Hey guys, chapter 16's ready!
Iris' P.O.V on what's happened in her fear landscape!
Thanks again for reading, you're the best!
ANNOUNCEMENT: I'm looking for a beta reader and writer! Should you want to be, please PM me! I'm hoping for a few messages :)
Disclaimer: I'll own Divergent when Tobias actually turns into Marcus.
Iris
I was sitting on a chair, in a room back in Abnegation. I looked around and immediately realised that I wasn't actually there. I wasn't physically there, because I was lying in a chair back in Dauntless. Right. The fact that I was aware of being in a simulation was not good. It was nothing new; Amar had already told me that he suspected me being Divergent, but knowing was more frightening than suspecting. I knew that I didn't belong in just one faction- even though Dauntless came quite close to the expectations of how I wanted to live- but I was more than Dauntless. And so were Tobias, Jenna and Tim. Rick was more than Dauntless as well, but thankfully, he wasn't Divergent like us. I wanted to stand up, but felt like I was glued to the chair. Oh no, no, please no…
I felt something tickle on my leg, something that crawled up to my thigh. More tickles followed, and because I knew what it was, it was as much a tickle as it was a nightmare. My body was COVERED in spiders! My heart was pounding like a drum set during a solo and I started screaming and moving my chair to get away, but I couldn't. I knew that it was a fear simulation, but I still hated the damn animals and the way they made me feel. I bit my lip hard and looked down. They crawled up my arms, and I tried to wave them so the spiders would fall off. I screamed and kicked, but nothing helped. 'This isn't real,' I said, clenching my fists. 'This is not real.' I took a deep breath and moved my chair to the side. Suddenly, the legs of the chair went off the ground and I fell on my side.
The feeling of crawling spiders went away and when I looked up, I found myself in a dark room. I stuck out my hands and felt the walls. They were quite close to me, causing my heart to start pounding again. I wrapped my arms around my now spiderless yet shaking body. I walked around, trying to find a door when… 'Krrr.' I heard a tearing sound, as the walls started moving. My breath started racing as I felt like there was no more air, I was going to die! I ran up to one of the walls, trying to push it back. 'No, don't squash me,' I called and pushed as hard as I could. No, no wait it wasn't going to flatten me like a pancake, it wasn't real. I stood still, closed my eyes and put my hands on the wall. All of a sudden, I felt the wall changing. What was happening? I tried to feel what happened, and my hands came in contact with a doorknob. A door! I had to get out, immediately. I opened the door quickly and ran outside into a bright light.
Then I found myself standing on a thin square, very, very high above the ground. My body trembled and almost caused me to fall off. I positioned my feet firmly and kept breathing. How could I get off, I NEEDED to get off… I looked around and saw that the square continued behind me. I could walk across a thin path to get to a building. I could climb down? I started walking, the thin path getting thinner. I tried to breathe in and out instead of ininoutinoutoutoutout-dying-INoutoutoutout-dyingagain. I experienced trouble concentrating on my breath, causing me to put my foot wrong and slipping off the path. I screamed loudly as I was able to grab the edge of the path and dangled… what was it, four kilometres above the ground? I looked down and kept screaming, hoping that somebody could get me down.
'AMAR!' I screamed. 'TOBIAS, JENNA, RICK, PLEASE HELP ME!' I yelled. I looked at my hands which were slowly slipping away and closed my eyes. 'This is not real. I'm not actually going to die,' I whispered, and let my hands slip. I kept my eyes closed and pulled my knees up to my chin during my fall. My body felt weightless, yet my stomach felt angry and I felt slightly nauseated by the idea that I was falling from a building. When would I be down?… when would I know when I had reached the- HOLY SHIT. I fell on the ground and felt a sudden pang of major pain before I was directed to my new fear. It felt like I broke all my bones! I opened my eyes quickly and drew in a shaky breath when I realised I found myself on the floor in my new fear.
I moved my hands around and felt grass intertwining with my fingers. Grass? I stood up and walked around. I was walking around in nature, this was not a fear of mine? 'Hello?' I asked, trying to figure out what I was doing there. Was it a sort of break from my fears? I could use it. I came across an open field, and immediately found out what was wrong. I saw black smoke rise, and the field burst out in flames. 'NO!' I called, and tried to run away from the flames. Fire… I was running hard, but the fire caught up with me quickly when.. I stumbled upon a branch of a tree and tripped. I rolled over the ground and tried to crawl away.
'No, no, no,' I cried when the flames came close. I crawled backwards and fell into a puddle of water. I had to do something with it, but what could I do?! THINK IRIS! There was no bucket around, nothing. I looked at the water and saw my face in the reflection. My reflection Iris was shaking her head, causing my heart to skip a beat. 'This is not real, I can do everything,' I said and put my right hand into the puddle and raised my left hand towards the nearing flames. My left hand started spewing water, I used myself as a pump. The flames went down because of the water, and when every single flame was spewed down, I took a few deep breaths to calm my beating heart, and I fell back into the water, causing me to fall through.
