Chapter 7: The day I finally realized

A part of me has always wondered when it happened. Was it when we first entered the thirteen court guard squads? Was it during our training at the Shinigami Academy? Or, was it even further back than that? Maybe, it happened the first time I laid eyes on you...

Either way, I can't remember.

I guess it's just always been there. A feeling that I've always had, yet never acknowledged. It was just something I felt whenever I was around you, so I didn't really think anything of it. It was merely a feeling and a warmth that I associated with you.

Yeah, that's probably the reason why it took me so long to finally realize.

And although I can't remember when it first happened, I can clearly remember the day I finally realized that I… was in love you.

Flashback, The day I knew I loved you

"And to think that my cute little third seat is now all grown up into a captain" Matsumoto exclaimed as we were walking back from the captain initiation ceremony. "I'm so proud of you, kid!"

"Oi, it's Hitsugaya-taichou now." I retorted as I shot her a quick glare. "So now you actually have to address me with respect."

"Ah, sorry, sorry." she replied with an apologetic look on her face. "I'm just so happy for you, is all. I'll make sure to address you properly from now on, Taichou."

I had merely nodded at her in response before continuing on our way back towards the 10th division barracks. While a part of me was proud of my accomplishment, it still felt wrong to be called the captain of the 10th division. While Shiba-taichou had already been missing for several years before I took over his position, it still felt like he was the captain of squad ten. And that no matter how much time would passed, he would still be the true leader of the division...

So, needless to say, my captaincy took some getting used to.

"Oh, Taichou, I nearly forgot!" Matsumoto suddenly exclaimed once we reached the tenth division office. "We're throwing a celebration party for you this evening! So you better make sure you come. It just wouldn't do if the guest of honour wasn't there!"

"You just want another reason to drink…" I muttered under my breath as we walked into the office.

"Oh, don't be like that!" she retorted as she sat herself down on one of the couches. "This party is for you! We're throwing this party for you, Taichou. And we put a lot of effort into preparing it too! So you better show up!"

"Fine" I replied with a sigh as I sat myself down behind of my new desk. After a moment had passed, I finally registers something odd about what she had said. "Wait, you said we. Who's this we?"

"Oh, you know…" Matsumoto said with a smirk on her face. "Just a special little someone."

No matter how much I would ask her who that "special little someone" was, Matsumoto would merely continue to smirk without revealing who it was. I remember feeling slightly irritated at her silent, but it didn't take me very long to brush it off. After all, I was going to eventually find out who it was at the celebration that evening. So all I had to do in the meantime was be patient.

Looking back, it should have been very obvious who this "special someone" was. Honestly, who else could she have been talking about? There was really only ever one "special little someone" to me…

"Congratulations on your promotion Hitsugaya-taichou!" I heard for the one hundredth time that day. No matter where I went that day, I just couldn't make it more than a few steps without hearing someone rush over to congratulate me on my new position. While it had been nice to hear the first few times that day, having to engage in small talk with whoever was congratulating me was starting to get repetitive and exhausting.

"Thank you" I briefly replied before continuing on my way. While I had noticed that the shinigami who had just congratulated me seemed slightly confused when I began to walk off, I still didn't turn back around. There were still a few errands I had to run before nightfall and I was already falling behind schedule because of all the small talk I had to engage in earlier.

As I was walking down the hallway to my next task, my thoughts began to wonder. And when they did, it finally occurred to me: I hadn't been congratulated by you yet. In fact, I hadn't even seen you all day.

And it was with that thought in mind that I decided to pay a quick visit to the fifth division. My errands could wait; my sudden desire to see you could not.

"Oh, Hitsugaya-kun" a male voice exclaimed as I entered the fifth division office. "What brings you here?"

"Well, um.." I faltered as I looked around the room. "I was just… Well, I was in the area and thought I should stop by…"

"Ah, I see" Aizen replied with a gentle smile on his face. "Thank you for taking the time to stop by. And congratulations on your promotion. Judging on what I've heard from Hinamori-kun, it sounds like the thirteen court guard squads can expect great things from you."

"T-Thanks" I stuttered as I continued to look around the office. Oddly enough, I couldn't spot you anywhere. Which was pretty weird, since you were never one to play hooky when it came to paperwork.

"Ah, if you're looking for Hinamori-kun," Aizen began as he seemed to realize why I was examining his office. "She's actually in the world of the living at the moment. I sent her there yesterday to deal with a hollow that's been causing quite an uproar lately. She won't be back until tomorrow evening."

"Oh, I see…" I muttered as a feeling of disappointment started to wash over me. I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice when I added "I-In any event, I should really get going…"

"Alright" Aizen simply replied as I began to exit his office. "See you at your celebration this evening."

At the mention of the party that evening, the pit in my stomach grew. The thought of having to deal with my drunken vice-captain and her equally wasted friends was enough to make me consider skipping my own celebration party.

"Don't remind me…" I grumbled as I exited the office.

