Author's Notes: I own the computer I wrote this story on, however, I still don't own the characters. Copyright belongs exclusively to J. K. Rowling and Eric Kripke. Continued spoiler alert for episode: The French Mistake.

Chapter Inspiration: Supernatural Parody by The Hillywood Show

Chapter 9

It was after dark when they were finally able to get a driver to get them off the film set. Dean was still feeling panicky, presenting in overall confusion and grumpiness, while Sam seemed to be more level headed. He seemed quite content to just go along with everything, and pretend that he truly was a Jared Padalecki. Now, they were on the road to who knows where, and Dean was hoping that wherever that was, would have some answers as to where his girl was in all of this. His musings were cut short by the driver addressing he, and his brother.

"Where about do you want me to drop you off?" He questioned.

Dean and Sam looked at each other, neither knowing how the hell to answer the guy.

"Jensen?" The driver asked, looking at Dean through the rearview mirror.

"Me. Yes, um, I'll just, uh, tag along with Jared here." Dean tripped over every word.

"Since when are you guys talking?" The driver seemed surprised, and Dean couldn't figure out what that could mean. He and his brother never seemed to stop talking half the time.

Luckily for Dean, Sam spoke up. "Yeah, uh, you know what Clint…" His sentence trailed off when he was corrected by the driver.

"Uh, Cliff." He reminded the younger Winchester.

"Yeah, of course, Cliff, obviously." Sam corrected himself, embarrassed for having forgotten the guy's name. "Um, so, uh, I think we're going to go back to my place and do some..."

"Work on our acting." Dean supplied, when Sam couldn't seem to figure out how to end his sentence.

"Yep." Sam agreed.

"For our characters, for the show." Dean continued.

"All right." The driver said, shooting them a genuinely happy smile.

"Where the hell are we anyway?" Dean asked, looking around at the unfamiliar scenery. Just then, he saw through the front wind shield, a sign saying 'Welcome to Vancouver," with the Canadian maple leaf on it. Cliff didn't need to answer verbally now. "Dude, we're not even in America." The elder Winchester whispered to the younger. Sam just gave him a look that said 'oh boy.' Dean just wanted to be home even more now.

About ten more minutes of driving later, Cliff pulled the car into a circular driveway, that led up to a mansion, for lack of a better term for the structure. "Here you are Jared, home sweet home." The driver quipped. "I'll be back here to pick you up around 6 in the morning, call time for you both is 7."

"Uh, okay sure thing." Sam replied.

They exited the car, and watched as it pulled away. Once Cliff had turned the corner, they made their way up the steps, through the glass and wood double doors, into a lavish foyer.

"Nice modest digs, Jay-Z." Dean quipped, looking around at the lavishness of everything he could see.

"Wow." Sam was in awe as they walked from the foyer, into what looked like a giant living space. "I must be the star of this thing." He mused out loud.

Dean scoffed. "Yeah, right." His response heavy with sarcasm. Looking to his left, his eyes landed on an interesting looking contraption in a corner. "Check it out." He said bringing Sam's attention to it.

"Wh-what am I? Dracula?" Sam asked, confused. His face conveying the fear he was experiencing at whatever the machinery might be.

Dean opened it to reveal two concave surfaces with UV bulbs inside. "George Hamilton, Dracula." He replied to Sam, with a slightly condescending smile. "Oh, now we're talking." His attention yanked from the discovery of the tanning bed, by the wooden liquor cabinet by a window, across from where he was standing.

Sam followed Dean further into the living space at a slow, measured pace. His eyes wide, as everything around him sunk further into his brain. He wasn't sure he could handle another shock at whatever his life was like as Jared Padalecki, instead of Sam Winchester. Hell, all he knew about it so far was that he was an actor, he had a giant house with a tanning bed inside, and apparently, he and his brother, who in this world, wasn't his brother, don't speak. He was so lost in thought, he missed a noise that drew Dean's attention away from the liquor cabinet.

"Dude, you have a camel in your back yard!" Dean informed Sam, having pulled back the curtain at the window to investigate the noise he'd heard while pouring a drink.

Sam looked confused, and then startled when a familiar female voice spoke up: "It's an alpaca, dumb ass."

Dean's eyes went wide with fear. "Ruby?"

This can't be good.

The woman sighed, walking away from a second-floor railing to stairs, where she came out in the foyer he and Sam had been in when they first arrived. "Ruby, right. Because that one never gets old." She replied to Dean, her tone completely annoyed. "How was work today hon?" She directed the soft question to Sam, before walking up to him to give him a kiss hello. Both boys were still terrified of seeing Ruby, but not Ruby.

Sensing something was off about the guys, Ruby, but not Ruby, sat on the arm of a nearby couch.

"Wait, you and Ruby?" Dean asked Sam, trying to piece together whatever was going on in this world.

"Do you honestly think that's funny, Jensen?" She asked Dean snippily.

Dean's brows came down slightly as he thought. "Right, because you're not Ruby." He mused. "You, I mean, how could you be? You, of course, you're the lovely actress who plays Ruby." Dean gave a slightly nervous laugh, and kept speculating. "And you, are uh, in Jared's house, because you two are, uh..." Suddenly his eyes landed on a silver picture frame on the fireplace mantle. "Married!" He exclaimed triumphantly. "You married fake Ruby?"

