Authors note: sorry this chapter is also shorter than what I would like but I wrote it in an hour and couldn't wait to post it also seemed like a good place to end it of it would have gotten extremely long also sorry for mistakes it was done on my phone and my phone likes to change words on me I'll fix it when I have a chance; anyway I'm done rambling. Hope you guys like It!
It's been Two days since I slept with Eli, as much as I wish i could blame it on the alcohol I can't. Sure I was a little tipsy and maybe my judgment was a little impaired but I was in a coherent enough mind set that I stopped Jake; I stopped jake but not Eli. Jake's my boyfriend shouldn't it have been the opposite way around? Do I still have feelings for Eli? That kiss was wow and the… the sex it was magical excuse me for my lame choice of words but I don't know how else to put it into words.
I get up walking across the hall to the bathroom, turning the shower on hot as can Stand before removing my clothes and step in feeling the water flow down my body relaxing me. I've done this for at least an hour every night since the party; it's the only thing that can help ease the tension I'm holding over the events that took place. Once the water starts to run cold I slowly get out of the shower and go over to the mirror wiping it free of steam.
Looking at myself I don't look any different so why do i feel so different? it's as if every time I look in this mirror I expect to some sign or evidence of what happened but there is none Eli was even cautious enough not leave a single mark on me well if he tried not to I could have just lucked out neither of us seemed to be thinking clearly much less thinking ahead. Thinking ahead or clearly? Shit! My eyes go wide as I come to a sudden realization.
I have no Idea if we used protection. I know I'm not on the pill but other then that those details are a complete blur. I could call and ask Eli that be simple; only I haven't talk to him or Jake since that night. They've both tried calling and texting but, I just can't deal with it right now I'm still processing. This new revelation is certainly the icing on the cake. I mentally smack myself for being even more stupid than previously thought I was.
Sighing in frustration i decide there is only one appropriate action to take. Get dressed go to the drug store and get the morning after pill right now, I Remember in health class they said they are effective for 72 hours but the sooner the better so I need to hurry I don't want to be the next girl getting an abortion behind Eli's back; just thinking of that sends chills down my spine I feel for her more than I had prior maybe if I knew this feeling then I would have thought harder about sleeping with her boyfriend.
I toss on a pair of sweatpants with a matching shirt and throw my hair up in a messy ponytail on top my head as I race out of my room I can smell the scent of lavender from my shower in the breeze. I get in my car not even bother to turn the radio on I'm so determined. Speeding down the road I nearly crashed just past Eli's house that would have been a gloriously terrible situation to add to this already awful crisis.
Once I'm at the store I feel my phone Buzzing I looked at it and see it's Eli calling I got ignore only for it go off not even a second later only this time it's Jake. I really just wish they would both leave me alone right now. I rush into the store and zip down the aisles until i arrive at my destination I quickly scoop up the pill the says "Plan B" and turn on my heals going back to the counter but, when I look up i feel the life drain from me.
"He-hey Eli" I stutter looking into the intense gaze his green eyes are shooting at me.
"Hello Clare, so this is what I have to do to get you to stop ignoring Me? See your car nearly run into a tress by my house and follow You? You could have been killed why the hell did you need to get to the drugstore so bad anyway? Eli ranted before finally Darting his eyes down to the box in my hand. I watch as he reads the bold print realization coming upon his expression.
"Clearly you see." I stated dryly.
"Well good to know the possibility of having a baby with me is so fucking bad you'd but your life at risk" he said bluntly his voice sounding angrier than before.
"It's not like that Eli" I say trying to calm him I can see how it might have looked that way but, that's not the case.
"Oh really? I find that a but bit hard to believe first Julia now you?" He spat bitterly.
Oh that's what this is about he's still upset over what Julia did I'm not surprised I don't think he wanted or wants a baby I just also don't think he wanted to be left out. I can understand that with her but he doesn't need to lash out on me I mean I'm not even pregnant and we'd never know if I was going to be the situation is so different.
"Eli-" I say soothingly while reaching out and touching his arm only to have to pushed away like I was disgusting.
