Disclaimer: All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the Star Wars movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)
Rating: T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes
Author's Note: This is the first part of a two-part episode (is that what I'd call it?) Part two you'll get next week. Enjoy!
Chapter 8
Mid Rim Region, Quelii Sector, Dathomir System, 39 BBY
The first thing my senses pick up on is the smell of cinnamon. It's all around me, a comforting and relaxing smell. The hard wood of a chair is beneath me, and red light flickers behind my closed eyelids. Opening my eyes, I blink several times before the blurriness goes away.
"A Sith, eh?" Talzin asks, placing a steaming cup of what smells like tea in front of me. Giving her a grateful look, I slowly sip at the hot liquid. It's bitter to the taste, but I like it. Bitterness is a familiar sense to me, one that has made its home in my heart. One that reflects my heart.
"Yeah." My voice is rough, and I wish I hadn't seen those memories. How could I have killed that couple? And in such cold blood? Sure, I'm a vigilante, but they did nothing wrong. If anything, I had helped out Darth Sidious. The thought alone makes me want to puke. I don't just go out of my way to kill innocent people. And yet, I had. All the pressure from my master and Darth Bane and the darkness in me...It turned me into someone I am not.
"Well, I'd like to say it's a surprise, but I figured you were a dark side force user of some sort. No one from the light side comes here, and I don't blame them." She sits across me, and I notice Senka had disappeared, her chair empty.
My mouth and throat feel dry, and my stomach feels like an empty pit. It's the feeling you get when you're free-falling, or when you're falling general. It feels bad. An emotion I've never felt before flitters around in my head, capturing all my attention.
"So you had a rough day," she adds, prompting me into conversation. Her comment is an understatement if anything is.
"Why do I feel guilty?" I inquire, as if she would know the answer if even I don't. "My master...he does things like that all of the time. He harms innocent people and he causes destruction and pain. I have done it many times before, too, and I've never felt...regret." Something about that statement feels wrong, but I would remember if I had ever felt regret, right? Of course. I have a perfect memory.
"You do realize he was using you," Talzin says quietly. "When you've done things like that in the past, you were doing it for yourself, right? You did it of your own free will, and for your own purposes, correct?"
"Well, yeah. It's what I do. I travel around the universe, dealing out justice as I deem fit."
"Maybe the reason you never felt guilty was because you justified it. You kill people who you think deserve to be killed. That's how your master feels no regret, either. Both of you believe the end justifies the means, and he believes that his end goal makes it acceptable for the killing of innocent people. But you have a different goal than he does, so it felt wrong for you do harm those people for him." She leans back and sips at her own tea.
Her words make sense, and I commit them to memory. "Thank you for your wisdom, sister Talzin. And for your assistance. I believe I owe you a reading in return."
She nods, and I close my eyes, searching the force to see what lies in store for her. Surprisingly, the futures of her kids are more vivid in my mind than hers is. "Your family is very important," I begin, opening my eyes. "You will be tempted with a great offer, but while your greed blinds you, you will be betrayed and lose your own flesh and blood. You will welcome home a lost member of the coven to assistant you with your revenge. All your plans will fail, and you will lose everyone." My voice softens at the last part.
"Everyone in my family?" Talzin asks.
"No." I close my eyes again, not wanting to be the one to deliver this news. "Every single Nightsister and Nightbrother except for one."
She sighs and slumps a little in her seat. seeming to age years in only a moment. "Knowing the future is a heavy burden to bear. How can you live knowing how it's going to end? Not for yourself, but for everyone? All that pain and darkness...you see it all."
Her remark makes me uncomfortable, and I push the chair back and stand. "Thank you for your assistance. Maybe our paths will cross again." Talzin also stands, and she walks me out.
"Good luck with your travels," she replies, and we part ways. Somehow I know I'm going to see her again. I can feel it in the Force. My future has strong ties to this place and its inhabitants, in both good ways and in bad ways.
Reaching my starship an hour later, I hear KZ-4's frantic beeping. "What is it?" I ask the droid.
