Just moved here. Wanna walk to class together I could use some help" he smiles.
I accept and we spend the rest of the time before class catching up like old friends do. We reconnect wonderfully not as good as me and Eli but it's comfortable. Maybe I can be happy with someone besides Eli. He'll always be my best friend but he's with Julia. I should probably back off for both our benefits.