Okay okay, I know this chapter isn't on a regular update day. But I got it finished yesterday and I really wanted to post it and I hope you don't mind. ^^
For those of you who didn't review last chapter, a bit of a life update (for those of you who did, I probably included this in the review reply). Apologies for not getting this chapter finished earlier! I unfortunately suffered a temporary bout of MVS (Motivation-Vacuum Syndrome, in which motivation is sucked away as though by a vacuum) and was unable to write for a little while. Fortunately, though, I started getting into a bit of a writing rhythm where I tell myself to write every single evening, whether I really want to or not, whether it's only a couple hundred words or over a thousand. It's really helped with getting this chapter finished, hence it's ready to post now instead of this Saturday.
Oh, and since I doubt I'll have the next chapter finished by this weekend, I thought I'd let you know my birthday's coming up Wednesday after next, in about a week. Soon I'll be an old child. Bit of a scary thought I guess, but I mean I'm also kind of sick of being my current age. It'll be a nice change.
Anyway, I won't take up any more of your time. Onward to the actual chapter!
Voices burst out around me at once.
"Emil, gone?"
"I bet he's wandered off again."
"Don't be rude!"
"Well, what else could've happened?"
Kahuna paced to the front of the cavern, her voice rising above all the rest. "Are you sure? Tell me exactly what happened."
Phantom took another deep breath. "I was hunting," he began, "and Emil was too, nearby. We were burying our prey in the same clearing. I saw the sun setting and went to go find Emil, thinking we could head back together. I wandered around for ages, calling his name, but he never replied. Then I thought he'd gone back to the cavern on his own, so I went back to our clearing to see if he'd taken his prey, but it was still there."
Kahuna sucked in a gasp through her teeth, paused, then let it out in a slow, measured sigh. The cavern had gone deathly silent, all eyes focused on the two figures by the entrance. Not a single cat moved.
The guru muttered something to herself. Phantom's eyes widened just a smidge, but otherwise he made no reaction.
Silence fell once again. I glanced sideways at Cephas, in whose eyes shone a layer of wariness. Why is everyone so tense? I wondered. Emil's probably lost or something. But my mind didn't stop at just "lost." Instead, it wandered on ahead to other possibilities. Trapped under a rock… fallen off a cliff… captured…My stomach turned over. He could've been captured by the Rebellion. No wonder everyone looked so concerned.
Kahuna's head suddenly lifted, her spine stiff and regal like one of the leopards from Cephas's stories. Without another word, she lunged forward, whooshing past Phantom in a rush of air and vanishing through the exit tunnel.
I blinked. No speech? No organization of a search party? Nothing?
In the guru's absence, mutters broke out all across the cavern. Looking a bit lost in the absence of an authority figure, Phantom wandered over toward us. Surprised, I stared at him quizzically, wondering why he would suddenly come to me after ignoring my existence for such a long time. Instead of looking in my direction, however, he turned to Cephas.
"What… um… do you think we should do?" he asked, his speech much slower than usual.
Cephas grimaced, his eyes fixed unwaveringly on the tunnel's mouth. "Kahuna shouldn't have run off like that," he muttered.
"She, er, mentioned something about… about the Rebellion?" Phantom suggested tentatively.
"Did she, now?"
"Yeah. She just muttered, 'The Rebellion,' and took off."
"Hmm. Well, she'll probably go check the borders, then. But Emil could be anywhere. We don't know he was captured, after all; he could have just been injured somewhere."
"Or he could've gotten lost," I meowed, remembering the worn house cat collar around his neck. If he was also a recruit, there was a chance he didn't quite know his way around yet.
"Yes…" Cephas tore his gaze away from the entrance and scanned the cavern. Padding quickly forward, he called, "We need a search party! Simon, you're Emil's main trainer; you lead it. Avalon, your tracking abilities are needed. Saffron, you go too, you can call for him. And Caspian, in case he's trapped under a heavy rock or something. Got it?"
The four cats hurried to stand before Cephas. Simon stepped to the front and asked, "Where should we look first? The peak?"
"Yes, perfect. Work your way out from there, making sure to cover all the landmarks and the danger zones."
After giving his brother a swift nod, Simon turned to his group. "All of you, no wandering off. Let me know if you see anything odd. Noses to the ground. Ears pricked. Understand?"
He didn't wait to see the three dip their heads in assent, but took off immediately with long, purposeful strides, his tail in the air and his ears pressed forward. The rest of the patrol followed, all with similar postures. Simon, who knew Emil best. Avalon, with her powerful sense of smell. Saffron, the loudest cat in the tribe. Caspian, the strongest. Watching them, I realized what they were missing; a cat with a better-than-normal hearing ability. Rowanpaw should be on that patrol.
As soon as the last member of the search party disappeared, Cephas seemed to deflate, losing his temporary aura of leadership. Lowering himself weakly into a crouch, he stared at the entrance as though already waiting for them to return with news.
