Fraternity
"A trainee priest?" Sidney asked in clarification, this was likely the worst thing Father Brown could have asked of him. "I've been to mass once in 15 years."
"Even then you probably never stayed through the whole thing." Elise added from Sidney's left. Lady Felicia shook her head with a smile at the two.
"Perhaps it does require a certain leap of faith." Father Brown commented wistfully.
Mrs McCarthy was scandalised by the Father's request, "the man is practically a heathen."
"Hey, there's no need for that!" Sidney cried, highly offended.
"There's every need, Sid." Elise laughed. "You drink and you smoke and you do everything in between." Sidney didn't respond to that, choosing instead to just scowl at the young woman.
"For once, I agree with Mrs M." Lady Felicia added in, one more person against Sidney's behaviour. Elise will admit, he's incredibly loyal but in no shape or form, a good candidate for Priesthood.
"He'd need to remember his catechism." Mrs McCarthy reminded the Father.
Lady Felicia listed another thing Sidney would have to remember in order for the guise to work, "mass prayers."
"And the order of responses." Mrs McCarthy finished.
"I could think of one now, if I weren't in polite company." Sidney sarcastically mentioned. Elise rubbed his shoulder in sympathy, unable to find no reason not to find this entire thing hilarious.
Lady Felicia continued, "a priest must hold himself in a certain manner. Modest and dignified."
Mrs McCarthy nodded in full agreement, "and has a vow of celibacy." She mentioned. Sidney did not like that comment, if his look towards Elise was any indication.
"I need help, of course." Father Brown finally commented. He had remained silent since he had first asked Sidney for his help.
"I am no help at all, Father." Elise was quick to remove herself from the picture. "I've never even been inside a church, let alone practised any of the teachings."
"I know by basic tenets." Lady Felicia offered.
Though Mrs McCarthy was quick to argue that, "even though you don't always act on them?"
Father Brown had no choice but to admit, "perhaps this is a bad idea."
"It's a shame about that." Elise said, leaning back in her chair, "fairly sure Sidney would have made a good priest. For all of 5 minutes."
"Not your finest hour, Father." Sidney comforted.
"Given the material we have to work with." Father Brown added.
"The good Lord himself would be put to the pin of his collar." Mrs McCarthy said as she began removing the cookies from the tray and putting them onto a plate.
"You don't think I can do it!" Sidney laughed as he looked at Father Brown, though, he did include Elise into that comment as he turned to her as well. She had shaken her head at him when he turned to face her, a grin on her lips.
Father Brown neither denied nor confirmed that statement as he stood up, "we'll have to leave it to the Kembleford Police."
"No, no, Sid Carter never ducks a challenge." Sidney declared as he hit the table with the palms of his hands and stood up next to Father Brown.
"This is going to be such a good show." Elise chuckled to Lady Felicia, before looking up at Sidney, "I hope you know that there is a chance you can be arrested for impersonating a priest?"
"All the more fun." Sidney said, keen to prove to the Father and his girlfriend that he can be a priest. He just chooses not to. "Five shillings says I can pull it off." Sidney bet Father Brown.
"Oh bravo!" Lady Felicia cheered. Elise was unable to say anything, too busy giggling.
"Done." Father Brown agreed, clasping hands with Sidney.
"A few Hail Mary's, how hard can it be?" Sidney joked. "Oh, hello." Sid found the cookies. Quickly pinching one before Mrs McCarthy could stop him, grabbed Elise's hand and together they left.
~ Fraternity ~
Elise couldn't believe her eyes when she walked into the kitchen of the Presbytery. "Sidney? Are you feeling ill?" Sidney Carter was willingly standing in one of Father Brown's black cassock. Mrs McCarthy had done a marvellous job resizing it. He had his clasped in front of him, a pair of glasses on his nose and his hair straightened.
"Our very own Father Brown converted the inconvertible Sidney Carter into the light of God?" Elise laughed as she took a seat to watch the spectacle. "I'm glad I arrived when I did, wouldn't miss this for anything."
