Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic
Favorite Teacher
I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.
I can't believe you guys didn't tell me the dashes weren't separating the scene breaks. Seriously tell me these things.
xxx
Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, and Hufflepuffs were all having a good time at the opening of term party. However, despite the angers of being shunted from the party, at least one Slytherin listened to the rumors that night.
Theodore Nott had listened to all those leaving the Gryffindor common room. Many of those leaving were intoxicated and speaking loudly, no doubt to be caught by professors or prefects. Still Nott caught some important information in those drunken ramblings.
Nott had heard enough he dashed up to the Hogwarts owlery quickly and quietly. A storm was brewing as lightening flashed and thunder boomed. Nott cared not as he jotted down what he had heard and attached it to his owl's leg. Nott knew the Dark Lord, for this information, would reward his father greatly, as long as his owl made it.
xxx
Nott Sr. wore a happy face as some of his fellow Death Eaters continually asked him what 'new' information he had come across. He did not speak; this information would make him more beloved among all the other Death Eaters.
Nott Sr. paused just before entering the chamber that contained the Dark Lord. The Dark Lord seemed so different from the last time he had tried to take over… he seemed less stable. According to Snape's reports the Potter boy had assumed the Dark Lord… well… was a complete moron and in all honestly he hadn't really seen anything to question the boys assumption, though he never voiced this opinion, especially after the punishment Severus had received just for hearing it.
"Well if you aren't going to tell us what you are hiding you best be going to tell the Dark Lord." Crabbe Sr. grunted in a jealous tone.
Nott Sr. nodded with a gulp and entered the chamber.
xxx
"Your son reported this?" Voldemort questioned in a low hiss.
"Yes my Lord." Nott Sr. spoke from his bowed position. The storm that had raged earlier was now breaking and dawn was on the verge of breaking.
Voldemort regarded Nott Sr. for a few moments then stood up and paced a bit.
"He claims that Harry Potter told everyone the prophecy that I so desperately seek on a whim? He claims that all the students of Hogwarts all know it now?" Voldemort spoke his voice cold and calculating.
"Yes my Lord." Nott Sr. replied with a nod of his head. "He may not have heard it in person, but rumors run rampant at the school."
Voldemort's face twisted into a vision of rage combined with humor. "Yes they do. Rumor is the problem Nott!" Voldemort hissed.
"You realize what this word is?" Voldemort practically shouted as he pulled out his wand and wordlessly raised Nott Sr. into the air, shoving the piece of parchment into his face.
"Uh…" Nott Sr. gasped. "It says Harry Potter is the chosen one?" Nott Sr. answered not knowing what part of the letter he was supposed to read.
"No further down." Voldemort shouted back with rage.
"Um…" Nott Sr. licked his lips nervously. "Son of Chuck Norris?"
Voldemort blanched and looked at the note again. "Not that part, but it is just as ridiculous." Voldemort said shoving the note back into Nott's face demanding him to read on.
"It says Potter may be a… Jedi?" Nott Sr. replied not even knowing what a Jedi was.
"That's right!" Voldemort hissed releasing Nott Sr. and letting him fall to the ground.
"This must be a clever ruse. Seriously look at this part… neither can live, while the other survives? How does that make any sense? If it were true then one of us would be dead already!" Voldemort hissed in rage.
"I'm sorry my Lord." Nott Sr. replied regaining his bowing position.
Voldemort paced a bit mumbling to himself. "If this is truly the prophecy why does it only refer to me as Dark Lord and not by name? Plenty of D and D nerd call themselves Dark Lord! It could mean anyone!"
"Yes my Lord." Nott Sr. replied. "I'm sorry for disturbing you at this late hour." Technically the hour was early as the sun began to rise breaking apart the cloud cover.
"Don't be." Voldemort hissed. "This is still valuable information. Clearly, Potter and Dumbledore are trying to lure us into a trap with disinformation. I just…" Voldemort hissed in a frantic rage.
"I just can't get Potter out of my mind! Get out Potter!" Voldemort shouted in a violent rage banging his head with his fist, not unlike Dobby did when under control by the Malfoys.
Nott Sr. gave a bow, not knowing what to do and dashed for the exit.
xxx
"What did the Dark Lord say? We heard shouting?" Goyle Sr. asked.
Nott Sr. shook his head.
"I'm telling you guys right now… the Dark Lord is a few marbles short of a Gobstone set."
xxx
Harry bumped into a wall as he made his way to the Great Hall for breakfast. He shook himself out of his funk.
"I think you are still pissed mate." Ron laughed.
"Shut up Ron… I can't help it…. I feel so confused." Harry grumbled rubbing his head, right where his scar was.
Harry really couldn't help it, he didn't know why he felt like his mind was tearing every which way, but he knew one thing is his ragged state. He wasn't high.
"Ron I'll be right back. Mick c'mon I gotta show you something." Harry called out.
