A Little Bit of Home

Leah walked to the end of the street and took one quick glance behind her at Thorin's small block of flats before turning the corner. She sighed loudly and let his heartbreaking words resound in her mind, over and over. "You are nothing!" How could a man who claimed to love her say those words? Even if he was in the tight grips of a psychological issue, surely those words wouldn't have come to mind. Things didn't add up and didn't make sense. There was something she couldn't put her finger on and it hovered around Fili. Exactly what kind of relationship did she have with Thorin's older nephew? She couldn't even put a face to his name; nothing would emerge from the depths of her mind. So surely he couldn't be that important to her as she had no memory of him.

Every step she took into regaining her memories just opened up more doors of self doubt and fear. She would feel temporarily confident and safe, but then on closer inspection, things wouldn't seem quite so wonderful. Thorin had had reason to say those words to her, but what was the reason? The only logical way of finding out would be to ask him. What if he didn't answer?

Leah closed her eyes and held her head back, her face becoming bathed in the diminishing glows of that day's sun. The fear of the unknown was crippling her, and this particular unknown was not knowing exactly what happened in Middle-earth. How close did she get to Fili?

Thorin woke sharply as he heard the front door to his flat open and then shut. "Sorry to wake you," Leah said softly. "You ran out of milk so I grabbed some from the corner shop."

Thorin wasn't exactly convinced by her excuse, despite there being a fresh two pint carton of semi skimmed milk on the sideboard. As she'd re-entered the flat she couldn't look him in the eyes, and that normally meant she had a question for him. "What is it?" he asked sternly. "I can tell that expression by now, Leah. You say you went to buy milk but something is troubling you."

The few seconds it took for Leah to make her way around to the sofa was unbearable for Thorin. He wanted answers, and fast. Even as she sat down beside him, she wouldn't look him in the eye. "Look at me," he said sternly, his face set in a scowl.

"Don't think you can give orders to me, Thorin," Leah shot back. "I remember what you said to me in the main hall when you were suffering from the sickness. It came back to me earlier in a dream. I'm nothing to you, then? I don't know how much I told you about my past, but that is the lowest of the low." Tears began to stream down her face, and she remained quiet. "I've been told that, one way or another, by too many people in my life, and I'm not taking it from anyone again."

"Why would you ever think I'd say something like that and mean it?" Thorin replied, his voice quiet but tinged with anger. "You said it yourself, I was in the grip of the Dragon Sickness, Leah. I didn't know what I was doing."

"Bullshit!" Leah cursed. "You knew exactly what you were doing. Something pissed you off so badly that you took it out on me, throwing those fucking words back at me...I fought with that for years, and I started to feel as though I was actually wanted again."

"My anger was intensified," Thorin spat. "All I could see was..." and then he stopped, realising he'd said too much.

"What? What did you see?"

"I will not continue with this any further!" Thorin shouted.

"You will tell me now, Thorin, or I'll walk out that door and fuck ruling anywhere with you!"

Leah watched Thorin wince at those words. She'd struck a very delicate nerve.

"I saw...you and Fili..."

"Oh, God, not Fili again!" Leah half screamed. "What the hell is going on here? What have you got against him? I don't even remember him, so he was obviously that important to me. All of the memories that have come back have all concentrated on you, not him. Why are you so jealous of him?"

"I saw him holding you. You were weeping in his arms..."

"Oh, so that instantly means in your book that I'm sleeping with him?" she shot back sarcastically.

"I was ill, Leah. I saw him holding you and comforting you in the way that I should have been. And I know why you were upset...it was through me. You lost your faith in me that day and sought comfort with my nephew. But I saw it as more than that. The sickness was tricking me, causing me to see that I was not right for you. I could never be the man who would make you happy. That was why I said you were nothing. And, believe me, those words could never be any further from the truth, my love. I said it out of retaliation and to protect myself."

"Why do you keep feeling as though we're not enough for each other?"

