Disclaimer: All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the Star Wars movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

Rating: T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

Author's Note: Try not to kill me after reading this chapter...you may not be very happy with me :/ Anyways...this is the story's 6th month anniversary! Thanks for sticking with me through these long months!

Chapter 17

Mid Rim Region, Quelii Sector, Dathomir System, 39 BBY

Darth Sidious prefers using his Force abilities to fighting with a lightsaber. He has mastered the Force like no other. Even Yoda, as wise as he is, cannot compare. I, on the other hand, have always prefered combat. But if I'm going to challenge him, I'm going to need to work on my power over the Force.

And no one knows the Force like the Nightsisters and the Nightbrothers. So I've returned to Dathomir to train my mind.

This time I know where to find the Clan Mother. Something seems off on this shadowy planet, though. It's darker than normal. I pause and find the Force, only to be overwhelmed with a sense of rage and hate. Something horrible has happened here. Someone important is not happy.

Quickening up my pace, I continue to Talzin's house. Unlike the last time I was there, no sounds of young boys playing greet me. In fact, the only difference here is that the angry part of the Force seems stronger.

Uh-oh. Everything clicks into place as I jump up the stairs, all of them at once, and rap my knuckles against the wood door. It takes a few minutes before the door opens a smidge and a set of silver eyes peer out of the dark interior.

"Talzin?" I ask softly.

"Minerva? I think...you need to come on in," she answers, her voice hoarse. She pulls the door open all the way and I slip in. Not a light or a candle glows.

"He came, didn't he?" I question quietly. She nods, and I almost miss it in the darkness.

"He took Maul, just like you told me. He manipulated me into thinking he wanted me to become his new apprentice. I fell for it, of course. The power that comes with being a Sith...I couldn't refuse it. But then he took my son and left me behind." Her voice is not loud but there's a razor sharp edge to it. I can't bring myself to tell her that being a Sith isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Instead I let her continue on. "I'm going to get revenge."

"You won't succeed," I remind her gently. "I have seen it."

"And you would have me just sit here while he has my son?" she shouts angrily. Her face relaxes and her voice quiets. "I just can't wait. I have to do something. You wouldn't understand. You're not a mother."

"You're right. I am sorry for your loss, but I have come here for guidance. I plan to duel my master, but if I am going to have any chance at succeeding I need help with the Force." Learning that he has taken Maul as his new apprentice means he is not going to wait long before taking me out of the picture. He's ready for someone new to do his work, and as long as I'm alive he cannot start. This is all I need to be sure of my decision. "If I manage to defeat my master, I will bring your son home."

Her eyes glow brightly. "Then let us begin," she says, leading me back to the table where I had last used her assistance. We sit on opposite ends, and once again she lights the cinnamon-smelling candle. Talzin takes my hands in hers, and we both let the real world melt away as we connect with our all to the Force.

"He is a master of the Force because he has cleaned his mind of all feelings. There is nothing separating him from it. You need to do the same. Let go of everything tethering you to this world. Search your mind and clean it all out. The slightest memory or feeling left could be your undoing."

My feelings...I think back to my trip to Anthan Prime. I had felt a lot back there. Sorrow. What had caused me sorrow? The loss of my siblings and my family. Now, how do I rid myself of those traces left behind? Ah, yes. I need to tell myself why I don't feel sorrow anymore. My family is already dead or gone, so why feel sorrow? I couldn't stop them, and they made their own decisions.

Grief. That one goes along with sorrow. I felt grief because I had lost all I loved. They were suffering, though. Now they're not suffering anymore, and neither am I. They're in a better place, so I don't have to feel any types of sadness for their passing.

Guilt. That's a strange and rare one. Did I feel guilty for not stopping them? Well, they made their choice. I made my mine. I am not responsible for their deaths, and I shouldn't have to feel responsible.

Anger. My father is living the life while everyone else is buried six feet under. He has a beautiful wife and a young son. He's healthy and well-off. He doesn't deserve that, not after all the pain and suffering he caused everyone else. But I'm in a better place, and I'm the only left that cares. He's changed, and I have changed. We both have regrets. I can't hold onto that anger.

Fear. It was subtle, but it was there. I don't want to die. There's a mystery about what comes after, and I'm scared of it. I like living, and I enjoy my life. That's not all of it, though. There's a fear of not being remembered, and a fear that I had disrespected my siblings by not living longer when I had the chance. By making my life worthwhile, though, I'm eliminating that factor. And as for fear of the unknown...we'll, everyone dies eventually. I'm just hastening my journey.