He lets out a quick series of beeps and boops. "An intercepted Jedi message?" KZ-4 shakes his dome and repeats his sentence. "Wait. The Jedi sent me a message? No way." My droid opens the projector hatch and displays the holo message. It's from none other than Qui-Gon Jinn. Why he's messaging me, I have no idea, since we've only ran into each other a couple of times.
The holo message flickers, and Qui-Gon looks as though he's in the midst of a fight. "Minerva, please meet me Gorse tomorrow at noon."
The message ends, and KZ-4 closes his hatch. "That's it?" I demand. "No explanation, no 'Hey, how ya doing? It's been three years and I miss you!'?"
KZ-4 beeps. "You want to go help him, huh? Fine. We'll go see what he wants, but only because we have no where better to be. And don't you dare ditch me for him, or I'll have you scrapped on Jakku."
My traitorous droid lets out a happy beep as we take off.
Outer Rim Territory, Unknown Sector, Anthan System, 50 BBY
Today I walked into my room and found Lillea hanging from the ceiling, her face bloated and purple. She killed herself, just like Xavier. She always looked up to him and followed in his footsteps so closely that it doesn't surprise me in the least when I find her dead.
It's a terrible thing to say, I know. I'm sad that she's dead, but at this point in my life I've become numb. I can't feel. I can't deal with all this suffering. I pulled her down and held her cold body in my arms, but not a single tear would come for her. They say when a heart breaks, it cracks a million different ways, every reason for sorrow pulling away from what held it all together. Mine shattered and scattered across the galaxy. It'll never grow back together. Not after what I've witnessed.
My mother and father were too embarrassed to hold a public funeral, not after her death being so close to Xavier's. They buried her in secret and had a gravestone put up next to my brother's, but it was blank. They don't even have the decency to put her name on it.
I did. I used a knife to scratch out her name, the jagged edges of the stone and my jerky movements causing the side of my hand to tear open and bleed out all over the gray stone. Somehow it feels fitting, leaving a piece of me here with them, leaving my pain where it will stay buried with them for all time. That small action is the least I can do for my little sister. She was only five, can you believe it? In one week I've lost both of my siblings, and I'm the only one who genuinely cares.
My mother ordered me to pack up. My father is staying here on Anthan Prime, but my mother and I are moving to Coruscant. I should be elated, because I've always hated this planet and I've always wanted to go to the famous city planet, but instead I feel sad. Xavier and Lillea should be here to experience it with me. The three of us always spoke about all the adventures we'd go on if we ever visited Coruscant, but now they're buried six feet under and I'm expected to move on.
Nobody wished me goodbye, not even my father. I hope it's the last time I ever see him. My mother loads me onto the shuttle and pays the pilot, and we're off. Just like that, I'm leaving behind my entire life - pathetic as it was - and moving on with only one bag of items. My mother is trying to assure me that this will be a fun experience, but how can she be so happy and enthusiastic when two of her children just died? No, not died - committed suicide.
Coruscant is a huge place, and it shouldn't be too hard for me to get lost in the crowds of all the different species. If I never see my mother again, then so be it. My life will be all the better. I don't need her anymore. If we're being honest, I never needed her. Xavier practically raised me, as young as he was, and I raised myself and Lillea. My mother had only ever been a source of pain and misery. She and my father both are baggage I'm happy to leave behind.
Inner Rim, Unknown Sector, Gorse System, 39 BBY
Gorse is a unique planet in the way that only one-half of it is habitable. Due to gravitational forces, one side is permanently tilted towards the sun and the other is tilted away. The side near the sun is hot enough to melt a droid and is therefore uninhabitable. The shadowy side away from the sun is humid and covered in cities with residents from all other the galaxy, including Wookies, Twi'leks, Besalisks, Ithorians and more. Why the Jedi, specifically Qui-Gon, is here, I have no idea.
I sit at a table in an outside cafe in Gorse City. KZ-4 had sent a message to Qui-Gon to meet me here tonight. He should be here any minute now. If he's not, then I'm just going to continue enjoying my drink and then maybe explore the city a little. I've only been here once, and only for a few hours.
