"Are you kidding me?" Eli paces the floor tugging at the roots of his hair "seriously Clare this has to be a joke."
I'm serious Eli-"
"So that's how it is? I confess my inner feelings to you and this is what I get? If you feel the same what's so hard about being with me? We've already fucked up our friendship what do we have to lose Clare?"
He has a valid point but what about Julia? Jake? What will everyone have to say about us? There is already enough talk floating around the halls about us this would only add fuel to the fire can we handle that?
"What about Julia and the rest of our friends even people we don't know Eli? They will put so much pressure on us from the start?"
"I don't care about any of that I care about you! At this point it's really all or nothing Clare I can't just be friends with you now that you know how I feel and I know who you do."
I look deep into his eyes and I know he means this it's an ultimatum either I give in and give him all of me agreeing to be his or I loose my best friend completely and I know my heart can't take that. I drop my head in my hands this is not the position I wanted to be in. This morning as been a whirlwind of emotions and my thoughts are flurrying around my head rapidly. I don't want to do this but I don't have much of a choice at this point do I?
"Okay El,." I walk closer to him. "I'll be with you."
"I love you Clare," he says taking my head in his hands. "I'm in love with"
"I'm in love with you too Eli, i'm just scared, i'm so scared" I spilled.
"I won't let anything happen to you, you know that."
"That's not what i'm afraid of."
"Then why are you scared?" He questions brushing my hair out of my face.
"Losing you" I feel tears brimming my eyes. It has been an emotional morning to say the least my emotions are rampant.
"never " Eli sys before connecting his lips to mine. Our hands exploring each other for the first time says the night of Jake's party reminding how much I missed Eli's touch without evening knowing how much I loved it in the first place.
After wasting the morning wrapped up in each other and the uncertainty of what will come of us we decided to come to school for the rest of the day might as well face it now if i prolong it i'm not sure if i'll ever do it so hand in hand Eli and I walk into degrassi, Eli had already sent Julia a message informing her of everything she never replied, I have to admit i'm afraid to face her; i'm not better then Jenna i'm a boyfriend stealing bitch, we were friends and I betrayed her in such a big way. Sure I loved Eli first but he was hers, before I even met her I knew he was hers but I didn't care drunk or not I knew what I was doing in the moment but I did it anyway so I deserve whatever backlash comes of this but that doesn't mean i'm prepared for it. Walking through the hall we receive quite a few stairs i'm not shocked we had gone from best friends to drunken sex partners enemies and now together? Thats a lot to do in such a short time it probably has their heads spinning. The first familiar face we cross is Adam he seems happy for us another wary over how fast we jumped into this granted the feelings had always been there we still did a 180 which can have terrible repercussions as i'm about to find out as I see julia making her way down the hallway towards us with an unreadable expression.
"Hello love birds" she chirps eerily happy.
"Listen julia I never meant for all this to happen I swear i'm sorry-" I blabber
"Relax Clare no hard feelings over you being a religious whore" she smiles almost as if she hadn't just insulted me leaving me speechless for a few moments.
Julia-" I try again.
"No Clare really it's fine. This just means we'll get even more time together." Eli and I both look at her confused not know what she's getting at wouldn't this mean us parting ways? We can't be friends now.
"Excuse me? I ask my voice coming out weak and confused.
"Oh well I suppose now is as good a time as ever to spill the beans I mean you both need to know" Her words make worry run through my veins what is she talking about I grip Eli's hand tighter. " That abortion? Well it never happened i'm still pregnant." smiles " well gotta go i'll be in touch you two." and with that she walks away.
What just happened? Did things really blow up this bad this fast. I look over to Eli seeing his pale face his expression as if he had seen a ghost, clearly he had been certain she had gotten an abortion because he looks like her words drained the life from him, he doesn't dare to look at me probably terrified of my reaction. I don't know how to react; I love him a baby doesn't change that but that doesn't mean i'm strong enough to stand by his side while another girl carries his child or deal with them having to raise the baby together. Am I even willing to try? Is it an acceptable reason to desert my best friend and what I feel is the love of my life? Babies are blessings right? I can't expect him to abandon his child for me so I have two choices Either break this off and hope I don't lose him or stand by his side and hope it works out.
"Clare, look you don't have to be with me after this I understand if-"
"Eli" I turn to face him taking his head in my hands I notice the emotions racing through him the most notable being fear; it's not like him to be afraid all I want to do is take it away. " we'll get through this together. I love you"
" What am I going to do Clare?"
"Be a dad."