Hi! I am so sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. I began writing three entries for separate contests, but none of them worked out. However, two of them have potential to be independent stories in the future, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.

It did take me away from this E&B, and it took me a few days to get my head back into their world. I have decided to stick to this until I complete it. Evidently, I am not one of those writers who can work on several stories at a time!

Thank you for your patience!

Not beta'ed. All mistakes are mine.

Chapter-12

(Past)

Days passed and turned into weeks. Spring gave way to long, balmy days of summer. Hundreds of flowers bloomed in our gardens, and the sweet smell of roses and lavender permeated the air, tempting me to wander outside more often.

I learnt more about the mansion and the estate, though most of my knowledge came from secondhand sources. Since Anthony had assured me that Mrs Stanley would continue dealing with the many maids in the household, I had little interaction with them. Any complaints I might have were to be conveyed to the housekeeper, who would chastise them as she deemed suitable. Not that I had any. Mrs Stanley evidently ran a tight ship as far as the household was concerned.

I did visit the kitchen once a day as I wished to speak with the cook directly. Also, I liked the kitchen as it was a cheerful, bustling place as opposed to the rest of the mansion. Even though Anthony was a gentle soul, he insisted that rules and etiquettes be followed everywhere, at all times. His father must have drilled it into him as a child.

I was brought up in a similar manner, but in the Masen household rules seemed to precede all else. Even though my parents had expected that my siblings and I follow the decorum in general, especially when we had guests, the atmosphere in our house remained light and genial. My father was not a man of many words, but we knew that he cared for our happiness, and my mother was so openly affectionate that there was never any doubt regarding her feelings.

Perhaps things were different in a noble household? How would I know? I had only read or heard about the grandeur of lords and ladies before I was propelled into this great household with every crystal chandelier and every gilt-sprinkled tapestry proclaiming its opulence. I did not even know if I could be the wife Anthony's status required.

But when I voiced my doubts to him one evening at dinner, conscious of a couple of servants standing only a few feet away and pretending to be deaf to any personal conversation, he brushed them aside very sweetly.

"Don't let this show of wealth intimidate you, Isabella," he said reassuringly. "As I explained to you earlier, it is all for the sake of our position in the society. This crystal and gold surrounding us, these silk and velvet garments we wear, and this retinue of servants at our behest—everything fulfils the purpose of upholding the rank of the Masen family in the eyes of others. It means nothing to me. You are much more important to me than these inanimate objects gathered by my ancestors; never doubt that."

"But I feel like a fake sometimes," I murmured as softly as he had, trying to prevent the servants from overhearing us. "Will I ever be a real lady, like your wife should be?"

He smiled indulgently. "What does it mean to be a real lady? Is it one who was born the daughter of a lord, who appears in balls dripping with jewels and spends her life ruling the servants of her household? In my opinion, a lady is one who is kind and compassionate to everyone regardless of their station, who has a heart that goes out to the poor and the needy living under her husband's protection, and who does not judge people for being different. You are already more of a lady than half the titled dames I have met in my life. You don't have to be anybody else, all right? Just be exactly as you are, and you will never go wrong."

He commenced eating his dessert while I gazed at him, my heart bursting with gratitude for having so understanding a husband. But there was still a doubt niggling at my mind.

"That is very generous praise, my lord," I said finally when he looked at me quizzically. "However, I am afraid that not everyone might be willing to share your opinion. What if the guests who come here to enjoy the summer and to hunt during the season find me lacking? It would pain me a great deal if they criticise you for going against the social norms by marrying a commoner?"

Anthony shook his head. "I wish it wouldn't, for I cannot change others people's opinions. However, if it causes you discomfort, I can ask them to abstain this year from visiting. By next season, perhaps you will be more used to your surroundings, and not bothered by their words. Is that agreeable with you?"

To say that I was amazed with his thoughtfulness would have been an understatement. Still, I gave the matter some thought while we finished our meal.

"My lord, I remember that these guests help provide employment to many people living nearby. I would not wish to take that away from them just because I might feel uncomfortable in their presence. Please, let the plans to visit and hunt remain as they used to be. I will do my best to make them feel welcome to the estate."

Anthony took my hand and kissed the back of it in a gallant manner. "Thank you, Isabella. You have eased my mind completely. Now, how is your riding progressing? I hope you are enjoying the lessons?"

Ah yes, the riding lessons. I was definitely enjoying them, perhaps more than I should.

It was not as if Edward and I had done anything improper. He was always very correct in his behaviour towards me, friendly but respectful. He touched me only while helping me sit on Rosalie or helping me down. Sometimes, he would take my foot and demonstrate how much pressure to exert on Rosalie's sides to make her turn, or change her pace from a walk to a trot, and from a trot to a canter. I had not progressed to galloping as yet.

He also showed me how to use my hands on the reins, how to keep my touch light but firm. All these touches were innocent in themselves. No, the fault lay not in Edward's actions, but his eyes.