Since I didn't believe the patrol capable of super-speed, I let my attention wander away from Cephas and his nervous vigil and suddenly realized Phantom and I were alone by the prey-pile. My stomach contracted a little from nerves, remembering our last "conversation."
How could he think I'm not good enough to be a spy, I silently demanded of the air. Why would he think that after only one mistake? And it wasn't even a mistake, really! We didn't get caught, did we? What's his deal?
Well, obviously his deal must be that he overreacted, and he knew it. He was just too proud to acknowledge that I was right, that perhaps, perhaps he might be wrong, for once. Maybe I actually was good at spying. Maybe I was actually better than him! Oh, the horror! I snorted softly to myself, the ghost of an eye roll passing through my expression. When I realized I'd snuffled louder than I'd meant to, so that Phantom had probably heard, I turned away, clenching my jaw in anticipation of his retort.
It never came. The silence stretched on and on, just as it had when Kahuna was here, only this time it was different. This time, I felt the tension start to form in the air, like snow piling up between us. Maybe if I just let it keep building and building up, it would make him disappear completely. Then, at least, I wouldn't have to deal with him. Why did he even have to come here in the first place; why couldn't he have just wandered over to another part of the cavern? Why did he have to keep on sitting right there, less than a measly tail-length away from me? I was here first, after all! Why should I be the one to move? He should move, if he hated being near me so much!
The tension kept increasing, but instead of building a barrier between our bodies, it seemed to do the opposite. My peripheral vision seemed to sharpen, so that every single twitch of his whiskers and every shifted paw, every whisk of his tail across the gritty cavern floor entered my mind with unprecedented clarity. I let loose a sigh, starting to get annoyed at myself, too. Why did my attention have to focus solely on him? Why couldn't I look at my other tribemates? Maybe I could spy on Theola and report back to Caspian or something. But somehow, I couldn't focus on the rest of the camp, not with Phantom's tail twitching… twitching…twitching…
"Shut up!"
"Hm?"
"Why won't you just—just shut up? Stop it!"
"Stop what?"
"Stop that!"
"Hm?"
"That!"
This time, I didn't even get an answer, apart from a vague sort of hum, but I definitely wasn't about to accept that as a reply. (His tail was still twitching!) Casting my eyes skyward, I turned back toward Phantom with heavily exaggerated movements. "I said, 'That.' Didn't you hear me?"
Again, Phantom didn't pay any attention. Giving him a quick look-over, I noted his wide eyes, which gave him the appearance of being rather spooked; his mostly unsheathed claws, one of which appeared to be bleeding; and his dilated pupils. Despite my irritation, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of uncertainty. Should he still look that unsettled? Even after returning safely to the cavern and allowing time for his heartrate to slow again?
"What?" I asked, though in a much different tone than before.
Phantom glanced around at me through eyes like ice— distant and completely still—though not unfriendly. More… uneasy? Anxious? Unsure? His gaze seemed to transmit some of whatever his emotion was to me, and I felt an unsettled shutter slide down my back.
"What is it? Phantom?"
At the sound of his name, Phantom blinked. An improvement, perhaps?
"Phantom, what's wrong? What is it, Phantom? Phantom!"
"Uh…" The gray tabby breathed out in a sort of half-sigh. "Rae?"
"What is wrong?" I insisted, clearly separating each word. "Is there something you didn't tell Cephas? Something important?"
No reply.
"Phantom! Is there something wrong with Emil?"
"Emil," Phantom repeated. "He's gone. He might have been taken by the Rebellion. He could've wandered onto their territory."
"Yes, I know." I let out a heavy sigh; my annoyance was returning, surprisingly enough. "Why are you acting like this, Phantom? What's wrong with you?"
Finally, my questions seemed to have some effect. After hearing his name for what must've been the twentieth time, I saw a spurt of clarity enter the tom's eyes. He blinked hard, then again. His shrinking pupils focused on my face. For a third time, he blinked, then cast a quick glance around to check for eavesdroppers. My heart pounded; for a moment, I felt myself transported back to my first night here, when I really felt like a real spy. When being a real spy was exciting.
"Emil might have been captured by the Rebellion," Phantom repeated in a lower, more hurried tone, which sounded a lot more like his normal voice. My heart leaped; finally, we were getting somewhere! "My best guess is he got lost while hunting. He does it fairly often. No sense of direction at all. Normally it doesn't become an issue, but if he's wandered onto Rebellion territory, they could easily take him hostage. Even though he's only a trainee, the loss of a fighter would be a serious blow to the Avanti."
"So… good for us, right?" I breathed. The moment the words left my mouth, the past half moon came rushing back and I almost walloped myself on the head. He's going to refuse to speak to you again!I wailed mentally.Why would you say something like that here, where anyone could hear you?
"Perhaps. But then again, perhaps not." He looked for a moment like he was about to continue, then exhaled, his stream of words slowing from rapids into a the more relaxed flow of a wide river. "Maybe I'm just overthinking this, though, making up danger when there's none."
