Hi everyone!
I'm back with the last chapter ready for you guys :) As I said this story was meant to be a rather short one from the beginning and it still turned out longer then what I initially thought, but I know you don't mind :D
Anyway, I wanted to thank you all for having been so patient and giving me the time to complete this while I'm also writing another story, and I wanted to thank you for being so lovely with all your comments and flattering words. You are way too kind, and I (as one of my most favorite characters says) am but a humble servant to my loyal readers :)
Mh, I wonder if anyone got that reference...
Anyway, back to this fandom and to Vauseman, here's the last chapter for this story, it is a long one and now I'll leave you to it :)
Enjoy
Alex has a girlfriend.
An attractive girlfriend, that lives with her, and has a pretty mean jab, you also add rubbing your sore cheek. The throbbing there luckily made numb by the cool air of the night and by the swirl of scorching fury and humiliation that is boiling inside of you and threatening to spill from your eyes as angry tears.
You refuse with everything you are to give in to that urge that makes your eyes blurry and tightens your throat into a painful knot as you stride down the sidewalk, ignoring the mix of frowned glances and sneers that other few people walking by send you upon seeing your bare feet on the pavement. Ignoring pretty much anything else that is happening around you actually as the last five minutes keeps playing over and over again in your mind as if to mock you for your naiveness, your stupidity. The coldness and sharpness of it feeling like an ice bucket of "I told you so" coming from your subconscious and been thrown over that glimmer of hope that you have allowed to shine for all this time at the thought of Alex.
A first tear slides down your cheek when you try to blink the blurriness away and you wipe it angrily with the side of your hand just as you come to a stop, not knowing what to do, but knowing that you don't want to go home and stay alone with that mix of humiliation and anger rolling inside you, and for how much the night has turned out so awfully that it practically requires it, you don't think that giving into the sudden need to drink yourself into a stupor might be a good idea.
You end up hailing a cab and giving Polly's address.
Your current state has you into a whole other version of yourself, one you can't even recognize and that doesn't make you aware of many, many things, but when you finally get to Polly's apartment, you should have expected that your friend, upon seeing you standing in her doorway, past midnight, barefoot, with one shoe dangling from your hand, clothes still askew and mascara smudged on your slightly swollen, slowly bruising cheekbone, would have gone into a full worrying mode that almost borders into real panic.
"I'm fine, Polly."
Well, actually, you are far from fine, but you want to reassure her before she can jump to some horrific conclusion about your messy appearance.
"The hell you are!" She practically shouts as she pulls you inside the apartment and shuts the door behind her. "What the fuck happened to you?!"
The idea of coming here seemed better than your other two options when it had popped into your head, but now, with Polly fussing over you, checking for injuries or whatever it is that she's doing, realizing that you're gonna have to spill everything out... doesn't seem like the better option after all.
Above the turmoil of mixed feelings that are still bubbling in your stomach, now you also feel guilty, because you didn't include her about Alex. And now here you are, came to cry on your friend's shoulder about the woman who's been consuming your thoughts for the past weeks and has "accidentally forgot" to tell you about being already involved with someone else.
You can feel the beginning of a headache pulsing at your temples, from exhaustion, from the contrasting storm of emotions that doesn't feel like it's going to diminish anytime soon, from the tears you are struggling to hold at bay.
Polly must see them and starts to get an idea about what all of this could be. She sighs as she rubs your arm and tugs you gently towards the bathroom. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up and then you can tell me exactly what got you so upset to bring you here this late."
The quick shower that you take helps a little.
If only the sense of humiliation would flow with the dirt and remaining traces of Alex left on your body down the drain as well, you would certainly feel better. But that feeling is still clinging tightly onto you.
You slip into a pair of sweatpants and a slightly oversized shirt that Polly gives you and then you find yourself curled up on her couch, hair slightly damp, a steamy cup of tea snuggled in one hand, an ice pack pressed against your cheek in the other, and Polly concerned sisterly presence beside you. Waiting patiently.
The silence stretches into minutes as you consider how to explain all this mess, until you realize that there isn't a right or wrong way to do it.
