Chapter 9 Finally!

Thank you for all your great comments! Thanks to your input this story is a lot longer than originally intended. Some may feel I've bailed on the Michelle/Carlos interaction but I didn't want to pry into their private lives anymore than I have...wink. Yes, there's room for another Michelle/Carlos adventure sometime. It might be fun to investigate...hmmm.

I turned off my phone and sat back recounting what I just told…..Carlos-Ranger via Beth.

It was exactly what he had been telling more for years but I wasn't listening. He couldn't be with me, couldn't commit to me, while he was doing missions. How strange to be repeating back to him what he told me. Stephanie has grown up into Michelle.

I know I can live without him, not that I want to, but then I'd like to be 24 years old again with the knowledge and personal strength I have today, a pancreas that wasn't involved in a civil war with itself, and hair that was easier to manage.

I hope it wasn't the end between us, but at least it will be cleaner than with Joe.

Tank accompanied Beth back to Florida. He all but tucked her into bed…..but then again, maybe he did that too.

Beth had retired for the night so Tank and I sat on the deck drinking beer and talking. "Tank, how is Ranger, really?"

"Baby girl, Bobby assures us everything will heal. What is most frustrating is he can't talk much. His jaw was broken and during one of the surgeries there was some vocal cord damage during intubation. The fact he got out three words fairly coherently when you were there indicated he will speak again.

We know he's not one for talking, never has. He's a man and internalizes. He may have to deal with not being able to do his job…his government job; which to him is his life. Rangeman is a distraction, something to do between missions. He was stable, and then you came along and knocked his life out of orbit, a bit. He thought he could keep you as another distraction, a toy to play with, but he fell in love with you."

Tank paused and drank his beer.

You know there are people that want to kill him. I've been protecting his back when he's in Trenton and sometimes around the country. When we were in the Army together, I was nearly always with him. When he's deeply under cover and I'm here, my instructions have always been to protect you. He wants to keep you safe, keep you from being harmed. You said in your conversation with Beth that you could not carry the burden of his death if you were any way responsible. That's exactly the way he's felt about you for years. Vlatko and Ramos incidents almost had him moving to Atlanta just to get away from you and protect you.

Then you left. The Ranger part, the secretive mercenary was relieved you were away from him but he didn't know if you were safe. You removed all your trackers. You have been our #1 security client for several years now. At least Hector was able to find you and watch over you."

"How did he watch over me through a computer?" I asked.

Tank laughed, "Miami and Atlanta have been sending a guy or two at a time to keep an eye on you. Hector has been….rearranging accounts to cover the cost. I never caught on. He didn't dare send anyone from Trenton, you would have spotted them."

I was flabbergasted. "Did Beth know?"

"You tell me? Did she ever say anything?"

I thought back…when she left on business trips…I'd see my gay neighbors more often….."Don't tell me…Steven and George?"

Tank smiled, "Miami."

"Are they really gay?" I asked.

"Could be, none of my business," he said with a shrug.

He drank from his beer bottle, "Anyway, the human part of Ranger than loves you grieved and felt….betrayed when you left. When you told him how his leaving on missions hurt you, he now knew the feeling maybe for the first time in his life, or at least his adult life. He's been a commander in charge demanding and expecting respect with little room for personal feelings. You've broken his shell."

"Will he ever work missions again, Tank?"

"Bobby doesn't think so. Mentally, yes, he could go back if he closes his personal feelings back up. Physically, he may not be able. He's got enough metal holding his legs together he'll have a hell of a time getting through metal detectors. There's still a question if he'll keep one of his kidneys, his spleen is gone, portion of his lung, liver lost a lobe. That perfect body has a few scars on it now."

"What will he do without his missions if he is declared unfit?"

"That's the big question. Men before him have ended their lives because they were so dark from the work and they had no light outside of the work. You said he was light, but that light he captured from you."

"No Tank, it was there before. Why else did he continue to support Julie? She told me how he lights up when he comes to visit, if even for a few hours. He's been my light, a search light, for me many times. The light is there, he's just repressing it."

"Baby girl, the big question…..why did you leave?"

"I was empty, probably clinical depression. Life didn't matter anymore. I was being torn this way and that, called a failure by everyone I knew. Only light in my life was Ranger and he started going on more missions. I couldn't find my way out of my hole. It was a hole I had been digging since...forever. For example, I agreed to marry Dickie Orr in hopes of become an attorney's wife, someone respectable. The hole got bigger when I met Joe Morelli again. I discovered a sexy hot man in not all that I need. Which makes Ranger special; he's hot, sexy but he also cared about me. What a novel experience! My job was dealing with human trash and when I'd have a hiccup, or giant belch, there was the newspaper, there was the Burg rumor mill, there was...oh you know Tank."

"And now?"

"I'm not Stephanie anymore. I tend to use the name Michelle more and more as it represents the new me. People respect me, I am very good at several things plus I'm not the newspaper clown, I don't give a damn what my mother or people in the Burg say about me.