"Well, tell me anyway. So I can watch out for it, at least, if it is there."
Phantom glanced down toward his paws, then back up to my face. He didn't look worried or tense anymore, but instead… calm, maybe? Earnestness? There was definitely something rather intense in his gaze, but also something else, something quieter, gentler. He definitely seemed to be recovered from the initial shock of finding Emil missing.
"If Emil was captured, the tribe will be in a mode of high alert. They'll be extra suspicious of anything remotely connected to the Rebellion. We're lucky you arrived half a moon ago; by now they'll have adjusted to your presence and won't treat you with any suspicion. And they're just as likely to suspect me as anyone else, since I was never a member of the Rebellion. I'd just arrived and figured I'd just stay put, since that was easiest, yeah? Worked out for the best in the end, though, since I saw Nova's story to be true and decided to work for him as a spy." Again, Phantom let out a deep breath. "Yeah, now that I've actually said it, it doesn't seem like that much of a threat. Guess I got all worked up over nothing. Never mind." He loosed a soft giggle.
I stared at him, astonishment coursing through my veins. Not at his words, no, those had actually had the opposite effect. But that little laugh at the end? What was that? Never in a million seasons had I expected to hear Phantom giggle!
The dark gray tom's pupils seemed to have lost a little of their previous focus. They wandered around the cavern a little, flicking from rock to pebble to stalactite to rock, then back toward me. "Your fur's all weird and sparkly," he noted.
"Um, what?" I started to wonder if maybe Phantom didn't have as good of a hold over himself as I'd thought.
He nodded at my pelt. Glancing down, I realized the melting snow left over from my afternoon outside was reflecting the sun's fading light.
"Oh. That's just snow." Sitting down, I hastily rubbed a paw over my flanks, swiping off the worst of the wetness. I'd probably have to give myself a thorough wash later to remove every last bit of dampness, but this was good enough for now. "I was out with the kits today. They just turned four moons old, you know."
"I do like the kits," he said thoughtfully. "Of course, I haven't seen them recently, since I've sorta been avoiding you and you've sorta spent all your time with them."
He's been avoiding me? Like, on purpose? My heart sank.
Well, of course he has, I reasoned. What's up with you? You know he has! He doesn't want to talk to me because of that dumb mistake. He wants me back in the Rebellion where I belong. Ofcoursehe's been avoiding me.It was just something about hearing it spoken out loud, I supposed, that made it feel a little worse for some reason.
"Although I did think there were three kits. Where'd the other one go?"
I glanced around, alarm rising inside me. Sure enough, only two kits sat with full-moon eyes near the edge of the snow-pile: Fable and Lumi. In the center, a small hole indicated the recent burial of Felix, though the kit himself was nowhere to be seen.
Felix. Felix is missing, too. And something told me he hadn't gone back into the nursing cave.
Abandoning Phantom, I darted over to where the remaining two kits sat. "Where's Felix?" I asked urgently.
"What?" Fable twisted around, staring at the mound of snow. "He… uh…"
"He was supposed to be cleaning himself off?" I hadn't thought Lumi's eyes could get much bigger, but as I flicked my gaze onto her, I realized they had. "Um…"
Terror flooded my bones. "Cephas!" I called, bounding forward as fast as possible. "Cephas!"
"What is it, Rae?" Cephas looked startled at the sudden sound.
"It's Felix. He's gone missing, too."
If I'd thought I was scared, it was nothing to what pooled in the medic's expression. "Come with me," he ordered, his words spilling out like water from a flooded river. "Phantom! You too."
"But how could he have gotten out?" I asked, shooting a quick look at the entrance tunnel. Cephas's gaze hadn't wavered from that spot since the search party had left.
After half a heartbeat of silence, something between a groan and a curse escaped Cephas's lips. "The Sun Pool," he growled, staring darkly at the tunnel.
"The tunnel! Of course; he could have gotten out through there! Oh, but… wouldn't there be a guard?"
"I thought I noticed someone slip back into the main cavern." Phantom nodded toward the tunnel in question as he appeared at Cephas's side. One glance at his expression told me he seemed fairly normal again. I hoped this time it would last.
"Are you serious?" Cephas glowered around the cavern, as though he could pick out the guilty cat just by looking at them.
"I, uh, was pretty loud I guess," Phantom admitted. "I guess the guard wanted to see what was up."
"So Felix could have gotten out," I asked urgently, trying to get their attentions back on what was obviously the main issue. "We have to find him."
Cephas nodded jerkily. Glancing around, he nodded to a cat partway across the cavern. Turning, I recognized the familiar gray-and-white rosette pattern. "Peter, you look after Fable and Lumi. We're going to find Felix."
Without waiting to see if his brother had agreed to the job, he swept his tail around in a "Follow Me" gesture and started across the cavern. Phantom and I fell in behind.
As soon as we entered the darkened pathway, I knew our suspicions must be true; amongst the woven nest of scents from the day's guards, I smelled the milk-lined scent of a kit. Felix.
