Note: This chapter is in memory of Carrie Fisher and her mother Debbie Reynolds. RIP.
Iago starts off the chapter by taking off his Darth Vader helmet with cutout Mickey Mouse ears, "So you've guessed you heard by now, George Lucas decided to finally sell off the Star Wars franchise, and sold off his whole studio, Lucasarts with it, for a billion dollars, TO THE HIGHEST FUCKING BIDDER. Oh, guess who bought it? Huh? You know who? Disney! Fucking Disney, of course you know! I'm a Disney character and I've got Mickey Mouse ears on my fucking Darth Vader helmet!"
Iago then explains the situation,
"Disney. My film Aladdin and Princess and the Frog, that fucking company! The people who bought...Pixar and then they make Wall-E! ...Cars 2: Electro Boogaloo! ...Nobody watches this shit. Nobody wants to see the shit. Fucking Disney... So yeah, I'm pissed, I've been pretty pissed all fucking day," he says as he angers something gibberish, trying the Darth Vader helmet with the Mickey Mouse ears away. "But then I've started thinking about it. Maybe it's not so bad. Because th- This maybe the best fucking thing George Lucas has ever done for the entire Star Wars franchise! The first best thing he done up till now, was let somebody else direct Empire Strikes Back! The worst fucking thing he ever do is make fucking Episodes 1-3! 1-3, what the fuck! And then re-release 'em, re-release 'em, re-release 'em, and so that's fucking done, I don't wanna watch 'em!"
The parrot also says some more opinions after hesitating,
"So maybe it's good if he's stepping away! Maybe it's good if you're retiring- 'Goodbye, Lucas, goodbye! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! ...GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!' Maybe it's not anybody's memory, anybody's memory, even Disney! Even- 'Hoo-hoo, Mickey Mouse! Hoo-hoo, hey Goofy!' 'Of course!' ...Fucking weird voices on your characters? 'Hoo-hoo, of course, Mickey!' Goofy, please!"
The red bird then exclaims another potential idea for Star Wars and Disney,
"What are they gonna do, turn fucking Princess Leia into a Disney Princess, is that the bullshit we have to look FORWARD TO?! What kind of Disney Princess is that?! She wanted to have sex with her own BROTHER! You think I've noticed that?"
He then cuts to the chase for the seventh movie idea, which it already came out,
"They're gonna make a seventh movie. How do you make a seventh movie without Harrison Ford?! How do you make a seventh movie without Luke?! Mark fucking Hamill, Carrie fucking Fisher, have you seen Carrie Fisher, she looks like a MESS IN IT! ...Mark Hamill sounds like the fucking Joker, it's the best role he ever had!", he says before he makes another rant gibberishly, yelling, "Harrison Ford looks like he knows how to sing in an old folk's home! HOW CAN HE BE HAN FUCKING SOLO?! Chewbacca's gone bald, how can they make a seventh fucking movie!"
Iago calms down a bit and sighs,
"Four billion dollars. You know what I can do with that fucking money; for people on Youtube, to make fan videos for like a five hundred bucks! Four billion dollars, fuck! Give me some of that money, I- Money I can whip up some fucking gold. Cause I'll tell you something, I'll tell you something- George Lucas, if George Lucas had to make movie number seven, here's one that would've been! It would've been filmed with George Lucas- Ah, opening credits...says Episode 7 flows by...we cut in fade from black, George Lucas is sitting in a porcelain toilet in a solid white room, in front of a solid white wall...and he starts...", Iago explains, making grunting sounds like in the bathroom, continuing, "And then he takes the world's nastiest big hunk of shit, right in the toilet...then he reaches it and he grabs it...he grabs it by the hand and he starts writing on the wall! Episode...7! And he flips you off with his shit-covered hands! Anything's better than that."
The parrot then starts his concluding rant,
"Where's Force Unleashed III- 4- 2- I don't fucking even know! They gotta make video games, stop making this bullshit, Disney! I want my fucking I-"
He then finally calms down after overwhelming rage and rant, sighing whilst still a bit angry,
"Fucking Disney...!"