Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic
Order of the Phoenix
I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.
--
"Where the hell are we anyway?" Harry muttered looking about the dilapidated street in London.
Broken windows seemed to be the norm of the buildings around them. Streetlamps were broken, graffiti tagged various buildings and trash piles here and there didn't seem uncommon.
"Headquarters of course." Tonks replied in a rather chipper tone apparently losing her animosity for Harry.
"Headquarters? Headquarters for what… anti-gang unit or something? Look at this place, a filthy fucking dump. I'm surprised we haven't been shot or mugged yet." Harry said waving his arms at the run down street.
"Sure do whine a lot don't you boy." A familiar voice snarled from behind, causing Harry to jump a bit as he turned to see Moody and a couple of other wizards touching down to the pavement.
"Just stating it like it is." Harry muttered regaining his composure. "How's the nose Moody?"
Moody glared at Harry for a moment before reaching into his pocket and grumpily handed Harry a worn piece of parchment.
"Um thanks? Black spot or something?" Harry said holding the crumpled piece of parchment in his hand.
"No Harry, read it." Remus replied as Moody stalked off toward the door.
The headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix may be found at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, London.
"What the hell is the Order of the…" Harry began to ask, but was quickly cut off.
"Not here boy! Wait till we're inside." Moody snarled.
Harry was about to ask inside where, but a building seemed to pop out of nowhere between buildings eleven and thirteen. Harry stared at the building in its less than welcoming appearance.
"Ok, Order of the…"
"I said not here boy or are your ears filled with to much wax?" Moody growled in a much harsher tone as he snatched the piece of parchment from Harry's hand, burning it.
Harry gave Remus a questioning look. Remus chuckled a bit.
"He is worried that spies might be listening in."
Harry rolled his eyes as a grin slowly came to his face.
"You know no one is listening in. Look at this area no one cares." Harry called out at Moody who was clunking his way towards the door ignoring Harry.
"Fine, Order of the Phoenix here! You hear me right here! Order of the fucking Phoenix!" Harry shouted pointing his finger in the direction of Grimmauld Place. He would have shouted more, but Moody appeared to be quite agile even with a peg leg and was upon him in a moment.
"I said shut it boy!" Moody growled harshly grabbing Harry by the front of his shirt.
Harry and Moody glared at each other for a few moments before Moody finally let go of his shirt stumping away fuming.
"Told you no one cared." Harry muttered to his back.
"Shut the fuck up out there!" A voice sounded from one of the buildings followed by a few other voices uttering similar threats.
Harry paused giving each of those with him a grin before shrugging.
"Well at least they care if we are annoying enough."
--
Just as Harry expected the inside of the house was just as run down as the streets outside.
"Who the fuck lives here? This place is dump." Harry muttered with a sigh.
"Quiet now Harry we don't want to…" Remus began to whisper, but Harry seemed to have enough of being told to be quiet.
"I swear if one more person tells me to be quiet and not tell me what the hell is going…" Harry began to shout, but quieted as a loud shrieking erupted from down the hall a ways. "What the fuck is that?"
"He told you to be quiet." Tonks muttered with a sly grin.
Harry shot her a disgruntled look before wandering down the hall ignoring everyone else. He came upon a portrait of an older woman screaming and shouting obscenities.
"Vile Scum! Filthy freaks, mutants, begone from this place!" The voice shriek as Harry approached a curtained portion of the hall that could have passed for a door, but instead he came upon a portrait of a woman, and in his opinion not a very attractive woman.
"Bah, leave filthy brat besmirching my home!"
"Calm down you psycho nutty bitch."
"Ah… you dare? You worthless scum of the earth!"
"Scum of the earth… I like the sound of that." Harry muttered pondering the thought.
"Still doesn't change the fact that you madam are a dirty whore."
"Worthless brat! Son of a mudblood whore! Not worth the..."
