Lunar Titanium

—An Alternative Story by StrawberryMilkyTea—

[Part 1]

=A Blind Promise=

It's been six months.

Mom has sent me to therapy every other day since I got out of the hospital. But it doesn't help. The medication doesn't stop me from screaming myself and the entire house awake every night. And talking won't bring my friends back. Or my ability to see.

Not a moment passes that I don't wish I could go back to that day, the day our lives were really supposed to begin, and do – something. I'd give my heart, my soul, my eyes, anything to have saved them.

But wishing won't revive them, or the thousands of other innocent people who were slaughtered because I couldn't protect them. Hundreds of families torn apart, children left orphans, parents burying their babies, and news stories all over television asking why.

"…And the question remains – "Where is Sailor Moon?" Has she abandoned us, and should we truly give up hope? More attacks were reported today in the Hara—" I shut off the TV; I can still feel where the power button is on the remote control. My family doesn't object. We're tired of hearing the rising death count. Though I can't see them, I hear Mom flipping through a magazine way too quickly to actually be reading it, Shingo clicking away on his handheld game system, and Dad at the table, going through yet more medical bills. I can sense the stress in his breathing.

That's thing about being blind; everything becomes so much clearer to you.

Unable to bear the sound of silence any longer, I stand and exit the sitting room, into the hall, where I feel along the wall until I reach the stairs and carefully ascend them. Memorizing the layout of my home had been difficult at first, but now I can navigate it without the help of a cane, at least. It's going out in public that really impairs me. Not that anyone with half a mind makes an effort to leave the safety of their homes much, with the attacks growing ever more frequent.

I push open the door to my room and make my way to the bed, where I lower myself and feel around until I find a pillow to hug against my rolling stomach. A soft, slender form brushes comfortingly against me, slinking in between my legs until I reach down to pet her. At my touch, she lets out a soft "mew".

Luna hasn't been able to communicate with me since the Imperial Silver Crystal was destroyed. Often I miss her voice, and not long after graduation I even began longing for her nagging. She is the only one I can talk to about the girls, my very best friends, and who they really were. They were heroes. But no one knows that, aside from me and a cat that I can no longer understand.

Their bodies weren't recovered, but many people had been devoured whole by the Chogsogu, as well as ripped apart, so that had not given me any hope. Instead it made me feel empty. Each funeral seemed lacking, not worthy of the beautiful lives they were to commemorate. The caskets were filled with mementos in place of corpses. Ami's laptop. Rei's robes. Mina's scarlet hair bow. Makoto's rose earrings.

It still hadn't felt like we'd properly said farewell.

I'm almost grateful that I can't see anymore; the world's become such a wretched place, and I've already lost so much of who I used to be that I don't think I could handle much more without totally breaking. And a world without my friends isn't one I want to look upon anyway.

My phone comes to life on the nightstand – it's Mamo-chan's specific ring tone. I silence and allow it to go to voicemail. I don't feel very much like talking right now. Gathering Luna up in my arms, I lay back against the pillows and hold her close, her purring acting as a pacifier for me. Though it makes no difference, I close my eyes. They still hurt sometimes, but I no longer have to wear the bandages over them. My doctor suggested wearing a pair of dark glasses to make me feel less self-conscious while I make the adjustment, but I declined. If my blank eyes make people uncomfortable, I don't frankly care.

Gently stroking Luna's plush fur helps to somewhat calm me. She snuggles up against my neck as if to offer comfort. I think she can still understand me, even if she can't respond with human speech. That hope often helps me through the difficult days. Not even speaking to Mamo-chan makes me feel better..

I also think a lot about Chibiusa. This horror movie that has become our reality.. how has it affected and changed the future? Is she okay? Is she safe? Does she even exist anymore? Feeling that I might vomit, I sit up quickly and grab the nearby waste basket. Luna leaps up in surprise, but softly mews in sympathy as I wretch up what little bit of food I've managed to force myself to eat today.