Two hooded figures make their way towards my table and pull up chairs. One of them scans the surroundings while the other pushes his brown Jedi-issue robe hood down. "Glad you got my message, Minerva."
"It's been three years, Qui-Gon," I reply, leaning back and acting as if meeting here had been my idea, not his. "And I have absolutely no idea what you've been up to in all that time."
He spreads his hands and offers an apologetic smile. "I've been busy keeping justice and peace like all the Jedi do. My duty is to the Republic, not you." He says the last part in a light tone.
"But we do know what you've been up to," the other figure says, his accent giving him away even before he lifts off his hood.
A smile grows on my face of its own accord. "Obi-Wan? Is that you? It can't be!"
"It is very much so," Qui-Gon states, looking between us. "And I'd say you both have changed very much in these last three years."
"You grew, like, three feet," I tell Obi-Wan. "I was a foot taller than you last time we met, and now I'd guess it's safe to say you're much taller than me. What are you, eighteen years old now?"
The Jedi Padawan nods, and I shake my head in disbelief. He's only a year younger than I am, but when we had last met he'd been pre-puberty and looked like twelve. I barely recognize him. Then again, both he and Qui-Gon are probably thinking the same about me, even if I have always been more mature than my age might suggest
(learning the dark side of the Force and being guided by hatred and anger and bitterness really does age a person).
"But back to business," Qui-Gon says, getting right to the point. "We're here chasing down a bounty hunter. Cade Bane. He's from Duro, and he's the second best bounty hunter in the galaxy, bested only by Jango Fett. You might recognize him."
"He doesn't sound familiar," I answer truthfully, taking a swig of my drink. The two Jedi trade glances suspiciously, and I narrow my eyes at them. "What? Did I miss something?"
"A little more than a week ago we discovered where he'd been hiding," Qui-Gon continued, raising an eyebrow.
Seriously, they're both acting so strange. I feel like I'm missing out on something big. "And? Where was he?"
"He had a base on Hoth," Obi-Wan finishes, and the truth sinks in. I let out a sheepish smile.
"That bounty hunter. Okay." Nodding, I slouch down in my seat, but really I want to hide right now. Usually I'm not embarrassed, but they had seen me, a Sith, bested and tied up by some Duros guy. It's pathetic.
"I sent for you for two reasons," Qui-Gon explains. "For one, we need your help to track him down." I have to admit, hearing him, a Jedi Master, say he needs me, is quite a boost to my ego. My posture straightens itself and my former embarrassment is forgotten. "And two, we want to know how you knew he was on Hoth before we did."
"I suppose I can find time to help you out," I answer airily, feeling cockier than ever. "But as for your second reason...well, some things a girl just knows." It's a pretty obvious lie, but I deliver it well, and I'm pretty sure they're buying it. Then I hear a series of beeps and boops and KZ-4 is cuddling up between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's chairs, completely selling me out like the traitor he is.
"She programmed you to be able to intercept Jedi messages?" Qui-Gon asks. "Hmm." Both Jedi look at me and I see the master's hand resting on KZ-4's dome. Little, useless, good-for-nothing, traitorous droid.
"I'm going to trash you for real," I mutter at KZ-4. This is why exactly why I don't trust anyone. They always betray you in the end, whether it's your parents, your brother, or your droid. You can never rely on anyone to be loyal. "Stabbing me in the back would hurt less."
"That's not really important right now, though," Obi-Wan states, directing my attention away from the droid. "We need to find Cad Bane before he can sell it."
"Sell what?" I question suspiciously. The two Jedi exchange looks again (seriously, are they telepathic? Oh, wait. The Force. Duh). "What aren't you telling me? He took something from the Jedi, didn't he?"
"He stole the Heart of the Guardian," Qui-Gon admits, his face dead serious. His Padawan's is also solemn, but I can't help the loud laugh that escapes from my throat. They give me strange looks, and I cover my mouth.
"I'm sorry. That's not funny. Well, it actually is. And if we're being honest, I'm not sorry. But this is just gold. How did you manage to lose one of your most protected artifacts?" Taking in deep breaths, I manage to calm myself down enough to listen to them seriously, but amusement still has a home inside.
