.

"Well, that sucked," Astrid commented as they drove away from the last date. "Are you okay?"

"No, my fash ish shtill shwelling and ish getting 'ard to bweathe..." Hiccup mumbled, a livid rash covering his face and lips swollen.

"Hmm...I'm not sure they've ever had anyone allergic to a Chinchilla visit the Animal Sanctuary before," she murmured, turning right towards Berk General.

"D'in know..." he mumbled, sounding wheezy. "No' kind o' fing they 'ave in ev'ryday life..."

"I suppose not," she commented, indicating to change lane. "Chinchilla! You know how to do things in style. I mean, that was far the cutest animal they had and the moment your date, dopey Dora the dog lover, gives you the thing to cuddle, you start sneezing, instantly develop a rash and begin to wheeze."

"Wh' can I say? Go' rep'tation t'keep!" he commented thickly, bracing his swollen hands against the dashboard and taking deep, measured breaths. "Dating disaster spec'list! S'far?"

"Another couple of minutes," she soothed him gently. She knew him having a panic attack now would just make his breathing far worse. His green eyes were concerned-but also amused.

"Who's nex'?" he mumbled, wheezing more obviously. She turned into the hospital and parked outside the ER.

"I'll check while the medics sort you out," she said, helping him out of the car into the department. "Can someone help my friend please? Allergic reaction to a Chinchilla!"

The nurse stared at her and then at Hiccup, whose whole face was swollen now. She took his hand and led him through to the back. "What's his name?"

"Hiccup Haddock," Astrid replied promptly and watched as he was led away, a doctor already staring at him and shouting for the anaphylaxis drugs. Astrid sighed and went to the front desk and filled out as much of the paperwork as she could manage before taking a seat and scrolling down the list of possible dates. They had finished four-all uniformly disastrous, as Hiccup had noted-and two on their shortlist had declined his invitation to meet, probably after Gertrude's scorching review, most of which was unfair. That left four-all strong candidates and one of whom she hoped would make him happy.

He had insisted on taking a week off after the Gertrude experience and Astrid had made up for her bad temper by making sure he was welcomed, looked after and generally fussed. Hiccup watched her and knew there was something she wasn't telling him but he trusted her and hoped that she would trust him in time. But in the meantime, it was actually really nice to be fussed and treated like he was worth something. Astrid was determined to take him down the dessert menu and he had decided he did like Tiramisu and didn't like sponge puddings but beyond that, he would try anything if it got Astrid to smile.

It was two days before he came back to the Diner, mainly because the swelling had to go down and he was feeling self-conscious and embarrassed. And also Dora-the unfortunate date-had sent him an abusive email for frightening the Chinchilla, which he thought was monstrously unfair, since the damned thing had almost killed him.

Needless to say, there was no second date request from her but Astrid was as pleased to see him as usual and served him with a large coffee and the Double-Viking Burger, which he had greeted with relief. She checked her customers were all under control, then turned back to him, taking a break and grabbing a coffee.

"Okay," she said, sitting next to him in the booth and peering at his laptop screen. "Next on the list is Cameron Bogby." She peered at her biography. "Twenty-three, enjoys adventure, free-running, shopping. Blonde hair, blue eyes." She frowned. "Do I need to be concerned that all but two of your choices were blonde?"

"I like blondes," he said defensively. She flipped her golden braid over her shoulder.

"Hmm-I like green eyes," she admitted and he gave a small blush.

"Um...getting awkward here," he commented. "She wants to meet in the Mall cafe. You okay with that?" She peered at the time and nodded.

"I'll have to come after work-I may be a few minutes late," she admitted. "I can't really cut early after everything that's happened...well, not if I want to actually keep my job..." He nodded, feeling a flutter of fear. He gained confidence from knowing that Astrid would rescue him if everything went horribly wrong-and he felt anxious going on a date without her. But he forced a small smile onto his lips.

"I'm sure I can manage to stay out of trouble for a few minutes," he assured her. "You know I don't want to cause any trouble..." She lightly punched his shoulder.

"You better," she warned him. "I mean, so far your dates have involved a riot, flying arrows, being slapped in the face and a visit to the ER. Please try not to get involved with anything more dangerous than a muffin."

"You mean apart from the insane free-runner?" he asked her dryly.

"Just as long as she doesn't have a pet Chinchilla, you'll be fine," she grinned.

oOo

Cameron Bogby was an inch shorter than Astrid with wild blonde hair, piercing blue eyes and a lazy air of confidence that instantly made Hiccup feel self-conscious and inadequate. She was casually dressed in combat pants, combat boots, vest top, tight training top and waterproof jacket, none of which succeeded in disguising her ample chest and athletic figure. She beckoned him over, pointed to the seat opposite and winked.

