Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic

HOLIDAY

I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.

XxX

"Ho, Ho, Ho all! Now I have a machine gun!"

"Hello?"

"Where the fuck is everyone?" Harry shouted into the abyss known as Grimmuald Place. Harry began walking through the place and couldn't help, but notice that the place looked like a dump. He swore Dobby cleaned the place. Maybe Grimmuald Place just naturally collected garbage or Oscar the Grouch lived here. Wouldn't surprise him in the least.

"Well guess I'll just make myself at home and arghh!" Harry shouted in surprise as he bumped into Sirius and was caught by surprise. "What the fuck Sirius? Don't you know how to speak! Nearly shit myself."

"Sorry Harry. Didn't mean to startle you. I was just cleaning up this place. I swear Kreacher just drags garbage around here so he can hide amongst the filth." Sirius said picking up a piece of trash from the floor and stuffing it into a large plastic bag.

"Holy fuck that is it! Kreacher is Oscar!"

"Who is Oscar?"

"Nevermind. So where is everyone?" Harry said walking after Sirius as they made their way into the kitchen.

Sirius raised his eyebrow in question as he looked at Harry. "You don't know? I assumed you had already been to St. Mungo's to see Arthur. He was attacked by a snake?"

Harry just stood their his mouth agape. "When the fuck was anyone going to tell me! Is he alright? We can't let the greatest wizard of the age die to some slippery reptile."

"I assumed you knew. I wasn't allowed to go myself. To Dangerous." Sirius grumbled making air qoutes.

"Fuck all that." Harry said with a wave of his hand. "I have a plan."

XxX

"Alms for the poor? Alms for the poor?"

"Sir you can't have a dog in here this is a hospital!"

"Alms for the poor?"

"Sir you can't hav-."

"Bitch I'm blind isn't that obvious?!" Harry shouted at the receptionist at St. Mungo's. "This is my seeing eye dog, Barbara! I even have this beggar cup I use since I'm blind and all." Harry said waving his a cup around that clinked with a few knuts.

The receptionist stiffened at Harry's retort, but regained her composure quickly. "Either way sir we can't have you begging her-"

"I'm not begging! I'm here to visit a patient you wench! Come closer so I can beat you with my walking stick! See I even got a stick to poke around in front of me when I walk. Don't make me sick Barbara on you!" Harry shouted as the dog began to whimper. "Shut up mutt told you this would work."

"Er... right. You know you were just begging when you walked in."

"No I wasn't."

"Right, well who is it you are here to see?" The receptionist said with a sigh and a shake of her head.

XxX

"Harry why are you wearing sunglasses and walking Sirius around on a leash?"

"Yeah, mate and what is with the stick and cup? Oh hey a knut?"

"You have to be kidding me? You can tell its me?"

"Most definitely mate." Fred said.

"Worst disguise I've ever seen. Should have put on the pilot outfit you had for Halloween. Would have been better than this." George said with a shake of his head.

"Did someone say Harry?" Mrs Weasley said as she stepped outside of Arthur's room. She stopped dead when she saw the dog. Her eyes narrowed. "Dumbledore said no." She hissed.

"Relax Mrs. Weasley this is Barbara my seeing eye dog get it?" Harry said holding up his stick and empty cup.

Mrs. Weasley didn't seem to be amused by Harry's antics and her face began to scrunch up as if she was about to explode in anger. The twins backed away as if expected it and to everyone's surprise she embraced Harry in a hug and began crying frantically. "It is so terrible Harry. They want to imprison Arthur. Breaking and entering. They know he is in the Order and with Dumbledore."

"Uhh... okay... can I see him?"

Mrs. Weasley gave a wail and motioned for Harry to enter.

XxX

"And that is about it Harry." Mr. Weasley said grimly after going over his work with the Order. "Dumbledore is a great wizard, but I don't see how he can get me out of this one."

"I got a great idea Mr. Weasley. You and Barbara can be outlaws like Butch and Sundance." Harry said giving Sirius's leash a tug.

"See Barbara loves the idea!" Harry said as Sirius got up and licked Arthur's hand.

Arthur grimaced "Careful Barab... er I mean Padfoot. We tried stitches early on this wound. Didn't work out to well, but these muggle's have such fascinating ideas."

