Chapter Three

Aya felt his heart begin to pound as Youji pinned his arms and kissed him. The older man's hands were probably big enough to wrap around his arms twice. Oddly enough; he wasn't scared. He hadn't known Youji long, but he had a feeling the man wore his feelings on his sleeves. He was refreshingly honest and didn't seem like a guy that would hurt anyone intentionally. Aya knew he could be wrong, but Youji had had multiple chances to hurt him last night and hadn't taken a single one. He actually went out of his way to make the sex painless. So his mind told him that trusting Yiuji might be a mistake. His heart and body were in disagreement though.

"You know I could kill you if I wanted?" Aya panted as the larger man broke for air.

"Right now I don't care. I just know that I want you writhing beneath me desperate for more." Youji said against his lips. "I want you to want me so bad it hurts." Aya struggled to pull his arms free. Youji let go of his wrists then gasped in surprise as the diminutive assassin's arm's wrapped around his neck and Aya practically growled.

"I burn for you Kudou." He gripped the blonde's head and pulled their mouths together. He had never felt heat like this before. It was like he was being burned where ever their bodies touched. Aya opened his mouth to Youji's tongue. After a moment he pulled away. "I don't know if the desire will be enough for-"

"Stop thinking so much." Youji put a hand over Aya's mouth. "You have to learn to go with the flow. Take things a day at a time." He smiled and kissed the assassin's nose. "What we feel is enough for now and I have a feeling it will just grow. What I'm asking for is that chance. Just take a chance with me." He moved his hand.

"If I say yes now you could change your mind." Aya whispered and Youji caught a glimpse of the damage he was hiding behind those violet eyes. This man was not as strong as he seemed. Aya was alone because he had learned the hard way that he could only rely on himself.

"You haven't abandoned me so I won't abandon you." Youji whispered. Amethyst eyes widened then filled.

"Shit." Aya moved away and scrubbed at his face, muttering in Japanese. It was obvious he wanted to not cry.

"Swearing won't help." Youji took the younger man's hands and smiled softly. "I suspect you're long overdue."Aya looked at him and his heart broke a little. There were tears streaming silently from glittering violet eyes down pale cheeks. He looked impossibly young and vulnerable in that moment. For just a second or two Youji could see the frightened child within then Aya's defenses slammed back into place. His eyes grew cold and he pulled his hands from Youji's.

"Since you're awake now we should get going." And just like that he was all business. "We will take a round about course to the coast where we can catch a boat to Japan." He took the taller man's hand and led him to a car.

"This isn't the same as yesterday." Youji said in confusion as they got in.

"No." Aya said shortly as they pulled into traffic. "The other one was stolen." The blonde turned to him in shock.

"And this one?"

"Purchased for cash." Aya replied. "Stealing or renting another car would just bring unwanted attention. Cash and no names is a bit easier, more anonymous I believe is the term."

"Yeah." Youji looked around. They were in an old Toyota with vacuumed...well everything. It was actually a pretty nice vehicle.

"I swapped cars while you were in the shower."

"I took that long?"

"You were pretty determined to scrub your skin raw." Aya replied. "Not that I blame you." He added quickly. "I can remember a time." His face grew grim. "It doesn't take that long to buy a car when you have cash and aren't picky. I just needed a car that could get us to the coast."

"This is a pretty nice car."

"I guess, not really a car guy. I mostly focus on how to get from point A to B."

"Well its nice. Someone took good care of it." He frowned. "I bet it wasn't cheap." Aya shrugged. "Who carries enough cash to buy a car?"

"A man used to needing a quick exit." Aya smiled a little. "I've got a bit in the bank, some in my pockets, various passports. You could think of me as a spy, you know if that will make you feel better."

"I feel fine and what do you mean by a bit? This car had to cost thousands,"

"Millions in the bank." Aya shrugged as Youji gaped. "Killing people is a lucrative business. Plus I really only have what I need." Youji thought of the pretty spartan apartment and nodded. "I also don't have enough pockets. "I can carry several thousand, but not millions."

"You, my friend, are a pick pocket's dream." Youji laughed.

"They'd have to get close enough first and if I ever met someone who could pick my pocket without me knowing; I would say they earned what ever they got." He chuckled darkly. "Most are deterred by this." One second his hand was empty and in the next he held a knife.

"Whoa, where did that come from?"

"Exactly." Aya's voice was a bit smug and the knife vanished. The next few hours passed in relatively the same manner. Youji found himself telling Aya all about his childhood and family. What it was like growing up in Germany and without a mom. His parent's had divorced when he was three. His mom had gone back to Japan to be with family and his dad had gotten custody. He had found out that that's why his father was in so much debt to Takatori. Reiji had paid to get his mother declared unfit. She wasn't really and he had known that for a long time. Youji had spent summers with her when he was young. The language hadn't stayed with him, though, and when he was 13 he had just stopped going altogether. He'd seen and talked to his mom since, but all his life he had felt abandoned. Now he knew different and even though he was almost 26 he could start over with her.

It had taken a lot of fortitude on her part to withstand being separated from her child and suffering the teenage rants. He was glad they got to start fresh. Things had always felt so unresolved between them and he honestly didn't know how to feel when he was told that she'd died. It was different now that he knew more.

Aya listened patiently. He didn't berate or judge Youji's actions, just handed him some tissues when the blonde burst into tears. They stopped once for food and once for gas. Youji wouldn't let the little assassin out of his sight. It was dark by the time they got back into Shanghai. The next morning they would be on a boat headed for Japan. Aya got rid of the car after taking Youji to a hotel. The only reason he let the younger man leave his side was because Aya had taken an earring out of his lobe and handed it to Youji.

