He had never been so glad his team didn't have a front row view to his whole life. Standing alone in Kate's hall at 0300, fingernails digging into his palms, wouldn't do his image any favors. If he had his way, they would never know that this Gibbs existed. They never needed to know that the world sometimes grew a little too heavy for even his shoulders. If he loved them enough to carry it (and he always would) he would try to bear it in silence.

Gibbs stared at Kate's door. He could never have planned for this, never dreamed of the day he'd finally show up here in the middle of the night (at least not without coming to kiss her senseless). She wasn't supposed to be the exception. From the first word, she'd been the person-beyond Tony, beyond Abby-he wanted to see him as unshakable.

That bridge and several others had been torched inside that barn.

He couldn't go back. The damage they had done to them would always be there, no matter how much time tried to ease it. Kate would always be the one who had stood beside him in the dark. Her hand would always be the one that had found his, refused to give up until they stumbled into survival.

He had known he loved her going into that damn op, just hadn't expected to realize his absolute trust in her coming back out of it.

And maybe that had been enough to get him here, leave him standing at her door a little too sober-a little too aware that the bottle of bourbon might have been the smarter choice.

Never stopped him before...

He knocked.

Part of him needed her to not pull the door open. He could go home, drink, convinced himself that he had at least tried to reach out to someone in his time of need.

(Ducky would be proud)

The rest of him had spent the entire night, up to this point, refusing to shut up about her. He needed to see her. Gibbs needed to be able to breathe without smelling dirt, without seeing Kate there, without thinking they were both about to...that he would lose her...that-

His chest felt too tight. Gibbs rubbed his hand over it, refused to notice the red band that peeked out from under his coat sleeve. He swallowed, shifted. Any battles fought to get back to himself wouldn't be fought standing in the middle of Kate's hall.

Answer the damn door, Kate

She did. He heard the chain fall against the wood, the lock click. A few seconds more and she had pulled the door open. She stood there in her pajamas, looking soft and safe and tired. Kate blinked at him a few times, tilted her head to rest against the door. She studied him sleepily, probably trying to figure out how she should react to her boss showing up here unannounced.

He studied her just as intently. In the light of the hall he could see the marks they had left all over her. He drew in another slow breath, dropped his hand back to his side. He reminded himself that the law would have to be enough this time-unless he ever saw them again.

"Kate."

Her eyes stayed on him.

He swallowed, tried for a smile, hoping-for the first time- that she would see right through him.

Kate pushed herself up off the door, pulled it the rest of the way open. Gibbs stepped inside, thankful the heaviness of the night seemed to recede in her presence. She flipped the light on above them, and the apology he'd been dancing around died at once. Oh, Katie. Her eyes were red-rimmed, the darkness beneath didn't exist because of the bruising.

She looked away, and he realized he wasn't the only one feeling more open book than human tonight.

"I'll make coffee."

She tried for a smile, turned away.

"Don't."

Reaching out, he turned her back to him and stepped in closer. Gibbs let her go, held his arms open instead. It had to be her choice. He'd never force her, but he thought she might need the contact as much as he did. Kate met his eyes before stepping into his space, slipping her arms up around him. She held on a little too tightly, head pressed over his heart. He swallowed, dropped a kiss to her head and wrapped her up a closely as he dared.

Her door still stood open, and he couldn't quite bring himself to give a damn. He wanted to hold her until she made him stop, probably would do it again if she ever allowed. Gibbs pressed another kiss to her head, drew his arm up to stroke his fingers through her hair.

He held on, breathed her in deeply, promised in the silence they would both be okay again.

Kate let him go at last, and he dropped his arms back to his side.

"Stay?" she asked.

He nodded.

She shut the door, locked it.

In for penny

He couldn't pour his heart out on command-if he had that ability several of his relationships wouldn't have gone belly-up as quickly as they had. What he could do, was keep Kate company. Gibbs could listen, hold if her she wanted and hope that she could hear 'I love you' in his actions.

Kate

Kate adjusted the blanket over her lap. Tucking her legs in a little farther under her, she did her best to not actually stare at Gibbs. He had come to her apartment, held her-kissed her, if only her head. The whole experience had left her a little breathless and lot confused. He was hard to read on her best days, she sure as hell didn't have a chance to figure him out on her couch tonight.

As far as mysteries went, she really couldn't complain.

Shifting again, Kate took another unwanted sip of the coffee. It had gone cold, bitter against her tongue. She stared down into it. If it had any answers about him, about how to start a conversation he didn't want to have, she must have missed it. Glancing at Gibbs, she saw him staring at the wall. She couldn't lose him here, not after he had come so far.

Say something, anything

She took another drink.

Good job

She sighed, running a hand over face.

"You okay, Kate?"Gibbs asked.

Kate looked up from her mug. He had turned her attention to her now, eyes gentle as they ran over her face. She'd expected this conversation before the coffee, not after he'd been sitting on her couch for the last half hour glaring at the wall.

She didn't want to have it any more now than she had then.

"Need more coffee?" she asked.

Half his mouth pulled up into a smile, probably saw his influence on her world. She couldn't help but return the smile, watching as he tipped the last of his mug into his mouth and slid it onto the table.

"Really don't," he said, leaning back against the arm of the couch. "Kate?"

He kept his eyes on her, unwilling to let it go. Typical for Gibbs, really. She didn't know where he had learned the Gibbs stare, but if she ever learned it herself he'd be in so much trouble. Kate leaned forward, sliding her half-full mug next to his. She took in a long breath, before scooting down the couch to him. He watched her, his breath catching as she dropped the blanket over his lap as well.

She leaned against him, and he started breathing again. Any other time, she'd smile at the thought of having that sort of power on him. Tonight, her thoughts could stray so far.

"No, Gibbs," she said, shaking her head against him. "I'm really not. But I will be."

To her surprise (though nothing that happened should still be surprising) he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. His shirt felt too rough against her tender cheek, but she tilted her head to rest there anyway. They sat in the silence, his heart beating loudly in her ear.

"Yeah," he said, breath tickling across her scalp. "You will."

She breathed him in, curled up more against his side. He didn't offer any protest, instead drew her in closer. Gibbs reached up, stroked his fingers over her hair gently. She'd seen him kind, seen the way he looked at children and victims in their line of work. She'd seen him gentle, but never like this.

It left her feeling loved. Safe.

"Gibbs...if you need to talk,' she said, glancing up at him.

"Don't need to talk," he said, thumb stroking over her cheek. "Need this."

She nodded, wondered for a moment if he would kiss her. He didn't. He did keep holding onto her though, like the thought of letting her go wasn't something he could handle just yet. She closed her eyes, relaxed into the feeling of giving and taking comfort in the same moment.

"Sleep, Katie," he whispered, leaning over and flipping off the lamp.

She opened her mouth to suggest they move to the bed, before closing it again. She didn't think she could say it without it coming out as a proposition, no matter how she meant it. And Gibbs holding her like this, on a couch too small for them both to sleep comfortably, felt as perfect as anything had in far too long.

She closed her eyes, shifted until everything smelled of him. His warmth soaked back into her, his fingers softly stroking her hair and cheek. She didn't say she loved him, but she thought she he might have said it back as she drifted off to sleep.