"I ordered you a coffee," she said briskly by way of introduction. He stared at her, then shook himself and nodded.

"Um-thanks," he said warily. "I'm Hiccup."

"Bloody well hope so-or this could get really awkward," she told him brashly. "Call me Cami. Because everyone else does." He sank down into the seat and took a small sip.

"Thanks," he murmured. "So...what do you enjoy doing?" She eyed him up and down.

"Hmm-you're pretty," she commented. He blushed.

"Er...wow...so are you," he managed.

"Are you blushing?"

"That happens a lot," he admitted. She burst out laughing.

"Gods, you're a shy one! I suppose, I should have guessed when you described yourself as artistic!" she scoffed. He toyed with his cup and sighed. "In answer to your question, what I enjoy doing is...free-running, shoplifting and sex. Definitely sex-especially with pretty shy boys like you!"

Oh Thor. Astrid-you were wrong. HELP!

"That's...flattering," he managed aloud. She peered at him.

"You're a virgin, aren't you?" she guessed astutely. Suddenly, his face was on fire.

AAARGH. Who IS this woman?

"Um...can we change the subject. Please?" he asked her desperately.

"You are a virgin," she said in satisfaction. "Hmm, maybe I can see to that later, sweetie!"

"So...can we please talk about something else?" he repeated, breathing hard. He was about a million miles out of his comfort zone for conversation: Ana certainly had never talked so boldly or forwardly about sex, except to tell him she wouldn't be allowing him to touch her except to kiss and hold hands until they were legally wed. Clearly, Cameron was her diametric opposite-and he was utterly thrown. Not that he wanted to touch her in that way-though his mind briefly drifted to another blue-eyed blonde... He pulled himself up sharply as Cami jumped up.

"Finish your coffee, lover-boy-and we can have a look around the Mall," she said, a wicked grin crossing her features. He gulped the hot liquid, coughed and then rose as she flounced out of the door, skipping to jump up and begin to walk easily along the rail of the second story walkway. She laughed at his alarmed expression.

"Aren't you worried you'll fall?" he asked her, seeing her crouch on her haunches on the rail.

"Why are you worried I'll fall?" she asked him, her eyebrow arched. Her hands locked round the rail and she rocked backwards. His eyes widened and he grabbed her wrist, hauling her forward. She vaulted over him and landed agilely on the ground.

"You could be hurt," he managed lamely.

"Sweet," she smiled, patting his cheek lightly. "Very cute. But I can take care of myself!" She turned and stomped towards the nearest store. "Come on, lover boy! Let's have a look in here!" Unnerved, he followed, embarrassed at the stares they were garnering. He managed a small shrug as he followed her into the department store. He looked around for her-and found a vase flying through the air at him. He ducked-and then realised it was a shop item. He made a grab for it-and missed. The smash of the vase shattering across the floor had him wincing and hunched, meeting the glares of store assistants.

"Um, sorry," he said in a low voice. "Um...I'll pay for the damage." The assistant beckoned him over and he grimaced as he had to hand over $150, shaking his head as the assistant determinedly gave him the shards in a bag. Then he turned to try to find Cami-only to locate her in the furniture section, lying on a couch with her hands behind her head.

"Have you finished messing around?" she asked him shortly and he frowned.

"Have you?" he asked more sharply than he had realised. Her blue eyes glittered.

"Someone's got a moss on him," she scoffed and his eyes widened.

"A what?" he asked, mildly testily. She jumped up and threw a cushion at him.

"You're in a bad mood," she translated with a grin. He threw the cushion back at her. He missed, knocking over a pewter standard lamp. "Oops. So do you free run?"

"I don't normal run!" he protested, slightly lifting his left leg. "Injured in a car accident." Her eyes flicked up to inspect his face and he felt disconcerted by her piercing scrutiny.

"You keep telling yourself that, lover boy," she smirked and flung herself forward, hands sliding round his neck, then one sliding down his chest and toying with his belt buckle. His hand clamped around hers, stopping her loosening it any further.

"Gah! Can we please stay north of the equator?" he asked her shortly. She pressed against him, grinding her body just once against his, causing him to blush fiercely.

"The tough guy act doesn't wash when you blush like a little girl!" she smirked and pulled away, leaving him breathing hard. He rested a hand desperately on the arm of the couch and fought to get his breathing under control.

Astrid-where are you? Oh Gods, this madwoman is absolutely tying my head up in knots!

Then he walked after her, his eyes shadowed with concern. Cami seemed to be hugely unpredictable and hell-bent on causing trouble...which was the opposite of his idea of a date. He chased her through to the jewellery department, seeing her fumbling with items and hanging back, his green gaze seeing how her hands kept moving, distracting the eye while the other occasionally slipped to the pockets of her large waterproof.