More than once I had spied him glancing at me with such longing as had made me gasp with consternation. It was always for a brief moment, and clearly when he thought I was not aware of it. While we walked our horses side-by-side, speaking of the weather or the beauty of the countryside or something else, he was careful to maintain a neutral but friendly expression. But the few instances when I caught him unawares proved that it was a façade, that inside him some strong emotion swirled, the agitation peeking out from his eyes in those rare, unguarded moments. It made my heart ache with sadness, for I knew too well that nothing could come of it. I was married to his cousin. Not only that, but I also loved my husband. I could never do anything to betray the trust he had displayed in me.

And yet, was it only Edward's eyes that were at fault? Was it not my treacherous heart that beat a mite harder when he wished me good morning outside the stable, or when I felt the warmth of his hands on my waist while he helped me up on Rosalie? Was it not my face that glowed with warmth when he took my hand in his to teach me what to do with the reins? And did my insides not tingle with the closeness we shared when once he let me slide down slowly from my horse—holding me all the while—because I had complained of giddiness?

Apart from the physical attraction, there were also the long, leisurely conversations that we shared. I told him about my parents, my siblings, and my childhood. In return, he shared with me his past—or should I say, his past as well as Anthony's, for they had shared much of it. He also told me a few things he had come to know from his mother.

Edward's father, after whom he had been named, was younger brother to James, but they had never been close. James had always been ambitious, and also somewhat ruthless in the pursuit of wealth and power. On the other hand, Edward Senior was easy-going and kind. As James was the elder brother, he got the title and the majority of the property, which suited his ideas to live a life of luxury perfectly.

"Perhaps, if my father had been ambitious, he could have been rich," mused Edward as we sat on a grassy knoll near the stream that flowed through the woods bordering the estate. The horses had been exercised enough, so Edward had brought me a little way inside the woods, promising that I would like the spot. And I did—it was green and full of wildflowers and so quiet. The horses stood near the stream, drinking from it and nuzzling each other.

"So what was his profession?"

"He was a pastor for Forkton and a couple of nearby villages. My mother tells me that he was very good at his job and the people liked and respected him. They were not rich, but they were comfortable enough. More importantly, they were happy with what they had, and with each-other. Lord Masen didn't visit them often, and my parents were fine with that. He lived his life, and they lived theirs."

"So how did Anthony and you become so close?" I asked curiously.

He stretched out on the green grass and crossed his hands underneath his head. "You know that Anthony is nearly three years older to me?" When I nodded, he continued. "He has always been there for me, as far as I remember. He lost his mother when he was really little—not even two years old. And Lord Masen was always busy managing his business and travelling, so he requested my mother to keep an eye on him. He had a nurse of course, and Mrs Stanley too, but I suppose James thought a family member could be trusted more."

"That is understandable, I think," I agreed. "Also, Lord Masen does not seem to be the kind of man who would bother himself too much with a toddler."

Edward snorted. "That is an understatement. But you are right, he had no patience with a little boy. Most men don't, I think."

I was suddenly curious. "What about you, Edward? Would you keep your children at a distance like most noblemen do?"

He remained quiet for a minute, his expression thoughtful. "No," he said finally, "I don't think I will do that. I can't. My parents were quite affectionate towards me, even my father. Even if I was to be punished for some mischief, it was something mild, just to make me understand that actions have consequences."

Then he looked at me and gave a mischievous smile. "Also, you forget that I am not a lord, so why would I behave like one? But you are a lady now, Isabella. Will you be one of those mothers who meet their children once a day, expecting them to be proper and correct all the time, seen but not heard?"

"Is that what will be expected from me?" I enquired, disturbed by the thought of not seeing my child throughout the day. "I don't like that much. I would prefer to spend as much time as possible with my child, play with him, and sing a lullaby at bedtime…"

I stopped at the look of adoration on Edward's face. "It seems you have given some thought to the subject," he said softly. He sat up then, his face inches away from mine. "You will be a good mother, Isabella. I can picture you right now with a baby in your lap as you coo and smile at it."

The back of his fingers brushed my cheek, leaving me feeling warm all over. I knew my face must have turned pink.

"You blush so beautifully," he whispered, and suddenly my fingers itched to touch him. But as my hand rose, I was startled by a high-pitched whinny from Emmett.

I snatched my hand back and jumped up, arranging the skirts of my riding habit. "It is getting late. We should go."

I did not look at him as I climbed down the knoll and walked to Rosalie with hasty steps. I did not know what I would see in Edward's face if I turned, and I was not sure if I wanted to find out. What were we doing? How could I forget that I was married to someone else?

Edward followed me quietly. For the first time as he helped me up on my horse, I felt his hands shake. For the first time too, not a single word was spoken as we rode home.

-ATW-

At dinner that night, Anthony announced that our first guests for the summer were arriving the next day.

A.N. Looks like we are going to have some excitement on the estate!