Two days have passed since James and I had the conversation about my visions and having a baby. It has, also, been two days since I saw Embry, or, better yet, him seeing me. I'm still having blurry, under water-like, visions. They will get a bit clear, then, get worse. My frustrations are growing.
Bella woke up, and she almost murdered Jacob when she found out he imprinted on Nessie. She freaked out even more when she found out he nicknamed her Nessie. To give her some credit, though, she is very controlled. Though, she's got nothing on me.
My pack is doing great. Jacob, Seth, and Leah are getting along very well. They are all concerned about me because of how stressed I've been. Jacob is happy, though, because Quil and I have made up. He and I are equally confused about everything with Embry. Jacob says to just stick by James and everything will be alright.
Quil's been sneaking to my house nightly. He tells me every time I see him Embry is so hopeful…Yeah, I screwed up. I told Quil how I felt about the whole situation, and he understood. We both agreed to not tell Embry yet, no use in building him up and letting him down…again.
Jasper and Alice have been coming over more than Emmett and Rosalie. Em and rose have decided to give me some space, but Jasper and Alice feel even closer to me. Since they are closer, they like being around me…But Alice is, actually, coming over a little less now because of her visions blacking out around me, causing headaches.
Emmett told me it tears him up seeing me like this, and he feels like its going to kill him seeing me like this. It's killing me being like this. I feel like these stupid visions are pushing everyone away. Well, at least Jasper isn't going away. James, Jasper, and Quil are really all I have right now.
"Stop feeling so lonely," Jasper spoke up and broke me out of my daze.
"I can't help it!" I said, pleading my case.
"You are not alone!" he stressed.
"With this situation, I am," I said.
"I wish I could see what you saw!" Jasper said in annoyance.
"I don't think you do," I said.
"And why is that?" he asked.
"Because you'd be just as confused and frustrated as I am!" I smiled sarcastically.
"Maybe we'd, together, be able to figure it out," he smiled back with just as much sarcasm.
"That's doubtful," I replied.
"So negative!" he picked.
"Can't help it!" I smiled.
"I just can't believe someone as powerful as you has one little thing holding them back," he said.
" bend all the rules and confuse everyone!" I replied.
"You're so interesting!" he laughed.
"I'm so weird!" I whined.
"If you are, I am," he smiled.
"Okay!" I smiled back.
"We're weird people," he laughed.
"Vampires," I corrected.
"Except for your case," he added.
"True, true," I nodded.
"Yeah let's not even get into that," he laughed.
"Good idea," I replied.
"There has to be some way around all of this!" he said.
"I've tried everything I know," I replied.
"Have you tried getting someone else to read your thoughts?" he smiled.
"No! I'm so not trusting Edward right now!" I exerted.
"Oh come on! Try!" he begged.
"No!" I hissed.
"Well, what else is there?" he asked.
"There is what you did to me when we were in California," Quil said from out of nowhere.
"No Quil, I will not do that again!" I replied
"Why not?" he asked.
"Quil you couldn't handle it! Jacob lasted a bit longer than you, but still! I will not do that!" I pressed.
"What did you do?" Jasper questioned.
"Opened my mind completely and passed everything to them. They felt, saw, and heard everything I did," I replied.
"It was horrible," Quil added.
"I could handle it," Jasper replied.
"Jasper," I eyed him in annoyance.
"Michelle! Look what I go through every day!" he replied.
"I won't risk it!" I almost yelled.
"Risk what?" Jasper asked.
"What could happen to you if you do see it!" I answered.
"I don't care! Just do it!" he hissed.
"If I do this only you and I will be able to talk about what you see, and it will only be discussed when we are alone," I said, giving in so very quickly.
"Okay!" Jasper said urgently, "Just do it!"
"Quil, go," I said, turning and looking at Quil.
"What? Why?" he questioned.
"Just go!" I replied with authority.
