Disclaimer: All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the Star Wars movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

Rating: T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

Chapter 16

Western Reaches, Tashtor Sector, Unknown System, 39 BBY

Takodana is a planet that still lives in the past. An old battleground of the Sith and Jedi from before the rule of two, not much has thrived there except the vegetation. It's completely covered in trees and bushes and everything green that grows in the galaxy. Hidden in the forests are two major locations: the capital, Andui, and the famous castle of Maz Kanata.

The castle is home to all sorts of smugglers and criminals and travelers, and it's there that I feel drawn after I dropped off Vizam and Klaatu on Tatooine. I can disappear in the bar's crowd, and no Jedi will go there.

The pain has turned to numbness and acceptance, and KZ-4 and I walk silently up to the castle. I hide my face behind the hood of my black robes, closing myself off to the world. Making friends and caring had put me through the pain that had brought me here, and I'm not going to open myself up to make that mistake again. I'm a Sith, and as such, I can't have friends. It just ends badly on both ends, mostly mine.

I take a seat in the back corner of the bar, hidden in the shadows. The place is alive with activity, small brawls and gambling and games, drinking and betting and conversation. I see more than a few petty thieves making jokes and laughing as they steal money and other items right from the person they're interacting with. One even tries to approach me but one hard glare with my orange eyes sends them skittering away quickly.

Alcohol doesn't even seem strong enough today. Being surrounded by rejects from all ends of the galaxy can't even bring about forgetfulness. My mind is dark and clouded, and ridiculous and insane thoughts are spinning around my head. I need to push those back before I start giving in to them.

I'm staring at the bottom of my empty shot glass when I hear someone sit across the table from me. Looking up, I see wrinkled orange skin and dark brown eyes enlarged by huge goggles. It's Maz herself. I had always imagined meeting her under different circumstances.

"You look like someone in a dark place," she muses, staring into my eyes and adjusting her goggles. I know she's reading me, but I don't care. All pretenses of caring has dropped away at this point. Let her read everything about me. What is she going to do? Announce to the world who I am? Judge me? None of that affects me anymore. "I see...indecision."

Indecision? That's the word she chooses? There are a lot of words to describe me, but that is the least likely one I'd thought anyone would choose. "Why do you say that?" I ask, my voice hoarse.

"You made a decision years ago you regret now. Why do you regret it? It gave you everything you wanted. Well, it seems to me that you didn't really know what you wanted when you made that decision. But you're not willing to give up what you gained for what you want. This internal argument is destroying you inside, and there's only one way to stop it, but you don't want to do what it takes to end it. Everything about you screams indecision, dear."

Strangely, her explanation makes sense. When I was young I thought I had wanted to be strong and powerful, anything but weak and cowardly. So when Darth Sidious had made the offer, I'd taken it right up. As he made me do more questionable things, however, I had begun to realize what I really wanted was love and acceptance. For too long I had been rejected and neglected. But I didn't, and I still don't, want to give up the strength and power the dark side of the Force gives me, even though being a Sith means I can't be friends with the people I want to be friends with. It's too late to just quit being a Sith, and the only way to get out of the dark side's clutches is death. And I don't want to die. I can't waste my life when I have to live it to make up for Lillea and Xavier and everyone else who has died young.

"That's right," I whisper, the realization dawning on me. I'm stuck in a rut, even though I had tried everything to ensure I didn't get caught in one. "What else do you see?"

"A part of you wants it to end, and you're considering extremes. The other part of you doesn't want it to end because you feel as if it would be a waste…" she trails off and pops up her goggles, looking at me with her real eyes. "Who do you owe your life to?"

"My siblings," I say quietly. "They died at a very young age. I can't die now because I can't waste my life. It would be disrespectful to them who didn't even have a chance at living."

She thinks it over for a long moment, her small mouth and thin lips pressed together. "Don't you think it's more important to do worthwhile things than to live a long time? A long-lasting legacy would be more honoring than living long and doing nothing important."

I had never thought of it from that angle before. It takes me back to the extremes she had mentioned and that I had been thinking of. I don't want to die, but I want this internal struggle to end, and having a last stand against my master would be the only acceptable way to go. I know I cannot defeat him, but I at least can die doing something noble. And maybe I can weaken him enough to make the rest of his life a little more difficult.

"Are you saying I should challenge my master?" I question quietly, not wanting anyone else to hear.

"That's suicide," Maz states abruptly. "I don't peg you as that type. I'm met many different people in my long life, and I know a survivor when I see one. You're one of them. You need to find a different option."

"There are no other choices," I argue. "Trust me, I've thought of everything!"

