Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, I just borrowed the name of the characters for entertaining, no intention to violate any copyrights.
A/N : Sorry that I went around my beloved beta friend again. All mistakes are mine and once again, I apologize.
Chapter 69
"I'd like the memory of me to be a happy one. I'd like to leave an after glow of smiles when life is done. I'd like to leave an echo whispering softly down the ways, of happy times and laughing times and bright and sunny days. I'd like the tears of those who grieve, to dry before the sun of happy memories that I leave when life is done."
Callie managed a deadpan expression staring at the priest who was reading the eulogy. She knew she shouldn't, but she wanted to laugh. This man didn't know Ana. He didn't know Ana didn't leave an after glow of smiles when she died. Ana was in pain. Ana was worried about the wellbeing of her unborn child.
And she had every reason to worry about that.
"Calliope, are you alright?" Carlos leaned closer to his daughter, asking in a whisper as he took hold of Callie's hand.
"I'm fine, dad." The brunette squeezed the hand in her.
It was a simple ceremony. Since the Torres didn't know any of Ana's friends, they didn't really invite anyone except for Ana's father and her ex-husband. However, the father preferred to stay in the rehab instead of coming to say goodbye to his own flesh. But surprisingly, the man who abandoned Ana had showed up in the graveyard even before the Torres.
Carlos Torres was the kind of man who didn't care to pay a little extra to have the job done faster. Within an hour, Ana's ashes were 6 feet under and the tombstone was set in place.
Jack kept a distance between him and the Torres during the whole ceremony. As the funeral ended, he finally took a deep breath and walked up to Callie.
"Hi, Callie." The man addressed the girlfriend of his dead ex-wife's dead sister awkwardly before nodded to the old couple that he hadn't met before. But he could tell that those were Callie's parents. "Do you mind... can we talk?"
The brunette followed Jack reluctantly. They walked a few yards away from Carlos and Lucia and then stopped.
"Thank you... for doing this for Ana." Jack gave the brunette a little smile. And Callie kept her face stone cold.
"Ana was like a sister to me. I'd do anything for my family."
"I know you're mad at me for leaving her." The man bit his lips tight, trying hard to blink back the tears that he had been holding for hours. "I don't have any excuse."
"No, you don't." Callie glowered at the man. Anyone had seen Jack's face would have thought that the man was grieving the lost of the woman he once loved. But the brunette had none of this. To her eyes, this was the man who caused all these dramas. "But I appreciate that you come to say goodbye to her. Ana would like that."
"I... I loved her, Callie." Jack could see the contempt shooting out from the brown eyes like daggers. He dropped his head in shame. "We had our differences, but still, Ana was the love of my life and I..."
"Save it, Jack." The annoyed brunette waved her hand with a sneer cut the man off. "You don't destroy the person you love."
"I... You're right. But sometimes love just ain't enough." Jack closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. He knew he deserved it. He knew he should turn around before infuriating the known hotheaded Latina, but he had a question that needed to be asked. "Doesn't the baby, Ana's baby survive?"
"You knew about the baby?" Callie pursed her lips, brows bumped together in a scowl.
"She called me about that." Jack nodded sheepishly. His blue eyes brimmed with tears as he recalled the time Ana called. "But I..."
"You knew about the baby and still let her did this all by herself?" Once again, Callie didn't give the man any chance to finish. Her voice was getting higher and louder by the second. "You knew she couldn't count on her father. She had no one!"
"I just started a new family, Callie. My girlfriend and I just had a baby and I..." Pale face went paler as his big hands gestured vigorously while stuttering out his reasons. "I told her that I... I... I didn't want to complicate the whole situation. Ana and I were divorced. I have a baby. I just... I just didn't think I should be involved in hers."
"You said you loved her but you left her heart broken!" Callie took a step closer, finger pointing at the man, angry snarls fired through her teeth with disgust. "You said you loved her but you don't want a baby that doesn't share your blood. You turned your back away from her when she needed you the most."
"Callie you don't understand. Ana and I... We just... I..." Jack fumbled backward. Every word from Callie was the truth that stabbing right to his heart, he couldn't hold his tears anymore. But the enraged woman didn't let up on him.