Cephas kept up a swift pace, almost a bound, even in the darkness of the tunnel, so fast I almost ran into the wall several times, saved just in time by the brush of stone against my whiskers or ears, even once by the pain of a stubbed paw. Wincing, I hopped out into the dim light of the Sun Pool cave to find Cephas and Phantom already at the exit. Not wanting to be left behind, I forced myself to ignore the continued throbbing and bounded forward to join them.
The medic's green irises skidded back and forth across the snowy terrain, lumpy with concealed forest debris and prey burrows. I knew what he must be looking for, but, turning my eyes to follow the path of his, I couldn't spot any kitten pawprints. The fresh snow spiraling through the air, though rather thin, must have been enough to cover his tracks. Or, of course, Felix had learned to fly. Or he hadn't come this way.
I shook my head. No, he had come through here; there was no other way he could've gotten out, plus I'd smelled kitten-scent in the tunnel. Either he was hiding in the cave here or the snow had kindly filled in his tracks. And, knowing his adventurous spirit, I was pretty sure which option he'd chosen.
"Well, no sense in standing here any longer than we need to," I meowed, taking a half step forward in the hope it would jolt Cephas into action. It was cold and snowy and the sun was setting fast; this was no place for a fuzzy-furred kit. We had to get moving and find him.
To my disappointment, though, Cephas appeared not to have heard me. Instead, his eyes flickered still faster over the drifts, widening with what I quickly realized was panic. "But… which way do we go?" Cephas whispered. "What if we go in the wrong direction? What if we go one way but he went in another? What if he… what if he freezes, and—and we're not—we're not—"
"Cephas! Pull yourself together!" Phantom had stepped forward, his head held high and his eyes sharp. For a heartbeat, I saw him how I had when I first met him, when I'd still been in awe of him. The leader in Phantom had reappeared, at least for now. "Listen to me," the tabby tom continued. "If we go the wrong way, we'll backtrack and start in another direction. The only sure way to leave Felix stranded is to never leave this cave. Understand? We have to start somewhere."
Cephas nodded, albeit a little vacantly, and heaved a deep breath. By the time his pupils refocused on the snowy forest before us, an expression of determination had taken root on his face. "Okay," he muttered, then again, louder. "Okay. Let's go."
He struck out into the snow, his chest carving a shallow path through the drifts. Phantom followed immediately after him, leaving me to take the rear again. Together, we headed straight across the narrow strip of bare grass and into the clearer forest beyond.
A tiny, hopeful idea blossomed in my chest as I shook my white paws free of the equally white lumps of snow; perhaps here, where the closely growing trees blocked much of the snow from reaching the ground, we would be able to pick up Felix's scent easier. However, as I swept my muzzle back and forth across our path, that thought quickly shriveled. I couldn't smell any trace of him. And, judging from the growing worry upon Cephas's face, he couldn't find anything either.
A chilly breeze started the trees into a somewhat foreboding song of creaking. I braced myself against the coming cold, shivering as it slammed into my flank. But I knew I had to press through. Felix was counting on us. The other patrol had no idea he was gone, so they wouldn't know to look for him. And, of course, with his white fur, he'd have a job of standing out in all this snow.
Don't think about that,I chided myself. Felix will be all right. We'll find him. Of course we'll find him. Cephas would stop at nothing to save his kits. We'll stay out all night if we have to.
As that last thought crossed my mind, I felt a sinking feeling inside me. After all, it was getting colder, what with the sun dipping below the horizon and the light snow continuing to fall and the gradually strengthening wind. I'd really much prefer to be in my warm, mossy nest, licking the last of the snow off my tail, the entire tribe safe within the cavern's walls.
But I couldn't think of that now, not when Felix needed me. If I wanted the entire tribe back inside the cavern, I'd have to find that kit first. Right now, he was depending on us to find him and take him back to the safety of the camp. I had to focus on that.
Breaking into a quicker lope, I caught up with the two toms, staring around at our surroundings.
Admittedly, there wasn't much to see. What with the light disappearing at an alarming rate, swallowed up by the horizon like some ferocious beast, the forest had started looking fuzzy. It was almost as though the shadows had started dissipating through the air, determined to rule over the mountain in the sun's absence. I blinked several times, but couldn't stop it from spreading.
How were we going to find Felix like this? Why did that kit have to leave the cavern right before the sun went down on as a cold night as this?
Cephas led the way down a steep slope, his paws slipping on the snow. "Felix!" he called in his rough voice. "Felix, come out!"
"You're not in trouble!" I added with a half-glance at the medic. At least, for now. "We just want you safe and warm! You want to get warm again, right? Felix!"
The wind picked up again, sending a second shudder through my body. This time, though, I barely spared a heartbeat of self-pity before my thoughts turned once again to the little kit. He was probably huddled somewhere, cold, lost, and terrified. We had to find him, even if it meant staying out here all night. We just had to.