"Then make another path," she says. "You're good at making things. Like your lightsaber." She points to the weapon hanging just visibly under my robe. I pull it out and slide it across the table, watching her pick it up and examine it. "I haven't seen a double-bladed one in many, many years. They disappeared after the the near extinction of the Sith. Some sentinels use them, but no Jedi or other Force user does. How old were you?"

"Eleven," I say, the memories long ago but not faded in the least. It feels like yesterday I was sneaking out of my master's apartment and searching for another crystal to finish it up.

"And why were you inspired to make it like this is not in the traditional way?" she inquires, turning it over to look at the name branded into the handle.

"The regular ones felt unbalanced and top heavy. I felt stiff trying to use them, and I couldn't move very fast or fluidly."

"So you needed to create one that suited you, right?" Her point sinks in. Just like I had worked hard to build a lightsaber that met my unique needs and tastes, so must I create a path that fixes all of predicaments and doesn't end with my death. "Do you want to be with your friends again?"

I nod, and she narrows her tiny eyes at me. "Then do what you need to do to ensure you can be with them without worrying about getting them in trouble. Become someone else, someone that is not a Sith."

"How do I do that?"

"That," Maz Kanata declares, "Is something only you can figure out."

And, deep down, I know exactly what I need to do and exactly where to go.

Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 47 BBY

My heart beats wildly as I shrug on long black robes and make a harness so I can attack my long staff on my back. Hopefully I won't fun into anyone and won't have to use it, but there's no way I'm going out without a weapon, even if it's a long piece of wood.

Recalling a story my master had told me, I close my eyes and connect with the Force, using it to enhance my staff. According to the story, a Jedi Master had imbued his staff with the Force to be able to withstand even a lightsaber. It had worked for years until his apprentice, who had turned to the dark side and had become a very powerful Sith Lord, had been dueling with him. When the Sith had revealed his second blade, the stress of the staff became too strong and it had cracked, leaving its owner vulnerable. He, of course, had died. My master had told me this story to explain that the Sith are more powerful than the Jedi always, but it's helping me with something else this time.

Once I'm as prepared as I think I can be, I open the door, the cool night air only touching my face. Reaching up, I pull my hood lower and scan the area. The night is alive with activity, but it's all in the air. The rooftop sidewalks are empty, and the Jedi Temple is only awake with the ever-present lights. If I'm going to make my move, it has to be before the sun comes up.

Closing the door softly behind me, I tread silently and quickly across the rooftops, blending in with the shadows. The whooshing of a close air vehicle bids me to look up, and it's when I see the stars that I pause for the first time.

I haven't seen the stars in three years. And I for sure haven't seen the Coruscant stars ever. These ones are completely different than the ones on Anthan Prime, the shapes and patterns different, but one thing remains the same: the feeling I get when I see them. The bright spots against the darkness always give me hope. It also makes me sad, though, too; they're so far away that we're seeing them in the past. Some of them might be dead or exploded already, and we wouldn't know. The ones I'm gazing at might be gone but I will continue to see it for the rest of my life. The stars remind me of all the places I want to one day travel to. I'll fly right past them in my starship, heading towards a new life. A better life.

Longing fills me, so deep and yearning that I turn away and continue. If I stare at them too long I'll be tempted to never look away, and I know it will be a while before I'm allowed to see them again. I'm not even supposed to be out right now, and my time is running short.

I'm at the base of the Jedi Temple, my body trembling and my legs feeling like jelly. This is the moment where I either prove to myself, my master, and the world that I am strong and powerful or this is the moment I'm dead.

Sneaking into the temple is easy. Finding the treasury, not so much, but eventually I get there without incident. Inside is a mess of powerful artifacts, ancient treasures, or just spoils of war. There are so many lightsabers, devices, even clothes - it's amazing. I skip past all the ancient and powerful relics to the spoils of war section. I just need a red crystal, and taking something valuable would not go over well.

There are mostly green and blue ones, a few purple, but I find a red one. I slip it into my pocket and close up the container as I leave, locking the door behind me. Relief floods over me. No one had seen anything, and I'd avoided confrontation. Now, to just get home -

"What are you doing?" a voice calls. Slowly, painfully slow, I turn to see a Jedi Master standing there, his straight brown hair reaching to his shoulders. He looks calm and wise, but I know he won't hesitate to take me out. I'm a Sith, and he's Jedi. I disrupt the peace and he keeps it. I am dark and bad and he is light and good.

There's nothing but silence as we stare each other down, him with his open and kind eyes, me with my terrified and wide eyes. The sound of footsteps behind the Jedi is what disrupts us.