That pit in my stomach stayed with me for the rest of the day. And the more the day went on, the worst it got.

While I knew that I should be overjoyed, it was the first day of captaincy after all, but I just... wasn't. It seemed like no matter how much people would tell me that I should be in a state of delight because of my promotion, I still couldn't manage to escape from the frown on my face. And I knew the reason behind this was you.

Without you to celebrate with, the promotion almost felt… meaningless. After all, it was my desire to protect you that drove me to the lengths that qualified me for captaincy. So without you there to celebrate with me, it felt like there wasn't even much of a point. With you, my very reason for becoming a captain, absence from the celebration, it really didn't feel like a celebration at all. It just felt empty… meaningless…

And as the hours went on and the party began, I just couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to be with you… and only you…

"Oh, Taichou! Have a drink with me!" a drunken Matsumoto called out to me as waved a glass of sake in her hand. "You're a captain now! You have to celebrate!"

"I'll pass, thanks…" I swiftly replied with my usual frown plastered on my face. "Someone has to make sure things don't get out of hand."

"But Taichou!" Matsumoto wined as she waved her drink around in protest, resulting in it splashing on those around her. "You have to have a drink! You have to celebrate!"

"I don't have to drink and I have been celebrating. I am actually here, after all" I retorted with my arms crossed over my chest. Though I'd much rather not be I thought to myself as I began to survey my drunken company.

"Bullshit, Taichou! I call bullshit!" Matsumoto exclaimed as she began to glare at me. "You say you've been celebrating, but that frown hasn't left your face all afternoon!"

"What frown? This is how I always look" I coolly replied as I looked her dead in the eye.

"Well, yeah, I guess…" she faltered as her glare's intensity started to diminish. "But I was hoping you would smile. You know, like the way you do whenever Hinamori's around."

Had it been any other day, I simply would have tried to brush off her comment in an attempt to hide my embarrassed. But after the day I was having, a day filled with nothing but a sense of disappointment and longing, I snapped.

"Well she's not here, is she?!" I angrily replied a little louder than I had originally intended, which caused some of the other guests to look my way. But at the time, I didn't care. Too caught in the overflowing emotions that were making their way to the surface, I added "So how can you expect me to be happy when she's not here!?"

Matsumoto, as well as the party guests surrounding her, were taken aback at my sudden outburst. "Taichou…" she muttered as she looked at me with a mixed expression of hurt and disbelief.

Seeing the look on her face, I immediately started to regret my outburst. "Look, um…" I fumbled as I looked off to the side. "Sorry… I just.. Um…"

I then looked up to see Matsumoto smiling gently at me. "It's alright, Taichou." she said as all the previous anger in her face seemed to disappear. "Say, how about you take a walk outside? Get some fresh air."

"Y-Yeah, I'll do that…" I muttered, half taken aback at her sudden change of expression. Then, with a quick nod to her, I exited the tenth division banquet hall and went outside.

And once I stepped outside, that's when I saw it.

There you were, a bright smile on your face illuminated by a sparkler, as you were carrying a small bag towards the banquet hall I had just left. Too shocked to say anything, I merely stood frozen in place as I watch you smile at the sparkler's light that was now beginning to fade.

"Perfect, I'm glad they work…" I heard you mutter to yourself, satisfied that the sprinkler you used a test produced the results you desired. "Now I just have to…" but the rest of your sentence faded away as you looked up to see me staring back at you.

"Oh, Hitsugaya-kun, you're here" you stated as your slightly surprised expression turned into a smile. "I thought you would still be in the banquet hall."

"I, uh, decided to step out for a moment. To get some fresh air" I said, still surprised to see you standing in front of me. "Hinamori… what… What are you doing here? I thought you were only getting back tomorrow evening."

"Hmm? Getting back from what?" you questioned with a slightly confused expression on your face. "What are you talking about, Hitsugaya-kun?"

"I saw Aizen earlier today and he said you were on a missing…" I began as I was starting to piece of the puzzle together. "Though I see now that he must have been lying…"

"Oh, don't blame Aizen-Taichou, Hitsugaya-kun!" you exclaimed as you began to walk towards me. "I asked him to cover me if case you came looking for me today. I guess the mission was just the excuse he went with."

"Why didn't you want me to find you today?" I asked, slightly hurt that you had been hiding from me all day.

"Well, you see," you began as your smile returned. "I wanted to make sure everything was perfect for tonight. So, I decided to take the day off and help Matsumoto with the celebration party she planned for you. Because of that, I couldn't have you finding me throughout the day, or else the surprise would be ruined!"

"You spent all day preparing that…For me?" I muttered, starting to feel as an emotion I couldn't quite identify taking over me. It was very same emotion that you, and only you, could manage to bring out of me.

"Yup, that's right!" you happily replied, unaware of just how much your actions were affecting me. "I started early this morning and finished at around supper time. Since Rangiku-san was making sure that you didn't wander off into the banquet all by mistake, it was up to me to decorate the place."