"The Heart of the Guardian, as you know, is one of the most important artifacts to Jedi culture. We believe it was involved in the founding of the Jedi Order. And - "
"Well, I believe it's a Sith artifact," I interrupt. "After all, it is the crystal that powered Revan's lightsaber." The Heart of the Guardian is an ancient crystal that had been discovered by a Rodian named Suvam Tan on the surface of Yavin 4. Its history gets shaky after that, but it is believed that Revan, the only Force user to ever successfully master both the light side and the dark side of the Force, used it to power his lightsaber. The special crystal has a yellow core and gives the blade of the lightsaber a unique bronze color and alters it to be fast and devastating in the hands of its user.
"Regardless," Qui-Gon states dismissively, "it was being held in the vault at the temple on Coruscant. Cad Bane broke in there and stole it."
"Did he steal anything else?" I question, and at the dismayed looks on the faces of the two Jedi, my suspicion is confirmed. "What else did he take?"
"He took the Mantle of the Force as well," Qui-Gon answers, his voice low. This time I'm too shocked to even laugh. My jaw drops open and I look to Obi-Wan for confirmation. "Is he serious?" I mouth to the Jedi Padawan in disbelief.
He nods too, and I shake my head dramatically. "Wow. You guys really got screwed over. Two of the most powerful and ancient crystals in the history of the Force, and you lost them to one little bounty hunter. It can't get worse than that!"
"Both of the crystals were in lightsabers already," the Jedi Master says, proving my exclamation wrong. "And he's had them for long enough to know how to use them." I don't even gloat this time. This is actually pretty serious.
"So that's why you need my help," I ponder. "You need someone to help you fight him. Tracking him down isn't the problem, it's catching him."
They nod, and I let out a suffering sigh. "You Jedi really know how to get yourselves in trouble," I remark. They remain silent, staring at the tabletop in defeat. "Okay. I'll help you. What are we waiting for?"
"Nothing," Qui-Gon replies, snapping out of whatever haze he and his Padawan had fallen into. "Let's go. He's at the outer edge of the city, and if we catch him now he'll be isolated."
"We should wait," I argue. "According to Coruscant time, it's late at night, and I'm willing to bet you both are as tired as I am. We can't take on Cad without being rested and full of energy, especially if he has two of the most powerful lightsabers in the galaxy."
Qui-Gon looks like he disagrees with me, but Obi-Wan speaks up. "She is right, Master. If we fight him now we run the risk of making unwise decisions."
His master nods after thinking it through. "You are correct. We can rent out a room for the night." He flips his hood up and stands, and Obi-Wan and I follow his lead. We leave the cafe and check in at a hotel with a nice balcony.
I stand on the balcony, and from this high up I can see the entire expanse of cities on the habitable side of Gorse. To some, this would be a beautiful sight, but to me, it's ugly. People are ugly. I prefer nature, which doesn't lie to you and has an unchanging set of laws. People are unpredictable and don't follow rules. They hurt you on purpose, and they enjoy it. People also let themselves be bought out, like Cad. He wouldn't have stolen those artifacts on his own. Someone had paid him to do it, and he had sold them his soul for a bag of metal coins.
It disgusts me. The things people do for money. Power, I understand. Power comes in many different forms, and some of it is good, and some of it is bad. My master wants power to rule over everyone. Why? I don't know, but I know it's wrong. The kind of power I want is the power to make myself better and stronger. That's good power. Then there's lots of grey areas where it can be good or bad, or it's somewhere in the middle.
"The Jedi monitor you closely." Obi-Wan joins me, standing a respectful distance away. "You're the first Sith we've made contact with in a thousand years."
"If the Council knows where I am all the time then why don't they send in a group to destroy me?" I ask, keeping my gaze on the sprawling stretch of cities below.
"You pose no threat to us. For years, the Sith have worked quietly, under our noses, really. Always eluding our grasp and tiptoeing around our influence. Then you appear. You do not cover yourself or your tracks; rather, you flaunt your powers and traipse about the galaxy, with a considerable reputation lapping at your heels. There has never been a Sith quite like you."