"You are more than enough for me; it's me not being enough for you," Thorin said softly. He turned away, not wanting her to see the grief in his eyes. Those words still clung to him every day since saying them.

"Why the hell would you not be enough for me?" She stood in front of him and pressed her hands to his chest. "You're powerful, strong, defiant, but next to that you're kind, gentle..." She took his hand in hers, lacing their fingers together, and then pressed it to her face. "You think I'm scared, but so are you. You're scared of being overshadowed by someone else. And when it comes to who I love, no one else could compare."

Leah looked into his eyes and saw him change again, and this time she was talking to the true Thorin Oakenshield. She reached out and brushed the locks through her fingers, feeling them gently tangle in her hand.

Thorin smiled as he watched her tracing where his long mane of hair should have been. This was the purest form of love; it no longer mattered what his appearance, she still saw him as he truly was.

Later on that evening, after their argument, quickly followed by the heart to heart, Leah began thinking on how she'd break the news to her sister about leaving. There was no way she could just leave and not at least leave a note behind. She couldn't leave her family with the possibility that she'd died. While Thorin was taking a bath, she decided to use her diary that she packed in her overnight bag, to begin drafting a letter to her family. Of course she'd leave it with her sister to then pass on to their parents.

Her sister had always been the one to look after her, even with their parents didn't. Rachel had always protected and shielded Leah, and to the point of wrapping her in cotton wool. The relationship between Rachel and Leah had sometimes verged on mother and daughter, despite there only being a six year gap between them. If there was one person that Leah would miss in this world, it was Rachel. Leah couldn't deny that the idea of asking Rachel to go with them had crossed her mind already. But how would her older sister react? Surely she wouldn't accept until she saw actual proof of stepping between worlds, and then it might be too late. Rachel didn't have any ties; she was single, having divorced three years previously. The only thing she had was her job.

Leah got up from the sofa, dropping her diary down on the coffee table and knocked on the bathroom door. "Can I come in?" she asked.

"Of course," Thorin replied.

Leah stepped inside the bathroom and felt a stir inside herself as she saw Thorin completely naked beneath the water. He looked up at her and reached out, gesturing for her to sit beside him.

"I wanted to ask something. It's crossed my mind a couple of times, but I don't know how I'm even going to do it..."

"What is it?" Thorin asked warmly.

"I was considering asking my sister to come with us. I can't stand the idea of leaving her here on her own. We've always been really close. I just don't know how I'd even bring this up to her. I know she noticed a difference in my behaviour the last few weeks and I never told her about the dreams. How could I?"

"How could I deny you this? You're going to be giving up your home to make a new one with me. If this is what you want and will make you happy, then yes. Do you wish for me to come with you? Or would you prefer to approach her by yourself?"

"Maybe on my own would be better at first," Leah mused. "She'll be my little bit of home. And, no offence, but us women still need a fellow woman to talk to now and again."

Thorin chuckled. "I understand."

Leah took her mobile phone out of her pocket and text Rachel, asking when she would be at work the next day. "I'm just asking when she's next in work and we can talk it over. She really is going to think I've gone absolutely insane. My day dreaming has gone too far this time, probably."

xxx

Gandalf picked up a newspaper from the stand outside a petrol station and stared at the front page. There, boldly, were photographs of an extremely tall pale man, scarred down his face and with one arm, who had been caught on CCTV footage. In just over twenty four hours he'd brutally murdered fifteen people, but was still on the run. All of the murders had been in a ten mile radius of the area and seemed, judging from the locations, getting closer to Thorin and Leah. But this pale man was not alone; he had a group of accomplices, who had been sighted stealing from the local off licences, and fleeing the scene of the murders.

In a state of panic and desperation, Gandalf began his journey back to Thorin. He was only a few miles away by now and could easily get back into town by midnight. In this world his only form of travel were taxis or buses. He had no access to a horse. And by now there was no way that he could notify Fili and Kili; he'd been able to track them down using something called the 'Internet' and 'Facebook'.

