Chapter 3:
Nostalgia

''How does it feel to be back in Forks, sweetie?'' Cora asked, the sweet older waitress who had worked at Forks Diner for the last 40 years and whom had a soft spot for Chief Swan and his daughter.

''Pretty surreal to be back here after years away. I can't wait to surprise my Dad'' Bella responded, smiling genuinely at the waitress who chuckled and continued pouring her drink before sliding it across the table to Bella.

''You're moving back for good,right? It looks like getting away from here agreed with you.I just can't get over how much you look like your mother, bless her heart. How is she nowadays? Still with that young fellow?'' Cora questioned, asking question after question that Bella simply did not wish to answer.

As soon as Cora had mentioned her mother, the smile had fallen easily from her face and her expression darkened considerably as she thought back to the disturbing phone-call she'd had from Phil earlier that day.

Renee had simply stated that she was overreacting to an issue that was pointless arguing about when Phil had inquired as to his step-daughter's whereabouts all those years ago after Renee had shared her sordid secret.

Bella loved Phil, she really did. Well, as much as you could love someone who was your step-father yet barely five years separated you and them in age. Phil had called her early that morning to inform her that she was going to be a big sister as her mother was pregnant.
2 months pregnant to be exact.

She had tried to be happy for him, she really had but the more he chatted on about how excited they both were about the news, the harder it became to keep a tight rein on her anger at her mother. She'd made several excuses as she tried to get off the phone and keep the words that rose to stand poised on the tip of her tongue buried as deeply as she could but she simply couldn't.

Her tone dripping with sarcasm, she'd asked Phil quite seriously if he was sure that it was his baby because Renee's track record with her husbands weren't a positive thing. Phil's response was instantaneous:

''I'm not Charlie, Bella. You can remain angry at your mother all you like but Charlie is the one who still has never realised that his wife not only cheated on him but fathered a child with someone else. That really says a lot about him if he still doesn't know.''

In retaliation she'd hung up on him before following up that unproductive call with a text that described exactly how she felt about Phil's words.

You're not my father at all. Have you ever thought that he's never realised the truth because he trusted her? When she screws you over which is inevitable then don't come to me with your problems. I'm done. You've made your bed so lie in it.

After sending the text, she'd had the brief thought of phoning him back and apologising for her anger but it had indeed just been a fleeting thought. She cared for him, she truly did but she wouldn't stand by and watch from the sidelines as her mother hurt somebody else.

The now-familiar rush of anger as she thought about her mother's lies and betrayals greeted her like an old friend which she welcomed with open arms. She'd worked hard these past five years to put her past behind her and move on with her life but it wasn't easy.

The only thing that truly made her feel in the kaleidoscope of emotions that being human entailed was the anger. Since that day where her heart had truly been shattered, she'd coped by using the anger as an aid and a way of pushing herself when all she wanted was to fall and collapse into herself.

She'd perfected how to mimic being happy, able to fool everyone around her including her godmother Elizabeth but unfortunately she could never fool her heart into being anything other than a partially fix mess.

She'd thrown herself into her education, not caring at all for friends or family. She'd worked tirelessly for four years to prove to herself that she could make something out of her life and that she was destined to do something instead of wasting it.

Once she'd was happy with what she'd accomplished, she'd spent the better part of a year researching and attempting to track down her birth father. She didn't want to know him but there was a small part of her that had so many questions for this man that shared her DNA.

She wanted to know why he'd upped and vanished into thin air once her mother had left Charlie. Most of all through; she simply wanted to know what kind of man had fathered her.

She'd kind of figured that he wasn't like Charlie. The whole having an affair with a married woman was enough of a pointer to that.

She didn't find him but she found out enough about him that she was horrified to realise the type of man he was. The kind of man who had no problem leaving a trail of destruction wherever he went before he did a disappearing act which seemed to be a favourite trick of his.

With that realisation, she'd stopped looking and trying to understand why her mother would have gone for someone like him instead of Charlie.

She'd burnt everything she'd collected and decided that disturbing the past was the worst thing she could do. She'd learnt her lesson with the Cullens that curiosity could quite possibly kill the cat in some cases and her instincts were screaming at her to run as far away as she could from the mess that was her birth father.

Trusting her better judgement, she did just that and decided that residing in the same state as her mother was the worst thing for her if she wanted to leave things in the past. She'd considered Chicago, knowing that it would give her a fresh start after everything but her heart pulled her in the opposite direction.

Biting the bullet, she'd intended to look for properties that were being sold in Port Angeles but her fingers had a mind of their own and she'd ended up falling in love with a rundown house on the outskirts of Forks, Willow House.

The house needed some serious TLC but it was a stunningly beautiful house and especially for the price of it. The current owner had been more then happy to sell it to her for next to nothing compared to what he could have got for it but she wasn't gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.

That was how she'd ended up back in the very place that she'd sworn she would never return to. A good thing about the distance from town was that nosy neighbours wanting to gossip about her return would be hard-pushed or interested enough to make the drive to see her. The terrain was tricky on a good day but with the latest spat of bad weather; it was impossible to access unless you had a vehicle that could handle it.

''That mother of yours still as flighty as ever?'' Cora questioned, the disapproving undertones to her voice snapping Bella out of her trip down memory lane and bringing her back to the present.

''Somethings will never change, Cora. My mother is one of those things unfortunately'' Bella remarked, taking a sip of her drink as Cora snorted unladylike before assessing Bella's reaction to her actions.

At Bella's lack of reaction, Cora remarked'' You've turned out remarkably well considering what your mother is like. I always told Charlie that he should have fought her for custody of you'' to which Bella laughed.

Cora simply smiled at Bella before turning and taking her leave. Bella turned her attention back to the papers in front of her, determined to push every intrusive and unwelcome memory out of her mind.

After re-reading the same paragraph several times, Bella was forced to admit that it was a losing battle and so she shoved the papers back into her bag, neither looking or caring for the condition they were in.

Deciding to cut the rest of her day in the town short, Bella had just gotten into the car when a very familiar car pulled up and she prayed that the original owner had simply sold it. Just seeing the Rabbit was enough to bring back memories she had repressed that were simply too much for her to process let alone deal with.

Her eyes were glued to that car reluctantly as she waited. She held her breath ,and in her head, began to count. She prayed that for every single number she counted to that someone, somewhere, would grant her a reprieve from something she would never be ready to face.

.

.

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As the door opened, Bella felt the tension in the car increase ten-fold as she watched and waited. Her whole being was frozen, torn between embracing the rare rush of an emotion that wasn't anger and running away from everything.

She wanted to frame and hold onto the elation that she wasn't completely numb yet at the same time, she didn't want to feel emotions that were as alien to her as her own father was.