Quil left, and I stared Jasper down. I didn't question his strength, but I did question mine. I couldn't give into this because I don't know what is to happen to me. I just don't know what to do.
"Quit stalling, quit fearing, just do it!" he spoke up.
"Jasper, are you sure you want to do this?" I asked. Was I sure I wanted to do it?
"Yes, I'm sure!" he replied.
"Okay," I said, grabbing his hands, "see you when you get back."
With those words I let go of everything in my mind and opened it up to him. Jasper lasted on his feet for a long time. Eventually, he fell to his knees. His face was full of pain, and I wanted so badly to let go. I wanted so badly to, but I didn't. It got up to recent times, and to the first of the visions, and continued.
Jasper finally let go and screamed in agony. He actually made it, he lasted. He, now, knows my whole life story, every single bit of it. He saw the visions, and it harmed him and not me.
"Jasper?" I said urgently.
"Oh my god!" he gasped.
"Are you okay?" I begged to know.
"How?" he whispered.
"Jasper! Answer me!" I demanded.
"How could you?" he whispered.
"Jasper!" I begged desperately. I was worried about him, I was afraid it had done something terrible to him.
"This life, you life, how?" he started mubling.
"Jasper please," I begged, "answer me!"
"I think so," he finally answered.
"Damn, don't do that to me!" I said with frustrated relief.
"Something's off here," he said, "it makes no sense."
"Now you see!" I said.
"And where the hell am I?…and Alice?" he wondered aloud.
"I've wondered that too!" I replied.
"I recognize a lot of these people," he said.
"Yeah?" I said with interest.
"Yeah, different clans," he replied.
"This makes no sense!" I said in annoyance.
"Why are all of these vampires gathered together like this?" he wondered.
"And why are they bowing in front of my side of the group?" I wondered too.
"It's something pretty damn important to make them do that," he added.
"But what?" I questioned.
"Or who…" he smiled and looked at me
"What are you trying to say?" I asked.
"Total humiliation," he grinned.
"Are you trying to say I made them do that?" I questioned.
"Of course," he smiled.
"No, I didn't feel myself do anything," I replied.
"You can feel when you lose your powers in these things?" he asked.
"Yes," I replied, "and I didn't."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Um, yeah," I said.
"Well, damn! I'm out of theories," he finally said after a long period of thought.
"See! This is how it feels!" I said.
"Not to mention, the whole love triangle thing," he added.
"Exactly! Now you know why I've been like this!" I replied.
"And, well, the crazy idea you and James have," he said as he eyed me.
"Jasper! Don't give me that look!" I growled.
"Seriously, have you two absolutely lost your minds?" he questioned.
"No!" I said defensively. "Michelle, you two think you can have a kid!" he argued.
"Jasper! I have a kid inside me right now!" I replied. A very tiny, not really even developed kid.
"It's dead!" he shouted.
"If I brought James back, I can bring it back too!" I yelled in defense.
"You don't know that!" he argued.
"No, I don't ,but I have faith in what I can do!" I replied.
"What about Rosalie?" he questioned.
"She will be the co-godmother," I replied calmly.
"She will be very upset!" he corrected in annoyance.
"No, she'll understand. If it was meant to be, the she shouldn't be. Rose loves me; she will be okay," I replied. It was almost childish of me to say it.
"What makes you so sure?" he asked.
"Jasper! What did I say?" I yelled.
"Okay, what do you think is even going to happen if you do have this child, then? It's been dead for almost two years, and its not really even developed. You're a vampire, vampires aren't supposed to have children! How do you think this is going to work? Immortal children are forbidden!" He was interrogating me.
"Bell and Edward have a child!" I replied. Okay, I was being childish.
"Half human!" he yelled.
"Mine is too!" I yelled back, "Technically…"
"And half wolf and whatever else you are! Not to mention the fact you are a vampire now too! How do you think all of this will affect this child?" he added.