Sam turned to look at the picture Dean had gestured to with his hand. There was the proof. He married fake Ruby in this world. He turned to Dean, his face confused and terrified all over again. So now, in this world, his brother isn't his brother, they're actors, they don't talk, and now he's married to fake Ruby, not to mention the giant house he and fake Ruby live in.

"What are you doing?" Fake Ruby asked the guys, really confused as to why they were acting weird.

"Work." Sam said quickly.

"Yeah, just uh, thought I'd pop in and say hey. Hey, and-and maybe run some lines..." Dean supplied.

"You've never even been to our house." Fake Ruby replied, more suspicious now than confused.

Once the shock of fake Ruby's announcement that Dean had never been in Sam's house, Dean replied: "Well, now that I know there's an alpaca out back, I'm definitely coming back."

Rolling her eyes, fake Ruby informed Dean: "Well, alpaca's are the greenest animal."

"Right." Dean nodded, hoping he looked like he already knew that. "That is so important."

"Well, there's that thing I have to get to." Ruby said standing. Both men just looked at her not knowing how to act anymore.

"Oh yeah, of course, yeah, the thing." Sam stumbled, pretending he knew what was going on.

"The International Otter Adoption charity dinner." Fake Ruby reminded Sam gently.

"Oh." Sam replied. He had no better response.

"Okay, well..." Fake Ruby's sentence trailed off as she kissed Sam goodbye. Dean averted his eyes. "Well, I'm glad you two are talking anyway." She said once she broke out of the kiss before walking away.

Both brothers admired fake Ruby as she walked away in her tight, little black dress, and black heels. Dean may have been secretly head over heels for Hermione for months, but he could still appreciate a good-looking woman.

"Well, looks like you did all right." Dean complimented his brother.

"Yeah." Sam agreed with a laugh. "I should figure out her name."

Dean gave Sam an amused look. It wasn't every day you find out your younger brother, in an alternate reality, has a wife who wasn't a demon, and didn't know her name. Turning, both brothers decided to explore a bit while fake Ruby wasn't around. They were like kids in a candy store, playing with random things, oohing and ahhing over the lavishness of it all. Dean had ribbed Sam whenever they would come across blown up pictures of the younger Winchester. The pictures were obviously staged, and total glamour shots, which made it all the more funny to Dean.

The exploration came to an end at the discovery of a room that they assumed was an office. On one wall, there was a giant, black and white photo of Sam, dressed as a cowboy, sitting on the back of a horse, that was hanging behind a desk with a giant computer monitor sitting on its surface. Kiddie corner to that, was a poker table set up with the requisite cards and chips. There was also a funky looking leather couch, and matching chairs.

Taking the rare opportunity, they played a couple of hands of poker. Dean and Sam both won a game each, before going to work on finding the ingredients to work the go home spell. Sam took up researching on the mega desktop computer, while Dean used a laptop they'd found somewhere in their exploration of the mansion.

"Wrist bone of saint, and holy reliquary, museum quality, from a diocese somewhere in Mexico." Sam commented, after nearly an hour of intense research. "Looks legit."

"All right, auction house is in Mexico City, we can be there day after tomorrow. We case it, yank it, be back here by the end of the week." Dean replied. He wasn't overly thrilled about the amount of time it would take, but if that's how he got home, either back to his girl, or with his girl, this is how he would do it.

"Or, we could just buy it." Sam said hesitantly.

"What?" Dean questioned. "Dude, that thing is over a hundred thou- "Dean's protest stopped short when Sam held up a high-end credit card. "Hello, Jared Padalecki."

The brothers laughed before digging out credit cards to buy what they needed off the internet. At some point, Sam ended up on the phone with someone about the wrist bone of a saint, while Dean was able to do everything he needed to do, without needing to call anyone. Over and over, he typed in various card numbers, maxing out card, after card to purchase everything. It kept his mind off of worrying about Hermione for a moment, though that was all he'd done while needing to deal with this crazy alternate universe. Sam wrapped up his phone call just as Dean was finishing the last of his internet transactions.

"Wow, they said it should be at the airport first thing in the morning." Sam informed Dean happily. They shared a laugh as Dean ran the last credit card.

"Money, man, there is nothing like it." Dean muttered.

Sam couldn't help but agree. Suddenly, he realized they'd been discovering all of these things about his alternate universe life, that as a brother, he'd failed to gauge how Dean was faring without Hermione.

"How are you doing with all of this Dean?" Sam asked suddenly.

"What do you mean?" Dean asked, somewhat annoyed at Sam's prying.

"I mean, how are you holding up? Don't think I haven't noticed that you've asked almost everyone we've come across about Hermione." Sam observed cautiously.

"Either she's here, or she's vulnerable. In either case, I need to figure it out." Dean replied defensively. There was no way he was going to reveal much more.

"So, you're worried about her." Sam prodded a little more.

"She's pregnant, Sam." Dean's tone was more of a warning to back off.

"I think it's more than that." Sam was now studying his older brother. Dean was being his usual defensive self, not willing to voice his worries or feelings, but Sam could usually tell when there was something going on with him.

"Sam, drop it." Dean growled. He was tired of Sam's desire to prod information out of him. Spotting the funky looking couch out of the corner of his eye, he executed a strategy to get him out of talking. "All right, couch, TV star, beauty rest."

With that, he flipped himself over the back of the couch, landing there. He immediately closed his eyes, and with the vision of a smiling, pregnant Hermione, he fell asleep.