"You are right! I don't understand! I don't understand how you can stand here saying that you loved her!" The brunette blindly pointed to the tombstone behind her, but her glare never left the man. "But I do understand that you're a selfish bastard that don't deserve Ana's baby girl! Without you in her life would be the best for her!"
"She had a girl?" Jack gulped. "Is... is the baby alright?"
"The baby has survived! Barely, but she's alive!" Callie said harshly, oblivious of the tears streamed down the defeated man's face. "And she has no one in her life! Just like Ana!"
"Callie, I..." Glassy blue eyes looked at furious brown blankly. He wished he could offer something, anything but he just couldn't. Callie sensed his hesitation and about to blow up again, but a firm hand on her shoulder stopped her.
"That's enough, Jack." Carlos cleared his throat, chin tilted, looking at the crying man sternly. "Thank you for coming, but I think you need to go now."
"I..." Jack looked between the two Torres. His mouth opened and closed, trying to get a word out but a sharp glare coming from the older man made him swallowed back anything on his tongue. Finally, he wiped his tear drenched face by the back of his hand and turned around.
Callie watched the man walked away. Her face was still crimson with fury and chest heaved rapidly with heavy panting. All she could feel was angry. And sad. And helpless. Burst into anger in front of Jack was liked a bomb exploded within the walls that she had built surrounding her feelings. The feelings that she tried so hard to suppress were spilling out between the crumbled walls... She didn't realize she was crying until a warm hand caressed her cheek softly.
"Calliope, it's okay..." Carlos's voice was tender, full of pity. The moment he picked up his wife and daughter from the airport, he could see the stress weighted on the young brunette's shoulders and had shut down completely. As a father, it pained him greatly seeing his daughter suffered. He just held on tight to his little girl in his embrace when Callie threw her arms over the old man's shoulders and burst into real tears.
"Ana... the poor baby... promised... I... I can't..." Incoherent words mixed with uncontrollable sobs. Callie didn't even sure if her father could understand anyone of them. She just needed to get everything out, and Carlos tightened his hold.
"I know. Mija, I know."
"I'm a terrible person, dad." Callie mumbled into the crook of her father's neck, tears soaking the well tailored suit. "I am just as terrible as Jack."
"No, you're not, Calliope." Carlos pulled back slightly. He cupped the tears drenched face in his hands and brought the tearful brown eyes meeting with his. "You are not a terrible people. You are every bit as wonderful as I dreamt of the very first time I held you in my arms."
"Dad, I am not." Callie's face bunched up and giant tears just kept running down her cheeks. "I ran away when things got hard. I... I ran away from you and mom. I ran away from Erica. I ran away from George and ruined him... And... and now... the promise I made for Ana... I... I..."
"You made terrible decisions but that doesn't make you a terrible person." The father held his gaze firm, making sure the brunette got every word in. "You are a good person, mija. Ana wasn't your responsibility but you took care of her more than you had to. You asked your mother and me to help her. And you arranged everything for her. You are a good person and Ana knew that, that was why she trusted you with her baby."
"She shouldn't." Callie shook her head desperately. "I... I'm about to hand her daughter to some strangers."
"If you think that's the best for her baby." Carlos studied her daughter's face with narrowed eyes. "Do you think that would be the best for the baby?"
"I... I don't know, dad." The brunette looked back at her father helplessly. "My life is... my life is a mess. I don't know anything. And I don't want to think of anything. I don't even want to move, or breathe..."
"Your life is a mess right now, then fix it, one step at a time. Like you always do." A small smile found the way to the stubbly cheeks. "Start with the easy one first. You can start with fixing you and Arizona. You said Arizona wants a second chance?"
"Yes, but what if she wants me back just because she thinks I need help? It's in her nature. She jumps in whenever people need her. She'd forget to eat or sleep when she's with a patient. She forgot about me when her aunt needed her." Callie bit her lips tight to a silent sob. Talking about Arizona made her heart ached and a new flood of tears welling from her eyes. "I threw her ring in the woods, dad. I broke her heart. She wants me back because she feels the need of being the savior, again."
"She wants you back because she loves you." Carlos wiped away the tears tenderly. "I forgot about your mother."