"Jasper, if I didn't think this was a good idea, I wouldn't do it! I'm waiting, too, just to be safe!" I said in return.
"If you think it's fine, then why wait?" he asked.
"Because! I don't know what's going on with them!" I replied.
"You're scared to, just admit it! I already feel it!" he said.
"Jasper!" I shrieked in annoyance. He was driving me crazy.
"Damn! What are you two arguing about?" Emmett asked as he walked in.
"Nothing!" Jasper and I said in unison.
"Liars!" Emmett laughed.
"Let me rephrase that then: Nothing for you to be concerned about." I smiled with sarcasm.
"Oh, ha, ha!" Emmett replied.
"I know! It's soo funny!" I smiled.
"Bitchy sarcasm," Emmett said, "so you!"
"Are you calling me a bitch?" I asked.
"No, of course not!" he smiled.
"And now, I'm gonna go curl up in a corner and cry," I pouted.
"Oh come on sis!" he begged.
"No! I'm not your sis, I'm a bitch!" I pouted.
"Shel!" he pouted and held his arms out.
"Em, you're mean," I pouted.
"Oh come on! I didn't mean it!" he pleated.
"Yeah, whatever" I rolled my eyes and pouted some more.
"Shel!" he pleaded.
Jasper stood there looking annoyed.
"Dude, what's wrong with you? Emmett asked when he noticed Jasper's annoyance.
"You interrupted a very important conversation," Jasper replied flatly.
"Sor-ry!" Emmett said defensively.
"I'm trying to solve some serious problems here," Jasper replied, his voice dripping with obvious annoyance.
"Jasper shh!" I hissed.
"What is going on here?" Emmett asked.
"Something you need to know nothing about," I replied.
"Why are we being so secretive?" Em questioned.
"Em! Seriously, I will not involve you in this, so don't even ask!" I replied.
"What?" he questioned.
Jasper elbowed me lightly as a suggestion that I should show him.
"Jasper, I am not showing him! I shouldn't have shown you!" I thought to Jasper.
"That's shocking! He's your twin!" he replied in thought.
"I can't involve any more people!" I thought back.
"Why?" he thought in return.
"It's too dangerous!" I replied.
"There's an unspoken conversation going on in this room, and I feel very left out!" Emmett spoke up. Damn, he's good.
"Seriously Em, forget about it!" I said, and with those words erased it from his memory.
"Did you just?" Jasper asked aloud.
"Shh!" I hissed and smiled.
"Hey guys!" Emmett smiled.
"Hey Em!" I smiled back.
"Hey bro," Jasper smiled too.
Jasper and I both looked and sounded so suspicious.
"The two of you are up to something," Emmett said in suspicion.
"Okay! You caught us!" I said and held my hands up in fake surrender.
"We were talking about you," Jasper said, catching on to my cover-up scheme.
"Yeah, we were, then you walked in and caught us," I added.
"Yeah we were talking about how she totally beat your ass in that match that day!" Jasper laughed.
"Yeah, I totally beat your ass!" I laughed too.
"And I want a rematch!" Em replied.
"Give it time, you'll get your ass beat again," I smiled.
"Question," Jasper said, "where's James? "In the theatre, watching videos I've recorded in the time he and I were apart," I replied.
"Changing the subject?" Emmett asked.
"You really want me to hurt you, don't you? I mean if you want to, your decision," I replied, balling my hand in a fist.
"She'll break something," Quil said, again, from out of nowhere.
"Oh, hey Quil!" I smiled.
"Hey!" he smiled back.
"How's everyone?" I asked, making the conversation I had meant to make earlier.
"Embry's still hopeful," he replied with a frown.
"Of course," I rolled my eyes.
"Poor kid," Jasper frowned.
"Look, it's not my fault!" I spoke up.
"I know, I know," Jasper replied.
"Everyone has seriously got to get over this! I have!" I nearly yelled in frustration.