With those emotions cleared out, there's not many more to cover. Bitterness has quite the collection in the corner, many things attributed to it. Most dominant and recently, though, is from the situation on Kintan. The way I had been called evil and a Sith and all my past sins had been revealed...that had left a mark. Then being ripped away from the two people I consider my friends - it just leaves a sour taste behind. I'm fixing everything, though. By turning on my master I will be giving up my title as a Sith. Things will smooth over. I won't die being branded as bad.

My mind clear, I breathe in deeply. The scent of cinnamon is oddly familiar, though. It tugs a long-lost memory from my mind. The last emotion I had not rid myself of, because things had happened so quickly and violently. The situation that had really pushed me over the edge.

The horrible, beautiful, dark, and dangerous emotion of love.

Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 44 BBY

I'm almost fifteen. Can you believe it? It's been six years that I've trained with my master, learning the ways of the Force and training to be a warrior. I've been to a few different planets, shadowing him as he does his work. His power is amazing, and I want to learn all of it. I want to be just like him.

He's grown proud of me in the past years. From the very day that I'd showed him my new lightsaber he had clasped me on the back and had told me how well I've done. I demonstrated my new fighting style, and he'd commended me on that, too. The smile growing on my face had been hard to stifle.

He still leaves me in Coruscant for long periods of time, though. Such as right now. I'm allowed to go out into the world and do whatever I want, though. I've gained his trust and his respect. He knows I'm committed to this, and he also knows that some of the best training is done on-the-spot.

Walking around the streets of Coruscant, my lightsaber hidden under dark robes...this is the life. I am powerful and confident and nothing can get in my way. My master has given me all that I want, and I couldn't be happier. The cool summer air hits my face and sends wisps of hair blowing around, tickling my skin. The smells of street vendors surround me, and the conversations of people from all over the galaxy fill the air. And, best of all, not a single person here knows who I once was. They only know who I am now, and even that is a twisted perception since I don't exactly go around advertising my Sith status.

With a few coins jingling in my pocket, I head to my favorite vendor and order something to eat. In a matter of a few minutes it is done, and I eat it slowly as I walk across the rooftops. I'm actually quite bored. There hasn't been a run in with dangerous enemies or a good fight in months. My arms are itching to swing my lightsaber around, and my body is straining for the thrill of some action.

There's only one place in Coruscant to get that kind of energy out. I find a portal and head to the Underworld, hoping to run into some crime lords or something so I have a justification for fighting them.

I wander around for hours but there isn't anything worth fighting. There is a standard, and even the people here seem to be above it for the most part. This is completely worthless.

As I'm walking around a corner someone hits me, knocking me over and causing my body to hit the ground. The person lands right on top of me, and when I shove them off and stand I see it's a boy my age. He's breathless, and his dark brown eyes are wide with fear.

There's the sound of footsteps and some vicious looking guys round the corner,spiked clubs in hand. They make eye contact with the boy and narrow their eyes, and he backs up to the alley wall.

"Move," one of the thugs orders me. I raise an eyebrow at him, and since the boy knocked my hood back they all see the gesture.

"Don't tell me what to do," I snap back. They all trade glances before they start laughing. "What's so funny?" I demand, my features twisting angrily.

"You're just a little girl," another one of them points out and the laughing continues. Finally they stop and return to their vile look. "Now get out of our way. We have business with him."

The boy looks absolutely terrified. I sigh, reaching for my lightsaber. "And I said to not tell me what to do."

They see the handle of my weapon emerge from my robes. "What's that? Your little toy? Scrap metal?"

I turn it on, the two red blades glowing in the darkness. "It is my little toy. And it trumps your little toys." Swinging the blade forward, I chop off the top of all the clubs. The men glare at me, but they don't run. Not yet. And they can't, because now they've seen me and they can't live to tell the tale.

It doesn't take long to finish them off. The first two didn't even see it coming, and the others were no match for my skills both with the lightsaber and with the Force.

Putting away my lightsaber, I turn back to the see the boy staring at me. There is a strange expression in his face, and he seems to be in a sort of trance. I snap my fingers in front of his face to get his attention. "Hey. You."

He finally shakes himself out of it. "Who are you?" he breathes out, wonder in his voice.

"My name is Minerva," I say, stepping back. "You didn't see me. I don't exist." The threat is unspoken but still heard. His face doesn't change.

"I'm Damari," he adds, reaching his hand out. I stare at it for the longest time before hesitantly shaking. He grins. "You're beautiful, did you know that?"