I was standing in a room. It was slightly dark, but I could still see enough. 'Iris,' I heard a voice say. I turned around immediately, recognizing the voice. It was Tobias. He was standing there in his black clothes, looking handsome as always. His eyes looked worried though, what was going on? 'Tobi,' I said, sighing relieved and I ran up to him. When I wanted to hug him, I bumped into glass and fell on the ground. I immediately jumped up and started pounding on the glass to get it to break. He was pounding on it as well, when I noticed that he was standing in a glass box. He looked scared and I tried to throw my shoulder against the glass but it was too thick. All of a sudden I heard a sound… water? My heart stopped.
The glass box was filling itself with water.
'TOBI!' I screamed and tried to kick the glass, but nothing worked. 'IRIS,' He yelled. 'HELP ME!' I ran around the room, looking for objects, but I was too scared. I couldn't find anything. 'THERE'S NOTHING HERE!' I yelled. A lump formed in my throat as I saw Tobias standing there in that box. I had to find something, what else he would die! Suddenly, the water started flowing harder and harder. I ran back to Tobias, knowing that I could find anything. I HAD to keep trying to break the glass. I kept pounding, kicking and looking at the love of my love. He had to make it… I realised I was bawling my eyes out, vociferating his name over and over again. The box was nearly filled, and Tobias took his last deep breath.
'I love you,' he whispered, drew in his breath and was soaked by the water. He was floating and my mind was racing. I HAD TO DO SOMETHING! I looked at the glass, and saw my reflection again. 'THE WATER!' I called out, referring to my realisation that it wasn't real in the last fear. I could do everything! I put my hands on the glass and focused on breaking it. A few seconds later, I heard the sound of breaking glass and all the water and Tobias flowed out of the box. 'Iris!' He called as he coughed, and I wanted to run up to him, but I fell down through the puddle of water. Again.
I found myself on the floor again, but this time I recognized it. I was in Dauntless. I crawled up and recognised the room. It was the training court, why was I there? I walked around when I heard a voice say my name. I turned around quickly and saw Jenna. 'J, am I done?' I asked surprised. She raised her eyebrows. 'I don't know what you mean, but I think that you'd better get out of here, Ris,' she said firmly. 'Why?' I asked, my heart pounding in my throat. 'Because he's coming for you.' 'He?' I asked confused. This is not usually one of my fears…
Jenna wanted to pull me along, but we couldn't get far before I heard a door being thrown open. 'There he is,' Jenna whispered and pulled me behind her. I looked up and saw… Tobias? Why would I be afraid of… 'LEAVE HER ALONE,' Jenna yelled at Tobias. What was she saying? I didn't want my own boyfriend to leave me alone! He just almost died, I wanted him in my arms! 'How could I,' Tobias snapped at her. As he walked up, he looked dangerously angry. What was going on? 'Tobias,' I said softly, and I wanted to walk up to him but Jenna pulled me back. 'Don't, Iris!' She snapped. 'WHY NOT,' I called out, throwing my hands in the air. What in the HELL was happening?!
'He's tried throwing you off the chasm, to kill the baby!' She called back. My body stiffened. 'B-baby?' I asked, my voice cracked at the end. 'YES, what's wrong with you, you're pregnant!' She called back. I shook my head. 'No, I-I can't be, I'm just ill, I have the f-flu,' I stumbled upon my words and kept shaking my head. Tobias walked up to us and threw Jenna aside. 'What are you doing?!' I yelled angrily, upset with him for hurting Jenna. 'I don't want you in my life anymore,' he hissed, as his eyes looked into mine. 'Why?' I asked with a gasp.
'Because I told you I DON'T WANT KIDS, YOU KNOW I DON'T. I CAN'T HAVE THEM, YOU'RE TURNING ME INTO MY FATHER!' He yelled and threw me on the ground. 'I'M NOT,' I called and stood up again. 'Oh no?' He asked sarcastically, pointing at my stomach. I looked down and saw a huge round belly. I put my hand on it and my belly moved. The baby was kicking… 'Tobi, you'll never turn into your father,' I tried to tell him, but he looked furious. 'I can't deal with this,' he spat, then took a few steps back and pulled out his gun. He was going to kill me. 'Tobi, please,' I pleaded, but before I could do anything, his eyes grew black as he raised his gun… and shot himself.
'NO!' I screamed, and suddenly jumped up from my chair in Dauntless. The sound had brought me back to the fear landscape room. I was gasping for air and shivering all over my body. 'Iris, sis, you're back, it's okay! You're back,' I heard Amar's voice say. I looked up and saw my brother walking up to me. I was still breathing heavily and I shook my head. 'He died… almost twice,' I whispered, my voice barely audible. 'It's okay,' he said and wrapped his arms around me. I wrapped mine around him and tried not to cry, because of my last fear. I could handle all my fears, except for him dying. And that last fear… that couldn't be true right?