"If you were finished at around supper time," I said as I tried to regain my composure. "Then why weren't you at the party earlier? Why only show up now?"

"Oh, that's because of these!" you replied as you gestured to the small bag you were carrying. "I went to go grab some sparklers from some of the local stores, but they were out of stock. So I had to go all the way to the world of the living to buy them. They were pretty hard to find, so I only got back just now."

I couldn't help but smile in response. Only you would spend four hours trying to find sparklers for my sake I thought with a slight laugh. "Honestly, Hinamori, only a bed-wetter like you would have to spend four hours trying to find sparklers. Don't tell me you got lost?" I said with a gentle smile on my face, a smile I reserved only for you.

You frowned in response. "That's mean," you said with a pout in your lip. "I've only been to the world of the living a couple of times, and it's really easy to get lost… And I don't wet the bed anymore! So don't call me that!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say" I responded with a smirk. "And speaking of names, shouldn't you be calling me Hitsugaya-Taichou from now on?"

"Hmmm" you thought out loud as you stepped closer to examine me. I remember feeling the heat rise in my cheeks as you closely looked me up and down. After what felt like an eternity, you finally spoke again.

"Nope, you're still Shiro-chan to me!" you exclaimed with your usual bright smile as you backed away. "No matter what, you'll always be my Shiro-chan. So it'd just be weird to call you by anything else."

"Oi, stop calling me that!" I retorted as my face was being enveloped in a dominate shade of red. "And you've been calling me Hitsugaya-kun for the last little while, so changing the -kun to -Taichou shouldn't be that big of a deal!"

You then began to laugh slightly in response.

"W-What's so funny!?" I stammered, taken aback at your sudden outburst of laughter.

"You didn't deny it" you replied in between fits of laughter.

"I didn't deny what?" I cautiously asked as I looked at you with a confused look on my face.

"That you're my Shiro-chan!" you exclaimed as laughter took hold of you. I merely stood frozen place as I watched you laugh as though it was the funniest thing in the world.

"I, uh, well…" I fumbled, not too sure what to say in response. While a part of me felt like I should retort with something along the lines of "I'm not your Shiro-chan", I just couldn't bring myself to say it. Because when I thought it, it felt like I was lying. Why does it feel like a lie? I thought to myself, surprised at this sudden sensation. Why didn't I say that I wasn't her Shiro-chan? And just why does it feel like a lie whenever I think that I'm not hers?

"Well, that was a good laugh" you suddenly said as you recovered your composure, breaking me from my thoughts as a result. "Anyway, we should get started on these sparklers. I'll go grab the Rangiku-san, Aizen-Taichou, and the others so we can start!" you added before beginning to make your way past me and towards the banquet hall.

"No!" I suddenly exclaimed as I grabbed a hold of your wrist to prevent you from getting anyone else. Seeing your slightly confused face turn back to look at me, I immediately let go or your hand. I then fumbled for a moment as I tried to think of an excuse for my actions. "T-They're my sparklers, right? So why should I share them with anyone else?"

Despite my obviously selfish and childlike excuse, you still found it in you to accept it as the truth.

"Alright" you simply said with a smile before handing me one of the sparklers in the bag you were carrying. "Is it alright if I use one too?"

"Yeah, that's fine…" I muttered shyly as I took the sparkler from your hand. "Do you have a lighter or something to light them with?"

Rather than answering, you simply extended your index finger and muttered a kido spell under your breath, causing the sparkler to catch light. You then proceed to grab another sparkler and do the same thing to it.

"I guess that works too…" I said, feeling slightly embarrassed that I hadn't thought of that in the first place.

"Hey, check it out!" you exclaimed as you twirled the sparkler around and began making the shapes of various objects. "Isn't this fun?! It's just like when we were younger and Oba-san bought us some for New Years!"

At first, I didn't answer you. I was far too mesmerized by the sight of you as the light from the sparkler lite up various aspects of your appearance and face. Beautiful… I thought as stared directly at you. She's beautiful… Has she always been this beautiful? How haven't I noticed until now?

"Hmm? Is something the matter, Hitsugaya-kun?" you asked as you stopped twirling around the sparkler and looked at me.

And that's when it all finally sank in. My irritated mood all the day… My longing to see you… My undeniable desire to protect you… It now made sense.

Everything now made sense.

"It's nothing." I said with gentle smile on my face. "I just realized something, is all."

"Oh? What did you realize?" you asked curiously.

"Just something I should have figured out a long time ago." I replied before taking a few steps in the opposite direction of the banquet hall and towards the open field in front of me.

"Hitsugaya-kun…?" I heard you mutter as I continued to walk off.

While I knew that you must have been pretty confused at my sudden statement, I just couldn't bring myself to worry about that. All that mattered now was the sense of ease I was feeling at having finally realizing something I should have known all along…

"Well don't just stand there like an idiot." I said as a stopped walking turned back to look at you. "Are you coming or not?"

After taking a second to recover from your surprise, you nodded and ran up to catch up with me.

…I love you, Hinamori Momo.