Our frigid search yielded nothing for the next hour or so. Finally, Phantom was able to persuade Cephas to backtrack and try a new direction. The Bengal tom kept begging for another tree-length, just another tree-length. Maybe his son was just over the next ridge. But, eventually, he conceded that Felix could easily have gone in another direction. After sending out one last, loud call, he followed us back to the Sun Pool's entrance and we struck out a new path into the forest.
Despite my almost painful hope that this time we'd find Felix, we didn't meet another cat until we'd almost turned back again, when I tripped down a short slope and almost slammed right into a cream tom.
"Rae? What are you doing?"
I lifted my head, blinking stars from my vision, and recognized Caspian. The other search party.
"Cephas? Is something wrong?" Simon stepped forward, gazing up the ridge to where his brother and Phantom had appeared.
For a moment, I couldn't help but wonder why we hadn't heard them coming. After all, Saffron was meant to be calling for Felix, wasn't she? But as I caught sight of her and Avalon, I realized why. Both of their heads were bent against the onslaught of wind, their pelts clumped with patches of icy snow, their ears and whiskers flat against their heads. They peered at me through bleary eyes, then up at Cephas and Phantom on the hill.
"Simon." Cephas picked his way down the slope, apparently preferring to remain on his paws instead of following in my clumsy wake. I hastily pushed myself to my paws and shook off as much of the snow as I could, heat pulsing through my face and neck despite the chill. "I see you haven't found Emil?"
"No, not yet. Is that why you left the cavern yourselves; to try and search for him?"
Cephas shook his head. "I wish we had," he muttered. Then, louder, he continued, "No. Unfortunately, another cat has gone missing. Felix found a way to sneak out of the cavern through the Sun Pool."
A quickly stifled gasp echoed through the silent air. I didn't have to turn around to realize it belonged to Avalon. Cephas sent her a brief, comforting glance before turning back to his brother. "Could you also look out for him, please? We searched all the way to the Standing Pines but couldn't find anything."
"And there was no scent trail? No trace of where he might have gone?" Avalon stepped forward breathlessly, her eyes suddenly wide, alert, the freezing temperature forgotten.
Cephas shook his head.
"Well." Simon tried to speak, but his voice faltered. "Well. I suppose… there's no sense in standing around here, is there? Not when there's another cat to be found." He took a deep breath. "I wish you luck, Cephas, in your search."
"And you." The medic briefly dipped his head to Simon, then padded quickly to Avalon's side, giving her a nuzzle. "Be strong," he murmured, "we'll find him."
"I hope so," she whispered back, leaning into his embrace.
In another moment, the patrols had separated again. After one final nod, Simon kinked his tail over his back and headed off into the trees, his steps heavy but determined. His three cats followed behind, while Phantom, Cephas, and I turned around to begin our long trek back toward the Sun Pool once more.
Cephas pushed us into trying three more directions before Phantom and I finally snapped. Hunkering down in the snow, I called out for Cephas to stop.
"What… what is it?" He turned, his bloodshot eyes struggling to focus on our forms.
"Cephas, we need to head b-back," I meowed, a violent shudder wracking my body.
He shook his head, eyebrows narrowing. "My son is still out here," he muttered hoarsely. "We've got to keep going. We've got to."
"Cephas, please!" I swallowed, my mouth rather dry from breathing the ice-like air for so long. My eyelids drooped, but I fought to keep them open. How many times had Cephas told me never to go to sleep if I was too cold? "Please, we'll freeze to death out here."
"Not before we find my Felix."
Phantom planted his paws, knees quaking from the cold. "I'm going back," he said.
"No. You have to keep going. We have to find him!" Cephas glanced over his shoulder again, a dying coal smoldering in his glare. I got the impression it was about all he could muster. It was certainly more than what I felt capable of at this point.
"No. I don't feel much like dying out here, thanks."
I glanced up at Phantom, a little confused at his immovability. Here he was defending my words. Why would he do that? After all, hadn't he just spent the last half moon avoiding me at all costs? What was different now?
Of course, he was probably just saving his own skin as much as mine. He was probably just as cold as me if not colder. Of course he'd want to go back to the cavern, whether or not I also wanted to.
"We've got to find him," Cephas muttered. "We've got to… got to find…"
"We're no use to Felix dead," I tried. "If we freeze out here, there'll be no one to find him."
"If we go back now, he won't make it through the night. We have to keep going."
"Maybe the other patrol already found him and brought him back to the cavern," Phantom suggested. "And that's why we can't find him now."
That made Cephas pause. For a moment, he didn't move or say a word. As the silence stretched on, I glanced over at Phantom. He didn't look once at me, but instead kept staring evenly at the medic. I quickly looked away again.
"Fine."
My heart leaped. Cephas slowly turned to face us, his head and tail hanging. He grimaced to himself, then looked up at us.
