"Y-you will?" he stammers.
I nod quickly, looking behind me. I don't know why. Maybe I'm hoping Finn would chase after me, tell me I had it all wrong, but no. Of course he wouldn't, he's got his tongue down the throat of the hottest girl in school. He probably didn't even see me.
Tears begin to burn behind my eyes. Why did I ever think I had a chance? Look at me, I don't dress girly, I'm not pretty like she is, nor am I as skinny. Why does this bother me so much?
Because it's her, the little voice in my head replies.
If I look as sad as I feel, Leo doesn't notice and smiles at me before wrapping his arms around me saying, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, Rye!"
"No problem," I give him a small (fake) smile.
"I've got to get back to PSHE, but I'll see you after school, okay?" he says, but runs off before I can reply.
And there he leaves me, standing all alone in an empty hallway, the boy I like and the girl I hate just a hallway over making out against his locker. My mouth tastes bitter and metallic. I realise this is because I've bitten on my lip so hard that I've drawn blood. The tears are still burning and my lip begins to quiver, so I quickly run outside to the tree. Once I'm there I let out a sob, finally letting the tears fall.
I guess this is just what it's always going to be like. The better girl gets the guy, every time.
Except she's not the better girl, the voice says, you know what she can do. You're afraid she'll hurt him.
Of course I am. I'm afraid she'll hurt him in the way she's hurt every other guy. Except it'll be so much worse because I'll have to pick up the pieces and then when he's fixed, watch him get hurt by another girl.
The bell rings and people start to filter onto the field for lunch. I quickly wipe my eyes. No use crying over something that was never mine, right?
Maddie and Jack walk over and I smile at them. Jack has his hands in his jeans and Maddie's are holding her messenger bag strap. They're walking the right distance apart but they're too shy to hold hands. Jack sees me watching and I raise my eyebrows, as if to ask if he's asked her yet, but he shakes his head slightly.
They sit down, thankfully neither of them notices anything is wrong, and chatter begins as usual. Maddie and I are trading lunch when Jack asks where Finn is. I shrug.
"I have a feeling he won't be joining us today," I mutter.
"What makes you say that?" Maddie ask, sceptical.
"Just a feeling," I shrug again. I really don't want to get into this right now, especially not with Finn's best guy friend sitting right there. I think there's some kind of bro code where you have to tell the guy if a girl is talking about them… well, I don't want to risk it even if there isn't.
"Hey, Orion," a sweet voice says. I look up and see the beautiful Brianne Willson standing before me in a flowery sundress and her auburn hair in waves, resting on her shoulders.
"Hey, Brianne," I try a smile. I'm instantly jealous. Not of the way Leo feels about her, because that's gross, but because if I looked like her maybe Finn would like me.
Stop thinking like that! screams the voice. If he doesn't like you for you then he's not worth it. You've tried changing to fit in before and see how that turned out.
I hate to admit it, but the voice right.
"So… I was just wondering if the rumours were true," she says shyly, like she shouldn't be talking to me at all. "I mean, I wanted to find out first hand instead of listening to gossip. Which I don't do, by the way! I just-"
"What rumours?" I interrupt before she can babble on.
She flushes red before saying, "That you and Leo are dating."
Wow, that got around fast... "Uh… yeah… I guess we are," I mumble. Brianna nods at her feet, looking disappointed. I smile a little. She so likes him! Okay, if I'm not doing this for myself I'm definitely doing it to help Leo. I'll dfo anything to get them together.
"Oh, right. Okay, that's cool. You guys make a cute couple," she smiles sweetly again, and I feel awful. Her eyes look so sad and I don't know what I can say to make her feel better. It's not like I can turn around and say 'oh, don't worry, it's only to make you jealous' but it doesn't stop me from feeling like shit. She's going to hurt because of this. And I'm going to be the cause.
"Anyways," she clears her throat. "I'll catch you later." She gives us a small smile before hurrying off back up towards the school.
Maddie's jaw drops open and she shouts, "You little shit!" She then proceeds in throwing food at me, no matter who's it is or what it is. I put my arms up to shield myself but the food just keeps coming.
"How much food do you have?!" I yelp as an apple hits my upper arm.
"It's all Jack's! But that's beside the point!" The food stops and her hands start. She slaps me at every word. "When were you going to tell me?!"
"I don't know! Stop hitting me!" Jack slowly pulls her back and she huffs, crossing her arms and looking furious.
"'It's a stupid idea' she said, 'that's the worst idea I've ever heard' she said," Maddie imitates my voice as high and annoying; I actually wince at the sound. "You're a goddamn liar! Do you know how bad you made me feel when I left the Bakery?"
"I know, I'm sorry," I say, feeling incredibly guilty. "But I would never have agreed to it if-" I stop myself before I say any more. My eyes are stinging again, my cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
"If what?" Jack asks. I don't reply, I just shake my head and begin picking at my sandwich.