"Remember that someone you suspected I met?" You ask her at last, not even glancing away from your teacup, afraid to see the "I knew it" all over your friend's face.
You just take the silence as a confirmation and invitation to continue. And so you do, after taking in a slow calming breath and setting the ice pack on the coffee table.
"Her name is Alex. And... I've been seeing her for a while."
This time you dare a tentative glance at Polly, surprised to find such an unexpectedly open and sympathetic expression on her face as she calmly asks you, "Tell me what happened."
You tell her everything. Starting from the beginning. How you met, who Alex is, what she does... And it is only now, as you talk about her, that you realize that in reality, you don't even know who Alex actually is.
She kept an entire part of her life hidden from you. She lied to you, and you are wondering about how many things exactly.
If possible, you feel even more stupid and naive.
Polly doesn't even look entirely surprised actually, although and you can read the million of curious questions that pop in her head all over her face as you reveal detail after detail, even the most... intimate ones. But she lets you speak without interrupting, until you come to tonight's events and discovery.
"Jesus, and what did she do before you left?" She asks then leaning towards you as if waiting for the suspenseful conclusion of a story she already knows the ending.
You snort bitterly at the fresh memory.
"She followed me down the hallway of her apartment building saying that she was sorry and that she wanted to explain."
Polly rolls her eyes. "How original."
Then it is silence again, both absorbed by the thoughts this conversation has brought up, until Polly sighs and asks you, softly, as if afraid to disturb the balanced quietness, "What do you want to do Pipes?"
You can hear the "it's obvious you are developing feelings for her" that weights in that question. You just decide to ignore it as she continues. "Do you think she might really be... I mean, from what you told me, about her and your dreams, she could, right?"
You shrug, set the empty teacup on the coffee table and force your features into a mask of indifference that feels uncomfortably tight. But you need it.
"It doesn't matter." You say at last, coldly, defeated, as you get up, deciding that you are done dealing with your exhausting feelings about Alex fucking Vause for the night.
"Maybe she really is my soulmate. It doesn't mean we have to be together."
The words come out so easily from your mouth and yet the thought and the pain it brings with them, is unbearable.
You wonder if it is your heart that thing that you feel crack in your chest at the possibility.
. . .
Alex looks for you during the following days. She calls you, leaves voicemails, sends texts asking you to call her back, to let her explain, to meet her to talk.
You ignore them all.
Even if the temptation to answer is almost overwhelming and threatening to break your resolve.
You resist. Feeling both proud and on the verge of losing it, like an addict turning down a dose while itching with the need to take it, longing to feel its effect flowing in the bloodstream.
But you resist.
Until one afternoon you can't ignore the knocking at your front door.
On your defense, the thought that it might be Alex doesn't even cross your mind actually. These days you don't think about anything except how miserable you feel, but then you swing the door open and... There she is.
The reason for your misery. In the flesh.
"Alex..."
It leaves your lips barely above a surprised whisper.
And you hate how the sudden sight of her and of her striking beauty leaves you breathless, and how the little tentative smile that she flashes you makes your heart flutter and has your knees buckle.
"Hey," She says, sounding surprisingly self-conscious for a brief moment before she regains her trademark confidence back. "Just wanted to check in and make sure you were okay and just very busy at ignoring me."
You hate even more how long it takes you to recover from the surprise visit, from her presence. But you force yourself to, leaning against the doorframe and fixing her with a hard stare. "You make it kind of difficult for me to ignore you properly if you swing by my place unannounced."
You force yourself not to think about the last time she has been here, at your place, about how you have ended up on your couch, and kitchen countertop, and bed, and shower, and-
"Yeah well I tried to call, but that obviously didn't work out, and I was worried."
Alex snaps you out from those bittersweet memories and your posture softens the tiniest bit at the genuine concern you can hear in her voice at that admission.
Oh.
Another awkward long moment passes before she looks down as if suddenly reminding something, and it is only when she holds up what looks to be a small juta sack that you notice the object as well for the first time.
"Here," She says as she holds it up to you.
