Chapter 4: Without You

Back then, you were like a summer breeze. With you in my life, it felt like I was suddenly engulfed in a warm breeze. Being surrounded by your warmth and kindness, it felt like my eternal winter had finally begun to turn into spring.

But, just like a summer breeze, you were too good to last. And, just like a summer breeze, you were quick to come ... And quick to go.

When you left, I didn't know what to do anymore. I had grown so use to your constant presence that I didn't know how to live life without you anymore. Sure, you would visit during your school breaks, but it wasn't the same. And I know that you felt the impact of the distance between us too.

It just felt as though I was no longer a part of your life... As though I was left behind...

Flashback, getting by without you

"Alright, I have to get going now, Shiro-chan!" you exclaimed as you ran one of your hands through my hair. "I know you'll miss me, but I'll be back soon!"

"Who would miss a bed-wetter like you..." I retorted as I glared back at you. "And stop calling me Shiro-chan!" I added as I brushed your hand from my hair.

"Tell you what," you replied with a smirk "I'll call you by your last name when you come to the same grown up school as me. I know you have spiritual pressure, Shiro-chan, I can sense it. So you'd definitely be able to get in if you tried!"

"Who'd want to go to a stupid school like that?" I answered with frown. "And I shouldn't have to go to some school just to make you stop calling me by such a stupid nickname!"

"It s not stupid..." you had pouted in response. "I like the name Shiro-chan! It's really cute!"

"Exactly! And I'm not cute, so stop calling me that!" I yelled with the same scowl on my face.

You had begun to giggle at me in response. "You know," you began between small fits of laughter "you are pretty cute when you say that."

"S-S-SHUT UP!" I barked back as I turn my head slightly to the side in an attempt to hide my reddening cheeks. "Aren't you supposed to be leaving!?"

"AHH! You're right!" you exclaimed as you suddenly remembered why we were even having this exchange in the first place. Then, with a quick little jump, you set off running down the path towards the shinigami academy. "See you later, Shiro-chan!" you called back with a wave as you disappeared further and further out of sight.

"Don't bother coming back, Bed-wetter Momo!" I had yelled after you as I watched you run off. It hadn't taken long before you were completely out of sight.

I still remember exactly how you looked as you ran off. Like an image destined to remain on a wall, the sight of you going off without me will forever be burned into my memories.

What I remember most about watching you run off was that you never once looked back at me... As though it never crossed your mind that you were leaving me alone once again...

"Toshiro, come inside dear. You'll catch cold" my grandmother had called out to me from inside the house.

While I had heard her, I just couldn't remove myself from where I currently stood, nor could I look away from the spot you had been just seconds before. At the time, it had felt like if I gave in and went in inside, it was the same as though I was accepting that you were gone once again. And, I knew, once I looked away and went back inside, all I could do was wait until you came again.

Almost as though she could read my thoughts, my grandmother had come outside and placed a hand on my shoulder. "I miss her too, dear. I miss her too" she had said to me in a soothing voice.

"Why did she have to go to that stupid school anyway..." I muttered as I continued to stare at the last place I saw you. "...Were we just not good enough for her?"

"No, Toshiro, no. That's not it and you know it" Oba-san replied as she began to rub my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me. "She just... Well, she just needs to spread her wings and live her own life. And while I may be fine living out the rest of my days in Jurinan, she wasn't." She then paused for a moment before continuing "The world is so big, Toshiro. And Momo simply felt the need to explore it. So please, don't blame yourself for that."

I remember saying nothing in response. I know that I had thought to myself at the time I know that, alright? But knowing that doesn't make it any easier to see her walk away...

After standing like that for a few minutes longer, I finally spoke. "Let's go back inside. You're right, it is starting to get cold." I stated as I carefully removed her hand from my shoulder and made my way inside. My grandmother had followed my lead soon after.

The time in between your visits seem to last forever. And, as you got further along in your studies, your visits became fewer and farther in between. As much as I tried not to take that personally, I just couldn't. It felt as though you didn't care about me anymore... As though you had simply brushed me aside...

And then, a few years into your studies, that day came. The day where I knew I had lost my dominant place within your heart...

"You should have seen it, Shiro-chan!" you exclaimed as you happily ate the watermelon Oba-san had prepared for us earlier. "It was amazing! I've never seen someone fight like that!"

"Hmm? Is that so?" I had grumpily replied as I dove into my own piece of watermelon.

Not seeming to notice my lack of interest in the current subject, you continued. "Yeah, he was amazing..." you beamed with an awe filled expression on your face. "Aizen-Taichou..." you added as your face looked full of admiration.

