Chapter 6 - My Decision
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~Chelsea!*
Ana's P.O.V
After eating dinner with my dad, I decide to take a nap to sleep on things..unfortunately when I want to sleep my brain decides to over-
function and think about everything at once. At this rate I will never get any sleep!
I start to replay the scene in my head when Christian was shouting at me in the hospital, then when I opened up to Kate, then Leila..I
gulped. Leila. Where the fuck was she now? Am I safe being here without any security? Well, if I wasn't I suppose Christian would have sent Sawyer or someone for me anyway.
Eurgh, even when I try so hard to force all thoughts of him out of my mind all I am left with is thoughts of Christian.
He is my everything really, no boyfriend has ever affected me or made me fall so hard like Christian has.
Sure, he's got the charm, wealth, looks and oh those eyes..Those beautiful grey eyes that pierce through deeper than just my skin, they pierce through my every soul, making me vulnerable to his vision..Oh stop it Ana! I mentally scowl at myself.
Why does Christian have to be so perfect yet so fucking fucked up?!
To me it makes no sense, how someone so gorgeous can have gone through so much, seen so many things he probably wishes he hasn't, yet..He chose me.
He chose me over all those god-damn women than swoon at his very presence.
I love him so much it hurts.
I wish there was a 'do-over' button for life, I would have been more careful and we could have waited and
explored each other and the rest of the world before we had certain responsibilities such as children.
I always thought than when I was older, I would be an editor for some hot-shot company, with a decent, loving husband and a couple of kids.
Pft, Christian grey could never live such a life...Marriage?Children? He would never want any of those things with me, not yet anyway..Well tough shit Christian Grey, you're about to become a father whether you like it or not.
Should I..No! I can't just leave him can i? Tell him I'm going to abort the baby then move somewhere far away and raise the baby on my own maybe?
Okay, now I'm just being ridiculous..I guess I'm just scared of his hateful words of neglect. He knows how it feels to be unwanted, unloved, abandoned. Yet, he'd do that to his girlfriend and unborn child? I don't know how he can sit back and do nothing but raise his voice at me
telling me he doesn't want this child.
"Well no matter what Jellybean, mommy will always love you." I say gently stroking my stomach before being pulled into an ocean filled
with soft waves of sleep.
...
Christian's P.O.V
"But how will I be a good father if my biological parents couldn't even be bothered take care of me, Flynn?! How the fuck will I know what to do with a baby?! I can't love a baby if I'm shit scared of what to do with it!" I run my hands through my hair before covering my face with my hands, propping my elbows on my knees.
"Christian, you love Ana even though you didn't think it possible. Who's to say you can't love this baby..YOUR baby? It's flesh and blood of your own."
"I don't know what to do with a baby. What if, when it get's here..I reject it? Abandon it? Hate it?" I sigh as I try to imagine a life with me being someone's parent.
I scoff.
Flynn looks at me with his questioning eyes.
"Me. A parent? I would have never thought that I could have fallen in love and maintain a real, love-filled relationship. Never mind getting my girlfriend pregnant!"
He scribbles something down and all I want to do right now is leave.
"Before you fell in love, you kept everything to yourself. Only sharing the minimal information. But, you have progressed remarkably since Ana came into your life Christian. You said you never could imagine yourself falling in love? Well you did that. So there's a chance you can be a good father to this baby Christian. You shared with me, before this revelation occured, that you were thinking of proposing to Ana. Is that still the case? Do you love her any less since the news?"
"Of course not! I love Ana with all my heart! I just wish this didn't have to happen!" I snap back, rather defensively.
"God damn pills. Her one responsibility, and she forgets." I scoff again.
"I just..I don't what she feels or thinks. I never got the chance to talk to her. She just left John! I need to see her but if I did, what would I say?" I don't really want the answer, because when I get it I will feel like it's my mission I have to carry out.
"Christian, she obviously thinks you will reject her and this baby. Her hormones are sensitive right now so it may be best to wait for her to talk to you. As for what you should say, how about you record your every feelings in a diary and then when you get the chance to speak to her, tell her what you really feel and if you're going to be there for her. Are you?"
Flynn makes some good points and raises some good questions, speaking of..AM I going to be there?
...
Ana's P.O.V
I awake with the lovely routine of morning sickness. Wait what? It's 9:42am! I slept for how many hours?! Urgh whatever, let's just start the day.
I take a shower, towel-dry my hair and get dressed for the day.
I'm greeted in the kitchen by Ray.
"Hey dad." We exchange smiles.
"Hey Annie, sleep alright? I went in to check on you and you were out like a light!"
"Yeah thanks, I guess I was just tired." I want to avoid pregnancy talks at all costs, I already feel like I've disappointed him so much by
getting pregnant so early..But at least I'm 22!
