Date number three, as it turned out, was the opposite of Merida's date. The prospective lady was a timid pallid mouse of a girl with almost colourless white-blonde hair and pale blue eyes. Her long face was scared and she was wearing a very frumpy brown dress. Her name-Gertrude-was as uninspiring as her appearance but Hiccup smiled kindly as he limped into the little dark coffee shop and introduced himself. The girl almost jumped out of her skin and gave a little shriek. Flustered, the young man tried to calm her down and she gave a small whimper-then burst into tears.

He really had no idea what to do-but he sat opposite her and offered his handkerchief which she proceeded to use to mop her eyes, smearing thick mascara onto the material and smudging it inelegantly around her red and swollen eyes. He sat quietly until she finally composed herself and offered a slightly crooked smile back at him, her eyes surrounded by smeared make-up.

"Th-thanks," she mumbled in a her high voice. "I-I g-guess I-I didn't expect you to-to turn up." She gave a big, wet sniff. "No one else does."

Remind me why I chose her? Hiccup thought ironically. Ah yes-I thought she would be relaxing, quiet, kind. At least that's what she said. But then I didn't mention my panic attacks or PTSD either. Maybe she's just lacking in confidence? But what kind of date is it where I'm the confident one?

"I'm here," he reminded her kindly, seeing her eyes light up as she looked him over-though there was a small scowl as her gaze lingered on his leather jacket. He offered her his hand. "Hiccup Haddock."

"Gertrude Sverresdottir," she replied, her cold hand grasping his limply. His eyes widened.

"Glad to meet a fellow member of the interesting name club," he said brightly and saw her lips press into a thin line.

"My name is very traditional," she told him coldly. "And I don't take kindly to people making fun of my heritage!" He immediately raised his hands appeasingly.

"I mean no offence. Really. Definitely. Nosiree. One hundred percent no offence meant," he gabbled. "Look-it's just a defence mechanism because quite frankly with a name like 'Haddock' you end up having the p...the cr...um...having people make lots of fun of you..."

I may have been wrong about the confidence thing. Oh Thor...

She calmed down a little and her face adopted a sweet smile.

"I'm just a little touchy," she said in a sing-song voice. "Same reasons actually. I HATE being teased."

Odin, that could be a problem. I may last five minutes, six tops, before I forget and then she'll give me that look that would melt metal. Again.

The waitress walked up and Hiccup gave her a chivalrous gesture to order first, trying to gauge what to say. The woman seemed prickly, sickly-sweet and needy...none of which were giving him much hope for a successful date. Not even the sight of Astrid strolling in, ordering a coffee and taking little table two over from him, cheered him up much.

"Fruits of the Forest tea," she asked, her eyes flicking down the menu.

"Black coffee," he murmured and was met by another profoundly disapproving glare. He looked at her, his eyes silently asking what he'd done wrong now.

"You realise intensive agriculture of coffee and other cash crops robs developing areas of vital biodiversity and reduces land available to indigenous crops, leading to soil depletion and famine?" she told him tartly.

So my coffee is causing world hunger. Great. This date is getting more and more fun.

"And to eat?" the waitress asked.

"The bean cassoulet," she said primly.

"Jerky sandwich," Hiccup said and winced as she inhaled sharply. "What?" he said instinctively, the tone sharper than he intended-but she seemed to have lost her inhibitions and the nervous mouse persona-in favour of a raging zealot.

"I am a vegan!" she snapped. He cringed inwardly, realising why she had glared at his leather jacket. Self-consciously, he took his jacket off and hung it over the back of the chair.

"Um...could I change my order to...what she's having?" he asked, cringing inwardly. Bean cassoulet didn't sound at all hopeful to a man raised on big hunks of meat. Admittedly Astrid was now slowly taking him down the dessert menu at the Diner but she knew not to make him change what he liked to eat, merely offering him extra options-and he had enjoyed the Tiramisu, even if it had sounded like some exotic destination, because he did like coffee. The waitress nodded, snatched the menus and walked back to the kitchen as Gertrude inspected him closely.

"Your profile didn't say you were a carnivore?' she noted.

"Yours didn't say you were a vegan either," he pointed out defensively.

"Well, people think it makes me a bit weird," she told him tartly as the waitress brought their drinks. He watched with surprise as his date proceeded to mash a fruity-smelling teabag in the hot water, producing s purple-coloured liquid while he sipped his coffee. He didn't dare comment, though her look challenged him to try. "So what do you do?" He smiled.

"Engineering-mainly aeronautical," he said and opened his mouth to continue when she cut him off.

"Oh. I always thought there was too much reliance on fossil fuels that damages the biosphere," she told him crushingly. "I work in the Library." He nodded politely, already knowing this was definitely going to be their only date. "I have familiarised myself thoroughly with the intricacies of the ecology sections of the library because my own degree-in environmental management-just doesn't seem to be taken into account by people in this ridiculous borough!" He sipped his coffee again and nodded aimlessly. As far as he was aware, the town was pretty good at living in harmony with the ecology of the island. But it didn't matter because she had already started to explain what she did, why she worked where she did, what her interests and dreams were and-most boringly-the intricacies of the Dewey Decimal system.

Her eyes sparkled and she continued to drone on about her work in the library all the way through the food-which Hiccup decided had been a terrible move. He forced the sloppy bean stew down but it really didn't match up to what he actually liked and he knew his father would be laughing at him from Valhalla. Gertrude telling him that he would feel so much better eating healthy vegan food rather than meat which would give him cancer and ruin the planet just finished off a thoroughly unpleasant meal. Finally, when the cheque arrived, he had concluded she wasn't interested in him, loved library filing systems and was a vegan and ecological bore. So he was shocked when, after he had paid (Gertrude had glared at him pointedly until he had picked up the cheque and fished out his wallet) the girl had walked over to him and pecked him on the cheek.