I remember that look just pissing me off. "What's so great about this Aizen, anyway? All he did was kill a hollow. Any old shinigami can do that much" I replied with no attempt to hide the annoyance I was feeling.

"It's Aizen-Taichou, Shiro-chan!" you retorted as you pouted back at me. "Captain's work hard for their titles, so we have to call them by their titles to show proper respect!"

Says the one who refuses to call me by my captain's title. Honestly, I worked just as hard for it as anyone else did, you know.

"As I said, what's so great about this Aizen-Taichou?" I repeated as I looked back at you. Although I had emphasized the use of the captain's title to show how sarcastic I was being, you didn't seem to notice. You were merely content that I had addressed him by his title at all.

"Well, for starters," you began as admiration took hold of your face once more. "He defeated these really tough hollows as though they were nothing! Even though those same hollows had actually killed a couple of seniors, Aizen-Taichou was able to kill the hollows with only one hand! Just one hand! Isn't that just incredible!?"

"But those Hollows just killed students, right? Not actual full-fledged Shinigami? So shouldn't any old shinigami have been able to defeat those hollows just as easily as he did?" I retorted with a snort.

"Well, um, I don t know... Maybe..." you faltered as you tried to think whether or not what I was suggesting was true. "But that doesn't change the fact that what he did was amazing, Shiro-chan!"

"I don't know about that" I replied as I took another bite of my watermelon. "If anyone else could have done what he did, than what he did really wasn't all that amazing, now, was it?"

You pouted once again at me in response. "You just don't get it because you weren't there" you said with a frown. "Aizen-Taichou really was amazing, Shiro-chan. And I'm sure that if you had been there, you would agree!"

"Whatever you say, Bed-wetter..." I replied as I rolled my eyes. Although I knew you had seen me roll my eyes, you didn't comment on it. At the time, I guess you simply figured that you weren't going to get an enthusiastic response out of me about your beloved captain, so there wasn't much of a point in continuing to pester me about him. So, instead, you simply settled for shooting me a quick glare before taking another bite out of your watermelon slice.

After a few moments of passed, your bright mood returned and you spoke again. "Just you wait, Shiro-chan. Someday, I'm going to be in squad five with Aizen-Taichou. Just you wait!" you exclaimed as you stared out at the sky overhead. "And when I do make it into squad five, I'll become Aizen-Taichou's vice-captain and fight along side him!"

"I didn't know they allowed bed-wetters to become vice-captains" I retorted with a smirk.

You frowned at me in response. "Oh, why do you have to be so mean sometimes, Shiro-chan?" you asked with a pout on your lips. "You should try being more like Aizen-Taichou. He's nice to everyone, regardless of age or status!"

"Pssf, good for him then" I replied with a snort. "But, really, who'd want to be like that? It's so annoying being nice all the time! And besides, you know that if I'm nice to someone, it's because I actually like them, not because I'm faking it or feel like I have to be nice to them. So quit telling me to be like a wuss like him!"

"Aizen-Taichou's not a wuss, he's really strong!" you stated as your frown grew. "He's also really nice, and brave, and tall..."

Okay, that last one still feels like a personal insult.

You then shook your head before you got too caught up in Aizen's greatness. "And Shiro-chan, you're not nice to me. Does that mean you don't like me?" you added as you looked closely at me.

"Well, I, uh..." I fumbled as I tried to think of a response. "I'm nice to you sometimes... So that should be enough to know that I don't dislike you or anything..."

"Aww, I knew it! You really do like me, don't you Shiro-chan?!" you suddenly exclaimed as you pulled me into a tight embrace, not concerned at all for the watermelon juice that was now beginning to stain your clothes.

"Oi, get off of me!" I choked out as you held me tight. "I never said I liked you! I just said I don't dislike you!"

"But that's the same thing, silly!" you happily replied as you gave me another tight squeeze.

"I-I said get off me!" I repeated as the heat continued to rise in my cheeks. However, my pleas fell on deaf ears as you continued to hug me all the same.

Once you left the following day, you didn't come back. A year passed, and then two. And you still had yet to come back and visit.

Deep down, I knew it because of the goal you had set for yourself. I should have known, then, that while you were telling me about how great Aizen was, you were also telling me something else. You were saying that he was your life now, and that you would be dedicating yourself to him. And that, as a result, you were now going to be leaving me behind... for good.

So, it seemed, that I was to be left behind with nothing but my memories of you to keep me company...

And that's chapter four!

Yikes, that was a sad chapter to write. And what's worse is that I have even sadder chapters yet to come...

Oh well, you all know by the first chapter that there's a happy ending, so it'll all work itself out in the end!

Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing!

~ H-Mira