You eye it suspiciously before taking it, surprised by how little it weighs, and once you untie the ribbon and look inside you actually have to suppress a laugh, an honest laugh, and tell yourself that you are not melting a little on the inside.
She has brought you a bag full of rose petals.
"Bouquets are too clichè," She explains with a half shrug, "And besides, you have pointed out that roses have thorns, so..."
Her voice trails off and for how much a part of you wants to show less antagonism after that dorky gesture, you are not going to make it so easy for her.
"So maybe you should have brought me the stems instead," You step in sourly, "As a reminder that something so beautiful can hurt so badly."
You accept the gift anyway and place it behind you on the cabinet at the entrance.
She sighs, running a hand through her long dark hair and you try not to think about how beautiful it looks with the bright afternoon sun rays bringing up that hidden shade of dark auburn, or remind how impossibly soft it felt when you have run your fingers through it to bring her closer for a kiss during the heat of passion.
"Look Piper, I'm sorry okay? What do you want me to say? That I'm a horndog? Fine."
Oh, she definitely is, but you decide to ignore that part and instead square your shoulders, summoning more confidence than you don't actually posses as you fix her with a steely gaze.
"No, I want you to tell me why you didn't say anything about having a girlfriend. You know, the one with whom you share your apartment and has caught you in bed three knuckles deep into another woman."
It's hard not to keep the sarcasm from dripping at every word, but you are still so damn angry. And relieving that moment of that night surely doesn't help.
Alex on her part doesn't comment on it, and she looks infuriatingly calm actually.
"I know how it looks like," She explains instead, and there is something in her voice, a note that numbs some of your hostility as she continues. "But there are periods during which I travel and work a lot - it's great yeah, but also exhausting, and when I finally return back home here in the city... well, it's good to know you are not coming back to just an empty apartment."
The meaning of what she is trying to tell you hits you so hard and so unexpectedly that it temporarily throws you off balance.
Is she...?
Is she actually saying what you think she is? That she feels lonely?
For a long moment you are torn between snorting and restart with the whole sarcasm thing all over again. But she looks so vulnerably, uncomfortably open at the revelation that you can't help but think that she might be really honest about this.
You shake your head and find your composure once again, telling yourself that It doesn't matter.
"So what? I was just a quick easy fuck while she was away and couldn't warm your bed?"
"God, no!" She sounds and looks horrified, offended even at the thought, but you continue as if you didn't hear her.
"Then beside being a cheater, you have been dishonest to both me and her, not to mention to whoever you hook up with whenever you are away working."
"Jesus Piper, there is no one else!" She jumps in exasperated, "And Sylvia, yeah she lives at my place or occasionally sleeps there or whatever but, it's not like that, between us."
It isn't lost the way she makes a face thinking about the redhead, or maybe it is your previous use of the term girlfriend that triggers that little grimace.
"It certainly looks like you are like that for her." You point out coldly, absently rubbing your cheek where that crazy woman hit you.
"Well I don't feel the same!" She exclaims. Not angrily but loud enough to make her point and startle you with the sincerity in that admission.
A long pause fills the air and then she sighs calmly.
"Look... I like you Piper." She admits at last and the confirmation makes you feel fuzzier than you want to feel right now. "I really, really do. A lot, in case you had doubts about that."
You take a moment to absorb that, fully, half nodding, half shaking your head, because, "It still doesn't change anything. You lied to me, Alex."
She sighs again. Her broad shoulders slumping a bit with the soft exhale.
"I know." She whispers, with a bite of guilt and defeat laced into the admission. "And I'm sorry. My only excuse is..." Her voice trails off as she takes a small step forward and for a moment it looks like she might be reaching to take your hand before she lets hers drop at her side in a lose fist in afterthought as she concludes. "Is that I couldn't help myself around you."
The look into those green eyes is devastating and you can see that her apology and mutual hurt at having fucked up is sincere. And in that moment you are impossibly tempted to just pull her towards you and kiss her like you long to, but you know you'll regret it as soon as you'll be alone with yourself later.
So you divert your gaze instead and take a small step back to put a much-needed distance from the compelling heat of her proximity. Telling yourself that you can resist the gravitational pull towards her orbit.