"Don't. I'm sick of girls like you, word of advice don't sleep with guys you don't trust or you can't handle the consequences with if something goes wrong. Fuck you didn't even trust me enough to come to me" I've never heard Eli get this mad at me before I can feel my eyes water as I look up to him seeing the hurt anger and betrayal in his eyes.
"I'm sorry" I choke out as tears roll down my face I notice his eyes soften so I'm hopeful he'll forgive me for hiding it and ignoring him.
"I don't care Clare, Julia not coming to me that hurt a little but you not trusting me enough to come to me? That feels like a stab. This friendship is over" He turned to walk away but stopped mid store and turned on his heels "Oh and just so you're aware I used a condom I wouldn't be that careless especially with you I care about you too much for that" His words came out cold then he turned around and left leaving me standing there an utter mess. I guess when they whoever they are say sex complicates and ruins friendships was accurate just like that he's gone.
The thing is I still have to face Jake and the possibility that I could lose him too. Sure I have options I can continue to be with Jake, keep it from him knowing Eli would never tell and just live with guilt until it swallows me alive, I'd probably crack under the pressure and tell eventually. I could break up with him using the party as an excuse then my having sex with Eli wouldn't be relevant or, I can tell him. That's obviously the right thing to do but also the hardest then I risk losing Jake and Eli and having both of them hate me. Can I handle that?
I pull myself together and debate whether I should buy the pill or not. I trust Eli but condoms don't always work? I decide to buy it to be on the safe side now would definitely be a bad time to end up in an unplanned teen pregnancy by Eli. The thought of having a baby with Eli wasn't the worst thing but it certainly wouldn't be the best thing now a few months ago i might have thought differently but I've moved on.
I'll go to my doctor to discuss birth control options and find one that seems right for me. I don't plan on having sex with Eli or Jake at least not anytime soon it's just to be precautions if this does happen again. Don't want another scene in the drug store thankfully it was pretty much deserted.
Walking up to the counter I see Eli's car fly past the doors typical he always drives like a lunatic when he's mad; some nerve to talk about me. I hope he gets home safe. I can't help but wonder if he'll forgive me he was so upset it hurt me more that my actions hurt him than the fact that he was mad at me because I knew deep down he was only mad because he was hurt. When I reached the front of the line I wanted to run and hide from the lock the older women at the checkout counter was giving me why didn't I go somewhere with self check out? After I paid her I wasted not time bolting out the door to my car.
I got home about an hour ago and took the pill and it wasn't lying when it said it could cause nausea. I run to the toilet and vomit yet again, after I flush the toilet I hear my phone ringing so I pick it up without looking I can't ignore people forever.
"Hello" I say exhaustively.
"Hey" The voice spoke calmly that voice that's Eli's voice but why?
"Did you need something?" I ask quickly feeling nausea coming over me again.
"Yeah i wanted to tell you I'm not going to tell Jake so I'd appreciate you not-" I tried to hold it back but i could I dropped the phone and once again heaved into the toilet bowl. I hear Eli going on and on when I pick the phone back up.
"Clare? Are you okay?" He asked concerned.
"I'll be fine not that you care" I tell him sounding miserable.
"Why are you throwing up? Wait you took that pill after I told you I used a condom didn't you?"
" " silence I couldn't get myself to respond.
"Wow you think less of me than I thought anyway I'm not going to tell Jake so don't tell julia" He stated sounding pissed yet again.
"You do what you want Eli i won't tell her but I might tell jake." I tell him honestly resting my head on the lid of the toilet. It takes him a moment but he finally responds.
"What the fuck Clare? Why would you tell him? Do you want to make us both more miserable over this stupid mistake?" He yelled furiously. He's definitely never spoken to me that way I felt my lip quiver and hung up without another word.
Mistake? I knew it wasn't the right thing to do but it hurt hearing him say it especially the way He sounded… so, so hateful. I slowly got up and went back to my room laying down on my bed and for the first time since I slept with Eli I cried over. The worst part is this isn't over.
I still have to figure out what to do about Jake.