"Fine," he said again, "we'll go back to the cavern. We'll check and see if he's there, if Simon and the others found him. But if he's not there… I'm coming right back out again. I've got to find Felix. I've got to."
"Okay," I meowed, relief flooding from my chest to my tail. "Okay. It's a plan. Come on, let's head back."
Phantom took the lead this time, forging ahead back along our most recent path. I trailed behind a little, making sure Cephas really was following behind. But though he plodded along in the rear for the first time that night, I didn't have to worry; he never once fell more than half a tree-length behind, though he kept looking from side to side in case Felix had appeared along our path since we'd last passed through.
Finally, the entrance to the Sun Pool appeared out of the darkness, an almost entirely black crevice emerging from between the silhouettes of tree trunks. Breaking into a bound, Phantom hurtled ahead, diving into the cave and out of sight. I couldn't stop myself from doing the same, racing forward on numb paws to splay onto my belly on the warmed stone surrounding the steaming Pool. After the intensity of the cold outside, it felt about twenty times as hot as usual, and my muscles tensed reflexively from the burning pain against my legs and belly.
After a moment, when I'd regained enough feeling in my body to stand again, I shoved my whiskers as far forward as they would go and turned in a circle, trying to pinpoint Phantom's and Cephas's locations. Finally, as I caught a glimpse of a shadowy figure by the entrance and felt my tail brush past fur, I found them.
"Should we head back up into the cavern?" I suggested. "If the other patrol's returned yet, they'd probably be there."
"Yes." Behind me, I felt Phantom push himself to his paws, too. "Come, Cephas. Let's see if Felix is home safe again."
The three of us padded up the tunnel on heavy paws—or, at least, mine were heavy. Now that I could finally feel them again, I discovered how much of a toll the seven (or twenty or a hundred thousand) different paths had taken on me. Aching tiredness had soaked right through my skin and muscles, even filling the spaces between my joints and working its way into my bones. My eyelids drooped, although of course in the darkness of the tunnel I couldn't see anyway. I had to work extra hard, it seemed, to lift my feet high enough off the ground to clear any stray pebbles. My eyes almost closed entirely…
My whiskers detected a slight change in the air, a rushing of colder air. Blinking several times, I realized we'd reached the cavern.
Felix. My vision, suddenly sharp once more, skittered around the walls, trying to identify every single cat I could see by the faint light of the cloudy moon overhead. There was Peter, sitting a couple tail-lengths away from Fable and Lumi by the nursing tunnel. There was Theola, crouched in a corner, staring intensely at the main entrance. No one else disturbed the still silence.
The other patrol hadn't returned yet. Whether or not they'd found Felix, we didn't know. We'd just have to wait for them to get back or something, I supposed.
Cephas stumbled dazedly over toward his brother and kits. As he reached them, he tripped over what looked like his own paws, collapsing to the ground, his chin bumping against the hard floor. Though it looked like it probably hurt, he didn't react, instead lying limply by the wall like a squirrel from the prey-heap.
Peter and the kits looked shocked, the former's eyes widening and his mouth falling open. Part of me expected him to berate Cephas, perhaps for leaving him with the dull task of watching over his niece and nephew, perhaps for almost working himself until he collapsed, perhaps for returning without Kahuna. Instead, to my great surprise, he pressed his lips together, heaved a silent sigh, then bent down and started washing Cephas's frozen ears. With a quick flick of his tail, he instructed the kits to help out, too.
So it seemed Peter would sometimes abandon his pride. I supposed it would only be natural to look after his brothers, though, especially at such a time as this. It was a little odd, though, to see Peter refraining from his sarcastic badgering, instead quietly helping. It was as though an entirely different cat had appeared.
Phantom broke my fazed sort of concentration by plodding over to the nearest wall and settling himself to clean up his fur a little. Glancing around, I saw him working through a nasty tangle on his chest, pushing out a frozen lump of snow with his tongue. At almost the same moment, I realized I, also, carried what felt like half of all the snow on the entire mountain in my fur. Perhaps I should sit down and work through my fur, too.
For a heartbeat, I almost turned my steps in Phantom's direction, but then I stopped myself. One stressful night of searching wouldn't get him talking to me again, after all. Did I even want him to? No, I didn't. Why would I? I didn't need him to help me be a good spy. I could spy all on my own if I wanted to.
Maybe my tiredness was getting to me. Turning resolutely away, I padded toward a bare stretch of wall beside the medics' tunnel. The rock was icy against my already cold fur, but I didn't care. I'd be warm soon enough.
Slowly, I started to give myself a thorough grooming. Starting with my neck and chest, I moved down along my belly, pulling out every lump of ice I found. It was rather tedious work, and after I'd gotten what was hopefully most of the snow out of my fur, I relaxed back against the ground for a bit of a rest. After all, I'd just spent half the night traipsing all over the mountain after Cephas. I deserved a bit of a rest after that!