After washing my face and wiping my mouth with a damp rag in the bathroom, I return to my bedroom and close the door, pressing my back against it and taking in a shaky breath. The new medicine I've been taking hasn't helped my anxiety very much. I'm still unable to hold down solid foods, and I'm losing so much weight that even children's clothing is becoming baggy on me.

I don't realize I'm crying until a soft whimper escapes my lips. It's hard to feel anything in my face with the damaged nerves. I retrieve a tissue from a Kleenex box on the dresser and dab gently at the tears. A knock sounds at my door, my mother's voice follows close afterwards.

"Bunny, are you alright?"

"I'm fine." I respond in the calmest tone I can manage. She doesn't sound convinced, but concedes, leaving me to stew in my misery alone. I prefer it this way.

Though I cannot actually see my reflection, I feel around for the mirror on my dressing table and glower at myself in the glass. "You're pathetic," I say lowly, gripping the sides of the dresser tightly. "You should have died instead. It should have been you."

"IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU!" Now I'm screaming, and I don't care who hears. I pick up the nearest solid object – a picture frame – and smash the mirror, hitting it over and over, ignoring the large, jagged shards of glass burying into my hands.

"Usa! Usagi!" Mom's calling from the other side of my door, but it's locked and no matter how much she jiggles the handle or beats on it, it won't open. And I don't stop. Eventually my voice goes hoarse and my weak body runs out of energy.

Sinking to my knees, I take shallow, pained breaths, allowing tears to continue streaming down my face. Warm blood is pouring from my arms and hands, but I ignore it. How much I've changed in such a short time…

I used to be such a happy and caring person. Now I'm destroying furniture in a grief and self loathing induced fit, worrying my family to death. Mom is still begging me to let her in, but I can't bring myself to stand up. Guilt pierces me like a dagger in the chest as I hear her sobbing and Dad trying to remove the doorknob altogether.

Curling into a ball, I hug myself and cry harder than I ever have in my nineteen years. Luna paws at me in concern, but I can't compose myself. Especially when my hand brushes something achingly familiar – a heart-shaped brooch, battered and broken. It must have fallen off of my dresser while I was beating the hell out of it.

Wrapping my bleeding fist tightly around it, I hold it close to my heart and grit my teeth so tightly it hurts my jaw. I can't do this. I just can't live without them. It isn't fair for them to be gone while I'm still alive, still with my family, still for the most part healthy.

"…My poor queen…what's become of you?" a sorrowful woman's voice breaks me momentarily from my despair. Immediately I recognize it and my eyes widen as I sit up. "Setsuna? Is that you?" I reach out with my free hand, and the Sailor Senshi of Time wraps her satin gloved one gently around my mangled fingers. More tears form before I can stop them but this time from anger.

"Why didn't you tell us?!" I demand. "You saw everything! You knew this was going to happen! You see and know all things past, present, and future!" Now I'm even more hysterical, trying to rip myself away from her, but she maintains a grip on my hand. "Yet you didn't warn us – you didn't even try! What have you to say for yourself!?"

"My sacred vow is—"

"FUCK YOUR VOW." I shout hatefully. "My friends are dead – good people, children even, were mutilated!"

Still, Sailor Pluto's voice remains sober. "Your Highness, nothing could be done to stop this atrocity. Knowing in advance about it would have made no difference, no matter how you think you could have prepared. Ghast is a very strong demon, and none of the Sailor Senshi have the power to take him on."

"There are no more Sailor Senshi," I snarl callously, throwing my broken locket at her. I hear a thud and the newfound darkness in my heart hopes that it hit her in the face. "None that matter."

"Usagi-chan, there is—"

"Don't you dare call me that!" I viciously cut her off. "To you I am Neo Queen Serenity, only those I trust may call me Usagi-chan. And because of you, there is no one left that I trust."

Pluto remains silent for a moment. Just when I begin to wonder if she is even still here, she speaks again. "Queen Serenity, the other Senshi are not dead."

