Chapter 5 - Space
*A/N - Hope you enjoy this chapter&leave your opinion! thanks for reviews, follows, favourites & PM's!
Every opinion is considered and help me to proceed with my story, I appreciate it!:)
I'm sooooo sorry, I know I've been horrible by not uploading but I haven't been able to find the time to write lately between reading, homework, school, sleep, family things..I will try hard though to update twice a week starting next week:)
Thanks!
~Chelsea!*
Ana's P.O.V
Being Christian Grey has it's advantages, for example, practically forcing the staff of the hospital to discharge me just so he could have me home.
I love him so much, I really do. But that doesn't stop me from being anxious..We've rushed everything as it is, now we're starting a family?
Strange to think a few weeks back I was a goody-too-shoes, book-worm virgin and now..I'm Christian Grey's girlfriend, expecting his child and his sort of..half-sub/half-girlfriend? Whatever!
All I'm saying is I'm happy, but not ecstatic. I need time away from everything and everyIone..just to clear my thoughts.
I know, I'll visit Ray! Speaking of, I need to tell him and mom of my..'news'. I can't wait to see how they react..Little graduate Ana, already knocked up and nearly been killed? I think I'll leave the nearly being killed bit out..but still.
"Having fun keeping up with your monologue? What's on your mind?"
Christian's voice breaks up the thousands of thoughts whizzing around my head and I turn to him and sigh.
"Just..thinking. Everything is so..sudden and in all honesty I'm scared Christian, I'm not ready for all of this..It's just not me."
His eyes grow cold and narrow towards me and I squirm at his stare.
"I'm not ready either Ana, christ can't you see that!" His voice has raised and I feel like a child being told off, on the verge of crying.
"Stop thinking about yourself for once Ana, this is going to affect both of our lives. Did you not think about that when you forgot to take
your damn pills! Did you do this for the money?!"
I stand there speechless with my mouth closed tight trying to suppress the urge to scream at him for his random outburst.
He doesn't want me or our unborn child. Why does he have to be so cold? Yeah I know neither of us are ready to be a parent..but aren't something like over 50% of pregnancies unplanned? The world has some good people in it so why can't our child be just like that.
This is so fucked up.
"Not everything is about your damn fucking money, Christian!" I scream at with absolute anger and fear controlling my voice.
"Well, what's it about then?!" He screams back in an equally-angry tone.
This is so fucked up. When a couple are blessed with a child it's meant to be a good thing..So why is Christian treating this like it's the end of the world?!
That's it, fuck this! I'm not going to let him see me cry. I barge past him and run up the stairs, if he wants an argument he can go find one somewhere else! But for now, I'm going to lock the bedroom door and pack my things..I know where I'm not wanted.
Christian's P.O.V
"I don't know what to do Flynn, I'm not ready for this. I never even thought I would have a family of my own, ever! Now, I'm stuck with the fortune of knocking my girlfriend up!" I angrily state to Flynn.
God, why can't he just be at home? Not on holiday somewhere!
"Christian, have you tried talking to Ana about her feelings in all of this? Have you thought that she feels the same way, like you've been rushed into the 'family life.' Ana just needs re-assurance that you'll be there for her and the baby, she is obviously going to be feeling vulnerable and scared, especially with the 100's more hormones whizzing around her body. Trust me, pregnant women one minute can be all happy then the next they'll be biting your head off for leaving the toilet seat up." He tries to joke with me but I'm in no joking mood, Ana is coming home with me to Escala but I'm probably more anxious than she is.
"Okay John, I'll talk to you when you're back. Enjoy your holiday."
I hang up without waiting for a reply and run the hands through my hair, closing my eyes as I begin to think of how this conversation with Ana is going to go.
Probably just as bad as the last time I almost suggested it.
I'm not going to be a good dad, I'll fuck up with something I just know it! I hate re-casting my memories back to when I was a child but I have to remember..remember all the ways my mom fucked up with me and make a mental note to never ever do those things.
Why even bother wasting my time? I don't want this fucking kid, I just want Ana. But no, she wants to play happy-fucking-families. Well
newsflash Ana, I DON'T WANT TO! I need to breathe, to get away from her and stop thinking about this near-future I'm going to be forced into.
I sigh in defeat and decide to go upstairs to check on Ana, to see if she's calmed down after our outburst.
I push the door open to find a lonely bedroom with no Ana.
No, no, no, no, no! Where is she?! I race around the room, checking the whereabouts of her belongings..they're not here.
No Ana, please!
I rip the pillows and duvet off the bed and find a note, from Ana..
*I love you but I know where I'm not wanted.
I'll take care of my situation, you take care of yourself.
Ana x*
She..left..me..
Take care of her situation? Have I pushed her that far she's considering abortion like I said in the first place? It wouldn't be a bad thing,
right? Somehow I feel so fucking guilty and repulsed by my words and actions towards her recently.
I walk backwards with the note in my hand until I hit the wall, and slump down to the ground because that's where I deserve to be, on the floor..like a worthless piece of shit.
My actions and words made Ana leave me..No, I can't..Surely she didn't leave?
Even though I'm unsure whether or not I love this child, I do love Ana..with everything that I am.
There's no point in living if she's not by my side.
