After being questioned they let Eli go but took Jake to the station and charged him for what he had done to me he was quite as they lead him out of my house by the look in his eyes spoke volumes the things they were saying were terrifying. Eli and I are currently standing in my living room he's staring at me I can feel it I however am staring at the ground to avoid looking at him.
"Clare look at me." Eli breaks the silence his voice monotone.
"Thanks." I whisper afraid my voice might crack if I speak any louder as I look up at him.
"Why didn't you tell me? You know I would have taken care of it."
"You were mad at me and I don't really know Eli I didn't want to burden you especially after what happened when Julia finds out she-"
"She already knows Clare, Julia and me our relationship is a joke you know that. You'll always come first to me, you're the furthest thing from a burden" He reassures staring me in the eyes I look back down only to have him come over tilting my head back up.
"Was what happened between us really that big of a mistake? Other than the obvious reasons like our relationships with other people." I ask him timidly feeling nervous over what he might say. I'm not sure why it hurts to think he feels that way but it does.
"Yes." I feel my heart drop for a moment before he continues to answer. "And no, it was a mistake because it's caused problems with us and everything with Jake and of course the fact that neither of us were single made it wrong, but other than the bad timing I think it would have happened eventually if you want my honest opinion the timing was terrible though."
I stare at him quiz matically tilting my head from one side to the other similar to a dog begging for a treat, what does he mean by that? Does it mean what think it does; that he's felt the same connection I have all this time and was choosing to hide it also? As terrified as I am to ask i have no other choice I need to know.
"What are you saying Eli?" I ask him boldly giving him my full attention
"I'm saying I've always thought we would end up together, the way I feel about you I could never feel about someone else. I didn't want us to rush into something neither of us are ready for; we're both young we don't know how to handle a serious relationship look how our relationships have gone So far? I didn't want us to end up like that. So I've been waiting for the right time." He tells me looking into my eyes i know him well enough to know he meant every word of what he said making my jaw practically smack down to the floor.
What do I say now? I had feelings for Eli do I still? I pushed them aside for Jake but I have to admit deep down I knew I was lying to myself I love Eli I always and probably always will just the way he said I don't think I could ever feel the way I do for him for someone else. It will always be him that I truly want.
"I feel the same way." I finally say smiling softly at him my smile grows wider when I see the huge grin on his face.
We both stand there smiling at each other like idiots for such a long time I'm embarrassed to admit before Eli finally says something.
"So what does this mean for us, are we going to be together? He asks straightforward.
I don't honestly know what this means we have admitted to having feelings for each other the passes the line of friendship but we're both still young and clearly don't know how to handle relationships yet. If we get together now we could ruin our whole friendship the way I thought us having sex did. Had he even forgiven me for that? It would seem that way but when it comes to Eli you really can never be sure, he can be vary all over the place with his emotions sometimes it came be to much even scary but I love him anyway so I hope this means he's forgiven me. I'm still unsure of how to answer the question my heart wants this but my brain isn't agreeing.
What about Julia are her and Eli still a couple he said she knows but he never said anything about them breaking up. She probably hates me now; I can't blame her I'd hate me too. If they are still together I can't be with Eli I refuse to come between them anymore than I already have regardless of what Eli said about their relationship being a joke that doesn't give me the right to date him as soon as he dumps her if she hasn't already dumped him or even if she did break up with him I can't immediately be with him flaunting it for her to see.
But, I do love him I want to be with him so badly couldn't turning him down also cause another problem with our relationship. I feel so much weight on my shoulders over this decision. I'm truly damned if I do damned If I don't here neither decision is a good one.
I look up at Eli his eyes looking at me like he's trying to figure out what I'm think if he knows me as well as he should it should take him long to see total confusion in my expression from the inner conflict I'm having however I've made up my mind over what I have to do even though I'm still conflicted. I take a deep Breath before opening my mouth only to close it again second guessing myself.
"Eli we can't be together." I look him dead in the eyes seeing his emotions run rampant.