Disclaimer: All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the Star Wars movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)
Rating: T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes
Chapter 25
Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 39 BBY
On Coruscant, I ditch my friends and instead head on my own, personal mission. This isn't a destructive and suicide personal mission like the last one, though - this is another step in creating who I am now and differing her from who I once was.
It takes a few hours to run around and city, visiting several stores to get the supplies I need and eventually heading back to my starship, but once I board I begin to assemble things. It doesn't take long to get the basic items together, except I'm missing one extremely important item. Just like what had happened eight years ago, when I started to build my first lightsaber, I don't have any crystals to put in. Without the crystals it's just a fancy metal handle.
And with the unique lightsaber I have in mind, it's not going to be as easy as simply popping into the Jedi Temple and stealing some from the treasury. I'm going to have to go a lot farther than that.
I'm going to have to go into myths and legends.
To start my search, I do in fact head to the Jedi Temple. The Archives here hold information far superior to anything else in the galaxy. My droid trails behind me, prepared to add whatever information I find to his drive.
Once in the Archives room, I head to an open terminal to begin my search, passing a marble bust of Count Dooku. The Jedi consider him a very regal and noble man, bred of the old ways and very strong, but all I see is a creep. Just by looking at him I can tell he is going to turn to the dark side. Whatever. It's not my problem to deal with. I continue my search, forgetting the soon-to-be-dark Jedi.
An hour goes by, yet nothing but the myths and legends I had already known show up. I know the place exists; I've felt in in the Force. But where is it?
Jocasta Nu, the Archive manager, approaches me after several hours of stressful and puzzling searches. Her strict manner is apparent even as she walks, but when she speaks her voice is kind. "Having trouble finding something?"
"I'm trying to find the Force planet," I admit, pushing back my chair in defeat. She gives me a strange look. "The planet where the midi-chlorians came from? The birthplace of the Force?"
Jocasta Nu nods in understanding. "I'm afraid you won't have any luck searching here," she says. "If it does exist - which no one knows for sure - it would be in the heart of the galaxy. There wouldn't be any record of it on our star maps. There's only way to find it."
"What's that?" I ask, a little excitement creeping into my tone.
"Using the Force. Only the strongest can find it," she explains. I sigh a little, knowing what I have to do if I'm going to find this planet.
"Thank you for your help," I respond respectfully before heading out, KZ-4 trailing dejectedly behind. He obviously doesn't have any confidence in my abilities.
He beeps at me to confirm this. "You know, there's a reason I don't keep you around for moral support," I tell him. "You're here because you were the cheapest droid in the lot."
Ignoring my comments, he continues to tell me what's on his mind. "Uh huh, really? That's fascinating. I have a better plan, though, but maybe that's because I'm the only one of the two of us who actually has a brain."
He makes a noise that would be equivalent to a sniff and he pointedly ignores me. Whatever. I don't need him for what I'm about to do.
The small, empty room is decorated warmly by the wood floors and off-white cushions. A small but powerful Jedi sits on one of them, deeply connected to the Force. I hate to break his meditation, but this is important (and I'm kind of selfish. That much hasn't changed).
Before, I would have never come to a Jedi for help, but things have changed. I have changed. It's appropriate for me to see masters of the Force for guidance, and since my old master is, well, not my master anymore, I must go to the closest thing I have to a master.
"Master Yoda," I call out quietly and politely as I step into the room. The weathered green face twitches at the sound of my voice and the wizened Jedi turns, his eyes not opening the whole while.
"Nisha Alyx," he says slowly, his face showing how deep in thought he is. "Searching for something still, are you?" It's more of a statement than a question. Even though his eyes are closed, I nod in response. He can sense me, I know. No one is stronger than Yoda in the Force, and even my old master is only equal.
"I am searching for the home planet of the midichlorians," I explain. "There is a favor I have to ask of the natives there."
An amused smile curls up on his lips. "A favor, hmm? Interesting. But if that planet you seek, search hard you must."
"That is why I came to hear your guidance," I admit, relaxing my stance. "I fear I am not strong enough to find it on my own." Something suddenly creeps up in my mind, blocking out the presence temporarily. I see an even older Yoda, dressed in the normal Jedi garb, and he's on a strange but entrancing planet. Somehow I know this is the planet I am looking for. He's there.
I had thought my visions would end with Minerva, but it seems they are still a part of me. I will always have to watch others suffer. But maybe I can use that knowledge for good instead of ill. I know to not reveal the future, for it will only make others bitter, like Quinlan. I know to not dangle it in front of others, like I had with Obi-Wan. Instead I can help guide people along certain paths so they will not die unsatisfied.
And I can use it to my benefit.
"What is it you see?" Yoda asks, his eyes finally opening to stare at me. "A vision, I sense."