'Ris,' Amar asked after a few minutes. My breathing had gone down to normal, my heart was still pounding but no longer feeling like it would implode. 'Yes?' I asked softly. 'Are you… pregnant?' He asked confused. I looked up at him and stared into his eyes. His familiar eyes, like mom and dad's. 'I don't know,' I admitted truthfully. 'I've been thinking about it a lot lately, because I keep feeling ill… I don't know what to do.' He nodded. 'Let's get you out of this room, we'll talk about it in the cafeteria.' I nodded in return and he helped me up. I was aware of my face being like a zombie, but that was how I felt as well. He supported me towards the door when I heard him speak.
'Four, why are you still here,' he scolded. Oh gosh, Four had been waiting for me the entire time. I wanted to look at him, but I couldn't. If my suspicions were correct, I had become pregnant that first night in Dauntless. He didn't want kids because he was afraid it would bring out the same urges in him as it had in Marcus, even though they were two completely different people. The fact that I was carrying his child and would probably be ruining his life broke me. I couldn't look at him, I really couldn't. 'Eric's been pushing me to spend more time with her to get more information on Tobias,' Four explained quickly and walked up to me.
My eyes became blurry as I wanted to hug him so badly. 'Shorty,' he whispered while taking my face into his hands. His hands were warm as they cupped my cheeks, and his thumbs stroke my cheeks softly. Even though him touching me like that and saying my nickname felt good and familiar, I was broken with guilt. I turned my head away, avoiding his eyes. 'She has another fear, which brings the total to six,' Amar said and started shaking me. 'Ris, snap out of it! You're back, okay?' I may have been back, but I had to fix this. I looked up at both guys and shook my head. 'Not okay,' I said, pulled my arm out of Amar's grip and I ran out of the room. 'WAIT!' He yelled after me, 'WE HAVE TO DISCUSS THIS!' But I didn't listen. I had to get away. Divergent AND pregnant with a highly likely Divergent baby… could Jeanine want anything more to test?
I ran off to the dorm, when I realised that the dorm would probably be the first place anyone would be looking for me. I continued running, trying to avoid as many people as possible, and ran up to the chasm. The last time I was there, I had seen a secret spot behind the water, and I wanted to find a way to get there. There was a way, but it required some climbing skills. I looked back at all those times I climbed the tree to get to Tobias' room. I nodded, I got this. I climbed over the railing towards another railing. My palms were getting sweaty when I looked at my fate if I were to fall. I would fall down and probably die, because Amar told us that no one had ever survived the fall. I reached the second railing and crawled on towards a sort of fence behind the waterfall… then jumped onto the cool rocks behind it. I felt completely Dauntless as I let myself slide down against the wall and sighed relieved when I made it. I would never do it again, that was for sure, but I needed some space, I had to decide on what to do if I were to be pregnant.
That space had lasted half an hour, when I heard Four's voice. 'Amar, she Is NOWHERE to be found!' He sounded worried, and the echo of his footsteps told me he was pacing. 'I know, Four, but we have to keep looking. Watch out for Eric, don't tell him what you're doing should he ask. If he asks you to do something with him, you do that. I'll find Iris,' Amar said. He sounded worried as well. The guilt trip I felt was huge, so I stood up and was about to call them when I saw Four walking through the chasm. 'FOUR!' I said quickly and jumped over the fence. He turned around quickly and stared at me as he sighed relieved. 'Iris, you had us worried sick, are you crazy?' He climbed over the railing and climbed the other two ambushes somewhat quicker than me.
When he was close to me, he pulled me in a hug and held me close while stroking my hair. 'Shorty, what's wrong?' He asked softly. I shook my head and pulled him down. We sat down and his face was still filled with worry. I grabbed his hand, realizing that I had to tell him about this. 'I was scared, my sixth fear was not good.' He put his forehead against mine. 'You know you can tell me, Amar told me that it's me, but why?' Oh shit… Amar had told him already?! 'I-I,' I stumbled, then sighed. 'You were mad at me about something and then you told me you didn't want me in your life anymore. When I asked you why, you explained why because I did something you said you never wanted… EVER, and then you pulled out a gun. I thought you were going to kill me, so when I pleaded you not to, you shot yourself,' I explained softly. He looked surprised and wrapped his arms around me. 'You know that fear is irrational right? How could I be-' he started but I cut him off.
'Because I think I'm… I think I'm pregnant, Tobias.' His irises turned a strange mixture of blue and black, as if he was torn between feelings. His body stiffened as he stared at me, causing a tear to escape my eye.