Chapter-29
Winter has come and gone, and spring has melted the memories of cold, harsh days, along with the ice that used to form on the village pond and on the steps of the church. It has been as long as any other winter, and we have had our share of snowy, blustery days.
Unlike the past few winters, I have not felt the cold, gloomy days affect me much. I have been in my own little world, warm and secure in my husband's love.
My mother, sister and aunt have visited as much as possible, and I returned their visits some times. Edward is overprotective and thinks it is dangerous for me to travel much while there is ice on the narrow path leading to the village.
Unlike the last time, Elizabeth has been a regular visitor to our house, and a welcome one. I cannot ask her enough questions about Edward as a child, but I also listen with rapt attention when she reminisces about her childhood, the little town she grew up in and the happy years she spent on the estate with her husband.
As for Lizzie, she has always been a happy child, but I can see her blossoming more with all the love and attention she is receiving nowadays. She is becoming better at sketching too, and she was utterly fascinated by the old sketches Elizabeth has. For the past four months, she has been trying to sketch most everybody she knows, be it her grandparents or Mrs Newton. The later was clearly embarrassed to be a subject, but just like all of us, she could not refuse the darling girl.
She even put her best smile for the sketch. That was very amusing to see!
The observant child that she was, Lizzie noticed my increasing girth even under gowns that had been let out at the waist. And of course her little ears picked up parts of conversations between adults, so it wasn't long that she put two and two together.
We had recently allowed her to join us for lunch, as that was an informal meal most of the times. She minded her manners fairly well for her age, so we have had no reason to rescind the arrangement. Then one day she surprised us by asking if she was going to have a brother like her friend had a while ago.
Elizabeth, who was with us, was the only person at the table to muster a coherent reply. I was too embarrassed by my daughter's perspicacity. Children were not supposed to notice these things. I remembered how surprised I was when my siblings were born, and how readily I had accepted my aunt's explanation that the stork had brought them so that I would have someone to play with.
I wasn't sure I would be able to manage that quite so glibly, were Lizzie to inquire into the means of the baby's arrival. I hoped she wouldn't think about it.
I glanced at Edward, but he was focussing on his food, his cheeks pink and eyes looking down. Thank heavens Elizabeth wasn't bothered by Lizzie's unexpected query. She looked directly at her, smiled and confirmed that yes, she was going to be an elder sister. And wouldn't it be nice to have a baby in the house?
Lizzie wrinkled her little nose and pondered the question. "I am not sure. Don't they sleep a lot, and cry all the time when they are awake?"
"Well, yes," said Elizabeth patiently, "a baby is very small in the beginning, you know? It needs to grow up to become as smart as you are, and for that it has to sleep a lot. And since it cannot speak, it cries to let others know that it is hungry. But all babies like to play, so you can do that, and teach it the things you know as soon as it can talk."
Her answer seemed to make sense to Lizzie, and she nodded and started eating again.
The next morning, when Edward and I went to see Lizzie after breaking our fast, we found her holding her sketchbook behind her as if hiding it, and a wide smile spread on her angelic face.
"What have you drawn this time, sweetheart?" asked Edward, going down on his knees so that they were at eye level and opening his arms.
Lizzie walked into them with a confidence that spoke of complete trust. "I have drawn our family, Papa. Do you want to see it?"
Both of us professed our curiosity to see the picture, so Lizzy made a great show of slowly bringing the book in our sight. Once she displayed the page to us, she stood back and waited for our comments.
Edward and I stared speechlessly at the picture. We had seen the figures she had drawn before, but this was the first time there were so many people on a page. Even though the presentation was simple, it was easy to recognize Edward, me and Lizzie. But what grabbed our attention was that both Edward and I appeared to be carrying a little figure each in our arms. Not much of them could be seen apart from their faces as everything else seemed to be wrapped in a long cloth, but it was clear that they were babies.
"This is very nice, Lizzie," said Edward, kissing her cheek in a fond manner. "Why are their two babies, may I ask?"
Lizzie bounced on her chubby feet. "It is because I would like a sister and a brother, Papa," she announced gravely. "Mama has one of each, so I should have them too."
Edward nodded at this logical statement, even though his lips twitched with amusement. "But sweetheart, we can have only one baby at a time. You will have to wait for the other one. After all, your uncle Mike is younger than your aunt Angela, isn't he?"
Lizzie appeared to consider this with profound seriousness. "You are right. Mama," she continued, turning towards me, "can you not give us two babies at the same time?"
Well, the stork-brings-babies theory was out of the window. Apparently, my bright daughter had decided that I was the one bringing the baby into this world.
"No darling, babies require a lot of care, so I am going to have just one this time."
"But you can have another after this one grows up like me, can't you? I will help you take care of it."
She looked at me so hopefully that I could not deny her. Also, before I could answer her, Edward ruffled her hair and said, "Of course mama can give you a second brother or sister, sweetheart. In fact, if you ask her very nicely, she may even give a third one. Would you like that?"
"Really?" Lizzie said, her eyes wide with disbelief. "Can you have more than two, Mama?"
I glared at Edward, only to discover him smiling smugly. My lord knew very well that I could not say 'no' to Lizzie while there was a very good chance that we might in fact have more than two children. He did like to put me on the spot!
"We will see, Lizzie. If all of you (here I gave Edward a rather stern look) behave well and if I feel happy, then I might have one more baby."