"I'll be back for this." He assured the blonde. "It is the only thing left of the past that I own. Everything else was lost to me; so you can trust that I will come back. I do not want you seen and I have to be rid of that car." Youji had seen the sincerity in his eyes so he'd nodded. Now he held the earring, a long gold slender strip of metal with the name Aya engraved on it. He squeezed it and fought back tears as the hours stretched on. He lost the fight and started crying whle he jumped up to wrap his arms around the assassin as he walked in the door. "I told you I'd be back." The smaller man rubbed Youji's back as he cried.

"I know, but it took so long I started to get worried."

"Ah. Well the only reason it took so long was because the chop shop owners only spoke Mandarin and I am fluent in Cantonese. Two separate dialects completely. So we had to get someone to translate and the boy they got was about six and had to be woken up, short story is that the car is now in about a hundred different pieces and on the bottom of the ocean where not even Takatori can find it."

"Why get rid of it with no name on it?"

"I have quite distinctive features, and you, blondie, stand out even more.

"Right, that's why I couldn't go with you."

"Exactly. I want Takatori to think we're each on our own; that way he has to keep going in multiple directions. Unfortunately being seen together would send a huge red flag his way and-" Youji covered his mouth with a hand.

"You're babbling." The blonde smiled as Aya's eyes flashed angrily. "I'm just happy you kept your promise." He put the earring back in Aya's lobe.

"One of the things I will prove to you is that I always keep the promises I make." There was a determined shine to his violet eyes that Youji found intoxicating. "I actually left the earring so you wouldn't freak out." The blonde could no longer resist what his mind was screaming at him to do. He pressed his lips to Aya's deepening the kiss with his tongue as the assassin's mouth opened. All he wanted was to make the smaller man his again. He lifted Aya's legs around his waist and pinned the younger man to the wall. A soft moan drove him a little crazy. In seconds all their clothes were off.

Youji knew he needed some lubrication. He just needed Aya more. He hoped, prayed really, that he was treating Aya better than Takatori. He drove up into the smaller man. Aya gasped and grabbed his shoulders, but said nothing. He was, in fact, infuriatingly quiet. "You need to tell me if I'm ever hurting you." The older man almost sighed. He really wanted to move, but until he knew Aya was fine, he wouldn't move a muscle. "I can't read minds you know and with you it's hard to tell if I'm hurting you. I really don't want to do that."

"I'm fine." Aya leaned down to kiss him. "If it ever hurts you know it will be the last thing you ever do." He whispered against Youji's lips. For some reason the threat was kind of a turn on. "I'm also not as fragile as I look. I'm not going to break." His voice spurred Youji into action. He grabbed Aya's wrists and thrust his hips forward. Aya gasped, his hands clenching. Youji pinned his arms to the wall as well and drove up into Aya with all the force he could muster. Later they laid together in bed, smelling like soap from their shower.

"Was this something you wanted when you saved me?" The doubt in Youji's mind was persistent. He didn't believe that anything in this world was done without ulterior motives.

"You want the truth?" Aya got up on his elbows. "The absolute truth? My lips to God's ears and all that?"

"Yeah." Youji turned to him, his stomach sinking.

"Saving your life that night was an accident."

"Oh?"

"Hearing Takatori's name pissed me off so bad that I kind of lost control a bit." Aya snorted then sat up. Youji stared at him, hardly daring to breath. "There was never once that I thought something like this would happen." He sighed and looked toward the window. "The first time you kissed me I was seriously considering whether or not to run. I've never had anyone save me like that so I thought it was just mixed up feelings or something, I don't know." He sighed again. "I thought you were seriously unhinged or just really grateful, which is why I kept asking if that was what you really wanted. I would hate to stoop to his level." By 'his', Youji knew Aya was referring to Takatori. "When I killed those guys in the alley I knew you wouldn't be safe still so I just followed my instinct." He shrugged and Youji's heart soared.

"I think you just restored my faith in humanity."

"I don't have a lot of that" Aya snorted derisively.

"You have more than most."

"No. I really don't. It was more of a whim really."

"See, I don't think you're as heartless as you pretend." Youji stared into defiant violet eyes. "If you were you would have just left me there."

"I was going to and then I remembered how corrupt the cops are here."

"And you cared."

"I wanted to spite Takatori." Aya's argument was weak.

"There are other ways to do that besides taking me in."

"Uh."

"And with that weak argument you lose." Youji smiled and moved closer. His heart was bursting with love at the moment, but he didn't want to scare Aya away. He had a feeling that if he said it out loud the small assassin would run. Aya had said himself that he didn't deal well with feelings. "Admit it. You care. You've made sure that I have been okay the entire trip. I hadn't realized it until just now, but every step of the way it has cost you more to keep me safe than if you had just left me in that alley."

"I will admit to some sort of concern for your well being. Just don't let it get to your head and don't tell anyone." He pointed at Youji his eyes glinting with amusement. "I have a reputation to uphold." Youji threw back his head and laughed. Why had he been so worried? Aya wasn't Takatori nor was he the emotionless, cold-hearted killer he pretended to be. He was just Aya; the damaged, beautiful, skilled man lying next to him. They'd really only known each other a few days, but already the blonde could feel himself falling. Who cared if it was born out of tragedy? It was real and it made sense to him.