"What?" Tearful big brown eyes stared at her father in confused. He continued with a bitter smile.
"I had a fight with your mother that morning. She woke up with a bad feeling and she begged me not to leave town for a meeting. An important meeting with some investors in Vegas. We fought. I ignored her and got on the plane anyway." Carlos pulled his lips to a frown as memory of that horrible day replayed in his head. "They couldn't get a hold on me because you know, there was no cellphone. By the time I got the message from the hotel I stayed in, that your mother fell down from the stairs and had lost your sister... She was fighting for her life for 16 hours and I wasn't there for her."
Callie gasped. She wanted to pull back but the strong grips on her arms kept her from stepping backward.
"I made a terrible decision. I should have listened to her. I should have stayed then maybe the accident wouldn't happen. But I valued my business more than her in that morning." The grief of losing a child was written all over the dark blue eyes, but he didn't look away. "I'd never forgive myself, but your mother found in her heart to forgive me."
"Why? Why would she do that?" Callie was dumbfounded, shaking her head in disbelief.
"Why because she believes we are stronger than one mistake. And I thank god everyday she did because I love her more than anything. I can not imagine my life without her." Carlos tugged his lips to a smile. "Can you imagine yourself live without Arizona?"
Took in a large gulp of air, the brunette stared at the sky and didn't know what to say. The answer was clear but she just didn't dare to admit it.
"You're scared to be hurt again. Things between you and Arizona might not work out. You know, you might not be able to fix it. But how will you know if you never try?" The man gave the arms in his a tight squeeze. He knew it was going to take some time to get through the stubborn head of his daughter's. He'd give her that. "Come on, let's go home. Your mother is waiting in the car."
"Dad, I... uh... I want to stay for a little bit." Callie looked over to the newly set tombstone. She had something to do and she needed to do that alone.
"Okay. I'll call a car to pick you up. But don't stay for too long, it's gonna rain soon." Got a nod in return, Carlos kissed his daughter on the forehead before walking toward the front gate.
Slowly, the brunette dragged her feet to stand before Ana's grave. If she was going to break the promise, she needed to tell Ana, even just to a cold stone. She wiped her face and sniffed loudly, and then reached inside her pocket pulling out the slightly crinkled envelope that the dead girl left for her. She had tried to read it for days but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Now it was the time. Kept her eyes on the tombstone, Callie took out the letter and started reading it...
Callie,
You must have thought that I'm crazy. You're not the only one.
When I decided to have this baby, Jack told me I was insane. Even my shrink said that having this baby wasn't a good idea. But it feels really good to have my little girl growing inside of me. If something feels really, really good. It can't be bad, right?
Please don't be mad. I stopped going to the shrink because I didn't want her to know that I have stopped my antidepressant medications. I made my research. Those medications may cause terrible side effects on babies, and I don't want anything happen to my baby.
I was fine, really. I haven't felt this alive since I lost my sister. And your parents help me a lot. They are wonderful people, Callie. I love them so much. They take care of me like I am their own daughter. For that, I'm forever grateful.
But then, the heart thing happened. I feel myself slipping into the dark place again and I can't find the way out. I have tried but everyday I worry about my baby. The doctors said all those horrible words about my condition, telling me that terminate the pregnancy would be my only option if I want to live. But it isn't life if my baby is gone. I can't do this to my baby. To Malena's baby.
Malena was my rock ever since our mom died. When she was gone, I was devastated. So were you. I am too weak to pull myself out of the darkness but you, Callie, you are so strong. You have no idea how I admire the strength you have in you. You pulled yourself together. You became a surgeon. You have found love again. You smile again.
When I found out I'm going to have a baby, I started picturing our lives together. How I'm going to hold her in my arms every waking moment. How I'm going to put her in those pretty little pink dresses. How we're going to spend our Xmas mornings...
I will give her the whole world, Callie. I want her to be proud of me, starting from being strong for her. I can not risk her life so that I get the chance to live. I won't be able to face myself, or my little girl. Please understand that.
If I die, can you take care of her?
I know I'm being selfish and going to put you in a difficult position, this is not my intention. But if I won't be able to be there for her, I need to know she's in good hands. With someone that would love her, take care of her. Most importantly, someone that she can look up to, showing her that even though life is hard sometimes, nothing can't be overcome if she stays true to herself.