Harry and Cormac went off and smoked a bowl making Harry feel much better. Cormac didn't fare to well and had to go lie down. Harry went back to the Great Hall shaking his head wishing he had Cedric back for he could handle his high.
xxx
"Look at today!" groaned Ron to his twin brothers as Harry approached the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall.
"Fair point, little bro." Fred commented.
"Worst Monday I've ever seen." George also commented from Ron's other side.
Harry ignored all comments of 'hellos' as he piled pancakes on his plate and began to munch. He gazed at his schedule, identical to Ron's. History of Magic, double Potions, Divination, and Defense against the Dark Arts.
Harry shrugged.
"Well it seems the old codger wants me to suffer after last nights exploits." Harry commented throwing a glare up at the Headmaster who, as it seemed, was abruptly ignoring him.
xxx
"What is this Mr. Potter?" Snape questioned his face still covered in bandages.
Harry could barely contain a snort. "It's a laptop, much more efficient at taking notes you know. I mean I got multiple battery packs and everything." Harry replied coolly.
Snape glared daggers at him. "Potter you will lose that muggle device or you will get out of my classroom this instant." Snape hissed sourly in response.
Snape stalked up toward the front of the class and then turned in an abrupt fashion preparing to badger Harry more, but he had vanished.
"Potter?" Snape hissed.
Hermione gulped nervously. "I think he took your other alternative professor."
xxx
As soon as Harry left Potions he almost regretted it. There stood Cho Chang a few corridors down. Harry couldn't help, but groan "Oh God."
"Harry you are out of class early? Did something go wrong?" Cho asked as Harry marched on by.
"Cho no offense or anything, but I think you might be insane." Harry commented.
Cho laughed in a girlish manner and began to question Harry why he left class early and about their relationship, and a whole array of questions that just thoroughly convinced him the girl was bat-shit crazy.
Harry was relieved when he finally reached the Great Hall and bumped into the Twins who had a free period and were discussing their future outside of Hogwarts. Harry took interest since they were basically discussing his financial investment.
"Well we have premise in Diagon Alley." George said. "And we should be all set any time. Fred and I are just using this time for market research."
Fred didn't say anything as he continued to glance across the table.
"Well this is good… very good." Harry said happy with the progress the Twins had made.
"So when can I see a return on my investment?" Harry questioned as George began to delve into the financial aspect of their business, but was soon interrupted by Fred.
"What the hell is she doing here?" Fred asked pointing a finger at Cho Chang who sat across from Harry smiling.
"Oh her? Don't worry about it, complete nutter she is." Harry replied pointing a finger in Cho's direction.
Cho giggled. "Harry you always were so funny."
"See what I mean?" Harry muttered with a sigh.
The Twins glanced at each other and grabbed Harry by either shoulder. "Good luck mate."
Harry scowled. "It isn't my fault! She is completely mental!" Harry exclaimed.
Cho giggled again.
"Harry, you know I love you."
xxx
After once again Rick Rollin Divination Harry made his way to Defense against the Dark Arts, his first real meeting with the Hutt.
When he entered the classroom he blanched. The room was covered in cats and kittens. It reminded his of his hideous neighbor Miss Figg. He sat down disgruntled and snapped at anyone who spoke to him, even Hermione, who was rambling on about how she had not found anything in the library about the 'so called prophecy' made about himself and Voldemort.
In fact Hermione's words had reached him, but it only added to his foul mood. He was tired, hung over, losing his high, and slightly fuzzy headed from confusion. Harry resorted to his one source of recourse, he laid his head down on his book as the Hutt entered and fell into a doze.
xxx
Course aims:
Understanding the principles underlying defensive magic.
Learning to recognize situations in which defensive magic can legally be used.
Placing the use of defensive magic in a context for practical use.
xxx
Hermione's hand remained raised all through Umbridge's opening spiel to the class and even now remained up despite the protest of a Ravenclaw near her whose hand was a deep red.
Finally after almost the whole class was only noticing her instead of doing their required reading Umbridge spoke.
"Did you want to ask something about the chapter, dear?" Umbridge asked.
"Not about the chapter, no." Hermione replied. "I had a query about your course aims." Hermione commented.
"Miss Granger, I think the course aims are perfectly clear if you would read through them carefully." Umbridge replied in a sweet and sickening voice.
"There is nothing there about using defensive spells?" Hermione commented. The rest of the class stirred a bit and noticed there wasn't anything on the board about using defensive spells.
"Well I see no need to use defensive spells in my classroom Miss Granger." Umbridge replied.
Almost the whole time frame for Defense against the Dark Arts was used as an argument between Umbridge and Hermione about using Defensive magic. Harry had abruptly woken from his sleep and caught onto the gist of the argument and then with wonder shot his hand up in the air.
Finally near the end of the hour Umbridge took notice of Harry, who was waving his hand in front of Hermione's face.
"Yes Mr. Potter. You have a question? By the way congratulations at getting awarded Order of Merlin… First Class." Umbridge said in a high girlish tone filled with praise.
"Well… Seriously we aren't going to be practicing defensive spells?" Harry questioned.