"I have a few things to do, so if you don't mind." You know that it sounds like the lamest excuse ever, and that Alex sees right through it, but you don't have anything smoother to offer to slip out from this situation. And you really need to slip out from this situation before you do something really stupid. Like forgive her and pull her inside.
She just drawls a skeptic "right" and you don't know if you are pleased or disappointed that she is indulging you.
Definitely disappointed you think when you see her taking a step back, ready to leave.
"Before I go," She says then sounding particularly hesitant, "There are two tickets in that bag I gave you, for a concert of one of the bands I work with. It's for the next week, in a club in the city. You can go with whoever you want."
Well, that's... unexpected.
And also undeniably sweet.
You are so taken aback that for a few moments you are actually at a loss for words, until you manage to stutter your thanks.
"You didn't have to, Alex."
She shrugs. "It's no big deal, and I wanted to."
Then she turns to leave only to turn back to you once again as if suddenly remembering something else.
"Oh, and another thing," She adds, looking at you with an enigmatic lopsided smile that has you so strangely captivated. "Can I at least ask you to read something else for a change? A novel perhaps?"
You frown, utterly puzzled by that very odd request.
"What do you mean?"
And then her smile turns into one of those full, gorgeous smirks of hers that has your heart leaping with a strange sense of anticipation.
"I mean that it's like intercepting both the discovery and history channel whenever I sleep you nerd."
If it wasn't for the doorframe where you are leaned against, you think you would stumble and fall when the meaning held in her words sinks into you, slowly, and then all at once.
You blink and part your lips a few times, trying to get your thoughts in order and trying to get your voice to work, say something, anything.
But by the time you recover, Alex is already gone, one last "See you around Pipes" echoing distantly from somewhere in the back of your mind accompanied by a flash of that smirk.
When, still speechless, you get back inside and close the door and lean against it, willing your wildly pounding heart to remain inside your chest and slow down to a normal rate as your gaze fall on the near cabinet where her gift sits right next to a pile of numbers of national geographic magazines and a worn copy of Thomas Hobbes' Leviathan, you think that if there was a part of you that was still waiting, hoping, for some sort of confirmation, then here it is.
Alex just gave it to you.
. . .
You are conflicted.
Impossibly so.
You have never been more conflicted about something in your life as much as you are in this matter.
Alex hasn't called or even texted you ever since that day and you haven't looked for her either. Not because you don't want to. Because God... That's always been a temptation hard to resist.
You just don't know what you should do, and Polly with her straightforwardness is less than helpful.
After what you told her about Alex, she despises the woman for what she has done to you without having even met her. And yet, she still prompts you to talk to her properly. Because she can clearly see how much she means to you. And because she is your fucking soulmate you dumbass, as she says after you have updated her about the latest developments, or admission, or whatever that last thing Alex told you the other day was.
Polly has even agreed to go to the concert with your whining ass.
But about the rest...
You still have no idea what to do.
Because even if the anger towards Alex has diminished considerably over the past week, there is a part of you that hasn't completely forgiven her and that is still hurting.
It is perfectly appropriate, you think, when you find the answer to your endless struggle in the same way all of this started.
In a dream.
It is early in the afternoon of the concert's day actually. You don't even mean to fall asleep, but the idea of a nap before getting ready for the evening isn't so bad after all. Eventually, you succumb to the heaviness of your eyelids and to the call of sleep there on your couch, where your mind drags you into one of its creations within minutes.
Your dreams have always been pretty vivid.
Very realistic. Filled with details.
Smells, sounds, visual and touch stimulus have always felt unbelievably real.
If it wasn't for the now easily recognizable surroundings you would have trouble telling the differences between them and reality.
But today, the surrounding that greets you is a pale, bare, desolate version of the one you are used to see from time to time.
There is no music.
No band on the stage.
No crowd.
Nothing.
The space is filled with complete emptiness.
And with the sense of desolation that seeps into your bones. Chilling you from the inside. Tightening your chest into a choking grasp. Making you wrap your arms around yourself in a silly attempt to bring warmth and reassurance at the painful thought that you have been left alone.