"So, what're you're plans for today?" I open my mouth to speak and suddenly realise..I don't know what my plans are. But I've made up my mind whether or not I'm keeping Jelly Bean and I know my decision was for selfish reasons but I've made up my mind. Now I should really tell Christian, I mean..He has to know, right?
"I think I'm going back home today dad. I can't just keep running away from my problems."
He tried to hide his disappointment with a smile, "Okay baby girl, well I'm always here if you want to talk."
"I know dad, I just think it's best I go back and deal with this the right way instead of running."
"You're a smart woman Annie. I am proud of you, you know that right?" A few joyful tears prick my eyes as I make my way over to Ray and
kiss him on the cheek before hugging him and talking into his shoulder.
"I love you dad."
...
After breakfast and gathering all my things I ring Kate using Ray's phone, hopefully she won't be busy.
"Kate speaking."
"Kate, I.."
"Omg Steele! Why didn't you return my calls or texts, why's your phone off?!"
"I sort of, smashed it up."
"What? Well while you've been away Christian hasn't left Escala for anything other than to see Flynn and work. Elliot said he's becoming a work-zombie, whatever that means!"
I gasp. "It's my fault."
"What happened between you's two anyway?"
"Kate, are you busy like right now?"
"Nope! Got a free day."
"Can you pick me up from my dad's and I'll tell you everything?"
"Sure Steele! I'll text you when i'm 5 minutes away."
"Okay, bye Kate."
"Bye."
I sigh as I hang up. Today's going to be a long day.
...
Not too long after, I receive the five minute warning and grab my bags and kiss Ray goodbye before walking outside and finding Kate in her
sports car just arriving.
"Kate!"
"Steele! I can't believe I haven't seen you since.." We both gulped.
"Let's not talk about it." I throw my bags in the back of the car and buckle up as Kate speeds off again.
After talking about what I've been up to at Ray's, Kate parks up outside Elliot's place. I guess she's staying here because of the whole Leila thing.
She grabs my bags for me and we walk into Elliot's but he's not there, Kate says he's working.
"Okay Steele, no more distractions. What's up?" Oh, it's interrogation Kate.
"Christian. He doesn't want this baby Kate, I just don't know what to do. I've though about my options.." My voice starts to slighty crack but I continue. "I can't carry it and then just give it up to someone, I know once I see it I will want to keep it. I can't keep it if Christian won't be there for support and to be a good dad..So my only other option ir abortion I guess?" Tears build up in my eyes at the very mention of abortion, but it's what's best..right?
"Ana, is that really what you want to do? You don't need Christian for this! You've got me, Elliot, Grace, Mia, Carla, Ray. Let's just put it this way, you're never going to be on your own throughout this. Got it Steele? So many people love you and will help you. Don't do something stupid just because Christian over-reacted."
She had a point, but still. Christian would probably repulse at the sight of me in a few months time when I'm fat and he would want
absolutely nothing to do with me or his child. I just know it. But fuck it, this is my child and I was going to keep it, that was that.
"You're right Kate, this is my baby and it will grow up with a loving family..with or without Christian."
I reached forward and hugged Kate tight, thankful for the day I met her and we became best friends.
"Best friends, forever and always baby!" Kate giggled into my back as we continued our long hug.
After hugging we decided to have a chilled out day on the sofa in pajamas watching sappy chick-flicks.
"I'm home!" Elliot arrived back and Kate didn't move but just shouted to him.
"We're in here!" He walked in and kissed Kate and hugged me.
"What's happened this time? Do I need to kick his ass?" He joked, although I sensed some seriousness in his voice.
"As much as he deserves it, no your not kicking his ass! And what's happened is that, with the help of Kate, I've realised neither me or my
unborn child need him, Elliot. I'd rather not talk about it any longer, can't we just carry on watching sex and the city?"
"Well I'm glad. And I'd rather be having sex in the city with Kate." He winks at Kate before starting to tickle her sides.
"Hey!" She playfully slaps his arms away, giggling.
"If you want a privacy I'll be going bed." I wink at them both, starting to get up.
"Nooo Ana! He's not getting any tonight anyway." She smirks at Elliot, who is dramatically pouting.
I wish I had a relationship like that at the minute..
Oh forget it Ana! My subconscious snaps at me.
She's right though, I don't need him or any man in my life, just my baby and the people I love the most, excluding him of course.
I wonder what he's doing right now though..
...
Christian's P.O.V
I can't sit just lounging around here all day, I need to see her. Speak to her. Apologise to her. Make her come home!
I leave my office in search of Taylor.
"Taylor!" He quickly hurries out of his office.
"Sir?"
"We are going to Miss Steele's stepfather's house, I need to see her."