Umbridge puffed herself out. She never expected to be defending herself against Fudge's boy wonder, Harry Potter. He should know better Umbridge thought.
"Well as long as you know the theory enough, the Ministry deems it good enough for you to pass your OWLS…" Umbridge began, but Harry interrupted.
"That is awesome!" Harry exclaimed to the chagrin of his classmates, mainly Hermione.
"What are you talking about Harry?" "Hermione whispered to Harry.
Harry gave Hermione a glance. "It means we have to do less than half the course work for this class." Harry replied with a smile.
xxx
"That woman is insufferable." Hermione said tensely.
"I know how you feel." The Ravenclaw from earlier said. "Look what she did to me." He muttered showing his scared fist from his late night detention due to Umbridge.
Hermione shrieked at the scar marks. "Horrible women. Harry you have to do something. She likes you."
Harry gave a firm nod. "I'll handle this. An owl shall be sent out immediately."
xxx
Technically three owls were sent out that night. The first arrived to none other than the Minister of Magic Fudge.
Fudge opened the neat white envelope and pulled out the piece of paper… not parchment, which pretty much told him it was from Harry Potter.
Hey Minister, Harry here. Well not here literally, but writing to you. Anyway I must congratulate you on your choice for the Defense against the Dark Arts position. She… it is a she right? Is an excellent teacher though I do have some concerns? She has yet to put forth any of the ideas I discussed with you over the summer. You know computers, vending machines, copiers, printers, the works!
Harry
PS Also could you also tell her not to torture children? Thanks.
"Oh Harry, always the jokester with muggle inventions and now joking about Delores torturing children." Fudge said to himself with a laugh wiping away a tear of joy from his eye.
The second owl arrived to Harry himself.
"What the fuck is this?" Harry asked as he tore open the wax-sealed piece of parchment. He scanned the letter and snorted.
"Who is it from?" Hermione asked from one of the cushy chairs just outside the smoke circle formed by one of the windows in the Gryffindor common room.
"Ron, Fred, George, Ginny… I don't think your brother has a whole lot of friends if he is writing to me." Harry said handing the letter to the four of them. They wrestled over the letter a bit before Fred finally won out.
"Its from Percy to Harry." Fred said as they all gave Harry a glance. Harry shrugged and turned up the Kottonmouth Kings a bit, not wishing to hear the outrage that was about to come.
"It says that Harry should cut relations with us till we come around to their line of thinking!" Fred scoffed and continued on.
"That Harry should report any conduct that goes against… against the…" Fred couldn't read anymore as he began to gag a bit. Ginny meanwhile snatched up the letter.
"Goes against the delightful woman Delores Umbridge or the Ministry." Ginny said her mouth wide in utter disbelief.
"Oh, so it is a woman?" Harry chimed in taking a hit from the Power of Greyskull and passing it on to Dean who was chortling.
Hermione now had the letter. "It says to expect an announcement in the Dailey Prophet about something big happening here at Hogwarts." Hermione said nervousness in her voice.
"Harry did you…" Hermione began.
"I didn't do nothing!" Harry said cutting her off.
Hermione gave Harry a glare. "I was going to say did you do anything about… you know Umbridge and her punishment style?"
"Oh… yeah I wrote to Fudge." Harry replied.
"Fat lot of good that will do." George replied, but any more criticisms were cut off as Ron got up abruptly and snatched the letter out of Hermione's hand.
"He – is the – world's – biggest – git!" Ron hissed tearing apart Percy's letter and tossing it into the common room's fireplace.
After a few awkward moments of silence Harry spoke.
"Ron I think you need a hit."
The last owl didn't arrive for many hours and once it did Peeves had to open it and smooth it out so Nearly Headless Nick could read it to a lifeless Cedric.
"Oh would you look at that Mr. Diggory its from Harry." Nick said with a glint of happiness and seeing no reaction from Cedric he paused. "Well, I suppose you don't see that."
"Well the letter says there is a new teacher in the Defense against the Dark Arts post and that… it is doing a great job. Hardly any coursework at all and that it likes to torture children." Nick said a bit confused as he skimmed the letter.
"it gave me candy? Anyway get better soon this Mick guy can't handle his high." Nick once again shook his head in confusion.
"I must say I really don't know what Harry is talking about at all. Oh wait a PS… Peeves kick Chaz in the head and wake him up already." Nick read out loud.
"Well Peeves did you hear that?" Nick called out to the poltergeist.
"Peevsie is busy." Peeves shouted back.
"You aren't watching that horrid thing again are you?" Nick questioned floating over to Peeves.
If he had waited a moment longer he would have noticed Cedric's fingers twitching.
xxx
End Chapter
See I read my reviews… sometimes. I kid I try to read them all. True Magical Methods does seem like the author is just being condescending, but I'll still finish reading through it.
This probably won't be as long as its predecessor and I'll even make an attempt to type out quidditch. Probably two more chapters… maybe one and then we are at the holiday break sequence… that might take some time just an FYI. Once again trust me.