"Master," says the voice of a young boy. The elder Jedi puts a finger to his lips as the young Jedi apprentice comes up next to him. The boy is no older than I am, his short hair and long lock identifying him as a Padawan. The boy sees me and stops. "Who is that?"

"I don't know. That's what I'm trying to find out." The Jedi both turn to look at me. My legs are shaking so hard now I don't know how I'm still standing. "You took something from the treasury, did you not?" His voice is still calm, and there's no sign of anger or aggression. Still, this is my greatest fear. Being discovered.

An idea formulates in my head. I nod, and reach slowly into my pocket for the crystal. "My family is poor," I say softly. "These unnatural crystals are rare. I stole it to buy food." Making sure my lip trembles just right, I feel confidence surging as I begin the manipulation. I'm proud of myself for not cracking under the pressure.

"That's all you took?" The older Jedi looks surprised. "All this work to steal one little crystal?"

Uh-oh. He's not buying it. What do I do next? No - what would a little girl caught stealing by Jedi Knights do? She'd cry. I haven't cried in two years, though. I don't like crying; it makes me feel weak. This would be for an act, though. I'd be manipulating them. Channeling my shaking and trembling into tears, I burst out in sobs. "I just need food," I gasp out, my vision blurring because of the tears. "I'm always so hungry."

"We'll need to take you in," he says, then he turns to his young apprentice. "Go ahead, Obi-Wan. Escort her to the Council room."

Nope. That's not happening. As he gets closer I reach my arm back and pull the staff off of my back, twirling it and swiping it forward, catching his knees and driving him to the ground. He scoots away, stunned.

"I thought you were a poor girl," the Jedi Master accuses without raising his voice.

"I am." My story makes itself up in my mind, half truth-half lie. "In the Underworld you have to learn two things to survive: combat and stealing. When you've lived there as long as I have, you get good. Now just let me leave in peace."

He shakes his head as the other Jedi, Obi-Wan, gets back to his feet. "We can't. I don't want to harm you, so please just come with us."

I purse my lips and shake my head tightly. He sighs and draws his green lightsaber, and I can tell by his relaxed position that he's planning on just cutting my staff in half so I can't fight with it any more. Well, joke's on him because he's in for a surprise.

Lunging forward, I swing the staff forward towards his chest. His lightsaber meets it in a controlled manner, and his blow is so soft it glances off of my staff. The shock on his face says it all. "Where did you get that staff?"

"I stole it," I reply, my eyes narrowing. "Now let me go. Unless you're going to kill me, I can hold my own."

"Against two Jedi?" Obi-Wan asks, his boyish features tight. He has drawn his blue lightsaber. Crap. I can't take two of them, not without training myself on this staff more. Instead I turn and sprint away, my reaction taking them both by surprise.

They chase me down the hall, but luckily for me the Jedi Temple in on a high level with a portal to the Underworld nearby. I may not have left Darth Sidious' apartment in two years but I remember my way around the Underworld as if it was written on the back of my hand. Taking the portal down, I turn tight corners and melt into the shadows. The Jedi attempt to follow, but it's obvious they've never been down here. Their lightsabers glow in the dark, and it's easy for me to avoid them while still keeping them in my sights. After an hour of following them as they struggle around the dark alleys I turn and head back to my apartment.

My legs give out as soon as I shut the door quietly behind me. I inhale and exhale deeply, the relief taking over me. That had been a close call. A really, really close call. But that's never going to happen again because the next time I encounter Jedi I'll have an awesome weapon to wield and not just an enhanced staff.

After getting a big drink of water I rush back downstairs to finish my lightsaber. Sliding the red crystal into place and fusing the rest of the handle together, I finally stand up and wipe my eyes before holding the weapon at arms length and hesitantly clicking the button. The first blade fires up, and as my finger hits the second button the other blade fires up. It's so beautiful. I stare at it much longer than necessary.

Now comes the second experiment. Turning them off, I places my two hands on opposite sides of the long handle, twisting it in different directions. The two separate handles twist apart, and I hold them with one in each hand before clicking on the blades again. They both turn on, fiery and perfect.

A mad laugh escapes from my mouth as I slowly begin training with them. My form is graceful, like a deadly dance being performed by an elite warrior. The orbs can't hide from me now.

I finally put it down and go to sleep just as the sun is beginning to rise. I sleep for days and by the time I wake up I'm refreshed and ready to continue training. I start slow and eventually I'm whipping the blades around, twirling and spinning and instilling damage everywhere. No one is going to beat me now. I am the best fighter, and I am the ultimate warrior. Not even my master is as talented with the lightsaber as I am.

No one will ever be able to beat me.