Finally I turn to look at him, blue eyes meeting orange ones. Jedi meeting Sith. Good meeting bad. Innocent meeting sinner. "I keep hearing that. But why? Why am I different from my people?"
He looks ahead, not meeting my eyes anymore. "My master thinks there is good in you; he thinks you will turn to the light side one day."
A bitter laugh escapes me. "And what do you think?"
Obi-Wan pauses, deliberately choosing his words. "I think he's wrong. Wise he may be, but rarely does anyone switch, as if merely taking off one hat and putting on another. Only one person has ever done it before, and that precedes us by thousands of years, not to mention all the time and energy and meditation it had taken. I think you might one day find that you're not a Sith and never were. You'll start using the dark side of the force for the good of others. The dark side will have no power over you, but you shall command it as you will. You started using fear, hatred, and anger to connect to the force, and you used it for dark deeds under your master, but not anymore. Not forever."
"Are you saying I'm not full of fear, hatred, or anger?" I question skeptically, barely keeping my eyes from rolling.
"Yes," he replies without hesitation. "You have let go of your anger since we last met, you never exhibited hatred, and you are fearless. What once led you to the dark side has not bound you there."
The corner of my mouth curls up in a small smile. It is a dangerous one, like the smile I imagine my master will wear when the galaxy is his to command. It's the smile that every predator puts on right when he has cornered his prey. It's a smile that betrays the dark side within me."You think I'm fearless?"
"I know you journeyed to Moraband alone. No one has travelled there in centuries for fear of what they might encounter. If that's not fearlessness, I know not what is." He makes eye contact with mine, seeing in them only sincerity. It's an increasingly rare look, I've come to realize over time.
"You are wise beyond your years, Obi-Wan," I say. "But fear comes in many forms, and not all of them physical. There are many things I fear, but old Sith spectres are not among the list."
"What do you fear, then? If not Sith lords, then what could makes you afraid?"
Shaking my head, I step away from the balcony and head back to the hotel room. "Putting all my hope in someone who could make a mistake and betray me," I answer. He follows me.
"If you can't trust anyone, then how you do live?" he asks. There's still so much innocence in his features. He won't understand if I told him, even if I wanted to attempt to explain. Instead I question back, "How do you live if you trust people?"
Obi-Wan doesn't have an answer for that. I had thought as much. "Here's the thing, young Jedi." Even though I'm only his elder by a year, I condescend to him on purpose - to put him in his place. But he never takes offense. He just acknowledges my veneer, my facade of superiority and lets it pass. He has a way of silently putting me back in my place. I sigh, resigning myself to step back down to his level and simply explaining it to him in the least complex way possible. How could he ever understand what I've been through? The person I've become has been born of my experiences, and that's not something I can show him.
"People will always let you down. Always. They'll stab you in the back if you trust them." Flashes of the future run through my mind. It's his future. "It will be your biggest flaw," I explain. "Trusting people. You are wise, but the people around you are manipulative. Time after time you'll be betrayed by people you trust."
He frowns, a crease growing on his brow. "You know my future?"
Not a conversation I want to get into now. Talzin's words spring back to me: "Knowing the future is a heavy burden to bear. How can you live knowing how it's going to end? Not for yourself, but for everyone? All that pain and darkness...you see it all." After seeing Obi-Wan's future, I am beginning to realize she is right. I've only seen the futures of those who live tragic or suffering-filled lives. Maybe I can only see those people's futures.
"It's late, and if we're going to get those artifacts back we need rest," I say, avoiding his question. Pushing past him, I continue to my room, but I sense he watches me the whole time. It's not my place to tell him his future, especially as painful as it is. He doesn't deserve to have his innocence ruined this early, because one day soon enough he'll start down the path of grief.
Besides, I don't think I could ruin his innocence even if he wanted me to. All my life I've known what it feels like to be in pain, and what wouldn't I have given to get a peaceful and worry-free childhood?
I would have given anything and everything.