"Wow!" Emmett said.
"I'm over it," Jasper said.
"It was not your fault," Quil added.
"Well why is everyone acting like it is?" James said from out of nowhere.
"We aren't!" Quil said in defense.
"Oh really?" James asked, "then why were you just thinking it?"
"Wait, what?" Emmett boomed.
"Power sharing," James smiled.
"What?" Jasper and Emmett yelled in unison.
"It's not like it's unexpected," I said, "but I rarely ever do it…kinda dangerous."
"You didn't tell me this why?" Emmett questioned.
"Oh, I don't know…maybe because you'd bug the hell out of me, and I'd have to rip a limb off of you and keep it for a while," I replied.
"And it's dangerous," James added.
"Then why does he get to?" Emmett asked.
"He's James, for one, and two, it was only like a few seconds!" I replied.
"No harm done," James smiled.
"You are so not fair!" Quil said.
"Oh, I know, life is never fair," I replied.
"Seriously, stop complaining about it before you piss her off!" James said.
"No, no, James, don't you worry. If they do piss me off, they will end up suffering the consequences not you." I said.
"I have no reason to complain," Jasper said.
"That's right, you don't," I replied.
"What about me?" Emmett asked.
"Em hush!" I hissed.
"Why does Jasper have no reason to complain?" he asked.
"Cause! He just doesn't!" I replied.
"Okay, okay!" Em surrendered.
"Now that we have that cleared up," I said.
"I know that tone, that's the "something's next" tone," James spoke up.
"You know me so well!" I smiled.
"Should I be scared?" he asked with a laugh.
"Eh, not really, it doesn't effect you," I replied.
"Okay," he said in return.
"I need to talk to Jasper," I said.
"Me? Really?" Jasper said excitedly, goofing around.
"Yes you!" I smiled and pulled him, literally, to another room.
"Now, where were we?" Jasper wondered. "Oh yeah, admit it!"
"Jasper Whitlock Hale-Cullen!" I shrieked.
"Michelle Rhodes Cullen!" he yelled.
"Jasper! I'm not scared!" I pressed. I was not going to give in; neither was he.
"Michelle! You are and you know it!" he replied.
"Okay!" I gave up with a cry, "I am! I don't know what will happen! I don't know why they are coming. I don't know what will happen to me, and I don't know why all this is happening to me! Yes, Jasper, yes, I'm scared!" I was crying, he had broken the shell.
"Now, she doesn't that feel better?" he asked calmly.
"No, not really," I cried.
"What are we going to do?" he asked on a more serious note.
"I don't know," I sniffed. Honestly, I didn't. I had no idea what to do. I was scared and frustrated and so was he.
"I…I just don't get it," he said.
"Neither do I," I added.
"I don't see Alice, I don't see myself, I can't see your face, and I don't know what you're thinking," he said.
"Yeah, that's the thing about the visions, you hardly ever get to see my reaction," I replied. It was true, though. If I'm in the vision, I usually don't see my face or feel my reaction.
"I hate your visions!" Jasper said.
"So do I, but I like them at the same time. It's a love/hate relationship," I replied.
"I don't see how you live your life like this," he said.
"Yes, it's truly a wonder,"
"I would've killed myself," he said.
"Eh, I thought about it, never had the guts. Even after James died. I couldn't find the hear to do it," I replied.
"Yeah, I felt that feeling, it was horrible. Losing your soul mate, I couldn't go on. Then, the feeling when you brought him back, amazing," he said.
"Oh, and, sorry about some of the things you saw," I said in amusement. I would've been blushing if I was still human.
"Yeah, I could've gone my life without seeing you and James, you and Embry, and whoever else," he laughed.
"Yeah, but at least it shows you how much passion James and I have for each other," I smiled.
"You could've told me instead of showing me," he replied, a look of disgust on his face.
"All the perks of the open mind," I giggled.
"There was something I can't forget, though," he smiled.