A small smile curves up on my face. "Thank you," I reply honestly. No one has ever called me beautiful before. Maybe it's because they're all intimidated by me. Not Damari, I guess. If anything he's drawn to my power.

I know I should be heading home, but I don't want to leave him yet. There's something about being with a person who has seen you for who you are but doesn't judge you or look at you with anything but admiration in their eyes. Damari seems pretty nice, too. "Where do you live?"

His face falls. "Um...I live down here." He's embarrassed for being poor. He shouldn't be. There's no shame in not having money or wealth. I know all about it.

"I used to live down here, too," I assure him as we start walking. We make small as he leads me down winding paths and alleys. No one bothers us, and it's actually really nice getting to talk to someone my age. I've never really had a friend before.

All too soon we've arrived at his shabby apartment. I don't want to leave him, since I don't know if I'll ever see him again, but we're just standing on his doorstep awkwardly.

"Will you come and visit me?" he asks after moment of silence.

My head pops up, my eyes wide with surprise. "You want to see me again?"

"Of course," he replies. "I want to see you every day."

A warmth fills me and I find myself grinning. "Is tomorrow too soon? I'm not busy."

He beams, too. His face is positively radiant. I've never met anyone quite like him. "Tomorrow is perfect."

With that I leave, but there's an extra spring in my step and the ghost of a smile dancing along my lips. I've only just met him, but already I want to spend more time with him. He's so sweet, and he listened attentively to me, adding in exciting stories at the right times. Why had I never had friends before?

Of course I'll have to keep this a secret from my master. He would never approve. He doesn't need to. This is my life, and sometimes I'm going to make my own choices. What he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Tomorrow seems like so far away. I go about doing my normal chores, cooking myself some dinner, eating it, cleaning up, practicing my combat for a while, sitting quietly and connecting to the Force - all the same routine, but something is different. I can't stop thinking about my new friend. His dark hair, his innocent brown eyes - he's all I can think about.

Sleeping is a rough affair. I just want tomorrow to come! For the first time in a long time I have something to look forward to. Someone to look forward to. After living a lonely and isolated life like I live, seeing and communicating with only my master, the thought of spending time with someone and having fun is beyond exciting. Words can't even describe how I feel.

When the sun's rays finally paint the sky, I jump up and do my morning chores, making my bed quickly and skipping breakfast. Hopefully this isn't too early for Damari.

Finding the portal, I take it down, impatient for every second. I maneuver through the Underworld until I find his apartment. He's sitting on the front steps, and his face brightens at the sight of me.

"You came!" he exclaims, standing up.

"Of course," I reply, trying to keep my cool and walk at a leisurely pace. "I told you I would."

"I was worried someone as awesome as you would forget about someone as lowly as me," he admits. "I mean, I was a coward yesterday."

I shake my head. "Nah. Most people would be terrified if they were being chased by armed thugs through a dark alley. It's completely normal."

"Not you," he insists. "You're...you're extraordinary."

His compliment brings heat to my face. I duck my head so my hair makes a curtain to hide it. "What are we doing today?" I ask, changing the subject. He steps up to my side as we begin walking.

"Ever been to a black market?" he questions.

"Can't say I have," I answer, trying not to notice how his hands sometimes brush mine as we walk. There's something strange about how the contact feels, but maybe I'm just not used to touching another person.

"I work at one here. I thought I'd show you around before my shift. You don't have to stay if you don't want to." After a while of walking we come to an alley I've never been in before. It's crowded, and Damari grabs my hand to lead me through the people. I see vendors and stands of produce and handmade items. It's like a whole other world.

Damari works at a fruit stand, it turns out. He takes over from an older man, and I sit on the curb next to the stand as he works. He keeps telling me I can leave if I get bored, but I don't want to. There's nothing else for me to do, and I like watching all the people that come by. Whenever there's a lull of customers he sits by me and we talk. He tells me stories about all the different stand owners and I point out different species and tell him about their home planets.

The day is over way too early. The time had flew by. Damari packs up the produce and waits for the owner to come back. In the meantime I snatch an apple and toss it up in the air, suspending it in place using the Force. There's no one else to witness my action, and I trust Damari. He didn't tell anyone about what he had seen yesterday, so why would he tell on a little trick?

"That's cool!" he says, ever-so-enthusiastic. "What else can you do?" I appreciate that he never asks how I do the things I do. He never talks about personal things, or asks about them. It's nice not having to hide anything from him.