Before the crazy woman in the portrait could finish a figure dressed in black moved in front of Harry pulling the drapes around the portrait closed, silencing the woman.
Sirius Black closed the drapes and turned expecting the worst from his Godson, but as he turned Harry was grinning back at him.
"What's so funny?"
"I like her, got a mouth like sailor." Harry replied before giving Sirius a hug and slap on the back.
"Missed you to." Sirius muttered ruffling Harry's hair as he pulled away.
Harry pulled away still grinning "How you doing you old pirate? So good to see you, what are you doing here?"
Sure enough the portrait began its ranting again and Sirius silenced it once again before Harry could begin another shouting match with it.
"Well Harry. I'm here because this is my house."
Harry gave Sirius a quizzical look. "You live here? Ever thought of hiring a decorator? Maybe just moving the area isn't that good you know and with the market the way it is you could get a good deal."
"Oh come now Harry, if I were to move how would I visit my mother's portrait." Sirius replied sarcastically as he lead him away from the hall, attempting to avoid another of his mother's outburst.
"That nutter bitch is you mom?"
"Indeed." Sirius answered gravely. "Been trying to get her down for ages, but apparently she put a permanent sticking charm on her portrait probably just to spite me even now that she's dead."
"Mother issues?" Harry asked innocently with a hint of mockery.
"Shut it." Sirius said giving Harry a playful slap on the back of his head.
"So if you really don't like your mother's portrait that much why don't you just cut the wall out around the portrait?" Harry asked.
Sirius didn't reply as they slowly walked along before shrugging.
"You could probably cut the picture out or maybe even just burn it. I find that very effective when dealing with these magical portraits." Harry said remembering the moronic knight Cadogan.
Sirius replied with another shrug.
"You didn't think of it did you?" Harry muttered with smirk.
"Hey, I've been busy… You know using this dump as a hideout and cleaning. Lots of that going on." Sirius answered sternly.
"And you were probably blitzed out of your skull." Harry added on.
"Yeah that to." Sirius said with no denial.
"Knew it. Stoned mutt." Harry said as he and Sirius shared a laugh at an empty part of a hallway in the upper regions of the Grimmauld Place. After finishing their laugh Sirius casually strolled past Harry opening a window and lighting up a smoke. Harry joined him leaning against the opposite wall.
"So how come you haven't been replying to your letters. You've had everyone worried." Sirius asked puffing on his cigarette.
"Out of date. Haven't these people heard of the phone or internet? I haven't got time to read." Harry muttered as if the owl post was a terrible inconvenience.
"Haven't been calling me I've noticed. I think your brain has been addled with all that comedy you've been playing with that girl of yours." Sirius said with a slick smile on his face.
"Shut it!" Harry said jabbing at his Godfather. The two began a playful match of jabbing at one another when the sound of footsteps began to approach. Sirius froze and as quick as flash flicked his cigarette out the open in window and with one look, Harry did the same. A moment later a pudgy Mrs. Weasley rounded the far corner of the hall.
"Sirius Black!" Mrs. Weasley shouted giving a sniff of the air.
"I know you've been smoking I can smell it as clear as day! No better than that Mundgus Fletcher and worse with Harry right here!" Mrs. Weasley shouted her hand poking at Sirius's chest as she approached.
Sirius backed away blubbering out excuses as the enraged Mrs. Weasley jabbed at him.
"It wasn't him Mrs. Weasley. It was me. I swear it." Harry said from behind her.
Mrs. Weasley turned giving his a soft motherly look. "Oh Harry dear, no need to cover for him. He knows better. Such behavior is uncalled for." Mrs. Weasley finished by giving Harry a furiously big hug, which Harry returned while he shot Sirius a few mocking faces.
"And you!" Mrs. Weasley said harshly rounded on Sirius.
"You need to get to the meeting! They are waiting for you down there." Mrs. Weasley said to Sirius, whose face was going red. Not because of Mrs. Weasley, but because Harry was mocking him grinding his hips in an unceremonious way and raising his arm whirling it around in a whipping motion.