"You're a nice guy and a good listener," she told him with a small smile. "But don't wear that leather jacket-or belt-on our next date. I find them offensive." She smiled at him and waved, then pulled her poncho and woolly hat on and ambled out into the street. Hiccup sank back into his seat and gave a sigh.

"Thor, no," he muttered. Astrid slid into the seat just vacated by Gertrude.

"No?" she teased him.

"Why yes, I love being bored to death and lectured that I am single-handedly ruining the planet and personally starving hundreds in the developing world," he replied sarcastically. "Gods, that feels better!" She cocked an eyebrow and stared at him. "She doesn't like being teased, I couldn't even risk a word of sarcasm, she doesn't eat meat or approve of leather or engineering and can bore all four legs and both wings off a dragon!" he said all in a rush. "Gods, Astrid-what did you land me with this time?"

"That was one of your choices," she confirmed, her azure eyes twinkling. He rolled his expressive emerald eyes in resignation. The waitress came up.

"And that's precisely why I shouldn't ever be allowed to choose who I go out on a date with!" he told her with feeling. "A triple espresso and yak jerky sandwich!" he added without hesitation to the bored-looking waitress. "You?" Astrid grinned.

"Make that two!" she confirmed. "You liked the look of her because she was quiet and worked in a bookstore." His eyes widened.

"Thor-she lied about that as well," he muttered. "She works in a Library! And she's...awful!" She patted his hand gently.

"At least she didn't get into a brawl!" Astrid pointed out.

"And she wants a second date," he sighed. She managed a small grin.

"Well, that's good, isn't it?" she suggested. "At least you are attractive and pleasant enough to someone to ask for a second date. And if that holds for a crazy woman, it's sure to happen with a sane woman as well!" He managed a wan smile that brightened up as his sandwich arrived. Without hesitating, he grabbed it and took a huge bite-as the doorbell tinkled and Gertrude returned for her mittens. She screeched as she saw him munching a sandwich.

"You...you meat-eating swine!" she screamed. "You couldn't even wait until I was at the end of the street before rubbing my nose in your offensive, planet-destroying habits!" She stormed up and grabbed her mittens, then slapped him full across the face. "I never want to see you again!" And then she stormed out.

Astrid burst out laughing as Hiccup pressed a hand against his scarlet cheek.

"Ow," he whimpered and she gently moved his hand away, her fingers ghosting over the livid red mark. His breath hitched at her touch, so soft and gentle over his burning skin.

"It'll be fine," she assured him. "I'm certain you've survived worse!" He nodded dumbly, eyes wide as she smirked and pulled back, sipping her coffee. "And she doesn't approve of coffee either?" He shook his head. "So why did she meet in a coffee shop?" He shrugged and took a large bite of his sandwich.

"Who knows?" he mumbled, "I'm just grateful she doesn't want to see me again." She stared at him, his shoulders slumped, his cheek livid with the slap and eyes glittering with relief.

"Saved by the sandwich!" she smirked.

oOo

She'd stayed with Hiccup, finishing the sandwiches and coffees and going over what happened-and honestly, she couldn't blame him for the outcome. He was just a normal guy and Gertrude was completely intolerant and seemed to have a short fuse. A treacherous part of her mind reminded her that was probably the reason why she was on the Happy Hearts Dating Site but she knew she wasn't good enough for Hiccup. And the young man had gratefully hugged her before limping off into the twilight while she set off to collect Emma from her parents' home. Inga had welcomed her in from the cold late afternoon and taken her into the kitchen while Emma watched TV with her grandfather and Stormfly the dog-Astrid's childhood pet who still stayed with her parents because her tiny apartment didn't allow pets.

"Good afternoon?" Inga asked, her eyes twinkling. Astrid rolled her eyes: she knew her mother was suspecting all these 'wingman gigs' were an excuse for actually going out on a date with Hiccup. But she put the kettle on to boil and sat at the kitchen table.

"Honestly, Mom-you wouldn't have believed it," she began. "I mean, she was some kind of radical vegan ecologist lunatic type and Hiccup was so-so patient with her! I mean, she talked non-stop throughout the whole date, didn't ask him any questions, ordered him not to have what he wanted and have what she wanted and then slapped him when he ordered a meat sandwich after the end of the date and she had left."

"And you had a coffee with him as well, eh?" Inga teased. Astrid gave a small blush.

"I just want him to be happy," she said. "I mean, he deserves it after all the horrible things he's been through. And he's such a kind, patient guy..." She shrugged. "He just doesn't have much confidence." Inga smiled and patted her hand.

"It's a good thing you're doing, watching over him as he asked," she commented. "Though what would you do if he was in trouble?" Astrid glanced up and didn't hesitate.

"I'd go in there and protect him!" she said fiercely. Inga chuckled, rising to make the coffees.

"That's my daughter," she commented, sloshing in cream and sugar with flourish, then bringing them over. Then she frowned and went back to collect an envelope that was fixed to the fridge by a 'Berk Vikings' magnet. She handed it to Astrid as she sat down again.

"What's this?"

"It was pushed through the door yesterday night," Inga said, sipping her coffee and absently stirring it. "It was addressed to Emma so I thought you should open it. You were in such a rush earlier it slipped my mind..."

Astrid opened it-to find a birthday card. She frowned.

"Emma's birthday was over two months ago," she commented as she peered at it. Then she opened it and her eyes widened. She dropped the card as if scalded and scrambled back, face horrified as her eyes lingered on the scruffily printed words.

To my beautiful daughter ~ I will see you soon, Love Daddy.

Shaking, she stared in horror at her mother.

"He's back," she whispered.