Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic
Only the Best Protect Harry
I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.
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"Who the hell are all these people?"
"Well, Harry. They are your guard." Remus pointed out as he and Tonks struggled with a staggering Moody whose nose was bleeding profusely.
"Guard? What the hell do I need a guard for? Hell, why the hell are you even here?" Harry asked despite the onlookers, whom supposedly made up his guard.
"Dumbledore said you might be less than cooperative, but he figured with recent events your views might have changed." Remus said as he studied Harry's body posture.
Harry didn't respond as he stared at Remus with nothing, but confusion and annoyance.
"Harry, we did send owls you know, but you never responded. So we just assumed you were going along with the plan." The violet hair witch said breaking the silence.
"What ow…ls…" Harry began to ask as his mind wandered to the various post messages that remained unopened in his room. Only those sent by Fleur and Rita had been opened, all others tossed to the side.
"Ok, never mind then, but still doesn't explain why Dumbledore sent you guys?" Harry replied sharply. The only reason Harry could figure was Dumbledore wanted to silence him. His recent interviews with Skeeter had surely been published. Harry had gone on a rant about Dumbledore's views on the subject of Voldemort as well as go into more details of his life and enjoyments. Of course leaving those of questionable legality out.
"Have you been keeping up with the news Harry?" The violet hair witch asked.
"Been making plenty of news that's for sure." A rather large black bald headed wizard said rather harshly.
"Kingsley." Remus retorted giving the black bald wizard a stern look. Harry found it curious that the man would back down from Remus, being Kingsley was twice as big. Harry was sure if it had been him coming up the stairs Dudley would have been dead after throwing that punch.
"Well… no. I mean who has time for the news in the wizard world? I mean come on no television, not even a web page! It's like fucking stoned age." Harry said and chortled at his pun.
The violet haired witch gave Remus a grim look. Remus replied with a grim look of his own as sweat began to form on his brow.
"Well, Harry we assumed you had heard, but… I mean we didn't know that you didn't know what happened." Remus said rather nervously.
"Well what the hell happened. I suppose these are those recent events that you mentioned earlier? So spit it out." Harry exclaimed with open arms.
"I don't think now is the time and place Harry. We shall explain once we get you safely to the Order." Remus replied with a sigh.
"Who the hell said I was going anywhere? I got things to do. Big date coming up in a week or so, I can't be distracted by this rubbish about Tommy Boy." Harry said with a lazy flick of his wrist.
"You are coming with us Potter." Kingsley spat in a bold and deep manner.
"Says who?" Harry replied in a rare show of bravery knowing the man before him could pound the piss out of him.
"Enough!" Remus shouted before Kingsley could reply and make the atmosphere in the room anymore tense.
"Not to worry Harry, we will be going to London." Remus said with a sly grin finally coming to his face.
Harry perked his head up immediately. London was where he had been planning on going anyway. He had to pick up a cell phone for Fleur; owl post was just not cutting it. Then he had planned to visit Fleur on and help her move into her apartment so she could start her new job.
"London you say?" Harry said trying to play it coy.
"Don't bother, Sirius already told me what you were up to." Remus said breaking up in plots Harry might have been building up in his mind.
Harry scowled. "You've been talking with that mangy mutt, haven't you?"
"Indeed I have." Remus laughed.
Harry stretched out his arms giving a slight groan "Well then I'll just go get my things and we can be off."
"I can help you. Be much quicker if we use magic." The violet haired witch offered.
Harry paused and gave the shorthaired witch a look. "Who the hell are you anyway?"
"Tonks." She replied.
"Tonks? Just Tonks?" Harry asked his eyebrow raised.
"Don't like my first name." She answered with a scowl.
"Well Tonks, I can't have you going up in my room because there is a muggle other than my cousin up there. And number two… I say this with all due respect, but that hair has to go. I mean short and spiky? Are you a dyke or something?" Harry said with a shake of his head as he vanished upstairs to pack.
The group of witches and wizards remained quiet other than Moody's occasional groan, while Harry went up stairs to pack.
"Do I really look like a dyke?" Tonks finally said looking about rather defensively.
All the other witches and wizards quickly seemed to take an interest in all the Dursley's amazing muggle gadgets, all, but one.
"Yeah you do." Kingsley muttered.
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"What the hell happened here?" Harry said dragging his trunk into the kitchen.
Kingsley was laying on the ground a bloodied nose, while Remus had Tonks pinned into a corner whispering into her ear, apparently trying to calm her. No one seemed to be paying any attention to Harry at all.
"I didn't know she could throw a waffle iron that far." One of the wizards mumbled.
"What is a waffle iron?" Another wizard asked.
"That is." A witch replied pointing at bloodied waffle iron at Kingsley's feet.
Harry sighed and sat down at the kitchen table letting his trunk fall to his side. First Dudley and Karen making out as he went up to pack apparently pleased by Dudley's brave act. Damned that Hermione always being right!
Not only that, but he had a group of rather inept wizards about to escort him to London. Harry doubted whether they could even find the place. Harry didn't think this day could possibly get any worse.
"I'll… I'll kill that stupid boy!" Moody shouted rising from the floor apparently coming around enough to comprehend what had happened to him earlier.
Moody staggered forward his wand outstretched as he stumbling toward the exit in his attempt to extract revenge against Dudley for the face bashing he had received.
"Moody stop!" Remus said as he made his way over to Moody wrestling him to the ground. Whatever he had been whispering to Tonks hadn't calmed her down any because as soon as Remus vanished she pounced on Kingsley like a jungle cat would pounce on its prey.
Harry sighed resting his head in his hands. "They better hope I'm right on Voldemort or we are all dead."
Harry wasn't given anytime to mentally think on the matter as the kitchen light flickered on and a loud shriek erupted from the door. Harry along with the tangle of fighting witches and wizards looked up to see Aunt Petunia her hand just before her mouth in shock. Harry's uncle Vernon was soon by her side, his face growing red with shock and anger.
"What are all these freaks doing here?" Vernon shouted clearly angry.
Harry could really only think of one thing to say to diffuse the situation.
"Scatter!"
Witches and wizards were dashing here and there making for the exits as Vernon chased them about waving his pudgy fists menacingly, while Petunia had some how come up with a mop which she brandished as if it were a spear.
--
"I was wondering what happened. I mean I sent up the all ready sparks nearly thirty minutes before you guys came out." A wizard spoke as he flew alongside Remus, while Harry trailed behind them next to a disgruntled Tonks. Apparently the rest of the guard had gotten lost in the chaos of the abrupt exit.
"Well, like I said. Things just didn't go according to plan." Remus said defensively. Harry was sure he saw Remus throw a glance back at himself and Tonks as he spoke.
"Not going to tell me what happened are you?" The wizard said with a disappointed look.
"Just get back into formation." Remus replied with a heavy sigh.
They flew in a triangle type formation with Harry in the middle. It wasn't till they saw the lights of London ahead that Harry flew up to Remus's side. He held out a yellowed sheet of paper with one hand.
Remus looked at it warily, but snatched the paper and attempted to read it as they flew.
"I don't understand? A menu?" Remus muttered loudly amidst the wind.
"Chinese menu." Harry corrected Remus with a grin.
As they began to descend on one of the many streets of London Remus just shook his head trying to understand.
Harry laughed as they touched down.
"Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain."
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End Chapter
Curious to see if anyone got that, you know what I'm talking about.
Anyway title is officially Harry Potter and Order of the Chronic. And unless my readers seriously get sick of the grammar and what not, there will be no beta to ensure quicker updates.