"Watch," I instruct as I juggle it without it actually ever touching my hands. Then I chuck it forward, towards him, and he reaches us and catches it lightly.

"You're really cool," he tells me. "Can you come tomorrow?"

This time I'm the one who says, "Tomorrow is perfect."

And so every day passes. I spend a good portion of my time with my new friend, and at the day's end one of always asks, "Tomorrow?" to which the other replies, "Tomorrow is perfect." It's a special phrase, our phrase, and never do one of us miss a day. My master is gone for a long time, so I never worry about him coming back to interrupt our schedule.

But, of course, as all good things must do, it eventually ends. My master returns, and I tell Damari I can't see him for a while. I explain the situation as best as I can without giving anything away, and he promises to wait for me. I know he'll keep that promise.

A week goes by without seeing Damari, and I find I miss him more than I've ever missed anything before. My master is back for a while, and I don't want to wait to see my friend. My nights are sleepless and rough, and during the day I have trouble connecting with the Force. My thoughts are filled with the dark-haired, brown-eyed boy and his bright smile that lights up even the darkest parts of the Underworld.

On one of those sleepless nights I finally gather up the courage to sneak out. I take a portal down to the Underworld and I find his apartment. He's not sitting out on the porch, but I knock softly on the door. After a few minutes of waiting the door opens, and a messy-haired Damari appears. His tired eyes open wide as he sees me. "Minerva!"

"I can only come at night now," I tell him as he lets me in. It's a tiny space, but there's a ratty couch in one corner and a broken mattress in another. I sit on the couch as he shuts the door behind us. "I just couldn't wait any longer to see you. I...I missed you."

It's in that moment a truth strikes me hard: I like him. A lot. Why else would I lose sleep over not being able to see him? Why else would he make me laugh in a way no one else could? What other explanation makes sense for why I would dare defy my master and sneak out in the middle of night to see him? And why would my thoughts be clouded with his voice and his face?

He doesn't smile for once. Instead his face is dead serious as he sits next to me. "Minerva, I...I missed you, too." That's not what he was going to say. He had other words in mind, but he didn't say them. But what is it that he didn't say?

I tell myself it doesn't matter, and we trade stories and talk like we used to. After a few hours I leave, saying, "Tomorrow?"

He smiles a little as he ushers me out. "Tomorrow is perfect."

And so a new routine sets itself up. Every night I travel down and we sit on the old, ugly couch and talk, and every day I return to my master's apartment and go about doing whatever my master has for me. Weeks pass, and I'm still staying under the radar. Things are good, and I'm getting what I want most. It's hard to imagine how low I'd been in the past when things are so good in the now.

My master takes another trip to Naboo. Things are changing, leadership switching hands. He has important plans for the politicians there, and it's vital for him to be on that planet instead of this one. He leaves me with a daily schedule, but I find time to spend with Damari.

One day we're sitting on his porch. He starts coughing, and for the first time in a while I realize the toxins in the air are really bad down here. I'd grown used to them, but it's understandable that if you live here they would make you sick over time.

"How long has it been since you went up on the higher levels?" I ask him.

He thinks about it for a long time. "I can't remember," he answers honestly. I grab his hand and pull him up. "Where are we going?" he questions, startled.

"Where do you think? We're going up to the surface." I lead him up the portal and through the city, taking him to one of my favorite scenic stops. It's an open courtyard on a high level overlooking a good portion of the city. There are little plots of dirt where flowering trees had been planted, and there's a bench where people have carved their names into.

He looks stunned as he stands at the railing, breathing in the fresh air and taking in the sights of the city. "Is this really Coruscant?" he asks, the same wonder in his eyes as when he had first met me.

A small laugh escapes me. That had been my reaction when I had first come here. "This is the city that never sleeps. The better part of it, that is." I move to stand next to him, the air blowing my hair around gently.

I'm looking at the scenery, but as I turn to point something out to Damari I notice him staring at me. Out of all the things to look at, he's watching me. His big brown eyes are beautiful, and they're watching my orange ones. How can he look at me like this? Doesn't he know who I am? He saw me kill those men the very first day we met. Why is he looking at me like I'm the best thing in the galaxy?

A huge part of me likes the attention, though. I've accepted my feelings for him long ago, but I try to push them away when we're together. After all, we're just friends. Right? So then why is he looking at me like this?

"Damari?" I say softly. A gentle smile takes up his face.