Sidney couldn't look away from his girlfriend since she had arrived, "I'm beginning to regret this." Was all the comment he gave.
"Ah yes, celibacy. Good luck with that one, Sid." Elise chuckled.
"And as for that hand-me-down cassock." Lady Felicia commented.
"It was the best I could do under trying circumstances." Was Mrs McCarthy's explanation. Sidney had looked down at his new clothes, silently asking what was wrong. Elise still found it funny. "The Father has filled out in recent years."
"I'm never going to pull this off." Sidney said, his shoulders slumping as he resumed his natural behaviour. Discouraged that he would fail Father Brown.
However, Lady Felicia was quick to correct him. "Don't slouch, Sidney, it really isn't priestly."
The sound of a door opening and closing announced Father Brown's arrival. "Good you are here." He said as he walked into the kitchen.
Sidney immediately donned the persona of a Priest once more, to surprise the Father. "I trust your rounds were fortuitously blessed?" Elise descended into hysterics once more. Sidney Carter, Priest in Training.
"Don't think the glasses are too much?" Was Father Brown's response, not outwardly any emotion. Together the two of them turned to face the women in the room.
"I think they make him look cerebral." Lady Felicia replied.
"I've spoken to Father Palfreyman," Father Brown continued, "he is expecting his new arrival tonight."
"Heaven help us all." Mrs McCarthy prayed for everyone.
"It will take a miracle." Lady Felicia agreed.
"God, our Father," Sidney began to say, silencing the room, all crossing themselves in prayer, "please send us Holy Priests, all for the sacred and Eucharistic Heart of Jesus, all for the sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary in union with Saint Joseph."
Mrs McCarthy and Lady Felicia were so impressed that simultaneously said, "amen."
"By Jove," Father Brown was also impressed, clapping Sidney on his shoulder in praise, "I think he's ready."
"I miss him already." Elise joked, pleased that Sidney smiled at her for it. "I am just a little disappointed I won't be receiving my usual farewell kiss from you Sidney."
"What?"
"You took a vow of celibacy, remember? When you made that bet?" Elise clarified. She rose to her feet to head towards the door. "Means you are not allowed any romantic attachments. Means you'll be sleeping all on your own now, Sid."
Sidney went to chase after his girlfriend but Father Brown grabbed his arm in silent reminder of his time as a Priest, allowing Elise to leave the Presbytery.
~ Fraternity ~
"Please tell me I can say it, Sid?"
"No, Elise."
She grabbed his hand tightly and looked at him with her biggest eyes possible, "please?" She asked in a whisper.
Sidney struggled to say no, to turn away from his girlfriend and leave the police station and not look back. But the longer Sidney kept looking at her, the less he was able to deny her. "Oh fine." He relented. "But just this once."
"I told you so!" Elise exclaimed, laughing. "I told you impersonating a priest was likely going to get you arrested."
Father Brown was standing outside with Sidney and Elise. "Four hours in a police cell." Sidney said as he lit a cigarette and wrapped his arm around the young woman's waist. "They have not heard the last of this." He said to the Father.
"At least he didn't charge you." Father Brown said sympathetically.
"I cannot wait to get out of this cassock. I don't know how you can ride a bike in these things." Sidney complained as he pulled at the white collar.
"For the collection, Father." A lovely, elderly lady said as she walked up to Father Brown and Sidney.
"Most generous, madam. Go with God." Charmed Sidney as he accepted the money. "Red Lion. She's buying. Things are looking up." Sidney added with joy as he realised how much money the lady had given.
"And there I was hoping for a Damascene conversion."
"You'd be lucky."
"That belongs to the church, Sidney!"
"I won't tell if you won't."
"No, of course you won't Sidney." Elise chimed, stepping in between the two men. Snatching the 10 shillings out of Sidney's hand before he even realised what was happening and quickly passing it to Father Brown who kept a tight hold of it to put to the collection for the church as per the Lady's request. "Go Father! Before he tries to take it back!"