Your gaze then lands on what you know once was a bright red path of soft, delicate rose petals.
The roses are still there, but now they look withered, dry, dead.
You find yourself following it anyway, even knowing that it can't lead to something better than the rest, and in fact you are proven right when you step into a room that is covered in dust, with old papers lying around, a broken compass with no needle resting on top of unreadable maps. There is nothing of the brightness you remember so vividly in there. Nothing of the warmth you were used to feel upon coming here.
And you have never felt more lonely in your life.
You search for that presence, for that faceless someone who has lead you here more times that you can count, but there is no one. Just coldness and the sense of abandon clinging onto you so desperately.
You can feel your eyes sting and your throat tightening with those suppressed bitter tears, until you can no longer hold them back.
You wake up with your own strangled sob.
With the wetness of your own tears running down your cheeks.
The first coherent thought surfacing from the haze of the dream and forming in your mind is about Alex.
Alex...
Alex who has seduced you and lead you on.
Alex who really likes you and came to apologize, and brought you flowers - kind of - and her beautiful mischievous smile.
Alex your fucking soulmate. Who you have pushed away out of the heartache she has caused with her lies.
With that last thought you make your decision. Jumping off the couch, hurriedly changing into a pair of faded jeans and a loose button up, grabbing your things before heading out with the only thought and almost desperate need to go find her.
If Alex is as dedicated to her job as you think she is from the enthusiasm she has let transpire with you, then you know she must be there at the club where the concert takes place tonight, making sure that everything is ready and works properly.
You cross your fingers as you hail a cab, texting Polly that you'll meet her there at the club.
It's still early when you get there, the concert won't start for another few hours but the place is already open for the staff as you were hoping.
You sneak in from the back and when you ask for Alex with your heart hammering hard against your ribcage, you can't even hold back your relief when one of the guys setting up the sound system points at an office on the back and you all but jog towards it.
You round the corner and...
The door is open.
And Alex is inside.
Half bent beside a desk filled with papers, raising her head from whatever she was reading on her laptop when she hears steps approaching and meeting your gaze just as you take the first step in the room.
The surprise registers on her face immediately, with a slight frown and parted lips, and the sight of her has your steps falter for a moment.
"Piper... What are you-"
You don't let her finish.
You cross the room in two strides and cup her face to pull her into a kiss, and the first touch of those soft lips against yours is enough to melt away the awful remnants of loneliness that were still clinging onto you from that dream.
If Alex is taken aback by the kiss she doesn't show it one bit. She just wraps her arms around you and pulls you closer.
You almost sob with relief in her mouth in the safeness and affection that you feel her pouring into that kiss and feel into that warm, reassuring embrace.
When you part it is only because the need for air makes it impossible to continue, but the connection isn't completely severed, Alex is still there. Holding you, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and looking at you with soft concerned eyes when your gaze meets hers.
"You okay kid?" She asks barely above a whisper as if afraid to startle you or break the spell that brought you in her arms.
She could never, because she is the one who has enchanted you from the beginning.
You just nod, and smile at her, fully, relieved, infinitely grateful. "Yes... Now I am."
She smiles too, with her own visible relief.
"Not that I'm complaining, but... Can I ask you what made you change your mind?"
You shrug hesitantly, wondering how much longer you could have resisted this woman.
"I didn't change my mind." You admit, "I knew I would have ended up forgiving you. Eventually. A dream just made me do it faster."
The grin she flashes you is slow, and crooked, and beautiful. It says "I'm glad it did" while the tender light in her stunning emerald eyes says "I missed you". She leans in and you eagerly meet her halfway before suddenly pulling back before your lips can touch.
"Wait. What about your girlfriend?"
Alex shakes her head and pulls you just a bit closer. "She is not my girlfriend anymore. I told her the truth," At your frown she clarifies, "That I have found my soulmate. It's not like she could have said anything to that. She was just angry that I didn't tell her sooner and that I've disrespected her like that."
You spare her the "took you long enough to realize it" speech and instead, unable to resist your curiosity, you ask her, "So you have always known it was me, your soulmate?"