He hurried along the streets, keeping his keen eyes on the people passing him by. There were groups of people waiting outside pubs, watching him and laughing as he dashed past.

"Watch where you're going, Granddad!" one drunk man called out angrily.

xxx

Thorin and Leah were sat side by side on the sofa, kissing each other slowly, but just as the heat began to rise in their actions, there was a loud knock at the door. Thorin hissed a curse word in his mother tongue under his breath.

"That didn't sound very nice," Leah laughed, getting up off the sofa and heading to the door.

Gandalf was standing the other side of the door, breathless, as Leah opened it. "We must move. Azog is moving and I fear he is coming here," Gandalf cried.

Leah gawked at Gandalf and then turned to look at Thorin who by now was approaching the door. His jaw was clenched and his eyes had become misted with anger. "Then I'll be ready to take him down again."

"Thorin, no. He killed you last time!" Leah shouted. "We hide and then go back together."

"I am not hiding!" Thorin boomed. "I am no coward."

"I never said you were," Leah replied. "If there's one person I know is not a coward, it's you. But I'm not going to even risk having to watch you die again."

A fourth voice suddenly pitched into the debate. "I came as quickly as I could," he said, stepping into the flat. Thorin instantly recognised the voice.

"Bilbo," Thorin whispered, stepping towards his friend's voice. "How did you find us?"

"Gandalf came a few hours ago into the Shire and asked me to come as it was of great importance," Bilbo replied. In this world he stood taller than his normal hobbit size, but still shorter than Thorin and did not have his curly hair. Instead he had short cut hair and wore shoes; his large, hairy feet were no longer part of him in this place. "He asked me to take guard of Leah if there were any threats."

"So you're assuming that Thorin is going to be fighting that bastard?" Leah growled, glaring at Gandalf. "You planned this from the beginning as soon as you knew Azog was here. You planned for Thorin to fight and dragged Bilbo into this to look after me as if I'm a child."

"The crossing of worlds lies with you, Leah!" Gandalf boomed. "You have the power to open portals and close them, but you must learn to control your emotions when doing it."

"Me? You must be joking!" Leah scoffed. "I stare at wall long enough and a portal just magically appears and sends me to Narnia."

"Why are you mocking something that you know is possible?" Gandalf asked. "Did you never wonder why you came into Middle-earth outside of the full moon window which only occurs every thousand years?"

"I don't even know how it happened. I can't remember," Leah shouted. "You're pinning this on me now."

"Leah, it's true," Bilbo interjected. "There are said to be few who can do it, but it is true. Some never realise they can do it until they are lost and can't get back. You are the key to all of this."

"You are the only way that doors can be opened and locked," Gandalf said, his voice gradually descending back down to its normal volume. "Think back and before you began having the dreams, what were you focussing on? What was your state of mind?"

"I'd lost my job a few weeks before and just felt as though my life was going nowhere. I wanted to just be out the way to put it bluntly."

"And that is what must have caused the shift, and you finding yourself in our world," Gandalf said. "Then when Thorin was killed, after I took your memories, you disappeared. You must have brought yourself back home. The energy of you mourning for Thorin and also the veil being thin at the same time, that must be what pulled him through; you must be incredibly strong to pull Thorin through with only one or two memories of him coming through in dreams."

"Does that mean I pulled Azog through, as well?" Leah whimpered, allowing the tears to fall down her cheeks.

"It seems in your grief of losing Thorin you opened a portal of quite grand proportions," Gandalf answered, sighing. "All of the answers stand with you, and until you prepare yourself to open the doorway to send Azog to a place of darkness, we are all in danger. We must keep you safe."

Leah dropped herself down into the leather of the sofa and wept. Her shoulders shook violently. Thorin got down on his knee in front of her. "My love," he whispered, gently easing her hands from her face. "Do not blame yourself for any of this. It was because of you that we have this second chance."