"Harry dear, I know this must be hard for you? I mean he was a friend of yours after all. Not to worry Dumbledore will get it all sorted out." Mrs. Weasley said rounding on Harry again.
Harry gave Mrs. Weasley a curious look. "Mrs. Weasley I'm not sure what you're talking about."
"You haven't heard Harry?" Sirius asked from behind Mrs. Weasley.
Harry shook his head in response.
"Oh dear." Mrs. Weasley said her face faltering into worry.
"What is going on?" Harry said his curiosity and frustration growing.
"Meetings starting!" Someone shouted from below.
"Oh dear, not to worry Ron and Hermione are here and can explain. I thought you would have known." Mrs. Weasley said softly running her hand affectionately through Harry's hair as she began to leave dragging Sirius along.
"Wait what? What happened?" Harry called out in complete confusion.
"Down the hall third door on the right dear." Mrs. Weasley called back and then they were gone.
Harry shrugged in complete confusion.
--
"I don't understand why we aren't allowed in is all?"
"Same reason every time Ron. You're to young." Ginny said trying to inmate her mother's voice.
"Well they must have their reasons for not letting us in." Hermione chimed in bent over a piece of parchment writing furiously on a piece of parchment. Something that didn't go unnoticed.
"Who are you writing to? Vickie again." Ron snorted with disgust.
"If you must know I'm writing to Harry, not Viktor." Hermione shot back.
"Oh… what for? He hasn't responded to any of our letters." Ron murmured.
"Well you dolt. Maybe because that is what this meeting is all about." Ginny shot back at Ron.
Ron began grumbling something, but soon quieted as footsteps echoed in the hall coming their way, but stopped… a room away. The group listened quietly and heard a quick grunt and then a crack as the door to the room next to them cracked up.
"Have no fear… fuck."
The group listened as the footsteps sounded again to the front of their door. Then with a loud crack the door swung open and in marched Harry.
"Have no fear! Harry Potter is here!" Harry exclaimed loudly his fist raised high into the air as if in triumph.
Harry's grin slowly faded as he lowered his fist staring at his trio of friends who stared back mouth's agape.
"What?" Harry muttered before he could say anything else Hermione was on him like a hyena attacking a wounded gazelle. Her fists pounding on him as he valiantly attempted to fend her off.
"Hermione what the fuck. Get off me! Get off me!"
"You dumb idiot! You and that stupid Skeeter woman!" Hermione shouted as Ron pried her away, fists still flailing.
"What did we do?" Harry asked, but in response Ginny was now slapping at him.
"What the fuck? Get off me! Crazy bitches must be PMS or something." Harry shouted, as he eventually was able to grab Ginny by the wrist and then wrap his arms around her holding her tightly despite her struggles.
"Oh please no response to any of our letters even after what happened! You had us all worried sick and you are playing dumb?" Hermione shouted.
"Listen, the letters ok maybe I was ass, but seriously what the fuck happened. I keep hearing about this big event, but what was it?" Harry asked.
Ginny stopped struggling and gave Harry a look of disbelief. "Haven't you been reading the Dailey Prophet?"
Harry rolled his eyes. "No."
Hermione stopped her struggling against Ron and all three shared a look.
"Am I missing something?" Harry asked again.
"Harry…" Hermione said in a much different tone, her voice suddenly filled with concern. "It's something…"
"What Hermione? Spit it out already." Harry said waiting for this big ordeal he probably wouldn't care about to be over with.
"Something happened…"
"Ok and?" Harry muttered.
Hermione looked uncomfortably to the rest of her friends and seemed to struggle to find words, but luckily Ginny came to her aide.
"Harry something happened to Cedric. Cedric Diggory." Ginny said in a rather blunt, but compassionate manner.
Harry stood frozen a few moments before realizing his jaw was hanging open.
"What happened to Chaz?"
--
End Chapter