She was stealing. He backed away and headed towards the door with his bag of shards. Suddenly, he heard a movement behind him and an arm slid through his.

"Where're you going, big boy?" Cami said, her big blue eyes searching his face. "Are you worried I may get you into trouble?"

"You're stealing!" he hissed. "Your profile said you liked shopping, not shoplifting!" She grinned broadly.

"And your profile said your liked walking, not ..." she retorted with a knowing look. He froze and stared at her in horror. "I know," she whispered. "So you'll be a good boy and keep watch while I do a little 'shopping'..." She smirked and patted his ass lightly. "Hmm...very nice," she added, leaving him cringing. She snapped her fingers. "Come along, puppy," she called, heading for the kitchenware department. "Keep an eye on the assistants..."

He limped to the shelf of food processors and stared at the tills, watching the pair of young assistants gossiping and not paying attention as Cami helped herself to a handful of expensive silver table ornaments and a couple of expensive sets of knives. His phone buzzed and he lifted it in relief: it was Astrid.

WHERE R U?

He snatched a glimpse of Cami and texted a swift response.

DAGSONS DEPARTMENT STORE KITCHEN SECTION. SHE'S A MADWOMAN. HELP.

He glanced up and couldn't see her. Frantic, he almost fell over a bread bin and came face to face with her.

"Who were you texting?" she demanded, her eyes narrow. He swallowed.

"Friend," he said truthfully. "She was asking where I was."

"And you told her?" she guessed. He nodded.

"Why should I lie?" he asked her. She pressed against his taut shape again.

"Because you're on a date with me, lover!" she told him sharply. "Eyes front, boy!" He met her gaze and he was breathing hard.

"Is this a date?" he asked her bitterly. "You've dragged me in here, humiliated me and are blackmailing me while you steal from this shop!" She pressed against him, a hand trailing very indecently down his ass and round his waist.

"You are so cute and I really want to get into your pants," she said huskily. He jerked and tried to get away from her but her hand was suddenly somewhere he really didn't want her to be, her grip tight. His eyes widened and she smirked. "Now run!" she hissed and shoved him back, racing for the door. The alarms went off and he stared at her-and the assistants looked at him. He glanced at the bag in his hand-and saw a couple of high-value cooking knives sticking out. Giving a loud squeak, he dropped the bag and ran for the door, seeing assistants trying to intercept him. He could see Cami vault the counter and race out into the Mall, leaving him exposed, a sacrificial lamb, with two security guards closing on him.

Some date, he thought despondently. Gods, my father would be exploding with anger in Valhalla if he could see me. Sorry Dad. I guess I'm still a disappointment...

Then a vase and two glass jugs smashed to one side and three mugs arched through the air, narrowly missing the assistants and the security guards. They ducked to try to find the source of the missiles-and an entire shelf of cushions fell onto them. Vanishing briefly under an avalanche of soft furnishings, they lost sight of Hiccup and in that moment, a strong hand grabbed his arm and wrenched him through the door and out into the Mall. Stumbling, eyes swinging wildly behind him to watch for pursuit, he found himself unceremoniously wrenched into the muffin store and slammed into a seat behind a hot chocolate and a blueberry muffin.

"Keep your head down and look as if you've been here all the time!" Astrid hissed as behind them, out in the Mall, Cami leapt from the rail and landed on the escalator going down, tipping an ironic wink at the security guards racing after her. Hiccup's eyes locked on Astrid's face and he sagged with utter relief. He closed his shaking hands round the mug of chocolate.

"Thank you," he murmured. "You saved me-again!" She closed her hands round his, staring this bowed shape.

"Oh Hiccup," she sighed. "I only asked you to stay out of trouble for a few minutes..." He gave a grim smile.

"Shouldn't have gone on a date with a shoplifter," he murmured wryly. There was an intake of breath and the grip on his hands tightened. A security guard paused at the window, seeing the auburn-haired man who matched the description of one of the shoplifters...but as he realised the young man was there as part of a couple-and clearly not with the thief-he walked on.

"Are you okay?" she asked seriously and he managed a small nod with a sad smile.

"Um-that's number five I never want to see again," he sighed. "She almost got me arrested and she was very...touchy!"

"Short temper?" Astrid hummed sympathetically.

"Well, yes-but more...tactile touchy," he said with a blush and she looked into his scarlet face. "Um...rather personally as well. And she was very...well, nosy...about, you know, personal stuff..." Instantly, she gently rested her hand against his cheek and felt him press against her gentle touch.

"Are you okay?" she repeated and he sighed.

"I'll survive," he sighed. "Do I get a day off now?" She stole a chunk of his muffin." "Hey!"

"I'll take you home and you can have a day off-at least," she promised him. "I'll even make you coffee." Feeling his pulse finally begin to slow, he gave her a small smile.

"It's a date," he said.