"Remember what I told you the first day we met?" he asks. The memory comes up, fresh in my mind as if it had just happened. I nod, too scared to speak. This isn't a bad fear, though. This is...is something else. "I was telling the truth. You really are beautiful. And you're extraordinary."

It's hard to swallow past the lump in my throat. This is all so wrong yet right at the same time. "How can you say that? You say what I did to those men."

He shakes his head. "I saw a brave girl protecting me when I couldn't protect myself. You were so powerful and strong, and I...it inspired me. The thought of you keeps me going everyday."

What do I do now? How am I supposed to react to a statement like that? It touches me deeply, yes, but I don't hang around people often enough to handle sappy moments. These are foreign waters for me.

I don't have to do anything though. He's the one who leans in, the one who presses his lips to mine first. I guess I do have to do one thing, though; I have to respond. I kiss him back.

When he pulls away, all he says is, "Tomorrow?"

To which I reply, "Tomorrow is perfect."

My master returns, and my night visits replace the day ones. Damari and I aren't sure exactly what we are, but we know that we both love each other. It didn't take long for us to realize that our little phrase is the way we say "I love you" without using the actual words.

It's too soon, you might argue. You're too young. Ah, we're young, but we're also older, too. We've both had to survive on our own, and both of us have fought our demons. We're strong, and we're much older than we look. Saying we're too young isn't a valid argument, and even "it's too soon" is inaccurate. We've known each other for months now. It's not like we're committed to each other forever or anything. We're just living each day as it comes, not worrying about tomorrow except to confirm that we'll see each other somehow. That's all that matters.

He works and I train, but at the end of the day we find time to be together. Our lives can go on without the other as long as we have the promise of tomorrow. That's all we need. It's a sweet feeling knowing that there's someone to hold you when things are rough or having the knowledge that someone will always listen to what you have to say.

It's on a normal day when it ends. My master is back, so I've returned to visiting Damari in the night. He's waiting on his porch in the dark, the promise of seeing me trumping any fear of criminals in the area. He greets me with a hug as he always does, and we're about to enter his apartment when I hear his voice.

"So this is who you've been visiting," my master says, his voice sending chills up my spine. I freeze, fear locking into me and my heart beating so fast I fear it will fly out of my chest. This is the worst thing that could possibly happen.

I'd been getting away with the deception for so long that I must have become sloppy and made a small mistake. Now my master knows everything, and I am fearful for what will come next. He's a cruel man, and I fear for the life of the boy I love.

Darth Sidious uses the Force to drag Damari to him. There's fear in his brown eyes, fear like the first time I had met him. But there's also calm. He trusts me. Oh, no, he trusts me to save him.

There are many things I can do, but the one thing I can't do is save him from my master. There's nothing I can do for him.

"What are you doing?" I ask, trying to be strong but the words coming out shakily. My master turns, still dragging Damari with him. I have no choice but to follow as he takes a portal up to the higher levels.

He leads us to rooftop in a busy part of the city. There's no one here right now, though. It's just the three of us and the cover of darkness. During the first part of the journey tears had streamed silently from my eyes, my pent up fear and anger coming out quietly, but now my eyes are dry and my nerves are steeled. I had brought this upon myself, and I am responsible to fix it.

"Love is a dangerous emotion," Darth Sidious says, throwing the boy on the ground roughly. He turns to me as he speaks. "Love ruins everything. It clouds your vision. You have struggled with the Force lately. I question your loyalties."

"I never meant to betray you, Master," I reply, my head bowed and my eyes on the ground.

"When I took you in, you promised to do anything and everything required to complete your training," he continues. My heart drops and my stomach sinks as I read between the lines. This is it. This is the end of one of the best things in my life. "In order to be strong, you must not be distracted by anything or anyone. As long as he's around, you will be distracted. You must cleanse yourself of your emotions. Complete detachment. That is how I am as strong as I am now."

"What must I do to achieve detachment, Master?" I ask submissively, my voice low.

"You must prove you don't feel," he answers, and then he pulls out a small, shiny blade. "Take him out of the picture first."

Anger fills me, and with it hate. Not only is he asking me to kill the boy I love, he's also making me do it with a tiny knife. That way I have to get close, and to make it quick I'll have to stab him more than once. I'll have his blood on my hands, literally. My master really is cruel.

What makes me more angry, though, is that I'm not willing to give up my training. I had made a promise to Darth Sidious, and I'm not going to be weak like my father and give up everything for a person I enjoy being around. He had betrayed my mom with another woman, and I'm not going to be disloyal and turn my back on my master with a boy. If I do I'll become everything I fear and everything I've promised to not become.