I see him hesitate before speaking, "Miss Steele is no longer at her stepfather's. We are unaware of her location."
"What?! Well find her!" Where could she have gone? Her mother's? Kate's?
"Taylor! Instead drive us to Miss Kavannagh's."
"Right away sir, I'll just get the car ready."
Fucking hell, why can't she have just not gotten pregnant? If not, we would have been fucking fine and probably engaged by now. God-
damn, why do things unexpectedly fuck up my life?!
The car ride to Kate's apartment was horrible, considering what happened the last time I was here.
When I get out of the car and start banging on the door I receive no response.
Well where else could she be? Elliot's!
I pull out my phone and dial Elliot's number.
"Elliot speaking."
"Is Ana with Kate at your's?"
"Hello to you too Christian."
"I don't need your smart mouth right now Elliot, is she there or not!" His smart mouth reminds me of Ana, and how I would punish her for her smart remarks.
"Even if she was I wouldn't tell you, you fucked up big time you know?" I'm not in the mood for his childish answers.
"Elliot don't act like a fucking kid, I need to talk to her and.."
He hung up on me. What the fuck! Nobody hangs up on me!
I snap at Taylor to drive us to my brother's place.
We arrive and I make no hesitation to jump out of the car and start banging my fist on the door, shouting Elliot's name, telling him to open the god damn door.
...
Ana's P.O.V
Elliot hangs the phone on Christian without fear.
"What did Christian want?" I gulp as I say his name.
"To see if you were here."
"I don't want him to know where I am. If he asks again just tell him I'm not here, okay?"
Just then the are hard knocks at the door and Christian is shouting Elliot's name.
"Shit! Ana, Kate go in the bedroom and lock the door. Don't make a sound, okay?"
I look at Kate and she quickly grabs my hand, leading me into the bedroom.
We hear the front door being unlocked and Christian entering.
"Where is she Elliot? Don't give me all that bullshit!" I flinch when Christian starts to scream at his brother.
"I told you, she's not here!"
"For fucksake all I want to do is talk to her!"
Suddenly I felt very nauseous and ran into the ensuite bathroom and succeedingly threw up into the toilet, after a few moments I noticed Kate was rubbing my back trying to comfort me.
After I cleaned myself up I noticed the shouting had stopped, so I peered out of the bedroom door and i couldn't find Christian in sight so I proceeded downstairs into the kitchen to grab a drink, relieving my mouth from the horrid after-puke taste.
My head felt really light and I started to slightly sway, but I managed to reach the kitchen and hold on to breakfast bar to regain my
stability.
"I told you to wait upstairs, get back up there!" Elliot whisper-shouted at me.
Oh no, this meant Christian was still here!
After a quick glass of ginger ale I started walking back upstairs when I felt really light headed again.
I pause and try to steady myself, however I fail and collapse onto the floor whilst Christian and Elliot scream my name before running
towards me, and that's all I remember before I black out on the hard, cold floor.
Christian's P.O.V
"For fucksake all I want to do is talk to her!" I'm getting really fucking frustrated with Elliot, why can't he answer the goddamn question?!
"Look bro, calm down. Even if Ana was here, I'm sure you wouldn't wanna talk to her whilst your angry." He lowers his voice back to a
normal volume and I do the same.
I sigh and run my hands through my hair then hide my face.
"I just want to talk to her and apologise for how I've been. How did she expect me to react though? Three fucking months we've known
each other! I didn't even get a chance to propose, now we're having a kid? Talk about all-at-once!"
"Look, I know this must be hard on you but imagine how Ana feels! She feels like she's disappointed Ray, she hasn't even told her mom, and she thinks she is going to have to go through this all on her own. But even if you're not going to be there for her me, Kate and the rest of the family will, don't ever forget that. You're my brother and I love you, but I'd choose Ana and her unborn child over you."
Shit, I didn't even think. I repeatedly begin the slap my forehead with the palms of my hands' whilst muttering "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Over and over again.
"Where is she Elliot? I just want to see her, talk to her."
"Look, she's safe that's all that matters. C'mon, let's take this to the lounge room, Christian." I hesitantly follow him.
Well, I know Elliot loves her like a sister so he wouldn't put her in any harm..I hope.
Elliot leaves the room to grab us a couple of beers so we can talk.
A few moments pass and he's still not back yet.
I wonder what's keeping him, so I venture into the kitchen to find Elliot curiously staring at someone..Ana!
Before I get a chance to even breathe in a air before talking, she wobbles and collapses just before she reaches the stairs.
I scream her name whilst I run over to her.
"Ana! Ana, wake up! Please baby, you're okay, please wake up!" I gently rock her on my lap, whilst my tears fall silently.