"It is you, Master Yoda," I answer. "You are on the planet I am searching for. Helping me now will be of use to you one day in the future."
He chuckles lowly. "Very clever, you are. Rubbing off on young Obi-Wan in the future, I see." He closes his eyes again, and I know he has conceded to help me. I sit on a cushion across from him and also close my eyes to melt into the Force. With our minds combined, it doesn't take long to find the bright spot. It's breathtaking, even just through the Force.
"Go, you must," Yoda says after we return to the present. He still has an amused look on his face, as if wondering what kind of favor I would ask such powerful beings. Truth to be told, I haven't even thought this through myself. Luckily improv is kinda my thing.
I thank the old Jedi Master before leaving, picking KZ-4 back up outside of the meditation room. He doesn't say a word as I walk determinedly out of the Temple, the general area of the planet in space ingrained in my mind.
"Let's do this," I tell KZ, strapping into my MagnaGuard Fighter and running my hands over the controls.
Unknown Territory, Deep Core Region, Unknown System
The planet appears in front of us as we drop out of hyperspace, its outer image the color of light skin and the surface pulsing like a membrane, completely barren. Even from this far away I feel the Force flow through my veins, thrumming as never before. At this moment I'm unstoppable. I can do anything with the Force. Bright patches of colored nebula surround the planet, adding to the magic scene.
Landing on the planet is an interesting expedition. Luminescent geysers shoot out energy from inside of the planet. Below the surface were floating islands, and I sense here is where I will find the species I am looking for.
As I walk around, KZ-4 huddling close to me, I can't help but get drunk in the amazing power all around me. If my old master were to find this place...Anyone could be unstoppable. My head is light, and I'm practically floating.
This place is dangerous. The Force here is almost palpable, and if you were stranded here, you'd go mad eventually. Human minds - and the minds of most species, for that matter - cannot retain this much power for extended periods of time. Maybe a Master of the Force could survive here, but anyone else would surely lose their minds.
Who, then, would I have expected to be here? Sometimes I really don't think things through. The midichlorians obviously come from here, but they're not going to help me with my mission. I guess I was expecting an ultimate Master of the Force to be here or something. Instead there's nothing and no one.
Even as those thoughts weigh heavily in my mind I sense something. Or, rather, someones. Five figures appear out of the mist and through the energy geyers. They all wear dark robes and have no hair, though their forms are distinctly feminine. Bright yellow eyes shine out from their skulls.
With the figures come a range of emotions. Anger. Confusion. Joy. Sadness. But most of all, serenity. A calm sense of peace surrounds me, and I sink into it gratefully. Who cares if I can't accomplish my mission here? I have all the time in the world to do it. My life still has decades left. Why the rush?
The closer they come, the more I begin to realize who they are. I've heard of them in ancient legends. They're the real-life symbol of the living Force and the cosmic Force. They represent the midichlorians in a way that should be impossible.
I'm learning that the impossible is usually very, very possible, though. Me, for instance. I had gone to the dark side, died, then come back on neither side. That shouldn't be possible. Just like these force Priestesses.
As the shape-shifters approach me, it isn't hard to determine which is which. Their faces are emotionless and yet full of emotion at the same time. It's almost as if they're expressing emotions without actually feeling them. All except the leader, of course. Serenity is the high Priestess, and her face really is calm. She regards me with it when they are mere feet away.
"Nisha Alyx," she calls, her even and rich tone washing over me. Even as she speaks I feel less tense. All of my worries or concerns slip away. This is me, as relaxed as I'll ever get. "You are an unexpected visitor." Her head tilts as if she is reading me. All those raw emotions that had dripped away into calm are now in her hands, and she's reading them like the pages of a book.
"You did not sense my decision to come?" I question smartly. A small smile curves up on her face.
"Of course we did. It was your decision that was unexpected. Most people only come here near death to learn how to become one with the Force. That way they live on past their physical body. You still have some time left." She pauses, her glowing eyes closing temporarily. "You are one of the most interesting people to ever step foot on this planet."
The Priestess modeled after confusion steps forward. "Why are you different than the others?" she asks.
Anger steps forward, her mouth twisted cruelly. "Why do you think? She and I used to be the best of friends." The look she shoots me is a familiar one.
Sadness isn't to be outdone. "You always take all the credit," she sniffs, her eyes watering. "I've held her hand for years, even before you were there. But I'm always forgotten."
Joy's ever-present smiles falters, and she looks lost. Her mouth opens, but nothing comes out. She just stands there, trying to keep her smile up.
"What's wrong with her?" Confusion questions suspiciously. "Anger, what did you do?"
"Watch it," Anger threatens back. "I didn't do anything." A smirk appears on her face. "Not this time, at least."