"Are you okay Harry?" Mr Weasley said as he noticed Harry wiping away a tear.

"You had me at stitches."

XxX

"Oy! Receptionist lady I need to use the phone!"

The receptionist clicked her tongue for a second "I thought you were blind?"

"I never said that. I don't even remember thinking it?" Harry replied. "Now make with the phone."

"What is a phone?" The receptionist said with a disinterested roll of her eyes.

"Ugghghgh what the fuck? Fine get me a bird that carries a note since that is obviously far more convenient."

XxX

"Harry what are you doing here? I thought you wer-"

"Why the hell didn't you two tell me about Arthur?"

"We thought you left for the holiday mate."

"We didn't want to interrupt your er, extra curricular activities Harry." Hermione said rather sheepishly with a blush.

"That is no excuse. You should have called or sent me a bird." Harry said in accusing manner as he crossed his arms.

"Harry you will never guess who we ran into?" Ron said oblivious to Harry's emotional state.

"Seriously Ron." Harry said with an eye roll. "Who did you see that is more important than telling me what happened to your Dad?"

XxX

"You have to be kidding me?"

"See I learned joined writing!"

"Yeah you did mate. Fan-fucking-tastic."

"I know. I'll give you so many of these pictures of me. People just want loads of them."

Harry shook his head with and chuckled as he watched his former professor Lockhart begin signing more pictures of himself even though he had already given Harry eleven.

"Told you mate. You couldn't miss this." Ron whispered to Harry.

"It wasn't all good though Harry. We saw Neville. His parents-" Hermione began to say, but Harry held out a hand for silence.

"So Lockhart you like signing these pictures right?"

"Oh yes very much so. Learned joined writing just to make sure all the people could get some."

"Good I want a couple million. Get going on that. I'll see to the details." Harry said barely containing his laughter.

"Oh splendid! You hear that they want loads!"

As they left the ward and headed back to Mr. Weasley's room Hermione turned to Harry and gave him a scathing look. "That wasn't nice Harry. He lost half his mind. He barely remembers anything. It probably took him all this time just to say those few words and learn to write his name."

"Oh my dear Hermione." Harry said with a shake of his head and a tsk, tsk. "I gave that man his dream job even when he had brains. It will keep him busy for years."

XxX

"Oh no. What happened? Are they coming for Dad?" Ron said a they entered Mr. Weasley's room. Everyone was huddled around Mr. Weasley with tears in their eyes. "We will fight them if we have to!" Ron continued getting red in the face.

"Ron shut up you great prat." Ginny said. "Dad has been given a full pardon! We are crying cause we are happy!"

"A full pardon? How? I mean when?" Ron said completed confused being a few hours ago he was certain his father was going to Azkaban.

"Owl just came a few minutes ago dear. It will be a very happy Christmas after all."

Harry sat back leaning against the wall smiling to himself until he noticed Hermione staring at him. She went and stood by his side. "You had something to do with this didn't you?"

"Of course not." Harry said with a shake of his head.

Hermione just smiled and shook her head giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Hermione you know I'm... Oh fuck!" Harry shouted.

"I left Fleur outside of Hogwarts!"

XxX

An hour earlier.

"Now, now Ms. Skeeter I'm sure Harry didn't mean any of that. He is just a boy." Fudge as he stared disdainfully at Rita Skeeter who sat across his desk. A letter from Harry lay between them.

"I can assure you that my client meant it. He would like you to issue a full pardon to Arthur Weasley for any perceived wrong doings. Not one spot on his record."

"I can't just let him go. He broke in the Department of Mysteries after hours. How could I just... I can't... I mean." Fudge just sputtered. "He is just a boy, doesn't know what he wants."

"Minister my client has accomplished a great many things in his young life such as acquiring the Order of Merlin, being the Boy-Who-Lived, defeated You-Know-Who a couple of times. The point is my client holds a lot of sway in the magical community, think of it like his hand and if he were to close it, it would become a fist, and at any time that he wished he could turn it against you." Rita said in sadistic manner mimicking the closing of her hand into a fist.

"Is this a threat?"

"Oh heavens no Minister... just an observation."

Fudge pulled out a handkerchief and wiped some sweat off his brow and gulped down some air.

"Very well, full pardon."

XxX

End Chapter