Without much to focus on, my wandering gaze somehow found its way back to the little group by the nursing tunnel. Fable and Lumi, still looking rather nervous at the continued absence of their brother, had begun rasping their little tongues over their father's paws. Peter had apparently finished with Cephas's ears and had now started on the top of his head, working his way down toward his neck. Cephas himself remained completely motionless on the ground, his eyes shut, overcome by his exhaustion.
I suddenly became overly aware of my solitude by this tunnel. Here, in the Avanti Tribe, I had no one to go to in a time like this. I might have become friends with Avalon, Cephas, and their kits, and even Caspian, but I wasn't the one any of them would automatically think to go to. I was more of a… secondary option, in case their family or crush wasn't in the mood to be with them.
Sitting here, all alone, watching as Peter looked after his breaking brother, I felt a sudden wave of homesickness. Rowanpaw's face flashed before me, every one of his features illuminated with startling clarity: his dark green eyes, exactly the same shade as my own, his single black whisker, the little whorl of fur just beside his left ear. I thought of all our adventures back in the city, when we'd go to visit the Enclave or went tumbling off buildings. Well, Rowanpaw never fell. That was always me. Rowanpaw was too sensible to get too close to the edge. Not like me.
A wail rose like a bubble inside me, threatening to burst out of my mouth and echo loudly around the entire cavern. Clamping my jaws together, I buried my muzzle in my paws. When I felt two dots of what felt like warm water on my toes, part of me didn't seem all that surprised.
I miss my brother,I thought.I miss Rowanpaw. I wish he was here now. I wish I could talk to him again. I wish I could just see him again, or feel his fur brushing mine. I wish I could tackle him and pin him to the ground like I always used to. I wish… I wish he was here with me, now. Then I wouldn't have to be alone.
For what felt like a long time after, I couldn't seem to pull myself together enough to even lift my head, much less start grooming myself again. My eyelids remained as heavy as ever, pressed against my slowly thawing forepaws. No more tears escaped them, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to fix my situation, curled against the cold wall, alone.
Finally, after I'd completely lost track of the time, my ears detected pawsteps echoing down the tunnel. The sound lent me enough strength to pull my head up, blinking around in anticipation of the search party's return. Maybe they have Felix with them. My heartrate quickened.
Out of the corners of my eyes, I noticed the other cats stiffen, awaiting the patrol's return about as eagerly as I did. Even Cephas pushed himself onto his elbows, staring blearily toward the cavern's main entrance.
Simon entered first, his pelt covered with snow, his eyes fixed on the ground. Behind him came Saffron, then Caspian, who supported a brown-and-white tom—Emil. At least he's safe, I thought, though it did virtually nothing to loosen the knot of worry still tied up around my ribcage, constricting every breath I took.
I caught a glimpse of a long-haired white pelt. My heart skipped ahead to the tempo of a woodpecker's beak as I searched her chest for a small, swinging bundle of fur. But as she plodded farther into the cavern and raised her wide face to the dim glow of moonlight, I realized she carried no kitten.
They hadn't found Felix either.
Across the cavern, Cephas let out a low moan. He tried to get to his paws, but Peter firmly pushed him back to the ground, muttering a few words. In the tribe's near-silence, I could just barely make out what he said. "Don't. You'll kill yourself if you go back out there."
It was true, I realized. Even though Felix hadn't yet been brought back to the camp, none of us were fit to go back out into the snow. It was probably colder than ever out there, and after spending half a long night awake, not a single cat would be fit to brave the elements, not even Peter or Theola. My heart sinking, I sent up a quick prayer for the tiny kit.
Avalon headed toward her mate and remaining kits, curling her body around them, her plumy tail drawing Fable and Lumi close to her belly. Saffron almost had enough energy left to trot toward her sister, transitioning to a walk about a dog-length before reaching her. After hesitating for a moment, Caspian followed.
Simon cast a longing glance in his brothers' direction, but after a heartbeat turned resolutely away, instead hauling himself onto a flattish rock sticking up from the ground.
"Cats of the Avanti Tribe." His voice was weak, yet still carried to every corner of the motionless cave. "Our tribemate, Felix, is still lost on the mountain. But don't lose hope yet. Remember, our noble guru, Kahuna, has not yet returned. Perhaps she will find him. Until then, we have to trust in the Yaksha Tribe to keep him safe until morning."
Simon dipped his head, then cautiously stepped off his platform and picked his way over toward Peter and Cephas.
Sensing the relative excitement was dissipating, I tucked my chin around toward my shoulder and began licking the melting snow out of my fur once again. Might as well finish my bath, I supposed.
As I was finishing up my tail, carefully working around where I thought the fracture should be, I again heard footsteps. Pricking my ears, I glanced hopefully toward the entrance. However, I quickly realized the soft thumps came not from the tunnel, but instead from Caspian. The ghost tabby tom had apparently finished speaking to Saffron and Theola (mainly Theola, probably). I shifted over a little to give him at least a faintly warm seat.
"Heya, Rae." Caspian took the spot beside me with a grateful, if rather small, grin. "How're you doing?"