"You guys just don't get it," Sadness sobs. She's crying so hard that she has to stop speaking to try and get herself together. "Nisha has never experienced true joy!"
"That's not possible," Anger snaps. "You know better than that. Everyone has felt all of us before."
Joy shakes her head as she lays a gentle hand on Sadness' shoulder. "I've never met her before." They all turn to the Serenity, and the leader nods in confirmation.
Throughout this whole scene, I've been watching in stunned shock. Everything makes sense - too much sense. I had never thought about the absence of Joy in my life, but now it's startlingly clear. I've had thrills, moments where I was happy, but never joyful. And they were never more than moments.
Even with Damari the shadow of my master had kept me from being worry-free. If anything the weight of the secret had weighed me down. Joy is foreign to me. I had never missed it because I had never acknowledged it, but now I suddenly feel the loss. And it's crushing.
"Will I ever experience joy?" I find myself asking aloud, worry making my heart heavy. Serenity smiles comfortingly.
"That is up to you, and you alone," she replies. "When Minerva died she took away the dark side, which kept you from feeling joy. Bitterness still lingers in your heart, however, and until you rid yourself of it you will not find true joy."
I nod, making a mental note of her words. Although I am working with the Jedi now, I still feel enmity towards them. Little mistakes they've made I've been unable to forgive, but I know now that I must forgive them. With a long life ahead of me, I want to make sure I don't hold back by letting things from the past interfere. Forgiveness is just one step in that long, hard process.
"What did you come here for?" Serenity inquires, breaking through the haze of my thoughts. With all that had happened, I had forgotten my original mission.
"I need a new weapon," I explain. "I've designed a new lightsaber, but it's missing the crystals. I want a color that symbolizes neither the dark nor the light. It's to prove that I'm simply a defender and a protector, but I'm not a Jedi. I have an idea, but the crystals don't exist."
"You want our help to create them," Serenity finishes, and I nod in agreement. She considers it for a minute. "Normally we don't favors, but you...you, Nisha Alyx, are an exception. We've been watching you for years, and you've never stopped surprising us."
The other four Priestesses nod in agreement - probably the only thing they've ever agreed on - and then all of us reconnect to the Force, our minds seemingly joining together. I share the image in my mind of my lightsaber designs and then my idea of the crystals. They're very attentive as I struggle to describe it, and once they understand, they set to work shaping my crystals with the Force.
After what must be hours we snap out, the work done. They all look a little tired as the planet resurfaces around us and reality sets in. KZ-4 is watching carefully at my feet, and I feel a little bad that I had practically ignored him.
My attention is refocused back to the Priestesses not long later. Serenity has a soft smile on her face as she stretches out an open palm, two crystals on her patterned skin. I gently reach out and take a hold of them, turning them over in my hands and inspecting them. "They're perfect," I breathe. "Thank you so much!"
"We created them with special powers in them," Serenity explains. "One allows you to use the light side of the Force with ease. The other side allows you to use the dark side with ease. You can alternate between them or you can use both of them. No one will be more powerful."
"But I will use my powers only for good," I add. Coming here had been a great idea. Not only had they helped me with my lightsaber predicament, they had also given me more than I had asked plus great advice. It seems in life you're always learning.
"I don't know how to thank you," I admit, pocketing the crystals. Serenity simply smiles calmly.
"Let us teach you one more skill," she instructs. "That is how you can repay us."
"What skill?" I question. She and the others exchange looks.
"Learn how to become a Force ghost so you can one day guide others along the right path," she answers. "You have the potential to save millions of lives and liberate countless more. But not unless you continue to live."
At first I see no downside, but then something strikes me hard.
If I become a Force ghost, I might not be able to see my siblings and Damari when I die.
How can I do that to them? They're waiting for me, and here I am, about to give my afterlife up. Am I ready to sacrifice those I love in return for someone who is looking at the bigger picture? Obviously the Jedi are going to fall soon, and it appears that the Priestesses want to make sure the Order doesn't completely disappear. By having me hang around forever I can guide those toward greatness.
It would be selfish of me to refuse, selfish because they have given me these wonderful gifts, but also selfish because I should be working for all eternity to make up for my mistakes. Wanting to see those I love in the afterlife is selfish when I can be ensuring the future of thousands. But is it really wrong to be selfish after the life I've had?
Deep down, I know I cannot refuse. Sorrow like no other fills me, and I even see Sadness' face briefly as she lays a heavy hand on my shoulder. Together we share a grief moment as I accept this painful fate.
At least this way I can forever be making up for the damage I had done in my previous life. That is the only reason I can make myself do this.
Turning to Serenity, I nod slowly. Next to me, KZ lets out a mournful beep, sensing my decision. It only makes the pit in my stomach grow deeper.
Nobody ever said life would be this hard.