Exhaling deeply and pushing all thoughts of my feelings behind, I stalk up to Darth Sidious and snatch the knife out of his grip. He laughs lowly, knowing he has me cornered.

Damari looks up with fearful eyes as I approach. My eyes feel like they're glowing with hatred and anger, all of it directed towards him. He is the reason I'm suffering right now. If he hadn't been weak and stupid and been chased by those men that I wouldn't have ever run into him. If he hadn't befriended me and tricked me into liking him then I wouldn't be in this situation. It's all his fault.

All traces of what he had made me feel are gone, replaced by these ugly emotions. I raise the knife, hesitating for the longest moment. Can I do this? Every moment we ever spent together rushes through my mind, cutting through the haze of red.

Damari isn't upset, though. "If this is what you have to do, then do it," he says quietly. "You saved my life in many ways, and if I'm to die, it's you who has the authority to be in control over it." The knife shakes in my hand, and it almost slips. Damari then says one word that breaks through my indecision. "Tomorrow?"

With a cry of rage, I drive the knife forward with all my power, right into his heart. I draw my hand back and plunge it in his chest again and again, losing count after the first few. How dare he say he loves me? How dare he tell me it's okay that I kill him? How dare he say those kind words when I'm holding his life in my hands? He should be angry that I even considered killing him. He should be furious with me. He should have shouted or yelled, not tell me that it's okay and that he loves me. I betrayed him, and I couldn't save him, and he didn't hold it against me in any way.

He's past dead, and I shove his body to the ground, tears of anger running down my face. My thoughts are spinning around, everything out of control. Do I hate him, my master, or myself? Who am I angry at? Do I still blame my father for causing the fear years ago that led to this?

I begin to stalk away, but my master calls out to me. "You're not done yet, my young apprentice."

I turn eyes on him that must be blazing fires. "What must I do now?" I hiss. I'm unstable and dangerous, even to him. Thoughts of stepping right off the building even flash in my mind.

"You must tell the world who you are," he answers, motioning to the body and all the blood. "Don't let some lowly person take credit for your work."

My eyes narrow. "I won't do that. I refuse. You can't make me." Pain flares up, and everything's a mess inside. I want to do his bidding, but I want to run, and I want to kill him, but I also want to kill myself. I hate him and the world and myself and my parents and the fates and the entire galaxy. I feel as though I'm going to combust with all the destructive emotions inside.

"I can make you forget," he says, and those words hit me. If I forget then all this pain will disappear.

"What must I do, Master?"

An hour later we're walking away from the rooftop. I don't remember what happened, but my legacy is written in blood for the world to see. Minerva, painted red in large letters across the rooftop with the broken body of a boy I don't know.

Mid Rim Region, Quelii Sector, Dathomir System, 39 BBY

Love. The last emotion. As the memories come back, I start pushing them away, ridding myself of them. There's a cold presence against my skin that brings me back to the real world before I can finish.

"No," Talzin says, one of her hands over mine. "I'm changing my mind."

"What?" I question, and when I blink I find it hard to do. With my free hand I reach up and I discover my face is damp and my eyelids salty. I'm not ashamed of my tears, though; this time they are justified. I had done a horrible deed in the past, and I would be completely heartless to not feel upset.

"That memory changes things. It changes everything," she replies. "Your master wields the Force by not feeling. He connects to it with nothing in his way, and he's extremely powerful. But you have something he doesn't have, and if you connect to the Force through the same way he does the most powerful you'll ever get is the same level as him. You have to be his opposite. Tell me, what's the opposite of indifference?"

"Feelings," I answer, still slightly unsure at what she's getting at. In fact, my whole grasp on reality is a little altered after remembering Damari and what I had done to him…

"More specifically, love," Talzin says. "Love and hate are two sides of the same coin, and their opposite is indifference. Your master uses indifference, so to have a chance at beating him you must use those feelings of love and hate."

"If I fight with my emotions I won't be in control of myself," I argue. "I'll be unstable and sloppy."

"But you'll also be unpredictable, and you master will assume he knows your every move. He did train you, after all. We'll work on honing your abilities and fighting with your emotions without losing control. It's possible, and if anyone can do it, it's you."

Am I ready? No, the real question is, do I have any other choice? I don't. My master has ruined my life in so many ways. Maybe part of it is my fault for letting him do those things to me, and for continuing to follow him, but not anymore. I'm going to take him down or I'm going to die trying.

"I'm ready."