"And what's that?" I asked.
"The love you feel for the family," he smiled and hugged me.
"Yes," I said wiping a tear away, "I got mad love for the family."
He laughed, "We got mad love for you too, no matter you mean you can get sometimes…Wolf pack massacre!" He was laughing uncontrollably by now.
I laughed too, "Oh, that was great! Did you see the look on their faces? It was epic!"
"Oh and you and James are so alike, taunting your prey," he smiled.
"Ah, yes, the first hunt," I smiled.
"I don't want you to get addicted, now. You need to try animal blood," he said seriously.
"I know, I know. Don't worry, I won't." I replied.
"It's hard, the temptation is always strong," he said.
"Yeah, but not for me. I can be around humans and not be tempted."
"But you still feed on them…" he replied.
"Oh, come on!" I'm giving them what they deserve!" I said pleading my case.
"Don't you think it's wrong?" he questioned.
"No, not really," I replied.
"You're becoming just like him!" he said in disbelief.
"It's not like you haven't done it before!" I argued.
"So! It was complete strangers! It's different!" he argued back.
"How is that different? At least I'm not preying on innocent people!" I continued to argue.
"How do you know these people aren't innocent?" he questioned. "How do you know they don't regret what they did?"
"Because it's obvious! I can read them, remember?" I replied.
"What are you going to do when you run out of victims?" he questioned.
"Animals!" I replied stubbornly.
"It's not that easy!" he argued.
"It is for me!" I replied.
"You are so stubborn!" he growled.
"I am not! You are!" I growled back.
"How am I stubborn?" he questioned.
"For not accepting me!" I yelled.
"This is ridiculous!" he said in disbelief.
"You're being ridiculous!" I growled.
"Ha!" he boomed, "you are so hypocritical!"
"Me? Me?" I shouted.
"You!" he shouted back.
"This is bullshit! I'm so not gonna stand here and let you criticize me!" I yelled and busted out the door.
I walked into the living room and James, Quil, and Emmett were sitting on the couch. They all turned around and stared at me as I stomped into the room.
"What now?" James asked.
"Uggh!" I growled, crossed my arms, and plopped into James's lap. I was soo not being childish…
"Baby, what's wrong?" he asked and rub my back.
I shook my head signaling nothing, but he eyed me knowing I was lying.
"I don't wanna talk about it," I said…pretty truthful.
"Don't or can't?" he asked.
I exhale, "Can't."
"Okay," he smiled, "I understand." He always knew when and when not to probe me.
"Good, I don't want to get in an argument with you too. But, let's just say Jasper knows about the plan," I whispered.
"What?" he asked in shock.
"Yeah, he doesn't exactly agree with it," I replied.
"How does he know?" he questioned.
"Open mind," I whispered, "and it hurt him bad. He laid on the floor fo like five minutes."
"I thought you wasn't doing that anymore," he said.
"Well, I did, didn't want to, but did," I replied.
"You're insane!" Quil whispered, "it was your idea!"
"You brought it up!" I hissed, "So, it wasn't my idea, it was yours!"
"Okay, maybe it was," he whispered, "but you chose to do it!"
"But you brought it up!" I whispered in annoyance.
"You did it to Quil?" James shrieked.
"And Jacob," Quil added.
"What?" Emmett shrieked.
"Not that Emmett!" Quil said.
"Oh," Em said and dropped the subject.
"Before I brought you back," I whispered to James, "they didn't last long at all. Jasper lasted through it all, he's strong."
"Don't you think that was a bit dangerous?" James questioned.
"Yeah, it was. I wasn't thinking, he was pressuring me," I replied. I've done way better under pressure, but I'm in a vulnerable position right now. I bend under pretty much every type of pressure right now.
"It could've hurt you!" James hissed. "Is he fucking crazy?"
"I know, I know, but it didn't" I replied.
"Yeah, I guess so," he said.