NOTE: This is the first chapter of half 2.
Iago starts off, "This is a message going out to the people who work for the...delivery services here in America. United States Post Office, FEDEX and UPS...I know you know what I am, because I get all my shit delivered, I talk to you guys at the door all the time, okay? Because I get my bird feathers online. That's right; I get my bird red feathers at a bird people store! My bird red feathers at a bird people store! Heh heh! It's so fucking funny, it's so fucking funny! You make fun of me, that's what you fucking do. You deliver my fucking- "Oh, look! Another tit, Iago! You got another tit in the mail!" Fuck you."
Iago began his opinion by first going off with USPS,
"USPS. Could you be any slower? Uh, you think maybe, maybe if you hired some snails, if you glued your shit- Expected delivery day, Thursday! Friday! Monday! Tuesday! Fuck it- Sometime before the end of the world, WHICH WAS SUPPOSED TO END IN 2012, ANY FUCKING WAY! ...Yeah, I know it costs like 40 cents to mail a letter, okay? And it's great, because it's affordable, I get that."
He then snaps his temper, switching to his opinion towards FedEx;
"WHO THE FUCK IS MAILING LETTERS!? ...It was 2012, man! You got an email, I got a fucking email! And then they sent a message in the package, that does FedEx, UPS anybody else! ...It's not like you guys are off the fucking hook. Fucking Fedex, fucking Fedex! How do you know the exact moment I put my headphones on before you ring the fucking doorbell? How do you know where I finally sit down and take a shit!? How do you know where I finally lay down for a nap; how do you fucking know?! I don't go out sometimes, I'm here, how is there ever a doortag right on my front door?!"
The red parrot then said more about his opinion,
"Oh, I've seen you! I've fucking seen you! I put a camera up there, okay?! I've fucking seen you! You've got that doortag...filled out before you leave the fucking car! You got one...one...fucking...thing you're ringing the doorbell and in another fucking end, putting the goddamn thing on the fucking door! Stay for three fucking seconds, three fucking seconds, man! ...Fucking TRY to DELIVER IT! ...Or I'll start putting pictures of fucking...porn! And cats on the front fucking door! Maybe you'll see that fucking long enough!"
He then switches his opinion lastly to UPS,
"Fucking UPS. Go brown. Go brown... BROWN'S THE COLOUR OF SHIT! ..."Delivery's in the next five business days." What the fuck's a business day? It was 2012, man! Saturday, Sunday, I do fucking business, we all do fucking business! You should be doing FUCKING BUSINESS! ...You don't even offer Saturday delivery! And that's whenever somebody's fucking home, that's when you SHOULD BE DELIVERING!"
Iago then cuts to the chase of his problems with all three mail services;
"And look at this shit! I ordered- I ordered a fucking...hat from Cafepress, it comes with the bag ripped the fuck open, I tried to get a replacement, I tried to get a...lightsaber for my blue one, and it comes like THIS!", the parrot says, showing the ripped bag for his ordered hat from Cafepress, before showing the broken lightsaber piece that he was supposed to order for a blue Star Wars lightsaber replacement. "IT COMES FUCKING BROKEN LIKE THIS! It's not even connected to the fucking hell!", he ranted, slamming the broken long piece of the ordered lightsaber on his desk.
After, the parrot rants, beginning to mess the broken lightsaber piece up,
"You wanna see fucking something broken? You guys wanna see fucking broken?!", he says as he messes the lightsaber broken piece around, "THERE YOU GO! UPS, USPS, FED-FUCKING...EX!", he concludes his sentence, throwing the broken lightsaber piece on the ground. "...Finish your job!"
He then reaches his ranting conclusion, "I ordered my Wii U- I preordered it three months in advance, I got it a week fucking late, I ordered Far Cry fucking 3! ...with one more dry call...! I PAID FOR IT STRAIGHT 48 HOURS FUCKING EARLIER!-!-! Do your fucking job! Do your fucking job! Do your fucking job! I want my packages, I WANT MY FUCKING PACKAGES, I WANT MY FUCKING PACKAGEEEEEEEEEEES!"
However, 10 minutes later after calming down from his last rant, he hears a doorbell, then a couple minutes later, he comes with a big box sent to him finally, which is the preordered Wii U, which he began to be happy for after this rant.