Arizona smiled sweetly when she found Mark in the NICU, just liked the last few nights. She gave the man a little shoulder bump as she passed by him.
"I know you'd be in here."
"So are you." Mark smiled back. "The nurses told me that she opened her eyes today."
"Yeah, she's stronger, isn't she?" The blonde leaned forward looking down at the baby in the incubator. Her smile went wider when the baby moved her arm like she was waving.
"Thanks to you." The man bumped his hip against the blonde playfully. "Hey, have you heard anything from Callie? Do you know when will she come back? She needs to see this."
"I sent her a couple of texts and pictures, but she hasn't replied." Arizona answered airily, putting down the stack of reading materials on the table next to the incubator before put on a pair of gloves.
"I still can't believe you didn't go to Miami with her." Mark stepped back, giving the doctor some room to perform the routine check up. "You know, get her to come back with you."
"She needs space. I'd give her that." The blond said softly. She chuckled when the little face screwed up a little while the cold stethoscope touched her skin. Just born a week ago, the baby had developed more and more facial expressions. Thing was looking good for the 30 weeks preemies.
"She needs to come back for little Annie." The plastic surgeon leaned against the table, resting his chin on his hand while flipping through the notes that Arizona just put down.
"She'll come back when she's ready." Arizona gave the man a glance before closing her eyes concentrated on hearing baby Annie's heartbeat. She couldn't help to smile hearing it was strong and steady.
"Yeah." The man hummed in an absent way. He missed his best friend. Pushed the notes aside, he asked, "Hey, want to ditch these and go have a drink with me tonight? You have studied hard, take a break."
"Tempting, but no thank you. The board exam is near and I need to..." Arizona stroked the baby's full head of black hair tenderly before closed the lid of the incubator. Mark nodded his head understandingly.
"And you don't want to leave Annie, I get it. She's Callie's baby now." He added seeing the smile on the fair skin face. "Has she told you that I suggest co-parenting Annie with her?"
"What?" Well-shaped eyebrows frowned slightly. Arizona looked at the man before her with widen eyes. "You're not serious."
"She told me that you don't want her to keep this baby. So I said I'll help her." Mark shrugged.
"I didn't say I don't want her." Blue eyes rolled to the ceiling. Of course Callie told him that. "I just suggested her to consider it very carefully. We just had a brief conversation about this in that crazy night. It's a big decision."
"Relax." The man waved a hand. "I'm just saying I can be the father if she needs someone to raise Annie with her. It's not like I ask her to marry me or something."
"You're out of your mind. She's my fiancée..." Arizona chewed her lips seeing her friend lifted his eyebrows smirking. "Girlfriend, whatever. Don't you think I should be the one to make this offer? You want a baby so badly, go to your own girlfriend. Have you even told little Grey that you want to adopt Annie?"
"Lexie doesn't want to have kids right now but I do. And you know how hard it hit me when Sloan gave her baby away." Mark pursed his lips and bringing up his best puppy dog eyes. The blonde was there to convince him to let his grandson go, she sure knew that he wanted a family.
"It doesn't mean you should go after my family. You can be Annie's uncle. You can spoil her rotten but to hell I'd let you be Callie's baby's father." Arizona's face softened. She snapped off the gloves, using it to smack the man's head before deposited it into a trash bag.
"I don't want to be the uncle. Uncle is cool only when the kid is before nine..." The tall man rubbed his head with a pout. Suddenly, an amazed smile crept onto his face. "Wait, your family, huh? So you're saying you want this baby?"
"I..." The blonde wetted her lips looking at the baby in the incubator. She had spent most of her free time here with the baby not just because she was the doctor. She wanted to take care of Annie in Callie's absence. Without realizing it, she had seen this baby as her own. "If that's what Callie wants, yeah."
"Good for you. You should tell her that." Mark smiled broadly. He took a few steps closer and pulling the blonde into a tight embrace. "I think the reason that she hasn't made up her mind because she thinks you don't want it."
"This is her decision to make. I told you, we don't really have time to talk about it yet." Arizona rested her forehead on her friend's shoulder, saying with a sigh.