These words weigh heavily on the air between us, and I stare blankly in the direction where I think she's sitting. All I can say is "what?"

"Ghast dragged them into the underworld with him during the attack on your high school graduation day. That is why no bodies were found. All this time I have been trying to contact you, but travel between the dimensions has been somehow distorted… I am certain it has to do with Ghast's power. The Senshi are being held prisoner in hell, and each moment there is agony for them as it has been for you."

I dare not let myself hope yet. My new meds might be messing with my head. But I can't help but feel my heart swell with the possibility that I might get my desperate wish fulfilled. Can I really see them again? Hear their voices and feel their embraces? "H—how do I get them back?" I finally say. It only just no occurs to me that Pluto must have frozen time around us, since the banging on my bedroom door has ceased, and Luna is stiff against my leg, absolutely still.

Pluto pressed the broken transformation brooch into the hand she's been holding captive since she arrived and wraps my fingers around it. "Only one person can rescue them."

My eyes narrow disdainfully. "She's been gone a long time."

"She is only gone so long as you banish her. But she will always be a part of you. And it is your choice that will make all the difference, my queen."

With that, she releases my hand and time resumes. My dad must have been able to get the lock unscrewed, because both he and Mom burst in. Mom wraps me in her arms and holds me tight, sobbing. "Usa, you're bleeding! Kenji, call an ambulance, she needs stitches on her wrists!"

I don't say a word, or hear much of anything that happens over the next several hours. I'm able to convince the hospital that it wasn't a suicide attempt, and so after being bandaged up, I'm sent home. Mom puts me to bed and places my cell phone on the night table with her number pulled up so that all I have to do is push a button and it will call her.

Then I'm left alone. I think Shingo cleaned up the mirror shards while I was gone, because I can't feel them when I approach the dresser and grab my brooch. It feels odd in my hand, almost foreign. It has been a long time since I used it. Regardless of whether or not Setsuna was a hallucination, I have to try, right?

The only problem is I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do. Luna seems to be following me – I can hear her paws on the carpet. "Please.. if they really are trapped, I'll do anything. Just give me my power back." I say quietly to the shattered Crystal, as if it is sentient.

It's then that I feel the full anguish hit me like a train. I drop to my knees and hunch over, sobbing harshly. "Please! They need me, and I'm useless like this! Take anything from me! Just let me be Sailor Moon again, so I can save them!"

A hand gently clasps my shoulder and I jump, looking straight into what I know is a face – I can feel soft breath. "Are you truly wiling to give up part of yourself to regain your gift?" It's Neo-Queen Serenity. I would know this voice anywhere, considering one day it will be mine.

I nod frantically, extending the locket to her with both hands, as if it is a fragile bird's egg. "I will do whatever it takes."

"Very well." Without warning, her hand plunges deep into my chest. I gasp as blood rushes up my esophagus and spills out of my mouth, dripping onto my pajamas. I am too stunned to move, but I can feel her fingers wrap around my heart and squeeze. Choking on even more blood, I struggle to breathe.

Serenity pulls, digging her nails into the soft tissue of the vital organ. She is literally tearing it in half. I try to scream, but the only sound that comes out at first is a mangled gurgle. Once she pulls part of the still-beating heart out of my chest, I can at last scream from the torture of having my chest cavity invaded.

I feel a strange sensation take over my body, and my eyes burn as if the acid rain that rendered them useless has returned. Only this time, instead of my word going dark, it slowly fades back into focus. My vision is at first blurry, but I can still make out the shape of my future self fusing my bloody heart fragment with what is left of the Silver Crystal.

When I am finally able to stop screaming, Serenity has vanished. My parents burst into my room for the second time in one night, only this time they are relieved to find that I'm not brutally injured. Mom kneels before me and grabs my shoulders. "Usa, did you have another night terror?"

Shaking all over, I swallowed hard and stared at the floor, where a platinum heart-shaped brooch glimmers in the light from the hallway.

"M—mom," I meet her gaze with shock, "I can see."