She shakes her head in negative again, but there is the hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "No, I couldn't have put all the pieces together that first time I saw you." Then she pauses and that smile widens a little more. "But there was this... pull towards you, from the beginning. I'm not sure I can explain it."
She doesn't need to, and your heart flutters wildly knowing that she has felt that something too at your first encounter.
"What about you and your dreams?" She asks then just as curiously.
And it's only now that it occurs to you that you have asked about hers but that you haven't told her about yours.
You are happy to share however, and when you conclude you kind of already expected that her first - kind of bewildered - question would have been "Are you telling me that I've actually been fucking you even before we met? In your dreams?"
You groan.
"For how long?" She asks with an overly pleased grin.
A blush spreads all over your face, reaching the tip of your ears as you mumble a response.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" She asks teasingly. And you groan again, in deep embarrassment as you repeat a little louder. "A couple of years."
She laughs, deep in her chest and even if she is kind of laughing at you, you still revel at the thought that you are going to hear that beautiful sound that makes you fall for her a little harder every time you hear it, for the rest of your life.
"So what now?" You ask her once her humor has reduced into just a playful smirk.
"Wanna have the whole soulmate-celebration thing?" She asks with a hint of suspicion in her arched brow.
"Ugh, God no, that's not really my thing." For a fleeting moment you think you might have been too hasty with your opinion, because maybe Alex wants that, but the grin that spreads across her face at your admission tells you the opposite.
"Then I think we might really be made for each other, Pipes." She says kind of proudly.
You grin. Made for each other... Well, the universe says so apparently, you think.
"About your question though," She continues, pulling you out from your dreamy thoughts. "I might have an idea actually."
"Do you now?" It comes out more flirty than you wanted it to, but Alex certainly doesn't mind.
She smirks and hums. "I have to follow the band down to Florida next week for a couple of concerts I have arranged for them there. What would you say about joining me?"
You try to contain your grin of excitement. "Florida, uh?"
"Yep." She confirms with a slow nod. "Beach, sand, sun, sea and all of that."
If that isn't tempting you don't know what it is.
"And... your gang of musicians wouldn't mind my presence?" You ask a bit hesitantly.
"Absolutely no." Alex reassures you with a smile. "I think Nicky - the drummer - might adore you already actually."
You straighten up a bit in surprise at this. "How come?"
"Well," Alex drawls cryptically, "She also happens to be my best friend..."
"So she knows about me?"
She scoffs. "She knows what color underwear I'm wearing, of course she knows about you."
You eye her suspiciously at that particular choice of comparison, suppressing your amusement until she reassures you with an almost horrified "Oh God no, it's not like that between me and her either!"
And at that you can't really hold back your laughter any longer.
"Just wanted to be sure," You defend in between chuckles when Alex glares playfully at you, "But good to know. I don't want any more competition." You tell her wrapping your arms around her neck.
This triggers a huge smirk from her.
"That's unexpectedly possessive of you Pipes. And also kinda hot if I'm being completely honest."
You have the decency to blush guiltily at the accusation, which isn't completely true but you are unable to fully deny it.
"Should I take this as a yes to my invitation?"
You pretend to think about it for a minute.
Getting away from everything, possibly visiting the country state by state a little at the time with your soulmate by your side?
There is only one answer to that.
But first, you kiss her enthusiastically.
And when you pull back she is already grinning, even before you whisper your "yes" against her lips.
You have always thought that once you would have found your soulmate - if you would have found them - then everything was settled, the magic and brightness of all of it would maybe start to fade, meaning that the run had ended and thrill would have lost its sparkle eventually.
Now however, you don't think you have ever been more wrong in believing such thing.
Because now that you have met your soulmate, now that you have found Alex Vause, you know that this is where the wonderful adventure truly begins. And you can't wait to jump right into it...
With the woman of your dreams.
I'm not much into the whole soulmate thing, to be honest, but when this idea came to me I just couldn't resist :) Also I decided to take a different route with them making up after Piper found out that Alex had a girlfriend, because the whole Alex's "it's complicated" excuse was kinda bullshit and has never convinced me much, so I came up with this alternative. Anyway, thanks for reading everyone :)