Spencer closed his bedroom door on a Saturday morning. The television shone bright in front of him, displaying a news broadcast reporting on a mysterious murder in his neighbor's house. Spencer grinned at the photo of the blood-soaked teenager, an array of knives sticking out of his torso. The scent of death was in the air, and Spencer found it acetounding.

It was then when Spencer's pants vibrated. That always happens to me every other week. It seemed the cause of the vibration was Spencer's cellular telephone. He must be getting an auditorial message. His phone did not support textual messages, of course.

[initiate auditorial conversation]

Rosebud: "Sup spenc"

Mudbud: "Is there ANY particular reason that YOU decided to spend VALUABLE TIME of my LIFE?"

Rosebud: "yee"

Rosebud: "I need you to turn on your teleporter."

Mudbud: "And why would I do THAT?"

Rosebud: "cuz"

Mudbud: "cuz"

Mudbud: "ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME!?"

Mudbud: "wait"

Mudbud: "F***?"

Mudbud: "OH G**D*** IT!"

Mudbud: "DON'T TELL ME YOU PUT A SWEAR FILTER ON!"

Rosebud: "¯\_(ツ)_/¯"

Rosebud: "Maybe"

Mudbud: "F*** YOU"

Mudbud: "Guess who's NOT turning on their teleporter now?"

Mudbud: "THIS F***ING GUY!"

Rosebud: "Aw come on don't be like that"

Rosebud: "April fools?"

Mudbud has closed the phone application.

Rosebud: "Aw snap"

[deinitiate auditorial conversation]

Enough of that pile of trash. It's time to get down to business.

Spencer opened up his notebook, or as he called it, "El Escritorio Nocivo". It contained several blueprints of doomsday machines and world domination plans, many of which had failed. The biggest thing Spencer had dominated in his life was a single cheez-it, which he keeps in his closet as a kind of good luck token, or just a nostalgic piece of memorabilia.

Along with his nefarious schemes, one of Spencer's biggest hobbies was to play the accordion, which is known to be the most demonic instrument of all time. Just look at how it possesses such a dark aura…

Spencer was bored. He had already sent his homework to Geoff's homework machine to finish it for him, so he had nothing to do now. He decided to switch on the television and watch his favorite show, Skience Guyz.

Now we're talking. The Skience Guyz were a dynamic duo that did a bunch of stupid science things that were probably fake. But fake reality television is the most entertaining reality television. In this episode, the Skience Guyz were asked to help some garbage people to speed up their job. With the help of a teleporter, the Skience Guyz transported all the trash in the community dumpsters to a land fill in the span of a few seconds.

Apparently.

Well that was cool. But now it was time to get serious. Spencer booted up his Apple II computer and opened the steam machene applicatoion. He chose to play his favorite game Call of Duty Advanced Blops 4.7 Ultimate edition, featuring HTC vive support! He plugged in his htc vive and started shooting a bunch of peeps. Literally. He downloaded a mod that makes all the enimies peeps. Why? Who knows.

In CoDAB4.7UE,FHTCVS! , you play alongside a team of other players to shoot as many peeps as possible. Spencer was number 17 on the leaderboards because he was a cool guy. He used a .47 mm RCT2 automatic, the best automatic knife in the game. That's right, he was so cool that he didn't even use guns, instead preferring the cold blade of knives and other dirking devices.

After Spencer played on his HTC vive, he was reminded of his own knife collection which he treasured so much. He decided to open it up, for old time's sake.

The case opened with a satisfying click, revealing an array of blades. Some were ordinary, while others were crazy experiments created with the help of his friend, Charles. Where was Charles, anyway? Probably dead or something.

Oh yeah, spencer saw the news. Charles was dead. I forgot.

Spencer decided to carry the knife case with him. He may even need it soon…

Spencer remembered that he had opened up El Escritorio Nocivo and didn't even do anything with it. He looked back at it and saw a blueprint for an amazing weapon he had designed called the "Tape Shooter". It shoots tape.

Spencer needed something to waste the time, so he gathered the parts to build the Tape Shooter and brang all his materials to the roof to assemble it together.

After setting up the power supply, spencer used his wire cuters to slice all the wires off of the barrel of the tape shooter. The wires stop electricity, of course. He then set up the propulsion network to laucnch the tape throught the barrel, and then stood back to set it off.

3…2…go

Spencer pulled the button and….

Nothing happened .

Huh. Why didn't it work? Did he not cut all the wires? All That did happen was he could now hear a loud whooshing noise, but it seemed to be coming from behind him. He turned around to find nothing but open air.

Oh f***. Here she is again.

[initiate auditorial conversation]

Rosebud:"so"

Rosebud: "are you gonna turn on your teleporter?"

Mudbud: "NO"

Rosebud: "k"

Rosebud: "welp"

Rosebud: "sorry in advance"

[deinitiate auditorial conversation]

Sorry in advance? What?

Suddenly, the whooshing chopper turned off its invisibility filter and a guy on the side of the helicopter knocked spencer out with a golden crooked baseball bat. The chopper grabbed sopencer with a force field, then flew away as the invisibilty filter reactivated and the helicopter blended into the atmosphere.

To be continuhdfiuhidsuhgfijfiushrigfslijurfiurhfgusdufhvisv