"That's why you should go to Miami. You'll have all the time you need to talk, get her to come back for Annie, and come back for her job."
"Mark, I can't. She doesn't want me to go there. And I work so hard for this fellowship. I lost Callie because of this fellowship. I'm so close to get to the finish line and if I give up right now, it'd be all for nothing." Arizona pulled away from Mark's arms, but the strong grip kept her in place.
"So you're saying you choose your career over the woman you love? Knowing that she probably needs you right now? Arizona, don't make the same mistake twice." Mark ducked his head staring at the blue eyes. It took a moment for the blonde to look back at him.
"I'll talk to Herman tomorrow. Maybe... maybe if I move things around, I can still catch up after taking off for a week."
"There you go." Mark gave the blonde a nod of approval before let go of her arms. He stepped backward with a wink. "Okay, I'm going to leave you to your nightly cuddle then. I could never get the image out of my head if you started to lactate."
"No, I won't." Arizona laughed out softly. It was the joke that the man started to make after caught her holding Annie in the NICU the first time.
After Mark closed the NICU door behind him, Arizona pulled a rocking chair next to the incubator. She took off her scrub top that left her in a tank top before opened the lid and picking up the baby gently. She pressed Annie's head against her chest, smiling lovingly when she saw the tag of the lips on the little face.
She had done this since the first night that Callie left for Miami. The progress of the baby wasn't going as good as they hoped for, and there was just so much the medicines could do. She knew what she had to do.
It wasn't news to perform kangaroo hold on the preemies helping them to thrive. Usually it was the moms but if the parents were not available, nurses or interns would have to do the job. But no one was surprised to see the head of the department holding this baby the first time, and the nights after that.
As she sat down on the chair, a nurse came to put a baby blanket around the attending's shoulders. The NICU was chilly after all, and she knew the blonde would be there for the most of the night. Arizona smiled her thanks, and then put the reading materials on her laps. She found the gentle beeping sounds from the machines in the quiet room, and the slowly raising and falling movements from the baby's chest against hers soothing. She couldn't find a better place to spend her lonely studying nights.
Hours passed by, the blonde was engrossed in the notes and didn't pay much of attention to the other parents coming and going, until someone standing next to her. Her face spread to a huge surprise smile when she lifted her head and met with a pair of familiar brown eyes.
"Calliope, you're back." Arizona took in a deep breath. The sudden movement made the baby on her chest jumped. Without a second thought, the blonde pressed her lips on the top of the little head and rocking the baby slowly. "Shh... it's okay, baby girl."
Callie watched the scene unfolding in front of her and felt her heart swelled. Of course she had seen Arizona holding babies before. She was always attentive and gentle and caring when it came to her tiny human patients. But seeing the blonde holding Ana's baby in the middle of the night, softly cooing at the baby girl and the little face relaxed as if she knew she was safe and protected... it was beautiful.
"What are you doing?" The brunette knelt by the rocking chair asking with a smile.
"Don't tell me you don't know this is a kangaroo hold. I taught you this the first time you were on your Peds rotation." Arizona turned her head smiled teasingly.
"Yes, I know. But why are you doing this? It's an intern's job." Callie wanted to stroke the little peaceful face, but she hadn't disinfected her hand. So instead, she placed her hand on the clothes body, half on top of Arizona's.
"I don't mind. And Annie's an excellent study buddy." Arizona smiled down to the baby in her arm. It would have been perfect if they weren't in the NICU, and if she was sure that this was going to be their baby. Callie and hers baby. "When did you come back?"
"A few hours ago." Still looking at the baby, the brunette said timidly. "I...uh... I just had a meeting with the chief."
"Yeah?" Arizona raised her eyebrows. "What for?"
"I came to ask my old job back." Taking her hand back, Callie straightened her back and gazed at the blue eyes.
"You do?" The blonde asked again, and she got a nod in return.
"Yep. And I'm gonna start again on Monday."
"This is great, Callie." Dimpled smile displaced in full force. Arizona couldn't be happier knowing the brunette was not going to give up her career. "But, is this what you want? I mean, I'm glad that you're back but... are you?"