The only thing I can't get over is him. If he doesn't want me anymore, then I'll respect that, I'll grieve, but I'll respect his decision. Beth has been my mentor for my rebuilding my life. It may mean I have more to learn from her, how to lose a love and move on."

I paused. I wanted another beer but knew I shouldn't.

"Tank do I need to be there holding his hand?"

"No, he knows you totally love him. You made that clear when you were up there. He has a card where he has written "100%" and refers to it daily. The problem is him. If he can't go back to missions, he has to remake himself the way you have remade yourself. Bobby has several psychiatrists working with him."

Tank stood up and wandered to the deck edge watching the lights from the marina. He turned and said, "Speaking of which, the few days I'll be here, I'd like to see what you can do. I understand you are studying martial arts and are a fair shot.

I'm better than fair Mr. Sherman, I'm damn good.

He smiled to himself, "Yes, she's changed."

Gradually Beth's injuries healed. The business continued to hum along with a steady stream of new clients. Beth initially walked the beach while I ran; a role reversal from when I first came to Florida. Once her shoulder was stable and ribs weren't too painful, she too was running with me.

Each evening we did different martial arts, though I was concentrating on Tae Kwon Do. Still I enjoyed Aikido as it used different parts of the body and Kendo was a blast if not just for the protection gear. We also worked through her weapons collection. Since she couldn't handle firearms right away, Grace Bono, Antonio's Navy employed wife, worked with me on my shooting skills.

Ranger was also getting better, Bobby, Tank, any my guardian angel Hector kept me up updated. Ranger's jaw healed though his vocal cords were still partially paralyzed, he could talk more than a word or two at a time, but not many more at one time. We talked almost daily over the phone but they were not in depth conversations, at least not by my standards. We were not down the problem's kernel. But then we women talk things to death. Maybe he was saying what he felt through his "Ranger speak." I was looking for Carlos speak, something more verbose, maybe it will never be there and I need to read his eyes and use his ESP.

"Are you ready?" Beth asked.

"Yes," I answered with a confident voice.

"Good, you've reached this very quickly but have worked harder than anyone I've ever instructed. I don't see a problem. Keep yourself centered, concentrate and don't let distractions derail you. You have proven yourself capable and worthy of this. Make me proud."

Today I was going after a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. I have studied with Beth nearly every day dabbling in other martial arts to keep my body strong and my mind agile. Plus I didn't have much choice; Beth doesn't have a television or DVR to slouch in front of after work. I didn't even miss watching "Ghostbusters."

I've been reborn. Ranger always said I was smart and brave but instead I chose to believe the putdowns from Joe, my mother, the Trenton cops, the newspaper, Burg gossip and my cousins. Phew! No wonder I was a train wreck. No more, now I am power.

We stepped into the dojang, my home away from home. I know most of the people here. I have worked with them, learned from them and helped those just getting started. After exercising to warm up we began with the candle test. The speed of the punch should be sufficient to blow out the flame without touching it. I took mine out with the first attempt; other people required a few more. We then lined up and as a group show our kicks first as individual movements and then later as combinations.

After a brief rest, we donned our protective gear; our body and head protection. Initially we just air spotted, not making contact with our opponent, but then we moved onto full contact. From there we move on to multiple opponent contact. Having been up against some of Trenton's worst, the battle simulation wasn't all that theoretical.

How I wish I had listened to Ranger and studied with Tank. With these skills, my apprehension rate would have been sky high and my confidence level even higher.

We finish with breaking 1, 2 or 3 boards with our hands, feet and head. Well, just one board for the head, no concussions, please. Before I knew it, the two hour test is over. Our testing panel congratulates us and our masters, in my case Beth and then we learn if we passed. I had no doubt I passed, I've never felt more at east even with the over the head jump kicks. When I received word I have passed, my mind for the first time leaves the test and looks for Beth. I know she is smiling.

What I didn't expect was to see the men standing behind Beth: Ranger and Tank. How long have they been here? All three were beaming at me and applauding. I didn't cry, Michelle has her emotions in check, but I did give them a 200 watt smile.

After giving Beth a big hug I ran to my two men and threw my arms around them. I hugged Tank first, "You were great Baby Girl," he said with a kiss.

I looked at Ranger for a moment not sure how to approach him. He was standing with a walker. I threw my arms around him holding him, keeping him from falling. We kissed like we hadn't kissed in years …..and we hadn't. He pulled back and pointed to a camera I had not noticed, "Wave to the guys in Trenton, Babe, they are watching." His voice was raspy.

I stepped back and bowed to the camera and then blew a kiss to all.

When it came time to leave the dojang and return to Beth's spaceship house, Tank and Beth went in his rental car and I drove Ranger/Carlos back in Beth's car. We held hands as I drove. I noticed a slight tremor in his hand reminding me just how seriously he had been injured.

The four of us sat on the deck that night admiring the stars and listening to the waves. Ranger pulled a small box out of his pocket and handed it to me. It was larger than a ring box. Inside was a platinum necklace with the numbers 100%. "I'll try Babe, I'll try." He said.