Oh shit I just realised..her shoulder! She needs to be on bed-rest, I only got her out of the hospital early because I ensured the doctors she would be resting..shit.
Ana's P.O.V
Somehow I managed to slip past everyone with two bag's full of my clothes flung over my 'good' shoulder.
I had to just go..get away from Christian and his overbearing ways.
He just doesn't understand how his words hurt.
I step into a cab and when the driver asks' me where I'm going I start to think..Where am I heading?
Kate's? Mom's? Ray's?
Hmm, I like the idea of visiting my dad for a while until I figure out what I'm going to do.
I just realised though, my cell phone has a tracking device in it so I take the sim out, roll down the cab window and throw it into the
middle of the road, before ringing a very cheerful-sounding Ray to tell him I'm visiting him.
I just can't speak to Christian right now, he needs to understand what it feels like to be doing something all by yourself with no one's
courage but your own.
I arrive at Ray's and pay the taxi fare before the kind driver helped me with my bags and Ray walked out smiling, greeting me with a hug.
I feel like shit and probably look like it too.
I can feel the tears forming in my eyes as I smile at Ray. He is the only man in my life I can ever TRULY depend on.
"Hey Annie, what's up? Want to talk over some tea..I got your favourite?" He is the sweetest.
I nod as I wipe away the tears that escaped the corner of my eyes.
...
Christian's P.O.V
I'm livid..No scratch that, I'm beyond fucking furious..How..Why..When did she..?
She can out-smart my security team, fucking highly-trained men, and me..I can't believe she threw her phone into the middle of the road.
Why doesn't she want to be tracked? Surely, she's not thinking about her safety! And now the baby's safety too..Baby. I gulp as I think of how much of a shitty father I'm going to be..I know nothing about kids, as far as I was concerned I never planned on having kids or settling down but yet just a few weeks ago I was considering proposing to Ana, to show her how much I loved her, wanted to spend the rest of my life proving that to her, listening to her, communicating with her..but no.
I can't believe how fucked up my life turned out to be..just one thing after a-fucking-nother!
One of the factors that pulled me towards Ana was that she defied me and it made my groin twitch thinking of ways I could punish her and that smart mouth of her's.
"Taylor, why can't you fucking find her?! She couldn't of gone far! She didn't take any keys!" I scream at him, frustrated.
Frustrated that the women I love has once again defied me, putting her safety at risk and not to mention our child's too.
Frustrated that I'm going to be a dad, having someone depend on you to teach them things, love them..I didn't think I was worthy of, or could, love until I met Ana.
Frustrated that I have no control over the situation, all of these situations infact!
I can't cope without her here but, I can't cope with the fact that so much responsibility is heading towards us.
I do love Ana, with all my heart but I don't want to share her or have to look after babies yet..I wanted to show her the world, but
now..Fuck!
I must be feeling pretty overwhelmed at the minute because a few silent tears escape the corner of my eyes whilst I assess how fucked up the situation with Ana is.
I hurt her bad..I know this. But how did she expect me to react? Fuck! Why can't she do anything she's told!
"Sir." My thought's are interrupted by Taylor.
"Yes?" Short and snappy, I'm not in the mood for anything more.
"It seems Miss. Steele got into a cab and camera's indicate she went to her Step-Father, Raymond's, house."
Ray's? Well at least she's safe. Still, I need to see her but I think I should consult John before I do anything radical.
"Very well Taylor, you are dismissed." Before leaving the room, he pauses and looks at me uncertain for a moment, probably thinking 'Why the fuck isn't he being controlling and driving up to her right now demanding she comes home?' Yeah, I'm thinking the same thing.
I snap out my phone and dial a number.
"Christian?" I'm glad he knows it's me, I can just get straight to the point.
"John a lot of shit has happened I need to talk to you ASAP, I don't know what I'm feeling or what I should do."
...
Ana's P.O.V
I sit on the couch looking at Ray for a moment, looking for his response.
"Well," I can tell he's overwhelmed like I am. "I can't say I'm not disappointed Annie.."
I feel the lump in my throat threatening me that it will soon cause me to sob.
"But I'm not mad..at you. As for Christian? I think he needs his head checking!" He says with anger hidden in his voice and eyes.
"I'm sorry dad, I didn't mean to it just..happened." I say as I move closer towards my dad and hug him, which he warmly accepts and
returns.
He interrupts the loving, silent moment.
"So, have you thought about what's going to happen now?"
His question makes me think, as I hadn't really.
I want, more than anything, of Christian to be accepting and love this baby as much as I already do but I have a feeling that's not very likely at this moment in time. I want things to be perfect between me and Christian but I think this baby may come in between that..Jealous is the only way I could describe what Christian is possibly feeling..and his actions are selfish. I'm thinking only for this baby yet all he seems to want to do is have me to himself and he wants me to get rid of this life that is flesh from both me and Christian, heartless bastard.
"I don't know Dad. I want to keep this baby because it's part of me, but..I just don't know."
* A/N - Next Chapter to be posted either tomorrow or Saturday..Same goes for my other story "Daddy's Little 'Princess.'" Will Christian's reaction make Ana do something drastic that she doesn't really want to do? Oooh..- Thanks! :)*