"Of course we will behave well, Mama," she assured me. "Papa, please keep mama happy. I want more brothers and sisters. Then I will have so many to play with!"
Edward bit his lip, probably to suppress his smile. "I will do my best to keep your mother happy, Lizzie. Now, why don't you get ready for your riding lesson? Snowball must be waiting for you."
As we walked out of the room, he leaned towards me and whispered in my ear, "Did I succeed in making you happy last night, Isabella, or should I try again before I leave for the day?"
-ATW-
"Jasper is going to leave us," says Edward, spreading butter on his lightly toasted slice of bread.
"Why?" I ask, sampling another of the cook's light, flaky pastry. As my time to deliver comes closer, my appetite increases. It is a wonder I have not become as round as a pumpkin!
When I was increasing with Lizzie, I had a poor appetite, a combination of guilt over cheating on Anthony and worry over Edward's wellbeing in a strange land. As a result, I ate just enough to sustain the baby I carried. I remember my mother fretting over my pale cheeks and dull eyes, but I couldn't bring myself to care. It was only after Lizzie was born that I woke up from my apathetic state and began to take better care of myself, for it was the least I owed to her as a mother.
This time of course I had no reason to be happy and eat well, so I had been increasing in girth at a regular pace. Also, my face has come to resemble the full moon, so round it has become. Once or twice I mentioned this to Edward, but he refused to see the joke, insisting that it made him happy to see me well fed.
Also, he proved his liking for my body by bestowing his attention on me every night in our bed. And actions speak louder than words, don't they?
He purses his lips lightly. "You know how devoted he was to Anthony. He hasn't been happy since he passed away. At first he stayed because I asked him to, and then because it would have been unsafe to travel during the winter months. But now that the weather is better and the roads free of ice, he wishes to leave."
"So where does he plan to go?"
"He says he has family in Surrey, so that's where he is heading. A cousin of his in boat-building, and he has invited Jasper to join him in the business." He shrugs. "It's all right: I did fine without a valet for all these years, and I can manage now."
"Or you could train someone," I suggest with a teasing smile. "I am sure you are not very difficult to work for. A young lad from the village should be able to look after your needs."
His answering smile is positively wicked. "I prefer you to look after my needs, my darling wife. But if you insist, then yes, I can train someone to look after my clothes." A wink follows this scandalous statement.
"Edward!" My face is aflame with acute embarrassment. It is true that there is nobody in the room right now, but still, it is not our bedroom!
Before I can berate him further, a footman enters the room with the mail. He places the silver salver on the long table and withdraws. Since it is closer to me than Edward and I can see the cover of a woman's journal peeking through the various envelops, I go through the stack and pick it up. There are a couple of letters from ladies of my acquaintance, probably asking after my health, and one which for some strange reason has been addressed to Anthony. I mean, it has been almost a year since he passed away. Should not everyone who knew him be aware of this fact by now?
I pass the salver to Edward and check the other side of the envelope, curious to see who the sender could be. However, there is no return address. The handwriting on the front is rather untidy, and the name of the shire has been misspelled. Even the family name is written wrong. It is a surprise that this letter even made it here!
I carefully tear open the envelope. If it is anything related to the estate, I will pass it to Edward.
The single sheet of paper is filled with words scrawled across without care for legibility or spelling, some of them crossed and overwritten. The ink has faded from certain places, making it impossible to decipher the words. Maybe the writer spilled water or some other liquid on it.
"My dear Anthony,
I know I am not supposed to write to you. I remember your promise to make everything right when I left home. You said you are my brother I will do right by you. You said I am forever indebted to you give me some time and then she will be your in name and deed. I have been waiting patiently, but it has been three years! How long can I wait? What have you ben doing there anthony while I am dying here day by day. I cant eat I cant breath I cant live without her. I need her like you ned air my brother I am beging you send her to me I don't want anything else not your estat not your walth I want her only only her. My dater is growing without her father it is yor fault how can you be so cruel? I want them with me to see them daily to hug them to love them what else do I live for in this wold. It is enuf you don't love her you dont need her like I do. You only make her misrabel my darling how she spend her days crying do you even look in her eyes I know you cant you are a lily-livered cowrd. I will come and take them away I don't care what people say you can deal with them deal with your father too. What can he do beat you you are a man not a child stop being scred of him all the time. I love you brother you have done much for me but what more you want from me?"
My heart speeds up as I read the letter. There is no name at the end but who else could it be? Anthony might have other cousins but it is only Edward who is close enough to call him brother. Did he write this letter while he was in France? Was he drunk to write like this? But what did he mean by it all? Who is this woman he refers to as her? Can he possibly mean me?
I read it again, and once again. This time my eyes become riveted to one sentence—my daughter is growing up without her father and it is your fault. How can you be so cruel?
With trembling hands I turn the sheet of paper to see if anything is written on its back. My own name jumps out at me—Bella Bella Bella! Come to me, my love!
Suddenly the room is too hot and there is not enough air to breathe. I hear Edward's voice, but I cannot understand what he is saying. I look up to find him beside me, holding my shoulder, his lips moving. And then his face goes out of focus, even as the paper in my hand flutters away to the floor.
A.N. : And there it is-the truth. I must confess Edward's letter made me quite emotional!
I have not done the crossed and overwritten part in the letter as it would be terrible to look at, and of course the spelling mistakes are intentional.