Epilogue:

Ranger realized his life from now on would be different. He would no longer be traveling the world doing the US's dirty laundry. He wanted his new life centered on me. He was all in, 100%.

I had another issue to put to rest, my family. If Ranger had not wanted a relationship, I would have put off my journey back to Trenton, but now I could face them with total confidence.

Grandmother Mazur was in a nursing home after breaking her hip. The stairs at home were now beyond her. Fortunately she had found several other "younger" thinking residents who were not intent in dying and the group kept the staff on their toes. She seemed younger and happier to be out from under her daughter's "depression" as she called it. Was that it?! Was my mother depressed and I had gone through the same thing? It was something I'd need to talk to Bobby about."

"What have you been doing for so long away? I bet you got yourself a hot man and want to keep him to yourself."

"No grandma, I have no men in my life right now. I rent a room from a widow, I go to work in an office, and I run and work out for exercise. My life is very quiet." No way was I expanding on that; the widow was a master in several different martial arts, was a world renown architect, and lived in a space ship."

"I nothing to gossip with the ladies down stairs in the hair parlor," she said dejectedly.

My father was still in front of the television set. The chair is the same, the TV is the same but I'm pretty sure he's changed clothes. I'm not sure he realizes I've been gone.

My mother looked and me for the first time in almost 2 years. She seemed neither happy nor upset. "Are you happy?"

I didn't stop to analyze the question's tone. I didn't care if it was motherly concern or yet another attempt to shame or kowtow me. I answered truthfully, "Yes mother, I am very happy with my life. There is a big world out there. Trenton is not the center of the universe."

"You know Joe is married and has one daughter and another on the way."

I laughed a deep full laugh I hadn't laughed in almost 2 years. Tears ran down my face and I laughed more.

"What's so funny young lady?"

I wiped my eyes and blew my nose. "Oh can it mother, your intimidation doesn't work on me anymore. I'm laughing because finally Joe Morelli will realize what it means to have daughters and the dangers of over sexed young men. What will Angelique Morelli tell her daughters? "Now you stay away from Jose Padilla, he's just after your pants."

"Jose Padilla?"

"Look around mother. The neighborhood is changing. In your grandparents' and parents' day it was Italian and Hungarian. They are gone and their children have moved to the suburbs. Times are changing. Italian isn't heard anymore, it's Spanish. Expectations have changed as well. Women don't have to be married by age thirty; in fact they don't have to be married at all. They can have a career if they want. Couples don't have to have children. Window cleanliness isn't a sign of respectability and people like me actually have vegetables with their meals and like them."

"Are you staying for dinner?" she asked. "I can make pineapple upside down cake."

"No mother, I don't eat desserts anymore. I'm off to a vegetarian restaurant with some friends. I just stopped by to let you see I'm still alive."

I guess I should have called it an Indian restaurant, but I was feeling snarky and was rewarded with a sneer of disgust from her.

My transformation has been complete; I am a woman in charge of her life. I have changed my name to Michelle Manoso for Carlos and I married quietly in Newark with his family and Rangeman family in attendance. My family declined to come, even Valerie. My wedding was not announced in the Burg gossip sheet or Trenton Times. The Merry Men still call me Bomber for a new reason as Lester explained, "You are so lovely, you are truly a bombshell beauty." Sure beats a Bombshell Bounty Hunter.

I have a well-paying job, running the Rangeman business office in Trenton leaving the security work, supervision, and slime ball apprehensions to the guys. That doesn't mean I'm not part of the action. I still do distractions, watching the guys do the dirty work, but everyone is more at ease knowing, if needed, I can kick butt with the rest of them. I was particularly effective in the take down of….oh, that's for another story.

Beth Crowder moved her architecture firm to Princeton after a sudden flurry of new business she attributed to the award winning Bernstein house. (I suspect someone else had hand in that.) In addition to Antonio, she has added three more architects. Beth's firm works closely with Rangeman Security and Hector is designing cutting edge security features for homes, businesses and transportation centers. She also works especially close with Tank; they too married quietly. Antonio's wife, Grace, left the Navy and now teaches at Princeton just as Hector had planned. Grace and Hector are friends and often speak in techno geek I don't begin to understand.

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Hector and I were eating flautas one afternoon at El Perdido restaurant when TPD detective Joe Morelli entered the restaurant with several other cops for lunch. He didn't see me. My hair was no longer a wild curly mane but rather cut and secured in a stylish twist for business. At night I literally let my hair down, allowing Carlos to arrange it as he pleases. My clothes were not jeans and t-shirt but a designer label suit and heels. Few people recognize me anymore. Beth said it was physical attitude; I was no longer a victim. Now I give off power.

"Hector, may I ask you a question?" I asked.

"Si, Estafania, mi Angel."

"Did you have anything to do with Angelique coming to Trenton to work and meeting Joe Morelli?"

"Mis labios estan sellados." …(my lips are sealed)

"Gracias Hector."

Fini