I'm just going to keep quickly churning out these old chapters. Re-writing them isn't as hard as I was expecting, so I may even actually submit Chapter 5 soon? I dunno. I hope these re-writes are decent at least?

Fandom: Kyo Kara Maoh

Pairing: Conyuu

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Warnings: Angst, PTSD

Mental

Ch 2: Pathetic

It was three days until he was able to sit up on his own. So Yuuri sat in that little bed within the cabin Conrad had taken him to, with a glass of water in his hands. His wrists were bandaged up, the chains dug in and made him bleed. He started shaking at the thought. Why? Why did that have to happen? Even worse, Conrad saw him like that. The only person he had ever loved had to see him covered in his own blood and someone else's cum. The tears burned at the back of his eyes as he shakily raised the glass to his lips.

What did Conrad think of him? Was he ashamed? Disgusted? He was only staying here out of patriotism to his king. Yuuri couldn't look him in the eyes. He knew what face he'd be making anyway. His usual warm smile and kind eyes would be replaced his that sad, fake smile trying to cheer him up. His eyes would be cold, wishing to kill those jackasses all over again. Yuuri could still hear their screams when Conrad's sword cut through their flesh. The thought made him shiver. He couldn't stop him. They were dead because of him. Yes, they did terrible things to him, but he didn't want them to die because of it.

"Are you in pain, Heika?" Conrad asked for the third time. His voice was different. Aloof. He was straining to get every word out of that damn fake smile.

"I'm okay, Conrad."

"Is there anything you need, Heika?" He asked for the seventh time.

"I'm okay, Conrad."

"Would you like some more water, Heika?" He asked for the twelfth time.

"I'm okay, Conrad."

"Would you like some food, Heika?" He asked for the fifth time.

"Conrad."

"Yes, Heika?"

"I'm okay. Please," his voice was thin. All Yuuri wanted was to be alone for a bit, but also to be wrapped in Conrad's arms. He figured Conrad was only looking at him with disdain at this point, so he would rather be alone than looked at like that by the one he loved. He didn't deserve Conrad. He didn't deserve his kindness, his smile, his eyes, and definitely not his love. He was lower than trash that nobody needed. "I just...want to be alone for a little bit."

"Of course, Heika. Please don't hesitate to call me for anything," he gave a sad smile and bowed before getting up and slowly shutting the door behind him. As soon as Yuuri couldn't hear the footsteps anymore, he pulled his knees up to his chest, wincing at the pain. His forehead rested against his knees as the tears fell down. His chest was hurting, and so was his injuries, but he deserved it all. After what happened, he didn't deserve anyone's kindness. He sat there in a ball and cried.

"My name is Yuuri. Call me Yuuri, Conrad. Please…" he silently whispered as the tears just kept coming. "Please, call me by my name."

He fell into a restless sleep.

When he finally woke up, he cried out when he tried to sit up. His hand automatically went to the bandages on his chest and came back red and sticky. It was blood. What happened to his stitches? He remembered a terrible dream, maybe he pulled them out? This nightmare haunts his waking life and his dreams, doesn't it? He just wanted to forget this monstrosity, but it didn't look like that was ever going to happen. He heard quick footsteps before the door to his room burst open. He looked up to see a panicked face holding a drawn sword. His eyes softened after looking around, and he sheathed his sword.

"You're bleeding, Heika. What happened to your stitches?" He walked over and kneeled in front of the younger man, pulling out a first aid kit from next to the bed. Yuuri averted his gaze as Conrad re-patched him up. He was shaking at the touch and the tears just came. They wouldn't stop. Why wouldn't they stop? He felt Conrad's strong arms wrap around his slender, shaking shoulders. He gasped, surprised at the gesture.

"I'm sorry, Heika. I really am. Please, Heika, don't be afraid. No matter what happens, everyone will still love you. This wasn't your fault. This wasn't your fault at all. So please, I'm begging you. You don't have to be afraid," he whispered into the shaking teen's ear. Yuuri couldn't hold back after that. He was crying, sobbing. Conrad stroked his fingers through his soft, charcoal hair and held him close. His arms were strong and warm. Comforting. Yuuri wanted nothing more than to just freeze that moment. To stay in those arms forever. He fell asleep crying in his love's arms, and even after what happened, he felt happy.

The next night, the same horrible nightmare replayed itself, over and over again. Yuuri woke up hearing a dreadful scream. He quickly looked around, only to realized it was him screaming. Conrad burst through the door once again ready for action. He relaxed after seeing no imminent threat to his king. He walked over and placed a hand on the young boy's shoulder, but Yuuri didn't feel that warm calloused hand he loved. He felt a greedy, bloodied hand that wanted his body. He couldn't help himself, he involuntarily flinched away and immediately regretted it. Conrad pulled his hand back and bowed.

"I'm so sorry, Heika. Please forgive me," he said at the doorway before closing the door gently behind him. Yuuri looked down at his lap in shame. What was happening? He hated this. Conrad hugged him and even said 'love' to him, but all he could think about was those monsters touching him. He even flinched away from the only man he would ever love. What was he doing?! Why?!

He laid down in bed and cried. Every time he just closed his eyes he could see the blood. The cum. His body still ached at the feeling of being torn in two. His stomach churned at the thought. Think of something else. Anything else. Please, Shinou. Let this nightmare end. If Shori ever found out…

The thought made him homesick. He wanted to be back home, wrapped in his bed, eating his mother's curry, while listening to his brother rant about him not being a girl. He missed his family. He wanted a hug. He wanted Conrad. How pathetic was that? It felt like a silver bullet was shot right through his heart, shattering it. Wanting home, wanting Conrad, wanting to forget, wanting comfort, wanting isolation. He closed his eyes. His head hurt, his heart hurt, and he was completely exhausted and in pain.

Sadness, desperation, confusion, fear. All these feelings mixed around in his chest. He was scared. Scared of what happened, scared of his dreams, but worst of all, scared of his love. He was the Demon King himself, how pathetic can he get?

Just how pathetic was he?