"I read Ana's letter." The brunette took a deep breath and sighed. Her eyes drifted to the baby. "It reminded me that... nothing can't be overcome. When Malena died, it was hard on Ana and me. We both had fallen so deep but eventually I got back up. It was horrible and shocking and horrifying but... I got back up. I have found the purpose of my life. I want to be a surgeon. I want to save lives. And I have found you."
The blonde listened quietly. Her heart clenched seeing the soulful brown filling with tears slowly.
"But Ana didn't get the chance. She felt this baby was her last chance of happiness and she was willing to risk her own life for her baby. She wanted to do so much for her baby but she didn't get the chance." Thinking about Ana's suffering and sacrifice, Callie had to blink her eyes a couple times to stop the tears spilling out of her eyes. "She didn't get a chance to do anything anymore but I have one."
"Callie..." Couldn't help herself, Arizona cupped the flush face with her free hand stroking lovingly.
"I know you don't think it's a good idea but I can't back down on my promise, Arizona. I can't abandon Ana and Sofia just like..." Callie closed her eyes and leaned into the hand on her cheek. "Jack told Ana that he doesn't want this baby. Her father didn't even show up in the funeral. His own daughter's funeral."
"Sofia?" Arizona asked.
"Ana wanted to name her baby Sofie. It was Malena's middle name." The brunette put her hand back on the baby. "But I think it's only appropriated to add Ana's name in the mix."
"It's a beautiful name." The blonde sang to the baby in her arm. "Hi, Sofia."
"Arizona, I don't want you to feel that you're obligated to..." Callie said with difficulty. Of course she wanted to have Arizona by her side, but she couldn't take the blonde for granted. If Arizona didn't want to have anything to do with the baby, she would understand. But she got cut her off before finishing the sentence.
"Callie, I know you. I know from the start that you will not give Sofia up. I just needed you to make sure that this wasn't an impulsive decision." Looking longingly into the brown eyes before her, Arizona declared firmly. She needed Callie to hear her. "Having Sofia is what you want, I'm here for you. I was gonna going to Miami to tell you that, I swear. I have let you down before but I promise you, Callie. I will do my best for you, and our baby girl."
Callie let out a breath that she didn't even know she was holding. She stepped on the flight back to Seattle with a heavy heart. Asking her job back wouldn't be easy but she knew that she could always get another job. But asking for Arizona's understanding that she couldn't abandon Sofia, it would be much harder. She was afraid to hear that the blonde didn't want to be in the picture. Hearing the words came out from the pink lips, she felt the weight on her shoulders had lift and she was able to breathe. Slowly, she brought her lips closer to Arizona's for a tender kiss.
"Thank you." The brunette breathed out softly. She put her head on Arizona's shoulder and looking at her new baby. Their new baby.
"Sofia Torres." Arizona tilted her head to the side resting against Callie's. A chuckle left her lips all in a sudden. "Middle name Annie. We've called her Annie for days, I think she's kinda used to that now."
"Sofia Annie..." Callie nodded slowly. "Robbins Torres."
"Really?" The blonde pulled back slightly, a huge grin hanging on her face.
"She is mine, as well as yours, Arizona." Callie lifted her head facing the blonde saying sincerely. Her brown eyes were radiant with love.
"Thank you." Arizona leaned down for another soft kiss. Pulling away, they both looked at their baby as the blonde let the name rolled out of her lips once again. "Sofia Annie Robbins Torres, we are your mommies."
"She's our baby." The brunette whispered with a smile. She snuggled up closer to the blonde. And Arizona wrapped her free hand around the mother of her daughter, pulling her closer.
"Callie, you must be tired. A plane ride and the meeting with the chief," Arizona rubbed her hand up and down the strong shoulder. She didn't want this moment to end but she knew Callie needed some rest. "Go home, get some sleep. Sofia and I will be in here waiting for you tomorrow."
"Okay." Callie agreed, but showing no attempt to move. "Just... I want to stay a while longer."
The blonde said nothing but holding her woman tighter.
A/N 2 : A lot of you don't want Callie adopting this baby, I know. Their first baby should be theirs, biologically related to either one of them. But blood, DNA don't make a family. Love does.