"Oh, okay, I guess." I shrugged. "I'm worried about Felix, though I guess everyone probably is."
"Yeah. That poor little guy. I hope he's all right." Caspian shot a quick glance toward the entrance. "I saw you were part of that second search patrol. It doesn't look like you lost any toes out there to the cold. You warm enough?"
I nodded to my recently dried fur. "Yeah."
"Listen," Caspian blinked down at me sympathetically, "I know you probably want to wait up for Kahuna to get back, but honestly, there's not much you can do by staying here right now. I'd like you to go down to your nest and sleep for a bit, okay?"
"But I don't want to!" I shook my head pleadingly, though at his words I felt a sudden itchiness growing in my eyes. "I want to see Kahuna as soon as she gets back. I want to see if she's got Felix."
"It won't do for you to worry about him," Caspian reasoned. "Worrying won't help him. Getting a good night's sleep, or as much of one as you can salvage at this point, will. You'll be fully rested for tomorrow morning if we still haven't found him by then. You can search for the entire day tomorrow if you really want to. But right now you're exhausted, and so is the rest of the tribe. We all need to get some sleep."
"But—"
"Here, what if I promise to come wake you the moment Kahuna returns? Then you won't miss much of anything and you'd still get some rest."
My protests started to die away. As much as I hated the idea of potentially missing Felix's return, I couldn't deny that Caspian had a point. And, of course, Felix would probably be taken down into the medics' cave right away to get treated. Then I'd be able to see him as much as I wanted.
"But… what if you forget?" I protested half-heartedly.
"I won't forget. I promise." Caspian nosed my flank, forcing me to my paws. "Now come on, your nest's waiting for you. I bet it's nice and soft and warm, just waiting for a cold Avanti-in-training like you. Doesn't that sound nice?"
I nodded without really noticing what I was doing. Caspian rested his tail across my back, leading me forward into the darkness of the tunnel.
"Rae! Rae, wake up!"
I started awake, my head shooting up, ears tilted forward in the direction of the tunnel. I didn't realize I'd fallen asleep.
Caspian's scent filled my nostrils. "I heard her, Rae. Kahuna's back."
I scrambled to my paws at once, all exhaustion fleeing to the back of my mind in the wake of a stab of adrenaline. "Felix?" I asked urgently.
"I'm not sure. I came down here before she appeared."
At that moment, a loud cry echoed down the tunnel: "Felix!"
I stared wide-eyed in Caspian's direction, my breaths coming quick and uneven. In the almost non-existent light, I saw his muscles tighten in what was probably a mixture of excitement and shock. Or maybe that was just what I was feeling.
A moment later, the two of us were racing side-by-side up the dark tunnel, our paws fumbling over pebbles and shallow hollows, our gasps of icy air slamming into the backs of our throats, our eyes wide, straining to see the first glimpse of the cavern.
The entrance loomed before us and I felt my heart begin racing at about the same speed as a giant eagle. Skidding through, we came to a halt and stared around.
Almost at once, I spotted Kahuna with her regal head bowed, Peter beside her. Cephas and Avalon had moved toward the entrance and were clustered around a certain spot, Fable and Lumi crouched nearby. As I started forward, I began focusing in on their expressions, complete with glassy eyes and gaping mouths, and their hunched postures. Immediately, a dash of cold sank its claws into my stomach.
Something was wrong. I could feel it.
As I drew nearer, Lumi let out a little whimper, burying her face in her mother's fur. Holding my breath, I took a last step forward, looking over her shoulder.
Felix lay between his parents' paws, slumped in a huddle on the frigid stone, his snowy fur illuminated by the dawn light seeping in from overhead. His legs seemed a little twisted, as though not bending in exactly the right places. His whiskers were flattened and his eyes closed.
"I wish I could have gotten to him sooner. I did all I could, but it was already out of my paws."
I heard Kahuna's words as though through a barrier, like a pillar of ice—warbling and faraway. The world seemed to have faded away, its hold over me lessening every heartbeat I stood here staring at Felix's little form. I couldn't believe what my eyes, my ears were telling me. They must be lying, they must be. This couldn't be real.
Felix couldn't be… couldn't be…
Dead?
BUM BUM BUUUUUUMMMMM!
I'm so sorry. I didn't want to do it. But I had to.
The night I finished this chapter (which would be yesterday night, now I think of it), I actually finished writing all huddled up in my chair. I wasn't even that cold, just emotionally broken at what I'd just done. My poor little Felix... (I hope you don't hate me too much)
After that depressing ending, I suppose I'll proceed with only one QOTD to keep you from excess mental strain, even though it's entirely unrelated.
QOTD: I'm starting up horseback riding lessons again for the first time since I was in like third grade. Do you like horses? Ever had lessons?
AOTD: I'm excited. ^^ Also this is a completely terrible way to end a chapter like this. I'm sorry, I couldn't think of anything better. Feel free to completely ignore this if you so desire.