Maddie smacks my shoulder, "If what, asshole?!"
"If I hadn't of seen him making out with Marina!" I scream, but cover my mouth as soon as I've said the words. Maddie's face flushes red as she takes a deep breath to start a rant but I don't want to hear it. I'm sick of hearing it in my own head. I put a hand up to stop her and say, "It doesn't matter anyway. You saw the way Brianne looked when I told her. She likes Leo, and I'm going to help with that. This isn't about Finn." Maddie scoffs and tilts her head, eyebrow raised. "Urgh, okay, so maybe it's a little about Finn. But most of it isn't. Finn probably doesn't even care. I'm doing this for Leo."
After school, I meet Finn by his locker. He gives me a short hello and we walk out of school. I can feel all eyes on us, but I'm unsure which piece of gossip everyone is talking about. Of course, the guy that was making out with Marina Rambin and the girl who's dating the quarterback walking out of school together would be source for more gossip and rumours. Then again, I don't know who else knows about Marina and Finn apart from me, Maddie and Jack, and they only know because I told them. I bet Marina went around bragging afterwards; just hoping it would get back to me. I'm just as bad as them, I think bitterly.
We're almost home and Finn still hasn't said anything. He's awfully smiley but nothing has come out of his mouth.
"Got anything to tell me, Michael Smiley?" I ask teasingly. He scowls at my nickname for him but the smile returns to his face quickly. We stop outside his house and he shakes his head.
"Nope, just a good day is all." With that, he walks to his house, leaving me with nothing but a quick wave.
My chest stings and I frown. Just a good day? He's not even going to tell me about Marina? He's not shut up about her all week! All that torture and when something finally happens, that I know of, he doesn't tell me? Some friend!
I'd like to admit that it hurts a lot more than I thought it would. Am I not trust worthy? Does he not consider me a good enough friend to tell me? He's supposed to be my best friend and he doesn't tell me. I suppose the fact I know makes it a lot worse; the fact that I know he's lying. If I didn't know I could just assume that he had a good day, like he said. Well… he did have a good day, I suppose, if you can call choking on Marina's make-up 'good'. I smile a little at my own joke before I realise I'm still stood outside his house.
I shake my head and rush into my house, although I've only made it halfway up that stairs when Mum calls me back down.
"Aren't you supposed to be at the Bakery?" she asks. I throw my head back and groan, sinking to my knees and collapsing on the stairs.
"Momma, I don't feel good," I moan.
"Orion-" she starts in a warning tone, but she cuts herself off, looking at my face. "What happened?"
"Just a bad day is all," I say, mimicking Finn's words.
"I'll call your Dad, come on, we need to have a one to one." She stalks off into the kitchen to get the phone and I flop onto the couch. "I know… she's not feeling too well, Peeta… she can make up her shift tomorrow morning… alright… I love you too, bread boy." She finishes the phone call with a laugh and flops down next to me. "Alright, tell me what's up."
For the next hour and a half I proceed in telling my mother almost everything, only leaving out some things, like what happened at the Bakery with Marina. I'm still not ready to talk about that. Most teenagers would think its weird telling their parent's all this stuff but honestly, after the past couple of years, we're a pretty close family.
"I guess I'm just… hurt by it. A lot more than I'd like to admit, but…" I finish with a shrug, although I can feel the tears brimming.
"Okay, can I just start by staying two things? Firstly, Marina is a whore and a half, she'll probably die of aids and is a washed up slapper who doesn't have a caring cell in her body. She also needs to consider the fact that, not only does her make up make her even uglier than she already is, her personality does too."
"Mum!" I laugh.
She smiles, "It's true, and what Finn sees in her is beyond me! Secondly, I think what you're doing with Leo is a terrible idea because someone is going to get terribly hurt. I'm scared that you're the one that's going to hurt, or someone else is going to, which will make you hurt just as bad. You're like your father and his need to make people feel better. You hurt when people you care about are hurting. I'm not going to stop you from doing it, because you need to make your own mistakes, I'm just saying be careful."
I nod, considering her words for a moment. I know it's a mistake, but it's a mistake I have to make it if it means Leo gets his happy ever after. Mum swallows me in a hug and kisses my forehead before holding my face and looking into my eyes.
"You're such a beautiful girl, Rye. You're going places. Girls like Marina are going to end up working in Target to afford the make-up they use or they're going to live off Daddy's money, but both of us know that money earned is the best kind. So is happiness. Your father and I love you so much, we're so proud of you and Damon and of the amazing people you've grown up to be. I just wish you could see that."
"Thank you, Mum," I whisper.
She smiles, wipes the tear that is falling down my cheek and says, "Come on, let's go make dinner."